Derailed
by flutegirl.anita
Summary: The Riders find that sometimes life just does not go as planned.
1. Chapter 1

**I started writing this in October and then took a break for NaNoWriMo and Nemesis... I just felt like visiting this story again. I think if I start posting it, I'll finish writing it. **

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><p>Over the last month and a half, Buck found himself withdrawing more and more. Ike was dead and he didn't know what to do without him. He didn't have as much in common with the rest of the riders anymore. He didn't know how to talk to them and they didn't know how to talk to him either. The war talk was getting closer, it seemed like everyone was taking sides. He felt isolated. He wasn't eating or sleeping well and nobody seemed to care anymore. The others had seemed to have written him off. He didn't even go into town much anymore. He mostly stayed at the station and spent most of his time in the barn. The others were all wrapped up in their own lives and troubles. They had all forgotten him.<p>

He missed Ike. No matter what was going on, Buck could always talk to Ike. That wasn't true anymore. It seemed like the others didn't want to upset Buck, so they didn't talk to him at all. They used to just watch him and wait for him to get over Ike. When he didn't, they stopped watching him. Buck was lonely, but at the same time he didn't want the attention of the other riders. They all looked at him with pity. He didn't need their pity.

Buck was quietly sitting on a hay bale in the barn fixing his bridle when the barn door suddenly broke open. Kid entered looking angrier than Buck had ever seen him. Jimmy followed him in looking the same. Buck moved behind a stall out of view.

"Jimmy, why don't you give it a rest already," Kid said dismissively as if he was tired of the same old fight.

"No Kid, not until we have this out. We have been heading towards this for a long time now and the only way we're gonna get passed it is to have it out." Jimmy emphatically explained.

Buck pursed his lips. He felt trapped. He had seen this confrontation coming weeks ago. All the riders had. There wasn't a way for him to escape without being noticed and he didn't want to get into the middle of this fight or interrupt it. Jimmy was right the only way they were going to get passed their issues was to fight it out and move on. There was only one thing to do…stay out of the way.

"Jimmy, I just want you to stay out of my personal life! What goes on between me and Lou- is between me and Lou. I wish you would just let it be," Kid said exasperated.

"I'm sorry Kid, but she's my friend and I care about her. She rode out of here yesterday looking like she lost her best friend. Now why is that Kid?" He challenged.

"Jimmy, I ain't gonna tell you again, now stay out of it!" Kid's hands began to ball into fists. He was ready and Jimmy had this coming.

"No Kid, I swore that anyone who hurt Lou would have to answer to me. Well you hurt her…" Jimmy started to explain as Kid's right fist connected with Jimmy's jaw.

That seemed to be all the encouragement Jimmy needed as he plowed his shoulder into Kid's midsection dropping them both to the ground. The fighting was ferocious and soon the horses were getting restless as Jimmy and Kid threw each other into the stalls and back on the ground. The violence only seemed to increase and Buck started to get concerned that he would have to break up this fight, when suddenly everything stopped. Buck looked around the corner and saw that Jimmy had drawn down on Kid. Buck held his breath and started to rise from his hiding place. This was bad.

Kid was standing slouched over with his hands on his knees. "What are you gonna do Jimmy? Shoot me 'cause Lou and me had a fight? Kid asked. He looked exhausted, like he just wanted this to be over. Buck was pretty sure if Jimmy hadn't drawn on him, Kid would have knocked him out with his next punch.

Jimmy started to get up off the ground and that was the opening Kid had been waiting for. He kicked the gun from Jimmy's hand. As he did, the gun went off and spun across the floor.

Buck was about to say something when he felt an intense pain rip through his side. He looked down at his belly as the blood started to spread. His friends had just shot him. His eyes widened and a sense of sadness crept over him. There was a ringing in his ears and his vision started to tunnel. He crumpled to the ground and let the darkness overtake him.

If Kid and Jimmy had heard something in the back of the barn neither acknowledged it. They were hell bent on beating the tar out of each other. Their focus was singular.

The sound of a gunshot from the barn had Teaspoon, Cody and Noah running. Teaspoon drew his pistol and took in the scene. There in the middle of the floor were two of his riders engaged in a fight, which to Teaspoon, looked like it was to the death.

"What in tar nation is going on here?" He yelled as he re-holstered his gun and getting both of their attentions as Cody and Noah pulled Kid and Jimmy apart. "You boys know better than to fire guns in the barn." Teaspoon looked around at the horses from where he stood and none of them seemed to be hurt. "You could have hurt yourselves or one of the animals in here."

"Sorry Teaspoon." Jimmy and Kid both said quietly.

"We'll discuss this in the sweat lodge boys." Teaspoon ordered. There was no way he was going to let this alone now. He was hoping that Kid and Jimmy would sort this out on their own, but with guns being drawn he needed to get involved. "Now get going. Those rocks ain't gonna heat themselves."

Buck started to come to at the sound of the barn door closing. He tried to sit up, but between the pain and the dizziness, it was too hard. He felt like he had been run over by a stampeding horse. Slowly, he moved his hand to his side. It was so tender and wet. He pulled his hand up to his face to see the blood he knew must be there. His hand was covered. This was not good. He knew he needed to stop the bleeding and judging by the pain in his rib cage, he suspected that his ribs were injured too.

The barn was silent. Jimmy and Kid must be gone, he thought. They didn't hear him. They didn't find him. Nobody knew he was there. He needed help. He tried to call out, though all he could do was moan softly. He was starting to panic. His breathing started to speed up and he was going into shock.

He started to think about Ike. Ike would have noticed that he was unaccounted for. Ike would have found him. Ike…Buck looked down at his shirt and wondered if Ike felt the same pain that he felt now. It had only been a month since Ike had been killed. Had it hurt Ike this much, or did it hurt him more?

Buck knew if he was going to live he needed to get to the bunkhouse. Rachel and Teaspoon were there and they would help him. Buck gripped the stall boards in front of him hoping they would help him. The blood loss made him dizzy and he slipped into blissful unconsciousness again as he fell back to the floor.

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><p>Jimmy arranged some firewood outside the lodge and set them it on fire while Kid gathered the rocks from inside.<p>

"Kid, I …," Jimmy started.

"I don't want to talk about it, Jimmy," Kid said setting rocks in the fire. "I just want to be left alone. Can you do that, Jimmy?"

"I just don't want to see Lou hurt is all."

"Jimmy, we had a disagreement. We're always going to have those. It is part being in a relationship. I'm not proud of what I did and said to Lou, but that is none of your business. It just isn't. I will work things out with Lou when she gets back from her run. I don't want or need your advice or approval."

Jimmy looked at him with a stony stare.

"Come on, Jimmy. I don't want to hurt Lou either; it is the last thing I want. I'm gonna make it up to her when she gets back. I just need you to back off and let us have some space. Lou don't like to be crowded and neither do I."

"Boys, you got them rocks hot yet?" Teaspoon asked arriving at the lodge. "Jimmy, why don't you get some water from the creek?"

Jimmy rose from the ground with a bucket in his hand and wandered off toward the creek.

"You wanna tell me what's going on, Kid?" Teaspoon asked gently.

"Lou and I had an argument before she left on her run. Jimmy saw the tail end of it and decided it was his place to interfere."

"What'd you and Lou fight about?"

"Same old stuff, Teaspoon, I wanted her to be more careful and she wanted me to be less concerned. It was different this time though. I said a few things at the end that I didn't mean."

"Like what?"

"I told her I didn't know if I could keep worrying about her like this anymore. I didn't know if I could keep putting my heart out there to be crushed like that anymore. At the time I was just tired, but she galloped away before I could explain." Kid let out a big sigh. "The look on her face Teaspoon, I think she thought I was breaking up with her. She looked so hurt."

"What did you mean to say, Kid?" Teaspoon prodded.

"Aw, Teaspoon, I just want to not worry about her when she's gone. She doesn't need to prove anything to me, she never needed to. I guess I keep seeing her trying to and I just want her to know that I trust her and she doesn't need to take unnecessary chances to test me."

"Kid, did you ever stop to think that maybe she wasn't trying to prove herself to any of you boys anymore. That she was trying to prove something to herself?"

Kid drew in a breath as if he had been punched. "I guess I have been pretty wrapped up in only seeing my side of this, huh?"

"It's human nature, Kid. Now, take these rocks back inside and start getting ready."

Kid grabbed some thick leather gloves and removed the hot rocks from the fire. He brought them into the lodge just as Jimmy returned from the creek with a bucket of water.

"Jimmy, I want to talk to you before we go on in there," Teaspoon said.

"Come on, Teaspoon, can't we just hash it out in there?"

"Now, Jimmy, I want to know where your head is at before we go in. Why are you trying to come between the Kid and Lou?"

"I'm not, Teaspoon. Lou made her choice. I just want to make sure she's happy."

"You know picking fights with Kid ain't the way to go about it?"

Jimmy sighed. "I didn't like the look on her face when she left, Teaspoon. She looked like her heart was broken."

"Do you think Lou is gonna thank you for fighting her battles for her?"

Jimmy smiled. "Probably not. She'll probably be pretty angry with me."

"Come on, Jimmy," Teaspoon said in a higher pitched voice, "Let's sweat."

Teaspoon, Kid, and Jimmy sat in silence in the close confines of the sweat lodge. Both Kid and Jimmy had a lot on their minds after speaking to Teaspoon. That was alright with the station master. He liked the silence and he liked that his riders were thinking instead of fighting.

The rocks had cooled and Teaspoon was pretty sure the rest of the night would go smoothly. "Come on, boys, let's go up to the house Rachel should have supper on soon."

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><p>Buck was sweating. It was a sure sign his situation was worsening. He felt weak, but he needed to get to the bunkhouse. He crawled along the floor of the barn trying to get closer to the door.<p>

It was dark out now; Lou should be coming back from her run soon. She left just after lunch and it was a pretty short run. He could see Lightning's stall was still empty. If he could get near the stall, Lou would find him. There was pain in his side every time he moved. He could also feel his wound start to bleed again.

Buck was starting to lose hope. He was betting everything on Lou finding him. The evening breeze was blowing in from beneath the barn door and Buck was suddenly very cold. All he could do was lay there and hope Lou found him soon.

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><p>Rachel was putting the roast on the table as Kid and Jimmy came into the bunkhouse. Her smile turned to a frown as she looked at the states of their faces. They were bruised and a little bloodied. "What happened to you two? She asked rhetorically with more than a hint of anger. She turned to grab a basket full of biscuits not waiting for any sort of answer.<p>

Cody and Noah were already seated at the table. Cody stole a biscuit as the basket passed in front of him.

"Something smells good, Rachel," Teaspoon commented as he opened the door.

As she turned back toward the table, she noticed an empty chair and asked, "Where's Buck?"

"Oh, come on, Rachel," Cody complained, "He's probably just dodging dinner again."

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><p>Lou was just riding in to the station and saw Jimmy and Kid walk into the bunkhouse for dinner. She was dreading coming home. She and Kid had had a terrible fight right before she left on her run. She didn't know if she could still be friends with Kid and it was tearing her up inside. Her emotions were just too jumbled and both Jimmy and Kid's over-protectiveness was starting to drive her over the edge. She loved them both, but kept thinking that she needed a vacation from the constant pressure they put her under. She wanted to feel like a protector. She wanted to be needed not protected. She<em> needed<em> to feel needed. Right now all she felt like was a trophy.

Lou started to feel a resolve to lay down the law once and for all. Kid and Jimmy weren't gonna know what hit 'em. She was going to draw boundaries and both of them would respect them whether they liked it or not.

All this anger she had inside her was making her hungry. If she hurried she could still get some supper. She opened the barn door. It was dark. She lit a lantern and started to cool down Lightening. She walked over to get some hay for her horse when she tripped over something and fell to the floor.

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><p>"Surely one of you boys has seen him today?" Rachel queried putting her hand on her hip quickly losing her patience.<p>

"Aw, Rachel. I haven't seen Buck since early this afternoon. But you know how moody he has been lately about Ike an all." Cody answered hoping that supper wasn't going to be held up because of something silly like Buck grabbing some alone time away from them.

"Last I saw him he was headed to the barn. He said something about needing to fix his bridle before his next run. I haven't seen him since." Noah chimed in. "He knows where chow is at, he would be here if he were hungry." He reasoned.

"Well it's not like him not to tell me if he's planning on missing a meal." Rachel pouted.

"Did you say you saw him go into the barn?" Teaspoon asked looking at Noah and then shifting his attention to Jimmy and Kid. A look of alarm started to spread across his face. "Did you see him when you were fighting in there?" He demanded a sinking feeling starting in his stomach.

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><p>"TEASPOON! RACHEL! Somebody help me!" Lou cried from the barn door. Her hands were covered with blood and her eyes were full of tears. She ran back into the barn as she saw the bunkhouse door open and her makeshift family spill out and start running toward the barn.<p>

Lou sat down next to Buck again and placed his head in her lap and gently started to stroke his hair. He was still breathing, but Lou was scared. "Hang on Buck." She pleaded as he started to shake.

"Lou! What is it!" Kid cried as he rushed into the barn followed closely by Jimmy, Noah, Cody and Teaspoon.

"Someone shot Buck." She whimpered

"Merciful God!" Teaspoon exclaimed. All the pieces fell into place. Jimmy and Kid did this, though now was not the time to deal with them. Right now he had to get this situation under control and get Buck the help he needed. "Noah, go get the doc. Cody get back to the bunkhouse and tell Rachel."

Jimmy fell to his knees as Kid staggered back in shock. What had they done?

" Jimmy! Kid! Boys, I need you with me." Teaspoon could see them pale as the truth dawned on them. "Boys we need to get Buck up to the house." Buck had been out here all alone for hours.

The riders started to move…dazed at first as the shock hit them and then they came back to their senses. Jimmy and Kid tread obediently over to where Buck lay. This was their fault and they knew it. How could they be so stupid and careless? Buck was their brother and they didn't even realize that he was in the barn. Their minds were focused on nothing but jealous rage and he had been hurt.

Jimmy knelt next to Buck and on seeing his pale face he turned away and started to retch. This was his fault. Sam warned him. Teaspoon warned him. Emma warned him. He was bound to hurt someone he cared about by living by the gun. Now he had. Buck had to make it. He just had to otherwise he couldn't live with himself. He slowly wiped his mouth on his sleeve and positioned himself to take Buck's shoulders as he saw Kid move to take Buck's legs.

Kid looked down at his friend. 'If I hadn't kicked the gun it wouldn't have gone off.' he thought. This was entirely his fault. Buck had to get better. They couldn't lose him. They just lost Ike and now Buck lay in the barn bleeding. How was Lou ever going to forgive them? Hell, how was he ever going to forgive himself?

Jimmy and Kid gently lifted Buck off the ground and started out for the house.

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><p>"Rachel!" Cody cried as Noah pealed out on his horse headed to get the doctor.<p>

"What's wrong with Lou, Cody?" She asked worriedly.

"It's not Lou, Rachel," Cody informed her in a panic. "She found Buck in the barn…he's been shot."

"Oh my God," she gasped and turned away. "Kid and Jimmy were fighting in the barn and I heard a gun go off. They shot him, didn't they?" Rachel sat down letting the truth sink in. "But that was hours ago!"

Cody's feet seemed stuck to the floor. His face paled and he started to worry. He dodged some barn chores this afternoon, surely if he hadn't he would have found Buck.

"Come on Cody let's get to the house so I can get some water to boiling and I'll need your help with some bandages." Rachel ordered coming to her senses. She stood up and starting shaking her hands and pacing.

"How are they all going to survive this?" She whispered. She turned back to Cody. "They were fighting about Lou, weren't they?"

Cody looked at the floor. He didn't need to confirm it, Rachel knew as soon as she said it that it was true.

"Come on Cody," Rachel said as she put her arm around Cody's shoulder. "Let's open the door and clear a path to the sick room."

Cody looked up at her with his face pale. His crystal blue eyes were shining with unshed tears he was trying so desperately to keep to himself.

"It's gonna be alright," Rachel said. "It has to."

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><p>"Teaspoon? How do you think this happened?" Lou asked insistently as they walked toward the house. She could tell by Teaspoon's bearing that he had a suspicion or two on how this all happened.<p>

"Oh Lou," he sighed and stopped walking, took his hat off and ran his hand through his hair. In that moment Lou thought she saw Teaspoon age ten years right before her eyes.

"I think it was a terrible accident," he said with his voice breaking, "A terrible, terrible accident. I just hope we can heal everyone."

"What do you mean?" She asked not sure that she really wanted to know the answer. "Who shot him?"

"Lou, I can't lie to you, but you need to put your feelings aside right now," Teaspoon said trying to keep control of the situation. "Jimmy and Kid did it, they were fighting in the barn and a gun went off, but they didn't know they hit Buck 'til you called us from the barn. It was a terrible accident."

"What were they fighting about Teaspoon? It was me wasn't it?" Lou asked in a raised voice already knowing the answer. She kicked the dirt. "I've had it Teaspoon. I've had it with both of them. I know they claim to care about me, but all they do is hurt me. Now they've hurt Buck too."

"I know, Lou," Teaspoon said while putting his arm around Lou's shoulder. "Let's get to the house and you can help Rachel with Buck while I sort Jimmy and Kid out."

"As long as you keep them away from me for a while Teaspoon," Lou pleaded. "I just can't deal with either of them right now. I need a break." She took off at a jog toward the house. Buck needed her.

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><p>"Lou, thank God you're here." Rachel said as Lou walked through the door.<p>

Lou's eyes got wide as she took in the scene. There was so much blood on Buck's shirt and Cody was looking so pale.

"Cody, hold Buck up," Rachel ordered. "Lou, help me get his shirt off." Rachel could see she needed to keep Lou and Cody focused or they would lose their usefulness. She really hoped Noah would return with the doctor soon. She wasn't sure how long these two would last.

Rachel grabbed a rag from the table and dipped it in the warm water in the basin. She started to clean off the blood around Buck's wound. "There's an awful lot of dirt in here. He must have tried several times to get up."

Teaspoon looked at his boys. They all looked absolutely sick with both worry and guilt. Those were two emotions that would keep these boys up for most of the night. Cody and Lou were helping Rachel, but Kid and Jimmy looked so lost. They would only be in the way hovering around like they were.

"Kid, Jimmy, why don't you two come with me." Teaspoon stated. He wasn't really giving them a choice. Teaspoon walked over to the door of the house and held it open. Kid and Jimmy filed out and sat on the porch. Teaspoon joined them and they sat in tension filled silence waiting for the doctor to come by and patch Buck up.

Noah returned with the doctor a short time later and the doctor went immediately into the sick room. He and Rachel came out to the porch about an hour later.

"Well?" Teaspoon asked anxiously. "How is he?"

"Teaspoon, he's a lucky boy," The doctor said while unrolling his sleeves. "The bullet went clean through."

"That's good ain't it?" Teaspoon asked waiting for the bad news. The doctor did not look entirely relieved.

"He's also a not-so-lucky boy being that he lost a lot of blood he didn't need to. Was he really in the barn the whole time? Why didn't any of your riders find him sooner?"

Kid and Jimmy both looked at the ground guiltily while Lou just glared at them from the doorway. She let out a muffled harrumph of air and turned on her heels marching herself into the sick room to keep watch over Buck.

"He'll be unconscious for a few days," The doctor said. "He has a slight fever and you'll want to watch that so it don't get worse. I've left instructions with Mrs. Dunne." The doctor started to leave as an afterthought he mentioned, "If there are any problems you come get me straight away. Otherwise, I'll be back to check on him tomorrow."

Lou looked down at Buck. She had never seen him so pale or so vulnerable. He built walls around himself that he didn't let anyone penetrate, she suspected not even Ike. As she grabbed a damp cloth to mop his brow, she was stunned by how young he looked to her. He always seemed so much more mature than her and the other boys, but now looking at him as he slept; he seemed younger than them all. Maybe he was, she had never asked.

Lou tried to reassure herself that Buck would be alright. After all, Buck didn't get hurt or sick. He was practically indestructible. The only time she ever knew of him being sick was when Sweetwater succumbed to some rotted meat and half the town became ill. Buck had gone to Fort Laramie with some samples for the Army Surgeon so Doc Barnes could figure out what was causing everyone to get so sick. Sure, Buck got sick on the way back, but somehow managed to get better faster than anyone and bring back herbs to cure everyone else. Rachel, Cody and Teaspoon were laid up for days with the same illness, but not Buck. He got sick, got cured, and rode hell for leather back to Sweetwater in the course of one day.

She could only remember Buck taking a bullet only once before and that was three weeks ago. Buck had ridden out to clear his head shortly after Ike's death and came back with a bandaged arm, and a lady with a baby. The wound wasn't even that bad. Jimmy on the other hand was riddled with holes. That boy couldn't come back from the outhouse without a bullet wound.

Kid told her about what Buck went through at the hands of the Kiowa when Ike was captured. She almost didn't believe him. Buck had come back a little tired but jumped right back into the express routine. If say, Cody had be put through what Kid said Buck had been through, Cody would have taken a week or two off to recover.

Buck didn't seem to require a lot of sleep. Lou lost count on the number of times Buck had snuck out in the middle of the night. Maybe it was all catching up to him now.

Everyone knew he didn't need to eat much. Lou laughed to herself. That was his 'tell.' When he was troubled, he didn't eat. He may not talk about what was troubling him…but if you were a keen observer, you would always know when things were bothering him. His appetite went first. Come to think of it Buck wasn't eating much lately. He was eating a little more than he did before he came back with the lady and her baby, but not much. How could they not see what was going on with Buck.

Since Lou was angry at Kid and Jimmy right now, she decided that she was going to make Buck's happiness her mission. She was going to start by finding Buck a girlfriend. Lou didn't understand why Buck was so shunned by people especially women. He really was strikingly handsome. How could anyone not want to get to know him? Not want to see him smile? Not want be his friend? When he got better, that was going to change.


	2. Chapter 2

Rachel was worried about her riders. They seemed like a derailed train even before the shooting in the barn, but now it was worse. They weren't really functioning like a family anymore and they weren't acting anything like they normally acted. She couldn't understand how nobody noticed Buck hurt and bleeding in the barn. Why were the riders becoming so detached from each other? She wanted to lock them all in a room until they came out a happy family again, but she didn't think it would work. They were all starting to carve out their own spaces and seemed like they all wanted to be left alone. She wasn't sure she could take much more of this.

Lou spent the last two days nursing Buck back to health. He hadn't awoken yet, but the doctor had told them all, that he probably wouldn't wake up for another day or so. She was dodging Kid and Jimmy. She didn't want to deal with them yet, so she was content to sit by Buck's side. Lou took all her meals there and even slept on the floor or in a chair. Rachel tried to get Lou to talk to someone, but the only person she would talk to was the one who couldn't talk back to her or give her advice. Rachel knew Lou was hurting and still had some conflicting feelings where Jimmy and Kid were concerned. Lou was probably hardest on the two of them she'd ever been.

Jimmy and Kid were beside themselves. Every time one of them tried to talk to Lou or help her take care of Buck, she would turn on them. Kid kept trying to apologize to Lou and she would have none of it. She would yell at him for what he and Jimmy had done to Buck and told them they had 'helped' enough. Lou's vocabulary was getting more colorful and Kid and Jimmy mostly just walked away to keep Lou from totally losing it.

Nobody was eating anything except Cody. He was in seventh heaven. He was eating everything the others weren't. He also kept talking to army recruiters with even more frequency now. She couldn't understand why. If he stayed out west with the army he'd be most likely be fighting Indians. Cody had been so affected when he saw Buck yesterday, that Rachel thought maybe it would cure him of his fascination with the army. All evidence to the contrary.

Noah was in an absolute daze now. He spent a good part of the last couple of days with Cassie by her laundry. Rachel was happy at least one of the riders was seeking support instead of retreating within themselves. Rachel hoped that Noah would bring Cassie around more. The two of them seemed perfectly suited to each other and the station could use a little happiness right now.

Rachel thought maybe Teaspoon was waiting for Buck to wake up before trying to deal with the riders and the mess Jimmy and Kid created. It was starting to frustrate Rachel. Teaspoon just sat back and watched everything with a look of helplessness. He wasn't helpless though. He had dragged these boys up time and again when things got rough. He just wasn't doing it now. Rachel didn't understand why. Maybe she would talk to him about it.

* * *

><p>Lou didn't leave Buck's side and wouldn't for love or money right now. He needed her and she was avoiding Kid. The fight they had, had hurt her deeply. She wished Kid would understand her better. She could take care of herself. She needed to be able to do that. She didn't want to be sheltered and taken care of. It was important to her that she be whole and capable, otherwise she was just a victim waiting for a crime. She thought after all this time Kid understood that.<p>

Lou stopped and thought a minute. Maybe she was being a little hard on Kid. The truth was she liked that he worried about her. She just hated it when that worry got in the way of her doing her job. She was so used to taking care of herself without having to worry about someone else's feelings. It was an adjustment she was having a difficult time with. It was always safer not to have to rely on others. She knew Buck felt that way too. Maybe that was why she was softening toward Kid now. Buck was miserable because he closed himself off to other people. She didn't want to be miserable. She just needed Kid to give her some space and let her find her own limits.

She needed to come up with a plan for Buck. She knew he was having a rough time lately. He had been since Ike passed, but he didn't seem to want to come out his grief. Sure, he would talk to people, but not about anything meaningful. Everything was superficial. It was as if Buck had completely shut down emotionally. Lou was not ok with this. She started playing with a strand of his hair as she looked into his face. She wanted to see her friend happy again. There wasn't a sight as heartwarming to Lou as when Buck was genuinely smiling. He did it so rarely before and hadn't since Ike had died. She longed to see it again. She needed to get going on that plan. There was a dance coming up, maybe she could ask Rachel for help and they could get him a date. Did Buck even know how to dance? All she'd ever seen him do was hold the wall up. Leaning quietly against a wall in the corner, just watching everyone else, alone.

Buck didn't seem to have a 'type' of woman he was drawn to. All the women in his past were so different than each other. Lou didn't even really want to think about the horror that was Kathleen Devlin, but it did inform her a little. Buck was definitely attracted to pretty women. Jennifer Tompkins was very pretty as well and she was fiery. Kathleen also had a little fire in her. Come to think of it so did Jane. Camille was the only one who was different in that department. She was so much more of an earth mother than the rest, but she was still very pretty. There were many young women in town who were pretty and spirited. Perhaps Buck already was eyeing one of them. She would get Rachel or Cody to help her make the date. She knew she'd be taking a chance on Cody, but Cody knew all the ladies in town and had a good rapport with them.

"Buck I want you to be happy again," Lou whispered as she petted Buck. "I know you're not over Ike being gone, but he'd want you to live and be happy."

She looked at him and a tear entered her field of vision and she blinked it away and it fell on Buck's cheek. She carefully wiped it away.

"The annual church picnic is in a couple weeks and there's also a dance I heard some of the ladies in town planning," Lou told him. "I'm going to make sure you have a lovely lady on your arm."

She thought back to Kid. She wanted to spend that picnic and that dance with him. Oh, she would forgive Kid eventually, but she didn't think he'd suffered enough quite yet. The making up part was going to be very good, but she could wait.

* * *

><p>Kid paced several times daily outside the house. Lou had yelled at him a few times saying she wasn't ready to talk to him yet. Kid had also chopped an awful lot of firewood. The physical activity was good to clear his mind and ease his soul.<p>

Kid didn't know what was happening around them. Things were happening so fast and he felt like he could barely hang on. He knew he wanted to marry Lou more than anything in this world, but he didn't know how to get her to want that too. He was trying very hard to find the line where she felt like she wasn't smothered and he could take care of her and love her the way he was brought up. It was so difficult to find. Lou wasn't like any woman he had ever met and for that he was glad. She was amazing. She could outride him on her worst day. She worked herself so hard and he knew that her siblings drove her. He wanted to make her life easy. He was only beginning to realize that was not the life she wanted or needed. He needed to come to terms with that. He just never ever wanted to see her hurt. Every time she was out on a run he had nightmares of her lying on the ground bleeding to death.

He knew he was holding on too tight and that if he squeezed her any tighter, she would slip through his fingers. He didn't want to lose her, so he would figure this out. If only she would let him talk to her. They could sort it out and she could help him understand. He just needed her forgiveness.

There was a war coming he knew it. He argued with Jimmy about it all the time. He wanted a reason to stay in Rock Creek. He felt the pull of Virginia and knew he should feel honor bound to protect her, but he didn't feel it completely. Virginia wasn't his home anymore. His home was wherever Lou was. That was the only thing he was sure of anymore.

* * *

><p>Jimmy was confused. He thought sure he was over Lou, but then he got into that stupid fight with Kid. Maybe he would never be completely over Lou. He had made the decision when they got back from taking Elias Mills to hang that he wouldn't pursue Lou any more. But Elias Mills' life was how he saw his own life turning out. Elias had killed an innocent man and Jimmy had just shot one of his best friends. Jimmy's thoughts wandered to Benton. The last time he had an accident with his gun, a woman died. He could still remember her face. Her name was Cora. She was just a random stranger that ran into his gun fight. Buck wasn't a random stranger, he was family.<p>

He knew shooting Buck was entirely his fault. Sure, intellectually he knew it was an accident and in many ways Kid was just as responsible for shooting Buck as he was. But in his heart, he was completely responsible for what happened. He started the fight with Kid and he had pulled the gun out. He didn't know why. Instinct and self preservation took over and he wasn't thinking clearly at the time. He didn't like that his instinct was to draw a gun. He had no idea how he would live with himself if he had ever killed one of his friends.

He didn't know how he was going to make this up to Buck. Buck had always had his back. Even at the times Jimmy didn't think so. Buck was already in such a dark place. Jimmy really hoped he didn't push him deeper into the shadows and away from his family.

He wished Lou would let him see Buck. He really needed to see for himself that Buck was alright. He snuck over to the window and watched Buck sleep secretly these past two nights. He said a silent prayer of thanks every time he could see Buck's chest rise and fall. If he was still breathing, he was still alive. Last night he slept against the wall of the house underneath Buck's window. If that was all the closer Lou would let him get, he would take it.

His mind wandered back to James Creek and Alice. She would understand. He knew he wasn't ready before to hang up his colts, but maybe he could now. He hadn't touched them since that day in the barn. It was bad enough that he shot Buck, but he pulled one out on Kid first. He knew he could've shot Kid too and it scared him.

Alice's life was simple. There was no need for guns and the community thrived. He knew if he went there he would just be hiding, but he longed for a simple life away from the danger. He was being sucked in again and he didn't feel like he could survive it. He needed her to tell him he could live like she did. He didn't want to be a danger to the ones he cared about anymore.

* * *

><p>Buck slowly opened his eyes. The last thing he remembered was being in the barn and getting shot. He gingerly looked around the room. Lou was curled up in a chair with a blanket half on her half on the floor. She had found him. He tried to smile in relief but it just came out as more of a grimace.<p>

His body ached and he also felt very weak. He felt like he hadn't moved for days. He started to move his legs a little just to shake the sleep from his body. He let out a soft involuntary moan and looked quickly to Lou. He didn't want to wake her. She looked tired…although sleeping in that chair didn't look like it was doing her any favors.

He shifted his body and gasped at the pain. He moved too quickly. He closed his eyes tightly to let the pain pass, when he felt Lou's hands brush the hair from his face. She was trying to comfort him.

"Shhh, Buck. It's alright now. You're safe." She kissed him lightly on the forehead.

"I'm sorry Lou," he said trying to keep the pain at bay.

"Buck, none of this is your fault. You just lie back and relax."

"No, I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Oh," she said suddenly smiling. "Well, don't be. I've been waiting for you to wake up. I wanted to be here when you did."

"How long was I out?" Buck asked looking up at her.

"Just a couple of days," Lou replied. "Doc didn't think you'd wake up until sometime tomorrow. You want some water?"

He nodded. She walked over to the dresser and poured him a glass of water and came back to the bed.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you, Buck," she said as she held to water glass to his lips.

"Don't apologize for them, Lou," he said after swallowing a mouthful of water. "You weren't even here when it happened."

"I know, but they were fightin' over me."

"Lou, I'm tired can we not talk about this right now?" He wasn't really _that_ tired. He just didn't want to talk about the barn. He was angry and he didn't want Lou to go away. He was angry about a lot of things about the barn. First and foremost he was angry at Jimmy and Kid for shooting him. He was angry at Ike for dying and leaving him alone. He didn't want to be alone anymore, but he didn't know not to be. He couldn't ask for help –he didn't really know how.

"Sure, no problem," she said placing the water glass on the bedside table and going back to sit in the chair. "I'm sorry, Buck."

"Lou?" Buck asked taking a chance.

"Yeah, Buck?"

"I don't want to be alone," he said mournfully, "Could you sit with me, hold my hand or something, 'til I fall asleep?"

"I'll do you one better," Lou said smiling. "Move over."

"But, Lou that wouldn't be…,"

"Buck, brothers and sisters share beds all the time, this ain't no different," Lou explained with her hands on her hips.

Buck relented and gingerly scooted over giving Lou room on the bed.

Lou crawled into the bed beside him and wrapped her arms around him. "You're not alone, Buck. You're never going to be alone while I'm around," she whispered into the night air.

She held him until they both fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Rachel woke up early the next morning and walked into the sick room to check on Buck. She was a little surprised by what she saw. Lou was sleeping on the bed with Buck and he was clinging to her as if his life depended on it. For Lou's part she held him protectively. It was really a very sweet scene. Rachel smiled. It was about time Buck reached out to someone. She was just sorry it took him getting shot to do it. The look of the two of them together made her heart feel a little better about Buck. If he could open up to just one of them she felt he would begin to get over the loss of Ike.<p>

Rachel heard Kid outside. She needed to go out and intercept him with the good news that Buck woke up. Mostly, she had to keep the Kid out of the house until Louise was up. He was already frustrated that Lou was spending all of her time in the house with Buck and none of it talking out their problems. Seeing the two of them like this might push Kid over the edge and push Buck back into himself. Neither one of those options was appealing.

* * *

><p>Kid stared up at the house. Why wouldn't Lou talk to him? Yes they had a fight, but it wasn't really that awful. Not silent treatment for two days awful. Although he knew the silent treatment was more about what happened to Buck and less about the fight they had before she left on her run. If she would just hear him out and let him apologize, then they could get back on track. Lou was very stubborn about things like this. She must still be very angry with him. Kid really wished Lou would let him see Buck. That bothered him perhaps more than Lou's silent treatment. He wasn't going to hurt him. He wanted to help heal him. Still, Lou was stubborn about that too.<p>

Kid was keeping himself busy though. He had taken on doing all of Lou's chores in addition to his own while Jimmy was doing Buck's. Between that and being short handed for express runs he barely had time to talk to Lou anyway. This morning was going to be different. He had finished up in the barn early. He wanted to see Lou and she would see him even if he had to beg.

He started to climb the porch stairs when Rachel came out of the house. "Kid, I'm glad you're here," she said walking quickly over to him. "Buck's awake, can you get the doctor, please?"

Kid knew he gave her a forlorn look, but he nodded and started down the street toward the doctor's office.

His talk with Lou would have to wait until later.

Rachel stepped back into the house and went to the sick room to wake Lou and Buck. She wanted to check his bandages anyway.

"Louise? Wake up, sweetheart," she said gently shaking Lou's shoulder.

"What time is it, Rachel?"

"Almost eight," she answered as Lou got up and out of the bed. "There are some biscuits in the kitchen. Why don't you get some breakfast while I check on Buck."

Lou went into the kitchen and grabbed some biscuits and coffee. She started making a tray for her and Buck

"Buck, honey, can you open your eyes for me?" Rachel asked as she brushed Buck's hair back from his face and checked his temperature as her hand grazed his forehead. His temperature seemed normal and Rachel let out a sigh of relief.

Buck's eyes fluttered open and he looked up at Rachel. Rachel smiled at him warmly.

"Oh, thank goodness!" she exclaimed. "Kid went to get the doc."

Rachel picked up the water glass that Lou left on the bedside table and offered some water to Buck. He drank thirstily from it.

"Slow down, you'll make yourself sick," she said putting the glass back on the table.

Rachel folded back the blanket and smiled. Buck was going to be alright.

"Now, let's take a look at those bandages," Rachel said to him kindly.


	3. Chapter 3

Teaspoon was feeling his age. Normally he could handle the everyday problems his riders had, but right now with so many of them in such pain, he found himself ill equipped to carry the strain of it. One rider with a problem was easy. Two riders was a little more difficult but manageable. Four riders was overwhelming. He felt like he was in over his head. He needed some help and he knew who these youngsters needed. They needed a mother and that wasn't him.

Teaspoon watched all of his riders closely the next couple of days. Buck was awake and on the mend, but he wouldn't talk to anyone except Lou and even then he wouldn't say much. If possible, Buck now looked even sadder than he did before the accident in the barn. Teaspoon knew from past experience that his Kiowa rider had an overdeveloped sense of revenge. He knew that Buck was angry, he just hoped he didn't do anything that couldn't be undone.

Although he thought it was unlikely, Teaspoon didn't like the idea of Buck taking any sort of revenge on Kid or Jimmy. For one, he thought one or more of his boys would end up hurt. Buck was pretty quiet and sneaky when he wanted to be, but Jimmy just reacted often times without thinking and his first move was toward his guns. He never wanted to see what would happen if Buck's stealth were ever pitted against Hickok's quick draw. He suspected he would have two dead riders if that were the case. He dismissed the idea that it would ever come to that though. Those boys were family and he trusted them to remember that.

Kid was another problem altogether. He had a good head on his shoulders most of the time, but lately everything in his life revolved around Lou. Right now Lou was hotter than a pistol at him and refused to talk to him. That made Kid kind of like a lion with a thorn in his paw. So right now he was ornery and a little jealous. Lou spent all of her free time making sure Buck was healing.

Lou...Lou was really angry, something had snapped in her. She was taking a hard line on protecting Buck from the others. Buck for his part was taking whole advantage of the protection if anything he was more unreachable now than he had been before the accident.

Something needed to be done. This whole brooding rider business was going to drive him to drink. His riders couldn't continue on like this. He needed to get them to a place where they were forced to work together. Maybe he needed to create a situation where he would force them to work together. One thing was for certain, he needed to get Jimmy, Kid, and Buck talking to each other and needed to remove Lou from all of their minds...or did he? A wry smile started spreading on Teaspoons lips as a plan started forming in his mind. Maybe if he sent Lou out to get "into trouble" he could then send those three boys to get her out of it. They would be forced to talk to each other and deal with what happened.

He would need the doctor to clear Buck to ride, he didn't want to risk the boy's life, but he did need him to rely on Jimmy and Kid. He would talk to the doctor about the risks of his plan and figure his timing based on what Buck could handle.

Teaspoon walked over to the doctor's office. He felt uncomfortable as he walked there. He hadn't been inside since Ike passed away. He tried to push the memory of Ike into a happier part of his mind and knocked on the door.

"Come in," a voice inside said.

"Howdy, Doc," Teaspoon said tipping his hat as he entered. "I was wondering if I could talk to you about my injured rider?"

"Sure, Teaspoon, Buck isn't feeling poorly is he?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I don't know," Teaspoon answered, "But I was wondering when he can get back to work?"

"Oh, now, Teaspoon," the doctor cautioned, "You shouldn't rush him if you don't have to. That boy has a lot of healing to do yet and it isn't all physical."

"I know, Doc," Teaspoon said as he sighed. "It's not the physical healing I'm worried about. He ain't been the same since Ike passed on, and this bullet hole done made everything worse."

"You think sending back to work will help that?" the doctor asked.

"Well, not exactly back to work for the express," Teaspoon revealed with a mischievous smile, "But out tracking someone."

"Hmmm, tracking, you say..." the doctor said and thought a few minutes. "Well if he takes it easy on the horse he could go tracking early next week. He wouldn't be riding too hard would he?"

"Not at first I don't expect," Teaspoon answered. "I would be sending a couple of other riders with him."

"Well that should help him out," the doctor pondered thoughtfully out loud. "If he had others looking out for him I expect he wouldn't hurt himself by overdoing it."

"That's what I was hoping you'd say, Doc," Teaspoon said happily. He now just had to start putting the plan in motion.

* * *

><p>Teaspoon and Rachel decided that it was time for Buck and Lou to join the others at the dinner table. Buck didn't really need to be bedridden anymore and it was time for Lou to stop hiding from Kid and Jimmy. It would also give Jimmy and Kid the chance to apologize to Buck. That was long overdue. Teaspoon had a lot of hope riding on this dinner. He wanted his family to heal.<p>

Teaspoon and Lou walked Buck over to the bunkhouse. It was slow going for Buck with his wound, but he seemed to really like getting up and out of bed and especially being outside. It looked like it was more exhausting than Teaspoon would have thought or preferred, but he was glad when they reached the bunkhouse and Buck could sit down again.

Teaspoon opened the bunkhouse door and Lou and Buck walked in with Teaspoon following close behind. Rachel walked up behind Jimmy and Kid and nudged them.

Kid looked at Jimmy and then at Buck.

"Buck, we're sorry about what happened in the barn," Kid said sincerely. "I know words can't make up for the way we've hurt you, but we'd like to try and make it up to you. Wouldn't we, Jimmy?"

"Yeah, Buck," Jimmy said clearing his throat. "We didn't mean for you to get hurt and we're real sorry we didn't find you right away."

Teaspoon looked at his boys. Jimmy and Kid's eyes were down cast and he could see the muscle in the corner of Buck's jaw pop out as he nodded in acceptance of their apology. He knew the boy was clenching his teeth. Teaspoon did not see the atmosphere of this dinner getting any better.

The rest of dinner ended up being tension filled. Buck just chased food around his plate and Lou glared at Kid and Jimmy. Jimmy just ate his food quickly and quietly and Kid, well Kid looked like someone had shot his horse. He ate his food, but kept sneaking mournful glances at Lou the whole time. Noah and Rachel were visibly uncomfortable with the whole situation and Cody? Well Cody just ate whatever the others didn't. Come to think of it Cody looked like he was putting on a little weight. Teaspoon decided it was definitely time to set his plan in motion. He would start with Lou after dinner. He knew where he would find her. She would be in Buck's room either doting on him or using him as a sounding board for her frustrations with Kid.

He was right. After supper, Lou had helped Buck back to the sick room. He figured Buck was probably well enough to be back in the bunkhouse, but he knew Buck wanted the solitude. Teaspoon looked into the room from the doorway. Lou was ranting about Kid and Buck was just staring out the window. Yep, he thought, he needed to get that boy outside.

"Lou, can I talk with you a minute?" Teaspoon asked, "Out on the porch?"

"Sure, Teaspoon," she answered suspending her rant. "I'll be right back, Buck."

She looked at him as she said it but Buck didn't acknowledge her. She didn't like that Buck was so unreachable, but she liked that he at least listened when she talked.

Teaspoon sat on the porch swing and waited. He looked over when he heard Lou come out the door. She walked up and sat next to him on the swing.

"Now, Teaspoon," Lou said defensively, "I know what you're gonna say. I don't really want to talk about Kid or Jimmy right now and..."

"Now, Lou," he interrupted, "That ain't what I wanted to talk to you about at all."

He smiled at the confused look on her face.

"I need you to take a run tomorrow to Omaha," Teaspoon explained. "I have a package that needs delivering...To Emma. I'm sure she'll want you to stay a few days too, so you best get packing."

Lou smiled a big smile and gave Teaspoon a big hug. She suddenly stopped. "Who'll take care of Buck while I'm gone?"

"Well, Lou, Doc says he should be getting out of bed more often now," Teaspoon said. "Rachel and I will watch out for him and make sure he eats something. He could even start helping with some light chores."

"You'll keep Jimmy and Kid away from him?" she asked seriously.

"Now, Lou, why would I need to do that?" Teaspoon asked. "Those boys are awful sorry 'bout what happened to him and this might give them all a chance to get along again."

"Well, Buck's still sore at them and he's got every right to be," Lou defended. "I'm afraid they'll all get into it while I'm gone."

"I'll handle it Lou," Teaspoon reassured her. "I don't know if you remember, but I'm quite good at managing hot tempered express riders," he said tugging at his suspenders.

* * *

><p>Buck thought back to dinner and even the days before the incident in the barn. He was making everyone uncomfortable. He didn't know how to make everything go back to normal. Jimmy and Kid had shot him. Lou wouldn't leave him alone. She kept asking him stupid questions about what he looked for in a girl. He knew Lou was planning to fix him up with someone. Why couldn't she just leave him alone? He felt like everyone's eyes were always on him. Jimmy was hanging around outside his window. Maybe they expected him to hang them upside down over a pit of rattlesnakes. Would serve them right, but all he wanted to do was get up on a horse and ride out of Rock Creek. Nothing good happened here. Maybe he would be better off somewhere else. He didn't know where though.<p>

He made a decision. When he was cleared to ride he was going to go. He would get on his horse and just ride away. He was bound to find somewhere where the memories of Ike and the disappointment of his Pony Express life as of late wouldn't touch him anymore. Maybe he could just find a cave or an abandoned cabin and live there for the rest of his life. He could hunt for food and clothing. He knew how to take care of himself. He would be alone where no one could hurt him and he wouldn't let anyone down.

He could see how they were starting to not care about him anymore. Lou was the only one who ever visited him and that was because she didn't want to face the problems she was having with Kid. After they were all patched up, he knew she would stop paying attention to him as well. God, he missed Ike. All of the others had issues of their own they were dealing with. They didn't have time to blow off chores and go find a swimming hole anymore. They were either worried about the coming war and which side they would find each other on or worried about whether or not Lou was still angry with them. Well, she was and she kept making herself angrier by the day.

He heard Rachel and Teaspoon talking about how with the telegraph coming was going to mean the end of the Express. He knew that meant the end of the rest of his family. Rachel was already gone during the day teaching school. Teaspoon was hardly around because of his marshaling duties. Cody was sniffing around the army and Buck found that all sorts of unsettling. Jimmy and Kid were either brooding about something or baiting each other about being a sympathizer to the North or the South. Noah seemed just as caught in the middle as he felt and Noah had the good sense to make himself scarce. He spent most of his time hanging around Cassie.

He was just so frustrated. He wanted Ike back and for things to go back to the way they used to be. He grabbed hold of the water glass next to his bed and took a sip. Maybe he just needed to relax. He couldn't though and he clutched the glass tighter until it broke in his hand. He just watched the blood drip off his hand as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world.

He heard footsteps coming toward the room, but he couldn't make himself care.

"Buck, are you alright?" Rachel inquired upon entering the room. "I thought I heard glass breaking…Oh my God, Buck, what did you do?"

He didn't look at her. He didn't even hear her. He was distracted by the blood. It was a lot of blood. It would pool in the palm of his hand and then drip over the side. If he moved his hand slightly more would drip down his arm and soak into the top of his long johns or the quilt on the bed. The patterns it left on the bareness of his arm captivated him.

Rachel couldn't stir him from his revelry and it scared her. She must have said his name a dozen times and he acted as if he didn't even hear her. She ran to the kitchen to put some water on to heat. She would need to clean and bandage his wound. She was worried about the depth of it though. There was a lot of blood and Buck was making no attempts to stop it.

She saw Teaspoon and Lou were still on the porch and she ran out to get help. "Teaspoon! I need you to send someone to get the doctor."

"What happened, Rachel?" Teaspoon said jumping to his feet.

"Buck cut himself on some broken glass and he's gonna need stitches," Rachel answered. "He's scaring me, Teaspoon. He just stares at the blood. He won't respond to me at all."

"Lordy, lord," Teaspoon fretted. "Lou, why don't you go and get the doctor. I'll see if I can get him to let us help him."

Teaspoon stepped into the sick room and stopped short. There was his sensible rider off in his own world watching blood run down his arm.

"Son, can you hear me?" Teaspoon asked him from the doorway. "Buck?" he asked as he moved to the bed.

He reached his hand out and pulled Buck's chin toward him looking into his face. "Buck, what happened, Son?

Rachel handed him a clean towel and he grabbed Buck's hand and started mop up the blood. There was a fragment of glass still in his palm and Teaspoon gently removed it. It started more blood flowing, but at least now Teaspoon could put pressure on the wound. Buck just looked away without saying anything. Rachel came into the room with a bowl of hot water and some more towels. They had the wound pretty well cleaned up when Lou arrived with the doctor.

The doctor came out to the porch to talk to Rachel and Teaspoon after taking care of Buck. He let out a long sigh.

"I don't like it, Teaspoon," he said, "That boy didn't even flinch when I stitched him up. I'm not sure he knew I was even there."

Teaspoon and Rachel looked at one another the concern growing in their faces. Lou looked like she was about to cry.

"He's got a powerful hurt and it has taken a hold of him," the doctor explained. "I don't think you should leave Buck alone. He needs to be around people. I think you should move him back to the bunkhouse as soon as you can and try to get him to do normal activities within reason. He shouldn't try to use that hand for a little while either. Try to engage him in conversation. Eventually he should start talking back. Just don't ignore him or leave him to his own devices. He was pretty lucky this time."

The doctor tipped his hat to Rachel and went back to his office.

"I'll stay with Buck tonight," Lou volunteered.

"No, Lou, you go on to the bunkhouse," Teaspoon said. "I'll stay with Buck tonight. You've got an early morning a head of you."

Teaspoon walked into the sick room and looked at Buck. He was lying on his back staring at the ceiling.

"Talk to me, Son, what's going on?" Teaspoon asked.

He turned his head toward the window indicating that he didn't want to talk.

"Buck please," Teaspoon pleaded, "I can't help you if you won't let me in."

"What's the use, Teaspoon?" Buck asked quietly. "Everything is ending. Nobody cares about me anyway."

"Son that last part is just not true," Teaspoon argued. "Everyone around here is worried sick about you."

"Well they have a funny way of showing it," Buck countered.

"Did you know that Jimmy won't let anyone help him with your chores?" Teaspoon asked offering up evidence. "He peaks into your window at night to see how you're sleeping."

"Nobody visits me," Buck said sadly. "You and Rachel are too busy. It's all ending."

"Nobody visits you 'cause Lou won't let 'em," Teaspoon smiling gently and patting him on the leg. "She didn't want anyone to hurt you."

"Teaspoon, Lou's driving me crazy," Buck said suddenly. "She talks my ear off about Kid half the time the other half she asks me personal questions about my preferences about women. I think she means to fix me up. Please, someone has to stop her."

Teaspoon couldn't help but chuckle at the look of terror on Buck's face. "Would finding a girl be so bad? Besides I'm sending Lou on a special run tomorrow she'll be gone for a while."

"Thanks, Teaspoon," he said

"Get some sleep, Son. I'll be here if you need anything."

* * *

><p><em>Buck was dreaming. It was dark and he was scared. There was a cackle of laughter that kept taunting him. It seemed to be all around him. He would hear it in his left ear, and then his right. It would sound close to him then far away. Sometimes it sounded like it was coming from behind him. It danced all around him, but he couldn't see the source. He heard gunshots and saw everyone from the station holding a smoking gun. As he watched the blood soak through his clothes he found the source of the cackling laughter. Neville was in standing by a tree watching and laughing. Then he heard Teaspoon's voice say, "See I told you. It didn't matter if you got caught or not, you're paying for it now, aren't you, Son?"<em>

Buck woke up with a start and bolted upright in his bed. He was drenched in a cold sweat and his wounded body screamed in pain. Teaspoon was at his side in an instant comforting him as a father comforts his son. Teaspoon took Buck into his arms and hugged him tightly.

"I'm sorry, Teaspoon, Buck said, his voice cracking, "I'm sorry I disappointed you. I couldn't let him live, not after what he did to Ike."

"I know, Son, I know," he said and held Buck a little tighter. "I'm sorry it was you that pulled the trigger and not me."

Teaspoon could feel the boy lose control and begin to cry. He had a hard time not crying himself. Teaspoon looked up to see Rachel standing in the doorway. Her startled face told him that she had heard everything the two of them said. Teaspoon had never told a soul about how exactly Neville died. Rachel stepped in and sat behind Buck and hugged him from the other side.

"I'll heat up some milk for you, shall I?" she asked and upon standing up she gently kissed the broken rider on the top of his head. She got up and left the room.

"Thanks, Rachel," Teaspoon said as he continued to hold Buck, rocking him gently, until his body went limp. Teaspoon laid Buck back down on the bed as the boy had passed out from exhaustion.

Rachel came back with some milk for Buck and Teaspoon and paused in the door when she saw it wasn't needed.

"Rachel, don't tell nobody what he said about Neville," Teaspoon said seriously.

"I won't, Teaspoon," she promised. "I won't."


	4. Chapter 4

Lou got up early and started to get her gear together. She was being quiet because she really didn't want to wake Kid up. She added Teaspoon's letter to Emma to her saddle bags and snuck out of the bunkhouse. She walked up to the house and could smell that Rachel was cooking up something good for breakfast. She gingerly opened the door, she didn't want to wake Buck if he were sleeping. She peaked in and saw Buck sleeping better than he had been in days and Teaspoon asleep in the chair that had been her bed for the last several days.

"Morning, Rachel," Lou called softly to the house mistress as she was milling about the kitchen.

"Oh, good morning, Lou," Rachel said. "I was just getting a start on breakfast. You ready to head out?"

"Just about," Lou answered. "I've got to get my horse ready yet."

"I'll meet you outside with some food for the trip when you're done," Rachel said. "Don't worry about Buck. We'll take care of him."

Lou's face relaxed a little. She didn't like leaving Buck alone, but she really wanted to see Emma.

Cody was in the barn saddling Lightning when Lou got inside the barn. She quickly took advantage of having Cody alone and tried to explain her plan for Buck and her need for his help.

"Cody, I need your help with a special project," Lou said excitedly.

"Oh, I don't like the sound of this," Cody said.

"It's nothing bad," Lou explained. "I just need your help arranging a date for Buck for the church picnic."

"You want me to get Buck a girl for the social?" Cody asked trying to understand.

"Well, not just any girl," Lou answered sure Cody was thinking about the kind you pay for. "I was thinking that he would enjoy spending time with someone our age that likes him."

"Oh, well I don't know Lou," Cody started to say.

"Think on it Cody," Lou said interrupting her eyes narrowing. "I'm on a special run for a few days and I expect you to have some options when I get back."

"Yes, Ma'am," Cody said smiling.

Lou led Lightning back to the house and waited for Rachel to come out with a pack for her. She was surprised when Teaspoon greeted her instead. He gave her the pack of food and also handed her a map.

"Here, Lou, I want you to follow this map to Emma's," Teaspoon said. "I know it's a little round a bout, but it's the safest way."

"Thanks, Teaspoon."

"Ride safe, Lou," he called after her as she galloped off on her way.

Lou loved taking runs. They gave her a chance to think and she really needed that right now. The most pressing thing on her mind was Kid. She knew she should have talked to him before she left, but there was a part of her that still needed to punish him for fighting with Jimmy over her. Sometimes she hated being the only girl their age at the station. It set up this competitive thing between the others. Jimmy and Kid were by far the worst. She sometimes just liked hanging out with Noah, Cody, and Buck. They treated her as one of the guys. Well, most of the time anyway.

Speaking of Buck, she had promised herself that she was going to do everything she could to help him find happiness. She knew with Ike gone, a part of Buck was gone too, but if he had a girl to love, who loved him back –that would make him whole again. She hoped she could count on Cody to find a nice girl to spend the church picnic with Buck. She wouldn't have time to look.

Lou started a mental check list of the qualities she would look for when finding the right girl for him. She had to be strong and self sufficient. Buck was pretty rugged and outdoorsy so she'd have to have a sense of adventure. She'd have to be thick skinned. Buck sometimes wasn't treated very nice by merchants, restaurant owners, or even townspeople. So she'd have to be able to deal with that. She'd have to be fearless in case Buck wanted to introduce her to his brother and his tribe. She would need to be able to ride. Buck was happiest when he was on a horse. Most importantly though she would have to be able to see past his heritage and see his beautiful soul. Lou didn't know where she was going to find a girl like this. It was a tall order. She didn't even know where to begin to look.

Lou thought about the qualities she was looking for and laughed to herself that she fit the description quite well. She would just have to look for a girl like herself. She'd look for someone who hasn't had an easy life and has needed to be fearless and adventurous just to make it in this world. She'd have to find a girl who counted every friend as a blessing no matter what they looked like. She didn't think there were any girls like this in Rock Creek, but when she got back she would check in and see what Cody had come up with and if he couldn't find anyone she would ask Rachel if she had any ideas.

Her thoughts drifted back to Kid. She knew they were getting really close again and it scared her a little. The last time they were together everything moved so fast. They spent the night together and then Kid all of the sudden wanted to get married. Sure they had both grown since then and matured and Kid was better about not crowding her anymore. She did love him so very much. He was her first love. She blushed a little at the thought. They shared her first real kiss and she had made love for the first time with him. He was special to her for so many reasons. Each of them was starting to bend to the other instead of trying to break the other. She wasn't sure she was ready to give up the express and become a wife. It seemed like such a different life than the one she was living and she loved her life. The feel of hard work and riding free was the perfect life for her. Come to think of it she loved riding free across the prairie as much as Buck did. Kid loved riding Katy too, but his mind was always on responsibility and planning the future. She lived in the now. Maybe that's why she got along so well together, she lived her life in the moment and Kid planned the future. She could get him to loosen up about things and he got her to buckle down a bit.

She let her mind travel back to where she was. She was getting tired and it was starting to get a little late. According to Teaspoon's map there was a stream ahead where she could take care of Lightning and bed down for the night.

* * *

><p>After Lou left, Teaspoon and Rachel situated Buck back into the bunkhouse with the other riders. They were hoping that having the boys as company would cheer Buck up, but he didn't talk much to them and slept most of the time. He needed the rest so that wasn't completely bad.<p>

In the afternoons Rachel had him helping her with dinner. She started off with him peeling potatoes and chopping up other vegetables for her. But a few too many accidents with the knife and she just had him snap beans for a while. Rachel could feel him slipping away from the family as he seemed to fix his gaze on the open prairie beyond the town. She had a feeling when he was well enough he was going to try and leave. She hoped Teaspoon's plan was going to work.

A couple of days after Lou left Teaspoon came into the bunkhouse. The boys were all there Cody, Noah, and Jimmy were playing cards at the table, Kid was polishing a pair of boots, and Buck was reading in his bunk.

"Good, Boys, I'm glad you're all here," Teaspoon announced after he walked through the door. "I think Lou is headed for some trouble and I need a few of you ready to ride."

"I'm going," Kid declared. There was no way he was staying home if Lou was in trouble.

"I'm with you," Jimmy stated and started to pack some things he would need. He looked at his guns hesitantly and then strapped them on.

"Buck, why don't you go too?" Teaspoon gently asked.

"He'll only slow us down, Teaspoon," Kid complained worriedly.

"Lou'll need to be tracked most of the way and I've never met a better tracker than Buck," Teaspoon said defending his suggestion. "Besides, getting lost will slow you down more."

Buck looked at Teaspoon with doubt in his eyes and something that looked like fear. "Don't worry, Buck, I just came from the Doc's and he said it'd be okay for you to go."

"Come on, Cody, let's saddle up their horses for them," Noah said helpfully.

Teaspoon pulled Kid and Jimmy aside while Buck was still packing a few things for the trip. He felt he needed to prepare them for anything that may happen.

"Now boys, I need you to watch out for Buck out there," Teaspoon said seriously. "He's not quite fully healed up from the bullet wound and that hand of his is going to give him some trouble. Don't let him overdo it. Take it slow and easy. Lou's not in trouble that I know of, it's just that there has been some trouble in that area the last couple of days. You'll probably want to stay out of Lou's sight anyway. I don't think she'll look kindly on me sending all three of you after her."

"Teaspoon, what about his mood?" Kid asked, "He ain't talking to no one and he seems like he's given up."

"That's why I'm sending him with you and Jimmy, Kid," Teaspoon said. "I need him to start living again. I need him to start fighting again. I need both you boys to help him."

"But we're the reason he's hurting, Teaspoon," Kid said. "How are we supposed to help him?"

"You can start by taking care of him," Teaspoon answered. "Talk to him –even if he doesn't talk back. He needs his brothers."

"Aw, Teaspoon, come on," Jimmy protested. "Buck can take care of himself, he doesn't need us hovering over him."

"Jimmy, Buck ain't himself," Teaspoon said sadly. "Something in his eyes tells me he's not looking out for himself like he usually does. I fear if there's an accident to be had, he'll have it. That boy worries me."

"You think he's a danger to himself, Teaspoon?" Kid asked concerned.

"Yeah, I do," Teaspoon answered. "I don't think he's trying to hurt himself, I just don't trust him to get out of the way when trouble comes."

"I don't like it, Teaspoon," Jimmy stated. "If he's not looking out for himself, it puts us all in danger."

"It might, that's why I need you to watch out for him," Teaspoon said. "Don't let him get into trouble."

* * *

><p>Lou looked down at the map and then out at the landscape. Surely Teaspoon was crazy. This map didn't make any sense through this part of the journey. It almost looked like it was directions on how to confuse a tracker. Lou shrugged and decided to trust Teaspoon's map, after all he made it to keep her safe.<p>

Lou couldn't wait to see Emma. She missed her so much. She had so much to tell her. She didn't know if Emma knew about Ike and she wanted to be the one that told her if she didn't know. She wanted to tell her about Kid and Jimmy and all the aggravation and heartache they were causing her. She wanted to get Emma's opinion on the perfect girl for Buck. She needed to tell her all about Rock Creek. Teaspoon was right, she decided. She did need Emma right now.

* * *

><p>The awkward threesome had been traveling for about a day. Jimmy and Kid were uneasy around each other trying to jockey into the position of leader. Buck was silent. He was at the head just following the tracks trying to ignore the pain he was in and trying not to hold the reins with his right hand. The doctor had cleared him to go, but honestly if it wasn't about Lou he would have declined to go along. So far Lou seemed to be riding just fine no problems. Her horse was taking easy and even strides. It didn't look like Lou was having any problems at all. Buck was starting to question Teaspoon's motives. He didn't think this trip was about Lou at all. It was about the three of them. Buck resented it, really. He didn't want to talk it out with these guys. Kid and Jimmy had apologized to him for what happened in the barn, but that's about they said to him. He didn't want to be the one to start any conversations. It didn't feel like it was his place.<p>

Jimmy hated this ride. All they did was to follow Lou's trail, which judging by how _not_ upset Buck was about it, seemed pointless. Jimmy had come to the same conclusion Buck had only a little quicker. He remembered Teaspoon's little chat with him and Kid before they set out. This was about Buck, not Lou. It was also about the barn. He looked over at Kid and knew by the look he got back that Kid thought this whole thing was a waste of time too.

They were all startled out of their thoughts when Buck's horse reared suddenly and dropped Buck to the ground. Sundance and Katy also got skittish. Jimmy and Kid realized what had spooked the horses when they heard the tell tale noise of a rattlesnake. They got their horses under control just in time to see Buck staring it down from his position on the ground.

"Buck, don't move." Kid ordered. "Jimmy, do you have a shot? I don't have a clear one."

Jimmy had a shot, but he was scared to take it. What if he shot Buck again? He took his gun out of his holster and tried to steady his shaky hand.

Buck locked eyes with the snake and didn't dare blink. He wasn't in a good position. He tried to remain calm. For all his resignation and feelings of hopelessness, he didn't want to die. He watched the snake lean back as if it were ready to strike when he heard a gunshot and watched the snake fly away. He still didn't move. He heard the others jump down from their horses and walk over to him.

"Buck, are you alright?" Kid asked placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Why didn't you notice the snake sooner?" Jimmy asked leading Buck's horse back over to him. "I've never seen one take you by surprise like that."

Buck took the reins of his horse and got up slowly. The fall didn't really help the injuries he had. "Thanks," he said quietly and slowly got back up into his saddle.

Jimmy and Kid exchanged looks. Teaspoon was right. Buck wasn't looking out for himself. Kid didn't like this feeling. He felt like he was in over his head another quick look at Jimmy told him Jimmy was feeling the same way. The three rode on in silence for about an hour and Buck stopped his horse.

"Looks like Lou stopped here for the night," Buck announced. "It's a good spot for us to stop too. There's a creek down the hill a ways where we can water the horses."

They all took care of the horses and set up the camp. Jimmy and Kid tried to do most of the set up so Buck wouldn't strain himself.

They sat around the campfire eating some of the food that Rachel had packed them. Buck was picking at his food not really eating much of it. Jimmy and Kid kept looking at each other not knowing what to do.

Finally, Kid cleared his throat. "Buck, Jimmy and I have something we need to say to you. I know we said it days ago, but we're really sorry about what happened in the barn."

"Yeah, Buck. We never meant for you to get hurt," Jimmy added.

"Thank you," Buck whispered. He didn't look at them. He tried to just let it drop. He was tired and didn't want to talk.

Kid had other ideas. Teaspoon told them to talk to Buck even if he didn't talk back. "You know, I don't think I ever told you this, Buck, but I almost killed you once."

"I know, Kid, I was there remember?" Buck reminded him patting his wound.

"No, I mean once before. Didn't Ike ever tell you?" Kid asked in response to the confused look on Buck's face.

Buck shook his head slowly.

Jimmy was a little taken aback by Kid's confession. "Why'd you want to do a crazy thing like that, Kid?" Jimmy asked puzzled.

"I didn't want to, but I thought I was going to have to," Kid answered. "That rattlesnake made me think of the time that Ike was being held by the Kiowa and you went after him."

"None of you guys ever told us about that," Jimmy said curiously. "What happened?"

"You wouldn't understand," Buck stated hoping to close the subject. He leaned back against his saddle and hoped that Kid would stop talking.

"I still don't understand, Buck," Kid said. "They very nearly killed you. I thought for a time that I would be doing you a favor ending your life so you wouldn't have to suffer any more."

Jimmy looked startled.

"What stopped you?" Buck asked.

"Not what, who," Kid answered. "Ike stopped me. He told me to trust that you knew what you were doing."

"What the hell happened?" Jimmy asked. He was irritated that they wouldn't explain the situation. He was the only one that wasn't there.

"I was tested," Buck said as his mind drifted to Ike.

"What do you mean tested?" Jimmy asked and Buck didn't respond. "What does he mean tested?" he asked turning his attention to Kid.

"They tortured him," Kid responded looking at Jimmy. "I couldn't have made it through it, neither could you."

Kid went on to describe everything he saw them do to Buck over the days they were there.

"Why would your brother do that to you, Buck?" Jimmy asked. He was really disturbed after Kid described Buck's ordeal at the hands of his former tribe.

"He needed to be sure my spirit was Kiowa," Buck said sighing and then pleaded, "I really don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Teaspoon is always telling me that it's not good to bottle things up inside," Jimmy said sagely. "Maybe you should let some of that stuff out."

"I'm tired and we have a long way to go tomorrow," Buck said laying down into his bedroll. He rolled over turning his back to his two companions.

"I'm glad I didn't kill you," Kid said quietly, "Either time."

Kid and Jimmy both looked at each other and dumped the rest of their coffee out and settled into their bedrolls and put their hats over their heads.

* * *

><p><strong>Udates will come a bit slower now as I have caught up to where I stopped before. I have many future chapters written I just need to connect the pieces now. Thanks for all the wonderful feedback from everyone. I'm glad you're all enjoying this one. I'm working on Nemesis too so don't worry I'm hoping to update it soon. <strong>


	5. Chapter 5

Lou was excited. At the pace she was going, she should arrive at Emma and Sam's sometime tomorrow afternoon. As she got closer, she wanted to go faster. She hadn't realized just how much she missed Emma. First thing she wanted to do was have tea. She and Emma had the most wonderful talks over tea. She brought a dress along with her just to have tea with Emma.

Lou thought about Kid. He kept creeping into her thought patterns. Maybe she would have tea with Kid when she got home. He needed to start trusting her or their relationship wasn't going to last and she wanted it to last. She also wanted to be able to be Jimmy's friend without the two of them coming to blows over it. She didn't want to be fought over she wanted to be loved and trusted. That was all she would ever ask of Kid –to love and trust her. She just needed to have a heart to heart with Kid and they would work through it.

Lou was so distracted by her thoughts that she didn't notice the two gunmen blocking her path until it was too late.

* * *

><p>Buck looked at the ground. He couldn't figure out what Lou was doing. She looked like she was trying to confuse him, but why? She didn't know they were following her, did she? She couldn't, he decided. She still had a couple of days lead on them. Buck had seen this type of a pattern of doubling back and misdirection before.<p>

"Teaspoon," Buck muttered as he stopped to look at the trail more closely.

When he and Jimmy had followed Teaspoon to the Alamo, Teaspoon laid a similar trail. Teaspoon probably gave Lou a map or instructions or something. He probably thought they would be bored about now. He couldn't figure how Teaspoon thought he could pull one over on Buck like this. Maybe he was trying to make him laugh.

Jimmy and Kid pulled up even to Buck and looked at him.

"What's wrong?" Kid asked concern growing on his face.

"I think Teaspoon and Lou are having a little fun with us," Buck answered.

"What'd ya mean?" Jimmy asked.

"You remember when we tracked Teaspoon to the Alamo?" Buck asked. "The trail Lou's leaving looks a lot like that."

"I don't remember too much about that trail," Jimmy said smiling, "But I do remember Rosa."

Buck smiled. He remembered Rosa too. He wished they would have gone back to the cantina on their way back to Sweetwater.

"Who's Rosa," Kid asked.

"A beautiful girl," Jimmy replied, "Who was possibly Teaspoon's daughter."

"What?" Kid asked as he noticed Buck's smile. "She must have been something to get Buck to smile like that."

"She was Kid," Jimmy said. "Her mother would have killed us if we had gotten anywhere near her though."

I thought her mother was going to kill Teaspoon," Buck said with a quiet laugh.

Jimmy and Kid looked at each other and smiled. This is the first time either one of them had seen Buck smile in so long. Even though he was still pretty quiet even for him they felt it was a breakthrough.

"Where do you suppose she's headed?" Kid asked.

"Omaha," Buck answered.

"Why'd Teaspoon send her to Omaha?" Jimmy asked this time.

"To see Emma," Buck replied at least that seemed like the most logical conclusion. "He's sending us all to see Emma."

After the boys got over their initial resentment of being tricked, they rode on for a while all thinking how nice it would be to see Emma again. It was starting to get dark and came across another one of Lou's campsites and decided to set up camp there for the night. So far Lou hadn't run into any trouble. They would stay on her trail just in case.

The three young men sat around the campfire finishing a simple trail dinner of baked beans, jerky and some biscuits Rachel made. Buck was eating better tonight and combined with him being more talkative on the trail, Jimmy felt emboldened to reveal something to the other two that they didn't know. It had worked for Kid the night before after all.

"Since Kid told a secret last night, I thought I would share one tonight," Jimmy began. "It was the trip to Willow Springs that Teaspoon sent Lou and me on."

Buck looked up quickly first at Kid and then to Jimmy. He had a bad feeling about this story.

"I learned on that trip why Lou and I could never be romantically involved," Jimmy said trying to reassure Kid.

"Why, Jimmy, what happened?" Kid asked trying to remain calm.

"Well, the two of you had just broken up and Lou was really sad, so I took her out for a night on the town," Jimmy said. "Only it didn't go as planned."

Kid's eyes started to narrow and he started to clench his fists. "So you waited, what, a week before you moved in on her?"

"Hey, you moved onto the school teacher and nearly got yourself killed in a duel for someone you knew for two days!" Jimmy shouted back.

Buck sat nervously in between Kid and Jimmy clutching his cup of coffee. He could feel the tension rising and it made him uncomfortable. He wasn't going to panic, but this whole scene was starting to remind him of the barn.

"So what happened?" Kid asked.

"We went out to dinner and danced as a street musician played a pretty song," Jimmy answered, "And then a gunfighter named Hopkins kidnapped her."

"What!" Kid asked yelling.

"Obviously I saved her and she's fine now," Jimmy said trying to calm Kid. "But I knew that Lou would always be in danger from some guy wanting to call me out."

"Did you kiss her?" Kid asked pointedly.

"Not then, no," Jimmy responded.

"But you have kissed her?" Kid asked his anger beginning to rise.

"I kissed Lou," Jimmy said softly, "When we were taking Elias Mills to hang."

Kid launched himself at Jimmy and the two started to roll around on the ground each landing random punches here and there.

Stop it, Buck whispered. He had seen this scene before and the last time it nearly cost him his life.

Jimmy and Kid kept rolling around on the ground. Buck stood up not knowing what to do. He couldn't jump in and pry his friends apart. He was still too hurt to do that.

"Stop it!" Buck yelled unable to be quiet about what was happening before him.

Jimmy and Kid stopped suddenly. Buck had been so quiet over the last weeks the sound of his raised voice had shocked them.

"I can't believe you two!" Buck shouted. "You claim to be friends, but this is how you treat each other?"

Buck started pacing as his anger with the two of them grew. All Jimmy and Kid could do was look at the ground in shame.

"You have blinders on," Buck continued, "You don't pay attention to who you hurt. Lou is a person not a thing. She hates it when you fight over her and so do the rest of us. You think she is going to appreciate that her man beat her best friend half to death?"

"I'm sorry, Buck," Kid said.

"No you're not, and neither are you," Buck said as Jimmy opened his mouth. "Does friendship mean so little to you? I lost the best friend I'm ever gonna have and I never would have fought with him over a girl."

"Lou's not just any girl, Buck," Kid said.

"Shut up, Kid," Buck said menacingly. "If you lose Lou, it will be because of your own pigheadedness not Jimmy. I listened to her go on about how you don't trust her for days."

"I trust her fine," Kid said defensively. "It's Jimmy I don't trust."

"Buck's right, Kid," Jimmy said, "You don't trust her."

"Stay out of it, Jimmy," Kid said looking like he was going to start the fight up again.

"And you," Buck said turning to Jimmy, "You don't pay attention to anyone but yourself."

"That's not true, Buck," Jimmy argued. "I'm always looking out for everyone else. Please don't be angry with us anymore."

"Yeah, Buck we don't want you to feel angry," Kid said agreeing.

"You shot me and left me to die!" Buck shouted as tears rolled down his cheeks. "How am I supposed to feel?"

Buck felt like he couldn't stay any longer. These two were never going to change. He grabbed his saddle and started walking toward his horse.

Jimmy and Kid felt momentarily like their feet were rooted to the ground. Buck's words had cut them both to the quick and they were stunned. They knew that Buck was feeling down about what happened with Ike and the accident in the barn, but they hadn't grasped until that moment just how much they had hurt him. Jimmy was the first to move sensing Buck was about to cut out on them. He couldn't let him leave. Not now. Not now that he realized what his actions were doing to his friend. He was sure if he let Buck ride out of here, that they wouldn't see him again.

Jimmy hurried over to where Buck was trying valiantly to saddle his horse quickly. He could see not only the emotional pain on his friends face but the physical pain too. Jimmy put his hand over Bucks to stop his progress.

"Buck, I can't let you leave like this," Jimmy said his voice cracking. "I'm so sorry. Ever since that day things changed. I can hardly hold a gun anymore. I was so shaky when I shot that snake. I thought I was going to hit you again. I can't sleep without waking after dreaming of accidently killing you. I wish I could take that day back."

"We both do," Kid said walking to Buck's other side. "We've been acting so stupid. Please forgive us. Don't leave."

"Come back to the fire, please," Jimmy begged. "We need you. I need you. You're my brother."

Buck looked into the eyes of both Kid and Jimmy and knew he couldn't walk out on the only thing that had ever felt like home to him. His hands dropped from his saddle and he let Jimmy put his arm around his shoulders and lead him back to the fire. Kid stayed behind and unsaddled Buck's horse bringing the saddle back to the camp.

"I didn't you this to hurt you, Kid," Jimmy said when Kid came back into camp. "I just needed you to know why I want her to be happy and why it'll never be me that can do it."

Kid acknowledged his meaning and sat back down around the fire with his two friends.

"When you say, 'you wish you could take that day back,' do you wish it for you or for me?" Buck asked quietly.

"For both of us, but for you mostly," Jimmy said honestly. "I've never hurt someone as completely as I hurt you and I never want to cause that kind of pain to anyone again. Especially not to someone I consider family."

The three young men sat there, around the fire, finally not speaking, but sitting in quiet contemplation for the rest of the night. When they all fell asleep, they slept fitfully. It was a hard day filled with intense emotions and a few breakthroughs.

* * *

><p>Lou felt stupid for getting caught unaware like this. She was thankful that at least these two men hadn't figured out she was girl. They had tied her wrists last night and now that it was morning, they were looking through her saddlebags for valuables. Her dress was rolled into her bedroll and she was hoping they wouldn't find it. She slowly rolled her wrists while one of the men was binding her so that the ropes wouldn't be tight. It worked as she had finally been able to wiggle her hands free. They had left her gun unattended and she quickly but silently grabbed it and waited for the two men to finish with her bags.<p>

She cocked the gun as the men turned around. They weren't the brightest of thieves so she was able to tie them up herself and reassemble her gear. She was off and was still on pace to reach Emma's house today.

In the early afternoon, Lou came upon a very nice house alone on the prairie with a big house and nice barn. There were several horses in a corral next to the barn and a familiar woman hanging laundry on a clothesline.

She kicked Lightning into a run and called out Emma's name as soon as she was close enough for Emma to hear her.

"Lula Belle," Emma called with a wide surprised smile on her face, "What are you doing here?"

"Teaspoon sent me here with a letter for you," Lou answered and handed Emma the letter.

Emma took the battered envelope. She hoped it didn't contain any bad news. She could see by the way the Lou held herself that things in the young woman's life were not all rosy.

"Let's go into the house and have some lemonade," Emma offered. "First you better take care of that horse of yours."

Lou took Lightning to the barn and took care of her while Emma put together some refreshments. When Lou came in the house the two women sat down and Emma opened the letter and began to read.

_Dear Emma,_

_I'm sending this letter to you with Lou. She's had a bit of a rough time of late. Kid and Jimmy are causing her some grief and I thought this would be the perfect time for her to visit you. She could use the guidance of a mother right now._

_I know I should have written you sooner, but I have some bad news to share with you. Ike passed about a month ago. His passing wasn't easy for any of us, especially Buck. I can't bring myself to explain what happened on paper. I hope Lou will be so kind as to fill you in on the details._

_Buck, Jimmy, and Kid should be arriving shortly. I sent them on a special mission tracking Lou to your place. I felt the boys needed some bonding time. A week ago there was an accident in the barn. Kid and Jimmy accidently shot Buck and nobody noticed that it happened. His body is whole now but the boy's spirit is what's troubling me. I know it has a lot to do with Ike's death and him feeling like nobody cares about him now that Ike's gone. I'm afraid the accident in the barn made him feel that way even more. Every week since Ike's passing he has been withdrawing more and more. I hope you can help him. He hasn't been eating or sleeping well lately. I fear that will be a little too obvious when you see him. I had a feeling that if I didn't send him out on a fake mission to keep Lou out of trouble he probably would have ridden out in the morning and left us forever. _

_Love,_

_Mr. Spoon_

"Lou what happened to Ike?" Emma asked with a tear rolling down her face.

Lou relayed the story of Ike and his love for Emily. She told her about Neville and Emily's father. Emma was sad to hear how Ike's death had been so violent. When Lou was done with the story she hugged Emma and they both cried.

* * *

><p>By Buck seeing through Teaspoons efforts at confusion and him knowing where Lou was headed, the boys managed to gain a day on Lou. They were all a little more tired today than they were yesterday on the trail, but something had definitely changed with the three boys. Buck wasn't as angry anymore. He could see how sorry both Kid and Jimmy were and he felt that they really did care about him. He was in a much better place. Kid and Jimmy were also in a different place with each other. Kid didn't feel that Jimmy was threatening his relationship with Lou. He also realized that he wasn't being fair to Lou. He couldn't wait to catch up to her and make everything up to her.<p>

Buck stopped suddenly. He was alarmed by what he was seeing in the tracks on the ground. Maybe this wasn't a fake trip after all. He stopped his horse and quickly jumped down, regretting it immediately. He let out a stifled groan. He knelt down to get a closer look. He followed the flow of the steps and came to the only conclusion possible. Lou had found trouble. There were tracks from two other horses and there looked to have been a bit of scuffle. He stood up and looked back to Jimmy and Kid.

Kid and Jimmy were a little ways back and both of them trying to stay awake while in the saddle. Kid hit Jimmy in the chest with the back of his hand when he'd noticed Buck jump from his horse he winced when Buck landed and groaned, but then he became concerned. Buck was paying an awful lot of attention to the tracks on the ground. They both gave their horses a little kick and caught up with Buck.

"What is it?" Kid asked anxiously.

"I think Lou found some trouble," Buck answered. "There are tracks from two other horses here and they all go off this way."

Buck climbed back into his saddle and led the group cautiously following the new trail. Kid and Jimmy rode close behind him. Kid was beside himself with worry. They were all relieved when they came across the place where Lou had spent the night. There in front of them were two men struggling against ropes they were tied up with.

"Hey boys!" one of the men called out. "You have to help us."

"Really," Kid asked, "Why is that?"

"We was bushwhacked," the other said.

"Yeah," asked Jimmy, "Which way did our friend go?"

Buck laughed at the men as their faces fell and then found Lou's trail on his own.

"Looks like Lou went this way," he said.

Kid, Jimmy, and Buck rode on until it started to get dark. It didn't look to Buck like they had much more of the journey left to go. If he was calculating right they should get to Emma's by lunch time tomorrow.

The boys set up the camp same as always and ate the last of their jerky, baked beans, and biscuits.

"I can't wait to get to Emma's," Kid said. "I'm getting sick of beans and jerky."

Jimmy laughed. He felt the same way.

The three young men ate their dinner relatively quickly and were gazing at the fire with coffee in their hands to keep warm. Jimmy and Kid looked at each other and at Buck. Jimmy thought he looked much better than a few nights ago, but something was still eating at him.

"Buck what happened when you shot Neville." Jimmy pried hoping that his friend would open up and talk for once. Teaspoon had told them all that Neville was dead and that Buck killed him. He really didn't go into further detail. But something changed between Teaspoon and Buck that day. Teaspoon always seemed so understanding of Buck and with Ike dying, Jimmy was sure Teaspoon would be more protective of him, but Teaspoon seemed so conflicted instead. It was like he was sad for Buck but angry with him at the same time. Jimmy was always curious about what exactly happened.

Buck sighed. He really didn't want to talk about this. "All I could think about was Ike and how he took him away," he said as he picked up a stick from the ground in front of him.

"I understand, Buck, I felt much the same way when I called out Lambert," Kid offered trying to be supportive. "He hurt Lou. That was the only thing I thought about."

"I didn't call Neville out." Buck said quietly looking at the campfire not daring to make eye contact with Kid. He knew Kid was going to react badly to this information.

"It was a fair fight though, right?" Jimmy asked concern growing on his face.

Buck grew weary of the direction of this conversation. He shifted uncomfortably on his bed roll and looked up at the sky. He started to fiddle with the stick he found on the ground.

"That depends on what you mean by fair, Jimmy," Buck answered. "Neville robbed Emily's father, burned down his barn and killed him."

Buck grew quieter and started to peel some of the bark off the stick.

"Then he killed Ike," Buck said barely above a whisper. "None of that was fair. I couldn't let him just walk away."

Buck tossed the stick in the fire.

"Can we just drop this?" he pleaded.

"God Buck!" Kid spat out reeling from shock. "You murdered him? How could you do that?"

"What do you want me to say Kid?" Buck shouted as he stood up, "That I regret it? I don't. The world is a better place without Neville in it and you know it! He got what was coming to him!"

Buck took in a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," he said defeated. "I'm gonna go check on the horses."

"But Buck..!" Kid called after him, but was silenced by Jimmy's hand on his shoulder.

"I would have done the same thing and if it were Lou that Neville killed and so would you," Jimmy stated plainly. "We ain't got the right to judge him."

Buck walked away from the fire to where the horses were tethered. He buried his face in his horse's mane. They were supposed to concentrate on finding Lou not dredge up his recent past. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry Buck. I didn't mean to upset you." Jimmy comforted. "I just thought you might want to unburden yourself since Kid and I had already done it."

"Jimmy…I…It was like I wasn't even really there," Buck began. "Ike was dead. I needed resolution. I went to the jail and waited. I knew Teaspoon would let him go. I couldn't handle it."

"I waited until he came out, my gun was already drawn," He confessed. "I didn't say anything to him. I just pointed my gun at him. He closed his jacket and told me he wasn't up to a fight. Then he insulted Ike. I didn't think, I just shot. The next thing I knew Teaspoon was standing in front of me asking me questions. I disappointed him, Jimmy."

"Did it help? Jimmy asked gently.

"No," Buck lamented. "Ike was still gone and the only thing comforting about it was that Neville couldn't hurt anyone again."

"I would have done the same thing, Buck, and so would Ike," Jimmy said.

"So would I," Kid said appearing, "Especially if it were Lou."

"Hell, you beat me to it," Jimmy said trying to lighten the mood a little.

Kid and Jimmy both noticed how the weight of the world seemed to lift from Buck and they both clapped him on the back as the three headed back to the warmth of their bedrolls and fire. When they finally drifted off to sleep for the night they were more restful and at peace then they had been in the last month.


	6. Chapter 6

Sam was out on an all night stake out so Lou and Emma stayed up late and caught up on everybody and everything that was going on in their lives. Emma and Sam were trying for a baby but they hadn't been successful yet. She was starting to lose hope. Lou reassured her everything would work out just fine and to keep the faith.

Talk between the two gravitated to Lou and her relationship with Kid. Lou got a little bashful while she talked about her feelings for Kid and how angry he made her sometimes. She loved him though. Emma asked her a lot of questions about Kid and Lou always blushed as she answered. Emma thought it was high time she let Kid apologize. They both laughed at how Teaspoon had set them all up to come here and were wondering when the boys would show up.

"You're right, Emma," Lou said. "I've punished him enough."

"Tell me about how Buck is doing," Emma asked, "Mr. Spoon seems mighty worried about him."

Lou launched into the whole story from the time Ike died until the morning she left. Emma reacted with tears and a few "Oh dear's" added in here and there. Lou told Emma about how she was taking care of Buck too and her desire to find Buck a mate.

"That's sweet, Lou," Emma said, "But I think right now is a little too soon."

"But Buck needs someone to fill the void in his heart," Lou protested.

"In time that void will fill," Emma said. "I'm hoping a little of it has been filled by Jimmy and Kid on their way here."

"I'm still not sure that was the best idea, Emma," Lou said wearily. "He was really angry with them for what happened."

"Oh, I imagine he is plenty angry with them for shooting him," Emma said.

"It's not really that," Lou speculated, "I think he understands that part was an accident. I think he's angry that they left him."

"Get some sleep, Lula Belle," Emma said giving the young woman a hug. "We'll talk more tomorrow."

Emma finished her tea as she watched Lou turn in for the night. If Mr. Spoon was that worried about Buck, maybe she could get him to stay a little longer than the rest of the boys.

Sometime in the night Sam came home and Emma filled him in when he came in the house. Sam was excited that the boys were coming and that Lou was already there. He realized how much he had begun to think of them all as family when he and Emma left Sweetwater.

Emma was up early the next day and started to plan. Her gut told her that three young men would be riding up to her house today. She looked around her kitchen. She had plenty of flour, molasses, baking spices, and baking powder. Emma opened the door to the root cellar. She had a bushel of apples. A smile spread across her face. She could have a bunch of tasty treats ready for the boys by the time they got here.

Emma started to hum while she mixed ingredients. She started with some biscuits for breakfast, but soon she was peeling apples for pies. Jimmy and Buck were a couple of sweet tooths so she was going to make them some molasses cookies and Kid was a champion pie eater. Jimmy and Buck enjoyed a good slice of pie too. Emma loved having the boys around to take care of again. She tried not to cry that the good Lord hadn't seen fit to bless her and Sam with a child yet, but she would take the blessing of seeing and taking care of the boys again. Mr. Spoon said they needed their mother and that's a job she would gladly take.

* * *

><p>Buck woke quite a bit before Kid and Jimmy for once this trip. He felt better than he had in a while. His hand was better and he wanted to start picking the stitches out as it was healed and felt itchy. They had eaten everything they had left for dinner last night, so Buck though he might do some hunting this morning and get them some fresh meat. He came back a little later with a couple of rabbits and a hat full of berries. Buck put the rabbits on a spit and started a pot of coffee. He was stretching the rabbit pelts on frames when Jimmy and Kid started to stir. The smell of the food had begun to penetrate their senses.<p>

"Buck, what are you doing?" Jimmy asked curiously and pointed at the frame he was working on.

"The rabbit's fur was really nice and soft," he explained, "I thought maybe Emma could use it make something warm for winter."

Kid smiled. "That'll be really nice, Buck," Kid said, "Emma will love it."

The boys took their time to eat breakfast. Jimmy asked Buck all sorts of questions about the pelts and Buck answered every one. He even had Jimmy working on one of the frames after they ate. Buck momentarily felt bad he didn't have another one for Kid, but the queasy look on Kid's face told him that Kid was just fine without his own pelt to stretch and scrape.

The three finally broke camp late in the morning. Buck had secured the framed rabbit pelts to his horse with his other gear. They set out with smiles on their faces talking and joking like nothing had ever torn the three of them apart.

* * *

><p>Emma placed the pies in the pie safe and the cookies in the jar. She was just finishing making some sandwiches when she looked out the window and noticed a dust cloud coming toward the house. Emma was glad she made extra for the boys. She smiled and came out onto the porch where Sam and Lou were on the porch swing catching up.<p>

"Riders coming," she said and a tear of joy slipped from her eye.

Sam stood up and embraced Emma as they both watched the boys ride in.

Lou ran up to Kid as he jumped down. She gave him a tentative hug and they both took Katy to the barn. Emma greeted Jimmy and Buck giving them both a long hug. She hugged Buck perhaps a little longer.

Emma looked at Buck, Mr. Spoon was right, she thought. He was obviously not eating or sleeping well. Buck was rail thin, his face was pale, and there were dark circles under his eyes. She would see to it that he was better when he left. In fact she wasn't allowing him to leave until he was.

"You boys are right on time for lunch," Emma said smiling. "Take care of your horses, then wash up. I'll have lunch waiting for you."

A chorus of "Thanks Emma" rang out among the three additions as they took their horses to the Barn.

Emma and Sam looked on as the riders took care of their horses. Neither one of them could remember a time when they felt so complete and happy.

"Maybe we can adopt some kids if we can't have any of our own," Emma said looking at Sam.

"Maybe we could," Sam agreed, "We love these boys and that girl as if they were our own, surely we could offer that same love to other children who need a family."

Emma smiled as Sam tightened his arms around her. She finally felt like her life was moving in the right direction again.

Over lunch Emma and Sam asked their boys to stay a few days and visit. All of them were eager to take advantage of the rest and relaxation that Teaspoon had sent them to and Emma and Sam offered.

Lou and the boys got all settled in and plans for their stay began to get made. The rest of the afternoon started to be taken up with projects. Buck continued to work on the rabbit pelts, Kid and Lou planned a picnic for the following day, but Jimmy seemed kind of lost. Emma went back to the kitchen to start working on dinner. She wanted to make some fresh bread for the night and have some for sandwiches tomorrow. Lou came in a little later to help her while Kid did some chores in the barn.

* * *

><p>Sam saw Jimmy leaning up against the corral and knew he needed to talk to someone that would understand.<p>

"Hey Jimmy," Sam said, "You look like a man with a lot on his mind."

"Hey Sam," Jimmy said.

"You want to talk about it?" Sam asked hoping to be useful. He was never around for the boys this way, they always had Teaspoon, but if he truly wanted to be a father someday, he would have to figure out how to talk to a young man reluctant to talk about a problem.

"Sam how do you do it?" Jimmy asked turning, "How do you keep the people you care about from getting hurt because of you?"

"Are you talking about what happened to Buck," Sam asked.

"I almost killed him, Sam," Jimmy lamented. "Lou has almost been killed because of me too. My friends aren't safe around me."

"What happened to Lou?" Sam asked, "You didn't shoot her too, did you?"

"No, but she was kidnapped because someone wanted revenge on me," Jimmy answered.

"I'm a danger to my friends, Sam," Jimmy said, "I don't know how not to be."

"There was a time in my life I felt that way too, Jimmy," Sam said. "My wife was killed because she was married to me. It took me a while before I could be a civilized person. I was driven by revenge. I wasn't in the best frame of mind."

"How did you get through it?" Jimmy asked.

"I killed a man in front of his little boy," Sam said, "I had become the very thing I was seeking revenge for."

"Sometimes, Sam, I wish I could take it all back," Jimmy said, "Longley, Marcus, every choice I made that kept me walking this path."

"You can't though," Sam said, "All you can do now is live with your mistakes and try not to let your past take over the rest of your life."

"I've been thinking of visiting my friend Alice," Jimmy said shyly, "But it just seems like I'm running away."

"I don't think I've heard of Alice," Sam said with a smile on his face.

"I don't tell a lot of people about her," Jimmy said blushing. "She's a Peacemaker. Her people don't believe in violence. I fell in love with her. I just didn't belong in her world."

"I can see where you'd think you didn't belong there, Jimmy," Sam said, "But what if you did. What if you've always belonged somewhere like that and the only thing that's keeping you in a world of guns and violence is you?"

Jimmy was speechless and Sam took his leave wanting to check to make sure Emma was handling supper alright. Jimmy needed to time to absorb Sam's words. Maybe he should visit Alice and maybe he could hang up his guns and stay with her.

At dinner, Emma and Sam smiled at each other as they watched over their boys and girl. Lou and Kid were sneaking looks at each over and blushing when other caught them. Buck was eating which was good. He had lost too much weight since they had last seen him. Jimmy was quiet but contemplative. He looked hopeful and untroubled.

* * *

><p>At breakfast, the group went over their plans for the day. Jimmy decided to go into town with Sam while Kid and Lou planned to have a picnic. Emma was happy to see the couple getting back on track.<p>

Emma decided this would be a good time for her and Buck to talk. He was looking better, but she knew he still had some things on his mind. She could see there was something about him that seemed lost and scared. She had an inkling it was about the Pony Express. She had been keeping close tabs on the company and she knew the Express's days were numbered.

Emma found Buck sitting underneath a tree picking at his injured hand. She walked over to him with a pitcher of lemonade and a couple of glasses. She sat down next to him and set down the lemonade.

"Here let me," she said grabbing Buck's hand. She removed the stitches for him. "I think I have a salve I can put on that for you."

"Thanks, Emma," he said.

"Here, have some lemonade," she said as she poured a glass for him.

He smiled and said a quiet thanks to her as she poured up a glass for herself.

"How'd that happen?" she asked pointing to his hand. She sensed there was a story there.

"It was an accident," Buck said quietly and then told her how he had broken the glass in his hand. Most of the memory was still foggy, but he told the story as best he could. He also told her of his anxiety about the end of the Express.

"Buck, what do you see yourself doing once the express is over?" Emma asked. "I mean what do you want to do with the rest of your life?"

"I guess I've always wanted to be around horses," he answered. "The Kiowa are horse people and I've always felt more comfortable around horses than people."

"Do you think you'll buy your own place and raise some horses?" Emma asked.

"I don't know," he said sadly. "Ike and I sometimes talked about owning some land together someday, but now…"

"I'm so sorry, Buck," Emma said as she drew him into a hug.

"I don't want to do it alone, Emma," he said with tears forming in his eyes. He didn't want to think about Ike. It made him sad. All the plans the two of them made didn't mean anything anymore.

"Well, what kind of wife do you see yourself with?" Emma asked.

"Aw, Emma, not you too," Buck complained. "Lou's been hounding me for days about women."

"Well, Buck, she just wants you to be happy, we all do." Emma said smiling.

"I don't see myself with a wife, Emma," Buck lamented. "Nobody wants to marry a half-Indian. The chances I've had with love haven't been encouraging."

"You just have to put yourself out there, Buck," Emma said trying to encourage him.

"Why? I just get hurt," he argued. "There have been two women I've known who would have understood me. Both of them are white women who grew up around Indians. Both of them moved to the city and one got married. The only other woman who would understand me is Lou and she's like a sister to me. So you see I don't really have any prospects."

"Don't sell yourself short, Buck," Emma said. "There are lots of women out there."

"Emma, I risked my life for those women," he said laying down his evidence, "I could have easily been killed and they still didn't want to be with me. I did it because I loved them. They just didn't love me back."

Emma's heart was breaking for him.

"You're still thinking on leavin' aren't you?" she asked him.

"How did you know?" Buck asked and turned his head away. He started to play with the rim of his neglected glass of lemonade.

"Mr. Spoon said so in his letter to me."

"Teaspoon tricked all of us good, didn't he?" he asked and finally took a drink of his lemonade.

She smiled. "He was scared of losing you all so he sent you to me. He thought you all needed your mother. He was right wasn't he?"

Buck nodded and gave a small laugh.

"It's good to hear you laugh, Buck. The others are heading back day after tomorrow, why don't you stay with Sam and me for a few more days. You're a little too skinny and too banged up for me not to worry about you."

"I'd like that. I think I could use some time away from everyone to think about things."

* * *

><p>Lou and Kid rode up to a beautiful meadow near a pond with a giant gnarly oak tree shading a nice large area at its base.<p>

"How'd you know about this place, Lou?" Kid asked in awe.

"Emma told me about it," Lou said giggling. "She and Sam come here every once and a while."

Kid smiled and jumped down from his horse. He caught Lou as she slid off of hers. They stayed in the close embrace for about a minute both getting distracted by the closeness to the other.

"I better get the food out or it'll go to waste," Lou said breathlessly

"What? Right, yes the food," Kid said with a goofy grin on his face. He returned to Katy to get the picnic blanket and then laid it out under the tree.

Lou brought the food over and they laid their picnic out.

"Lou, I'm so sorry about everything and I'm so happy that you're letting me tell you that," Kid said running his hand down the side of Lou's face.

"Kid," she said softly, "You just have to learn to trust me."

"I do trust you, Lou," he said sincerely. "I've only recently realized that I don't trust myself to be able to keep you safe. I get so worked up because I can't control how the world works. I don't want to lose you ever and I'm afraid that no matter what I do, I won't be able to prevent you from being hurt."

"You can't control the world, Kid," Lou said.

"I know if anything taught me that, it was the accident in the barn," Kid said. "I was in complete control of that situation and I still almost killed someone I cared about."

"But you and Buck are better now, right?" Lou asked hoping she wasn't misreading how the boys treated each other when they arrived.

"Yeah, we're better now," he said. "I think we still have a little ways to go, but I know that's not completely up to me."

"I know something that is completely up to you," Lou teased. She knocked the hat off Kid's head and smiled at him while she licked her lips.

That was all the invitation Kid needed. He took Lou in his arms and started to slowly kiss her. Lou found the buttons to Kids shirt and started to undo them slowly and seductively. She liked feeling the warmth of his bare skin against her hands. Kid's chest now had a manly growth of hair on it which Lou found irresistible. She ran her fingers through it and Kid was getting more excited.

"Lou, we can't do this," he said, "I really want to, but this is what got us into trouble the first time. I don't want to us to be forced into something we're not ready for."

"I know, Kid," Lou said with a disappointed voice. "I don't know if I'm ready to be married yet. Your life gets to stay pretty much the same, but mine will change so much."

"Maybe it doesn't have to change so much," Kid said. "Maybe we can figure out a way for you to be married and happy."

"Oh, Kid, I know I'll be happy married to you one day," Lou said smiling, "I just don't know about always being tied down to little ones."

"We both would, Lou," Kid said. "I wouldn't abandon you to raising our children alone."

"Well, let's enjoy the day and not make any little ones today," she said as she started to kiss him again.

"Lou, I don't know if I can just kiss you and not have it lead somewhere we're not ready to be," Kid said trying to keep his desire at bay.

Lou pushed Kid to the ground with her pinky finger and hovered over him for a second.

"Why, Kid," she smiled evilly, "Didn't you know that there are other things we can do and that don't make babies?"

Lou started to touch him ways that made his eyes roll back into his head. He thought sure he was going to die, the pleasure he was feeling was so intense. Oh, but what a way to go.


	7. Chapter 7

Emma was hanging up some laundry while Buck was finishing up working on the pelts. They both looked over smiling as Lou and Kid came back from their picnic both riding on Katy's back. Lou was hugging Kid from behind. They were snuggling and looking very happy.

Emma beamed. Two down, two to go. Sam was handling Jimmy, which left Buck to her. Emma was thinking what a good team she and Sam made. She hoped they were going to made amazing parents one day. In the meantime they would keep practicing with the boys.

Emma made a special dinner that night in honor of Kid and Lou going back to Rock Creek. Buck took the opportunity to give Emma the rabbit pelts he had been working on. He had tanned them so their backs were soft and pliable. Emma was touched and reached over and kissed him on the cheek.

"I told you she'd like it, Buck," Kid said quietly elbowing him.

"I think I'll make a muff to keep my hands warm this winter," Emma said petting the soft fur with her hands.

"Oh, Emma, that sounds so cozy," Lou complimented. She nuzzled her face into Kid's shoulder and then looked up at him as if suggesting that she might like to get something like that as a gift.

Kid looked helplessly at Buck. He had never hunted or trapped a rabbit let alone skinned one. In fact, he had been a little repulsed when Buck was working on those rabbit pelts. Buck smiled and stifled a laugh and gave Kid a short almost imperceptible nod. Kid looked relieved knowing that Buck would save him from having to skin a bunny.

All Jimmy could think of through dinner was Alice. He hoped she hadn't settled down with anyone yet. He didn't think he could take it if she had. He really missed her. He thought maybe Sam was right. Maybe he was standing in the way of his own happiness. He started to plan his reunion as he sat at the table. He hoped Alice would be happy to see him. He knew how hard it had been for him to get over her. He hoped that it had been easier for her, but at the same time he hoped it would be just as hard for her as it had been for him. He hoped she would be happy to see him and they could maybe pick up where they left off.

Jimmy went outside to the porch after dinner. He was still lost in thought about Alice when Emma came out with a couple of cups of coffee.

"Sam told me about Alice," Emma said offering Jimmy a cup of coffee.

"I figured he would," Jimmy said taking the cup and sipping it. He looked at Emma's face and he felt she needed some reassurance that he wasn't angry. "It's ok, I was hoping he would."

"She sounds like a special woman," Emma said.

"She is," Jimmy said with awe, "She's too good for me."

"Oh, Jimmy," Emma said, "You are a wonderful young man and I bet she already knows that."

"Her life is different than anything I've ever known, Emma," Jimmy said. "My instinct is to protect people, but her people don't believe in any sort of violence. I couldn't even get into a fist fight to protect her. I don't know if I could do that. I'd feel like a coward."

"Jimmy, I've always tried to teach you boys about choices and looking for ways around fighting," Emma said. "You're a smart boy. Finding a different way to resolve a conflict other than fighting is not cowardly. I know you can do it if that's what you want to do. "

"I don't know if that's what I want, Emma," Jimmy said wearily. "I mean, guns seem to be all I know."

"You are so much more than a pair of fancy guns, James Butler Hickok," Emma scolded. "You have so much to offer in this life. I know it's hard to change your path, but people do it all the time. If there's one thing I want you to remember it's that you are a force that cannot be stopped. If you put your mind to something you really truly want, you will make it happen."

Jimmy blushed at the rant. It was nice to have someone in his corner and he knew Emma and Sam would always be there. He knew Teaspoon, Rachel and all the other riders would be too. He learned on this trip that he would be there for them all too if they needed him however they needed him. He almost killed Buck, but on this trip he had saved him too and in that process he saved a little of himself as well. He would have to give it some serious thought. He had no doubt that he could hang up his guns, but he didn't know if that is what he wanted. He still felt the answers to all of his questions lay with a visit to James Creek to see Alice.

"Emma, I'm leaving in the morning," Jimmy said. "I'm going to go visit Alice. On the way I'm going to think about what you and Sam have both said to me, I promise."

Emma hugged him tightly and Jimmy went back into the house. She was so proud. Kid and Lou were back together and back on track. Jimmy was heading away from an early grave. Emma was pleased with the progress her boys had made in just a couple of days. All she needed to worry about now was Buck.

Buck was a challenge. While she was the station mother in Sweetwater, Buck had been really reluctant to let anyone in. He had a friend in Ike so Emma didn't worry about him too much, but now that Ike was gone, she couldn't help but worry about Buck. Buck liked to project being strong and stoic, but he was sensitive and could be as fragile as anyone. She knew he was feeling lost and out of place. Mr. Spoon had been right to worry that he'd leave. With the future of the Express so tenuous right now, Buck's position was really precarious. She was sure Teaspoon or Sam would always have a deputy job for him if he needed one. But she also knew Buck would never ask. Maybe Lou was right about finding Buck a good woman. It surely wouldn't be an easy task, but she wanted to see Buck happy so very much. She needed him to believe he was worthy of all the love his Express family felt for him and then he would be ready to court a young lady.

Sam came out the door with Emma's shawl draped over his arm and a cup of coffee in his hand. He set the coffee down on the porch rail and lovingly placed Emma's shawl over her shoulders.

"It's getting late, Emma," Sam said kissing her on the cheek as he stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "Kid and Lou are all leaving tomorrow and I know you'll want to send some food with them before they go."

"Jimmy's leaving too," Emma said, "He's going to visit Alice."

"Well then that's one more person you'll be sending food with in the morning," Sam said and gave her a gentle squeeze.

"You know me too well, Sam Cain," she said smiling.

They stood there on the porch for a few minutes before Emma spoke again. She was happy for Jimmy, Kid, and Lou, but the last rider was taking her attention away from the happiness for the others.

"I just can't stop thinking about what happened to Ike and how lost Buck seems without him," Emma said sadly.

"I know, Emma," Sam said. "I worry about him too. I'm glad he's staying on for a little while."

"He needs parents who love him," she said tearing up.

"Well, we are definitely that to him, well really to all four of them," Sam said smiling. "Come on, Mrs. Cain, let's go to bed."

Emma smiled and turned and kissed him in pale light of the moon. He took her hand and led her inside the house and up to bed.

* * *

><p>Emma was up early fixing a big breakfast. It was a bittersweet day for her. Kid and Lou were going back to Rock Creek. She was so happy for the both of them but she had hardly spent any time with them especially Kid. He was pretty focused on fixing the problems in his relationship with Lou and for that Emma was glad.<p>

Jimmy was also leaving today and she was also feeling happy and sad about that. Jimmy had come to a crossroad in his life and looked close to be making a decision. Emma wanted to meet Alice someday. She must be pretty special for Jimmy to even consider a life of non-violence and spiritual contemplation.

That just left Buck. She saw that he was up before anyone and was doing chores in the barn. She wondered if he had slept. When he came in for breakfast and there were dark circles under his eyes, she knew that he had not. She was starting to get through to him she knew that, but there was still so much hurt underneath the brave face he put up. She didn't know if she would be able breach any of the walls he put up, but she would try.

The family talked and joked all through breakfast and even Buck contributed to the conversation although he did so after drinking a whole cup of coffee first. She would talk to him or maybe she and Sam both would talk to him about Ike and see if that is what was keeping him from sleep. She knew that wound must still be so raw. It was for her. Oh how sad it made her that Ike had been taken from this world and so violently.

Emma retreated to the kitchen and packed some food for Kid and Lou for their journey home. She also packed some for Jimmy and handed that bundle to Buck as they went out to see them off. When she came out, they were all packed up and ready to go. She handed Lou a bundle of food and she put it in her saddlebags.

"You two take care out there," Emma said as she hugged Kid.

"We will, Emma," Kid said.

"You both better come and visit again real soon," she said and then hugged Lou. She didn't let Lou go for several seconds.

Sam shook Kids hand and hugged Lou when Emma was done.

"Ride safe," Sam called after them as they rode back toward Rock Creek.

Sam and Emma then turned their attention to Jimmy who had just led Sundance out of the barn. Everyone noted that Jimmy's guns were not strapped to his hips. He had packed them away. Emma took a package of food Buck was holding and gave it to Jimmy.

"You can be anything you want to, Jimmy," Emma said holding Jimmy's face in her hands. "You just need to believe in yourself."

"Thanks, Emma," Jimmy said, "For everything."

Emma kissed him on the cheek and let him go.

"You too, Sam," Jimmy said taking Sam's hand and shaking it, "Thank you."

Jimmy walked over and shook Bucks hand and pulled him into a hug. "Take care of yourself, Buck," Jimmy said.

Buck looked at Jimmy with a look of confusion. It seemed to him that Jimmy was leaving for good.

"I'm hoping to be away for a little while, so I don't know when I'll see you next," Jimmy explained. "I'm going to see Alice."

Buck looked surprised. Jimmy had told them all about a girl named Alice. Buck didn't know much about her, but he thought Lou knew more. Buck had the idea that she was special to Jimmy and that leaving her was not his idea.

"Good luck, Jimmy," Buck said smiling.

Jimmy swung up onto Sundance's back and set out for James Creek.

"I'm going to finish some chores in the barn," Buck told Sam and Emma.

They both noted the sadness in his face as he said it and looked at each other. Emma thought that maybe Buck was feeling like everyone was leaving him. She made a mental note to make Buck feel like no matter how far away his family was they would always be his family and they would always be there for him no matter what.

* * *

><p>"Kid what is this place?" Lou asked when a small farm came into view. "I thought we were taking a short cut back to the station."<p>

"Well, I lied, Lou," Kid replied with a big smile on his face. "I wanted to show you this place is all."

"It's very nice, but why did you want to show it to me?" she asked.

"I was thinking it would be a nice place to settle down and raise a family," Kid replied.

Lou was quiet. She didn't know if settling down was what she wanted yet. She was conflicted about that really. She loved riding free with no attachments or responsibilities, but she also knew she couldn't live that life forever. Jeremiah and Theresa were counting on her to get them out of the orphanage. She needed to make a home for them and she wouldn't be free anymore, but she had promised her mother.

"Is there room for Jeremiah and Theresa?" Lou asked quietly.

"Well, let's look around and see," Kid said his face lit up.

"Can we just go and look?" Lou asked skeptically.

"It's for sale and no one lives here right now," Kid said. "I checked with the bank. We can look around to our hearts content."

A smile crept across Lou's face. "Okay, let's go look around."

The door to the house was locked but Kid found the key under a mat outside the door. They opened the door and walked in. It was a small house but it was laid out to maximize the space. There was a bedroom on the first floor and a loft that housed a couple of sleeping spaces. The design of the house looked like it would be easy to add on a room or two in the future.

The barn was in good shape and there was a corral and a chicken coop. Both only needed minor repairs.

"It could work, but I'm not ready, Kid," Lou said.

"I know," Kid said, "But we might be someday and I just want you to know that we can do this."

"I'm scared, Kid," Lou fretted.

"It's alright Lou," Kid said, "Let's take things slow. Would you like to go to the church picnic with me?"

"I would love to, Kid," she said smiling and then a thought swept through her mind. She had asked Cody to find some date options for Buck for the picnic. She had almost forgotten about her project of getting Buck a woman.

"Are you ok, Lou?" Kid asked concerned when the smile faded from her face.

"Yes, I was just thinking about something," she answered and returned her attention to Kid.

"What?" Kid asked.

"It was nothing," Lou replied. "I just remembered a project I asked Cody to help me with before I left for Emma's."

"What kind of project?" Kid asked wearily. If Cody was involved, it might be a disaster in the making.

"We're going to fix Buck up with a girl," Lou said dismissively.

"Why would you do that to him?" Kid asked.

"I want him to be as happy as we are and I think he would be if he had a girl," Lou explained.

"I think it's a terrible idea," Kid said. "He could get really hurt, Lou."

"Or he could end up really happy, Kid," Lou said challenging him.

"I hope you're right," Kid conceded. "I just don't want to see him hurt."

"Me either, Kid," Lou said, "Me either."

* * *

><p>The landscape started to look familiar to Jimmy as he neared James Creek. He couldn't help but smile at the thought of seeing Alice again. He remembered the first time he saw her as he approached the creek. She was about to be baptized and she looked over at him on his horse. Her face had stopped him and he couldn't look away. She was beautiful.<p>

It would be good to talk to her again. She had a way of making life seem simple. He wanted that. He needed that. He just didn't know if he would allow himself to be someone who could renounce violence. He wanted a peaceful life ever since the accident in the barn. He didn't know if he could honestly live that way. His instincts were always to protect by force. He didn't know another way. He would learn though. He needed to know that he could do it.

Jimmy urged Sundance on toward the settlement and stopped when he saw her. Alice was putting out some food for a Sunday picnic and she looked up and their eyes locked. Jimmy swallowed hard. He saw Alice's eyes travel to where he usually wore his guns and he was suddenly nervous. She looked back at his face and smiled brightly and started to move toward him. He jumped from Sundance and met her half way. She hugged him tightly and he returned it. She then invited him to the picnic. Jimmy grabbed Sundance's reins and led him to a hitching post. He would take care of him later after lunch.

* * *

><p>Emma, Sam, and Buck were eating breakfast on a sunny and warm Sunday morning.<p>

"Buck, why don't you come to church with us this morning," Emma offered. "There's going to be a picnic afterwards and you can meet some of our friends and neighbors."

Buck looked up from his breakfast at Sam and Emma. They both looked so hopeful he couldn't say no even though being at a social event was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Ok," Buck said and put on a forced smile. "It would be nice to meet your friends and neighbors."

Emma smiled. She knew he really didn't want to go, but she thought it would be good for him to socialize a little. There would be many young ladies and young men his age. He was hiding from the world and Emma was going to put a stop to that.

"You'll be alright," Emma said smiling. "The folks around here are really decent."

Buck borrowed a string tie and white shirt from Sam. He was not really looking forward to this, but he would do it for Emma. She had this pride in him that he didn't understand. Sam did too. It's not that it didn't make him uncomfortable, it did, but he didn't understand why he wasn't different to them. He understood why the riders accepted him and especially why Ike accepted him. He even understood why Teaspoon accepted him. Sam and Emma were a mystery. They were normal people and normal people usually were scared of him. They never were.

Buck and Sam were in the barn getting things ready for the trip to town. He saddled his horse while Sam hitched up the buckboard.

"I'm glad you're coming into town with us, Buck," Sam said.

"I could never refuse Emma anything," Buck said with a quiet smile.

"I know what you mean," Sam said smiling back.

They worked in silence for a few minutes.

"Buck, I'm really sorry about what happened to Ike," Sam said.

Buck stopped tightening the cinch and looked at the ground. "Thank you," he said quietly.

"I hope Teaspoon found the man that did it and that justice was served," Sam said.

Buck felt a tightening in his stomach. He thought he might be sick.

"I don't think I can come with you and Emma after all," Buck said quickly and looked for an escape route out of the barn.

"Buck, I'm sorry," Sam said, "I didn't mean to upset you. Why don't you tell me what happened?"

"I can't Sam," he said. "If I tell you, you'll have to do something about it."

Buck explained to Sam that a man named Neville shot Ike in self defense and that Teaspoon let him go. Then he added that Neville was dead now.

"One of you boys killed him, didn't you?" Sam asked gently.

Buck nodded. He couldn't speak.

"Was it Jimmy," Sam asked carefully. He didn't want any of the boys to have done it, but he thought Jimmy the most likely to have done it. Murder was a hard burden to carry around.

Buck shook his head. "It was me," he said barely above a whisper. "You'll have to arrest me now and I'll probably hang."

"That's not gonna happen, Buck," Sam said. "You told a friend about a burden that you are carrying. You confessed nothing to the territorial marshal. Understand?"

Buck nodded and started to finish saddling his horse. He knew he couldn't duck out on church now without Emma getting upset.

Sam looked at the doorway and saw Emma standing in the middle of it. He could tell by the look on her face that she had heard everything. There were tears threatening to fall from her eyes but she quickly swallowed them back and announced her presence as if she just arrived.

"We're going to be late if you two don't get a move on it," she said trying to sound normal. "You look very handsome, Buck."

Buck cracked a small smile at Emma and nodded a thank you that he couldn't say right now. He loved these two people and never wanted to hurt them. He hoped Sam never had to hang him for what he did to Neville. He knew it would break Emma's heart.

When church let out, Buck was glad. He never really liked sitting through church, but he did this for Emma. After church Emma dragged Buck around and she and Sam introduced him to everyone. Buck noticed that Emma's priority seemed to be families with daughters about his age. He looked wearily at Sam, who only stifled a laugh at Buck's predicament.

Buck had his town manners on and he was very polite to all the young ladies Emma insisted on introducing him to. He thought Lou must have told Emma that he needed a woman in his life. Buck thought briefly about the young ladies he met. He didn't think any of them were right for him and some of them seemed terrified to meet him. He was sure the only thing keeping them from screaming and running away was Emma's presence. If he was going to settle down with a woman, he wanted to settle down with someone like Lou. She was strong, confident, adventurous, and she saw him for who he really was. She wasn't scared of what people thought and she wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty with hard work. He didn't know where he'd ever find a girl like that. Lou was one of a kind.


	8. Chapter 8

In the morning Emma asked Buck to take her to town to get supplies. While she was shopping, Buck went over to Sam's office to visit him.

Sam was rifling through some old wanted posters intently while sitting at his desk, when Buck walked into his office. He almost didn't hear Buck come in. He looked up quickly and smiled an encouraging smile and went back to looking through the posters. Buck sat on the rail and watched.

"Ah, I thought that name sounded familiar," Sam said finally as he pulled a poster from the pile. When he looked over to Buck, he handed the poster to him.

Buck looked at the poster unsure of what to say. Part of him was scared and another part was relieved.

"Is this the Neville that shot Ike?" Sam asked gently.

All Buck could do was nod. He was in shock as he saw the perfect likeness of Neville staring back at him. He swallowed hard remembering the day he shot the man. These were the same eyes and same smirk that belonged to the man he killed. His eyes drifted up to the top where the word 'Wanted' was printed and then let his eyes see the bottom where the words that held the key to his safety if not his salvation. He let out a breath as he read the words 'Dead or Alive.'

"There's a five hundred dollar reward if you want it," Sam said.

Buck shook his head. He didn't want it. He didn't think he would never want that money.

"I think Emma probably needs my help to load the wagon by now," he said quickly and got up.

"Buck," Sam asked as Buck reached the door, "Are you alright?"

Buck nodded again and handed the poster back to Sam.

"It's just a lot to take in right now," he said quietly.

Sam frowned. He knew Buck needed the news to sink in a little bit, but he had hoped it would help Buck's mood a little more. Perhaps he would be in a better place by dinner.

Buck walked up to the buckboard as Emma was coming out of the general store.

"The shopkeeper said he'll have my order ready in about a half an hour," Emma said, "Why don't we get some coffee while we wait?"

"Sure, Emma," he said willing himself into a better mood. He offered her his arm and she took it. She wanted him to know she was proud to walk with him.

Emma had been more concerned about Buck's spirit once she learned what was weighing so heavy on his soul. They walked into a small café and seated themselves at a small table in the back. There wasn't anyone inside and the shopkeeper went into the backroom after bringing Emma and Buck some coffee in fine earthen ware mugs.

"It is so good having you here, Buck," Emma said smiling at him from across the table. "I have been missing you boys something fierce."

"It's good to be here too, Emma," he said.

"Buck, what's wrong?" Emma asked trying to get him to open up. She knew that this was probably the least effective way to find out, but she was running out of options and patience.

"I don't know, Emma," Buck said with a sigh. "I guess I just miss Ike and I'm scared everyone else is going to leave too."

"Well, you always have a home with Sam and me," Emma assured him. "I would actually love to have you stay with us. You're like a son to us. Did you know that?"

Buck's eyes widened as he took in the statement. "I'm sorry, Emma," Buck said quietly. "I wish I was worth it, but I'm not."

"That's not true, Buck," Emma said her face serious and concerned she looked up to see Sam standing behind Buck. She said nothing. She wanted to get to the bottom of this now and Buck was about to crack and spill all his troubles. She could feel it. She didn't want to interrupt the flow by turning her attention to Sam.

Sam gave Emma a nod.

"We're all just human beings, Buck," she explained, "We all sometimes think we are less worthy of love because of mistakes we make or things we think. I don't know why you think you aren't worthy of my love, but who I love and how much is not up to you."

She tried to make eye contact with him, but he kept avoiding her gaze.

Emma was trying to use her most soothing voice and she took his hand in his. "I love you, Buck," she said with tears welling up in her eyes. "That comes without condition. Nothing you have done or will do is ever going to change that."

"Are you sure about that?" Buck asked.

"Buck, I heard what you told Sam in the barn yesterday," Emma said softly squeezing his hand, "I still love you and I'm always going to think of you as my son."

Buck looked up at her startled.

"You heard?" Buck asked. "Then how can you say you still love me?"

"Because I know what kind of a man you are, Buck," she said looking at him. "You being this torn up inside only proves that."

Buck didn't know what to say. He hoped Emma meant what she said, but he was scared to trust it completely.

"I'm sorry, I guess I just need some time," Buck said.

"Well, you take all the time you need," Emma said smiling. "We're going to be here for you every step of the way, aren't we Sam?"

"That we are," Sam said.

Buck jumped a little and looked back at the man standing behind him.

"I think it's time to load the wagon," Buck said excusing himself from the table. He walked out the door and headed for the general store.

"What's going to happen to him, Sam?" Emma asked with her voice quivering.

Sam sat down in the chair that Buck just left.

"Nothing, Emma," Sam assured her, "The man Buck killed was wanted dead or alive and I have the poster to prove it."

Emma let out a sigh of relief.

"He wouldn't take the reward money," Sam said. "I knew he wouldn't, but I offered it anyway."

"Put the money away for him, Sam," Emma advised. "He'll need it someday."

Emma and Sam stood and Emma hugged him tightly.

"I should go and help Buck with the buckboard," Emma said. She kissed Sam and they both went their separate ways.

Buck took Emma home and unloaded the wagon. She wanted to do some baking and Buck thought he'd take a ride. He needed to clear his head after everything Emma said to him today.

Buck didn't want to stray too far from Sam and Emma's place. He didn't know their neighbors that well and didn't want to get lost. He tipped his hat down his back and let the breeze blow through his hair. His body felt healed and he could tell he'd gained a little weight back. Emma's molasses cookies were his weakness and she kept making them. He knew she was doing it on purpose and he smiled. She really was the mother he didn't have. He was being spoiled.

Buck thought about what Emma and Sam had offered. It depended a lot on who was staying and going in Rock Creek, but if everyone decided to go their separate ways, he was going to come back to Omaha to live near Sam and Emma. They offered him a place to be and he would take it if it was the best option for him. He almost felt like he would be alright now if the Express ended tomorrow. He smiled and let the sunlight soak into his skin. Maybe everything was going to be alright. Buck kicked his horse into a gallop and headed back to Emma's. He felt better than he had in weeks.

* * *

><p>Kid and Lou rode into Rock Creek late in the day three days after they left Emma and Sam's place. The first thing they wanted to do was get to the station and get some shuteye.<p>

Teaspoon watched as Kid and Lou rode by his office. He came out to welcome them home.

"Hey you two," Teaspoon said, "Good to have you back. Where are Buck and Jimmy?"

"Emma wouldn't let Buck leave," Kid reported smiling. "It's probably for the best. We had a rough ride to Emma's."

"He doing better though?" Teaspoon asked.

"Yeah, he's doing better," Kid said. "I think he's doing better than I've seen him in a while."

"How about Jimmy," Teaspoon asked

"Jimmy went to James Creek," Lou said, "To see Alice. He packed his guns away in his saddlebags."

"Did he now?" Teaspoon asked rhetorically and with a big smile on his face. He hadn't expected that but the knowledge pleased him.

"We miss anything exciting, Teaspoon?" Lou asked.

"Nope, not even a good old fashioned bar brawl to tide us over," Teaspoon said with a slight laugh. "It was downright boring with you all gone."

"Well we're glad to be back where it is boring," Kid said.

"And we're glad to have you back," Teaspoon responded. "I know Cody and Noah will be especially glad the two of you are back. Those two have been riding non-stop for better than a week."

There was a comfortable silence between the three friends before anyone spoke again.

"Thanks, Teaspoon," Lou said finally, "For sending us to Emma's."

"You're welcome, Lou," Teaspoon said, "It looks like it did you and Kid some good."

The two riders looked at each other and blushed shyly. Teaspoon thought his heart just might melt at the sight of young love in front of him.

"Go on, get out of here," Teaspoon said smiling. "I think Rachel might still have some lunch left over at the station."

Kid took Lightning from Lou and led both her and Katy to the barn. Lou ran inside to the bunkhouse hoping to find Rachel or Cody. She found them both.

"Hi Rachel," Lou said smiling. She raised her eyebrows a couple of times giving what looked to Cody like a secret girl code.

Rachel smile back and hurried over to Lou and hugged her. "I'm so happy for you, Louise."

Cody was certain now it was a secret girl code. If he could just hang around with these two long enough, he thought he might have it cracked.

"I have some laundry to do, but come over to the house later and I'll make some tea and you can tell me all the details," Rachel said smiling brightly.

Lou smiled and agreed to come by later.

"Cody," Lou said getting Cody's attention, "Did you get a chance to put together some options for Buck and the church picnic?"

"Lou, are you sure this is a good idea?" Cody asked with trepidation. "I mean, maybe Buck don't want to court a girl just now."

"Nonsense, Cody," Lou dismissed. "Why wouldn't he want to court a girl?"

"Well, maybe he doesn't want the aggravation," Cody answered.

"And what is aggravating about courting a girl?" Lou said her eyes narrowing.

Cody knew whatever answer he supplied to that question would get him into trouble.

"Absolutely nothing," Cody said and put on his most charming smile. "Let's look through my journal of ladies."

Lou was slightly shocked. "You keep a journal on ladies?"

"Of course, Lou," Cody said, "I need to keep them all straight somehow."

"Cody, that's disgusting," Lou said with a look of slight horror on her face. "Wait, am I in there?" Lou grabbed the book and started looking for her page.

"Lou, maybe this was a bad idea," Cody said closing the book and snatching it away from her and hiding it behind his back.

"I am aren't I?" Lou said with a slight blush.

Cody smiled. It seemed that if he cast it in the right light, Lou would feel honored instead of angry.

"Why yes, Lou, you are in here," Cody said with a great deal of charm, "Only the prettiest girls make it into my book."

Lou smiled and gave Cody a punch on the arm in mock offense.

"So, who do you think would be a good match?" Lou asked.

"Well, let's see," Cody said as he thumbed through the book. "Ah, Miriam Glover."

"Are you crazy?" Lou asked hotly. "She hates Indians and sneers at Buck every time she sees him."

"Oh, yeah, you're right," Cody said. He forgot about Miriam and her whole family trying to circulate a petition to have Buck barred from town.

Cody started to flip more pages until he came to another possibility. "Deanna Sutton?"

Lou pursed her lips. There was nothing really wrong with Deanna, but she didn't think the match was good. "I don't know, Cody, she doesn't seem outdoorsy enough for Buck and she can't ride."

"Hmm, outdoorsy and knows how to ride," Cody repeated softly and turned the pages more quickly.

"There," he said and tapped the page forcefully, "Katherine Jaffe."

"She might work," Lou said rolling her eyes, "Except she's engaged to Walter Hillman."

"Engaged?" Cody asked with a look of profound disappointment, "To Walter Hillman? Lou, that there is a tragedy." Cody updated Katherine's page with hesitation and a frown on his face.

"Oh, this is hopeless," Lou sighed.

"Nonsense, Lou," Cody assured her, "We're just getting started and I have a lot of girls in here."

"Ok, who's next," Lou asked she was starting to lose hope.

"Celia Barns?" Cody asked.

"Cody!" Lou shouted, "She works upstairs at the saloon."

"Oh yeah, right," Cody said blushing. "She'd be a sure thing?"

"Cody," Lou warned.

Cody turned a few more pages. "Alright, alright. How about Mattie Ferris?

Lou thought about Mattie. She didn't know her very well, but what she had seen wasn't quite right for Buck.

"Doesn't she seem a little helpless to you?" Lou asked. "And she seems a little thin skinned too."

"Oh hell, you're right," Cody said. "Some of the other girls made fun of her for looking at us one day in town and she hasn't made eye contact since."

"Is there anyone else in there?" Lou asked hopefully.

"I've got it," Cody said when he turned the page, "Myra Hinton."

"But she doesn't go anywhere without Johanna Caston," Lou complained.

"Exactly," Cody said, "I was going to ask Johanna to the picnic anyway and now if I invite Myra for Buck she's sure to go."

"I don't know, Cody," Lou said wearily, "What if she says no?"

"To me?" Cody asked wounded. "Not a chance. Besides Myra fits what you are looking for doesn't she?"

"Well, yes, I guess so," Lou conceded. She was still unsure.

"Well, Lou, we've about exhausted the possibilities in my book," Cody said. "The only other girl in here that would work is you."

"No it wouldn't work, Cody," Lou protested. "I'm going to the picnic with Kid."

Cody just sat back and smiled. Lou had protested a little too loudly and quickly for him not to notice. He kept quiet though. He valued his life.

"Well then it is settled," Cody said smiling, "I will ask Johanna and Myra tomorrow when I am in town."

At that moment Kid walked in the door. Lou smiled up at him and the two of them settled into their bunks for a nap.

* * *

><p>Jimmy fell into the familiar patterns of staying at the bruder hoff again. He had been welcomed back with open arms and not just by Alice, but Jacob too. He had forgotten how much he missed being around them. Their life was simple, though not easy, but less stressful than the life he had known. He was really starting to think he could do this. For the first time since the accident in the barn he felt well rested. All the dreams were gone and the guilt was slowly leaving him. He knew Buck forgave him and the Kid now and Buck had even wished him luck.<p>

Jimmy had come to a decision, when the express was over he was coming back here for good. He just needed to convince Alice to wait for him. He knew he wanted to be with her more than ever. Her warmth and sweetness healed his soul.

In just a few days, he knew this is where he was meant to be. He had been lied to and forced into being someone he wasn't really. He didn't want to be a gunfighter anymore. He thought he did once but not anymore. He had seen so much of how people live in his short life, that he thought he now had a better perspective. Sure he was a quick draw with a gun and a sharp shooter to boot, but that wasn't important to him anymore. He learned about family in his time with the Express and he knew the days of the Express were coming to an end. He wanted a family and he wanted it with Alice.

He knew he needed to go back to Rock Creek and see the Express through and then he would come back for good.

The pair had just settled into Alice's room after supper and Jacob had just left after installing the bundling board so they could talk.

"What has you troubled, James," Alice asked. She had noticed the tension on Jimmy's face for most of the day.

"I need to go back to Rock Creek," he said.

"You mean to finish your commitment to the Pony Express?" she asked.

"Yes, I think it's the right thing to do," he explained.

"Will you come back?" she asked hopefully.

Jimmy looked at her. He eyes seemed to glisten with the threat of tears. "Yes, I'll be back," he said and gave her a warm smile. "I just need to tie up loose ends and make sure my family knows where to find me."

"How long will you be away?" Alice asked.

"I don't know, maybe a couple of months at most," he said.

"I am not sure I can live that long without you with me," she said.

Jimmy could see the fear in her face. He never wanted to be the cause of the least amount of worry or pain in her face.

"Come with me," Jimmy said suddenly even though he knew she would refuse.

"I cannot, James," she said. "I am needed here and I do not wish to leave."

"I'm going to miss you like crazy," Jimmy said reaching over the bundling board. His arm got caught on one of the edges as he reached for her. "Ouch, that thing gets me every time."

Alice let out a small laugh. "I am going to miss you too, James," she said, "But I understand. Please, hurry back to me?"

"I will," Jimmy said, "I promise."

Jimmy stood up from the bed and crossed the room to where Alice sat. He held out he hands and when she took them, he pulled her to her feet. Jimmy sealed his promise with a kiss that started out sweet, but turned passionate. It was the first time neither of them was being cautious with their hearts. Alice let go of Jimmy's hands and wrapped her arms around Jimmy's neck pulling herself closer to him in the process. Jimmy's hands traveled to the small of her back embracing her and pulling her body flush with his.

There was a knock on the door and truthfully both Jimmy and Alice were happy that it happened. Their kiss was about to lead them to a place that neither of them was prepared to go. Jacob popped his head in to check on the couple once he heard their talking stop and footsteps cross the room.

"I was just saying goodnight," Jimmy said blushing.

Jacob just smiled at the couple knowingly.

Alice blushed too and walked Jimmy to the door. Her hand traveled down his arm as he walked out her door. She grabbed onto his fingers for a moment and they looked at each other with longing.

After breakfast the next morning, Jimmy was saddling Sundance when Alice came into the stable. She held out a wrapped package of food for his trip back to Rock Creek. Alice smiled to see Jimmy wasn't wearing his guns even now that he was going back to a world where guns and violence were prevalent.

Jimmy didn't hesitate to kiss Alice again before he left. He really didn't want to leave her, but it was easier knowing that he would be back. He felt he owed it to Teaspoon and the other riders to tell them goodbye in person. He had an inkling that Kid and Lou were headed for the altar soon and wanted to be able to wish them well in person.

The ride back to Rock Creek was wonderfully uneventful. Jimmy felt like a man with a purpose and a plan. He missed his family and wanted to see them and tell them that there might be a wedding in his future. He was really hoping there would be.

Jimmy was about three miles out of town when he came across a small group of riders. There was a woman with them and just as he thought there was something familiar about her, she turned to face him.

There was a spark of recognition in her eyes and Jimmy at once felt like no good was going to come from her being near him.

"James," she said, "I'm so glad to see you."

"Hello, Rosemary," Jimmy said trying not to sound rude. "What are you doing here?"

"I need your help, James," she said, "Isaiah is dead and I didn't know who else to turn to."


	9. Chapter 9

"What do you want from me, Rosemary?" Jimmy asked. He was instantly weary of her answer.

"I need your help, James," Rosemary said, "Is there somewhere where we can talk?"

Jimmy sighed. "If you're looking for a gun, you've come to the wrong place," Jimmy said.

Rosemary looked confused and then noticed he was wearing his pistols anymore.

"Can I ride along with you the rest of the way to Rock Creek?" she asked.

"Sure, I suppose," Jimmy said. "What happened to Isaiah?"

"A man named Pearson and his men," she said, "They killed him and now they're coming after me."

"Why?" Jimmy asked although he didn't really want to get involved. He willed his mind to think of Alice and the life he was going to live with her. There would be no guns to carry, no causes to fight for, and no gunfights. He would never hurt another person with a gun again. Buck would be the last.

Rosemary took out a sheet of paper and handed it to him.

"For this," she said, "He wants this list of names."

"Well, the best I can do for you, Rosemary, is to take you to Teaspoon," Jimmy offered.

"I'll take it, James," she said. "If that is all you can give me."

Jimmy gave her a quick nod and urged his horse toward home. Jimmy didn't like the slight wounded look on her face. He knew she must have come here for him. He couldn't help her and that was all there was to it. If he was going to have a chance with Alice, he would need to keep as far away from Rosemary as possible.

When they arrived in town, Jimmy showed Rosemary the hotel and Teaspoon's office. He then extricated himself from her company and headed back toward the station. It would be nice to settle into his bunk. The trail had been long and he was tired. He didn't want to think about Rosemary and her problems. He just wanted to think of his future with Alice. Just thinking about Alice brought a smile to his face. He needed to talk to Teaspoon and let him know his plans. When he arrived at the station Rachel came out to greet him. She was happy to see him and let him know that supper would be promptly at seven. He promised to be back then.

Jimmy wandered over to the Marshal's office after he dropped his things off at the station. Jimmy really wanted to see Teaspoon and talk about his plans.

"Hey, Jimmy," Teaspoon said rising from his chair and extending his hand, "I didn't expect to see you for a while. Kid and Lou told me you went to James Creek."

Jimmy took Teaspoon's hand and Teaspoon pulled him in close for a fatherly hug.

"I did go to James Creek," Jimmy said, "And after the Express is over I plan on going back."

Teaspoon smiled and realized for the first time that Jimmy wasn't wearing his colts.

"You taking off your guns for good?" Teaspoon asked.

"I have to do this, Teaspoon," Jimmy said, "If I can't do it here it will mean nothing when I go back to James Creek. I need to do this not for Alice, but for me."

"I understand, Jimmy," Teaspoon said and smiled. He felt more proud of Jimmy than he could express.

"Oh, one other thing, Teaspoon," Jimmy said. "Rosemary Burke followed me into town. She's gonna want to talk to you about the death of her husband. She wants me to help, but I told her no and that you would be the one to talk to."

"Alright, I'll handle it," Teaspoon said wearily, "I'll keep you out of it."

"Thanks, Teaspoon," Jimmy said.

"You should get on back to the station," Teaspoon said, "Rachel's got to be almost done making supper."

* * *

><p>Buck thought back to his last day with Emma and Sam. He felt so reluctant to go. Emma had given him some food for the trail and letters to give to everyone back at the station. She had hugged him tightly and for a little while, he wasn't sure if she was going to let him go. At that moment he didn't want her to either. No one had ever showed him the sort of love Emma had and his soul craved it. He had held his hand out to Sam and Sam had taken it and pulled him into another hug. He wavered at that point about going back to Rock Creek at all, but he knew he needed to go and deal with what had happened there. He put the food and letters into his saddlebags and took off for home.<p>

He was getting closer to Rock Creek and he knew he would make it there before supper. He was apprehensive. Teaspoon and Rachel would expect him to be better. At least Kid and Lou had seen him at Emma's and wouldn't have such lofty expectations. He didn't know if Jimmy was home. He was conflicted about that. He didn't want his family to be all over the place and James Creek was a ways from Rock Creek, but he wanted his brother to be happy too.

The sun started to dip down below the horizon and Buck thought if he was going to slip in before dinner he would need to get moving now. He entered Rock Creek from the end furthest away from the station and rode down the center of the thoroughfare. Somehow it all looked different to him. There seemed to be a safety in these familiar buildings that wasn't there before. Maybe it was how Emma and Sam had treated him that made him realize the same love was coming from Teaspoon, Rachel, and the riders and he was just too upset about Ike to see it.

As Buck approached the station he could see Noah and Cody sitting on the porch of the bunkhouse. Their faces lit up with smiles as he came closer. Noah got up and went inside while Cody ran up to meet him. Everyone, including Jimmy, filed out of the bunkhouse full of smiles and happy tears for his return. Buck was touched by the welcome. He didn't know what to say. He just let everyone else do the talking. Cody took care of his horse and Buck shook hands with Kid, Jimmy, and Noah and hugged Rachel, Teaspoon and Lou. He was scared it wouldn't feel like this, but he was suddenly glad to be home.

Supper was full of smiles and laughter. Teaspoon and Rachel exchanged many knowing glances. They had their family back whole and happy. Buck was better than either of them could have hoped. Jimmy seemed at peace and Kid and Lou were happily in love. Teaspoon knew that moments like this were fleeting, but he hoped it would linger. Buck handed out all the letters Emma had sent with him during dessert. Emma even wrote to Rachel and Noah, even though she had never met them. Teaspoon got an extra letter from Sam. When Teaspoon read it and looked over at Buck with a look of astonishment, Buck knew that Sam wrote Teaspoon about Neville.

After dinner Lou took the opportunity to check with Cody about their plans for the church picnic. Lou was persistent in getting Cody's attention.

"It is set, Lou," Cody said, "They are both agreeable."

"Myra knows her escort is Buck?" Lou quizzed him.

"Yes, Myra knows," Cody assured her. "And she is looking forward to it."

Lou could see the discomfort in Cody's face. "What are you not telling me Cody?" Lou asked.

"I had to promise to buy her a new bonnet," Cody said quickly. "Can I borrow some money from you? A couple of dollars ought to do it."

"Cody!" Lou exclaimed and then hushed her voice. "You had to bribe her to come to the picnic with Buck?"

"Well, yes I did, Lou," Cody said not understanding what the problem was. "You didn't think anyone in this town would voluntarily be courted by Buck did you?"

Actually, Lou did think some woman somewhere would see beyond the stigma of Buck's heritage and take a chance.

"I just want someone to love Buck like we do," Lou said.

"I know, Lou," Cody said. "Just think of the bonnet as a nudge. I think she'll really like him once she gets to know him."

"Damnit, Kid was right, Buck is going to get hurt," Lou said. "And it will be all my fault."

"Now, Lou, calm down," Cody advised, "It is just one picnic. It doesn't mean he'll for sure want to court her."

"Oh yeah," Lou challenged, "How would you feel if no one ever gave you the time of day and then all of the sudden someone did?"

Cody stopped suddenly as he was about to say something. "Well, I'll have to down play it so Buck don't get attached unless she wants him to," Cody strategized.

"And just how are you going to do that, Cody?" Lou asked.

"I'll present like he's doing me a favor," Cody said smiling as the thought hit him. "I really wanted to escort Johanna to the picnic, but she wouldn't go unless I could find an escort for Myra!"

Cody looked all proud of himself and Lou rolled her eyes. She had wanted to just have a really nice time at the picnic with Kid, but now she felt like she would be responsible if Buck's day didn't go well. It was her idea after all.

"What if Buck wants to call on her after the picnic," Lou fretted, "And she refuses him and tells him what we did?"

"That won't happen, Lou," Cody answered. "I'll make sure of it."

'I will too,' Lou thought. If there were any sign that Buck was becoming interested in this girl, she would swoop in and save him. She didn't know how just yet, but she would make sure that Buck didn't get hurt because of her.

Lou and Cody looked toward the bunkhouse door when it opened suddenly. Buck stepped out and smiled at the two other riders taking in the night air. Cody took the opportunity.

"Buck, I have a favor I need to ask you," Cody said putting on his famous charm.

"I'm going to go find Kid," Lou said and rushed back inside the bunkhouse. She didn't want to watch this she felt guilty enough.

Buck's smile started to fade. "A favor, Cody," Buck asked cautiously, "What do you want now?"

"Well," Cody explained, "I really want to escort Johanna Caston to the church picnic on Sunday, but she said she wouldn't go with me unless I could find someone to take her friend Myra. I told her that you would escort Myra and then she agreed."

"You told her what?" Buck said trying to stay calm.

"Now, Buck, Myra's a real pretty gal," Cody argued, "And she agreed to go to the picnic with you. It'll be fun. Please? Do it for yourself and if you can't do it for yourself, do it for me?"

Buck looked at the pleading look on Cody's face and he thought of Emma telling him he needed to put himself out there.

"Alright, I'll do it," Buck said wearily.

"Great!" Cody said slapping Buck across the back. "We're meeting them at church on Sunday."

* * *

><p>The rest of the week Buck would sneak peeks at Myra Hinton every time she came to town. She was usually with Johanna. Buck thought she was very pretty. He always had a soft spot for women with blonde hair and Myra's soft curls shone brightly in the sunlight and looked like honey. He smiled shyly as Myra and Johanna walked out of the dressmaker's shop.<p>

Lou saw Buck smile at Myra as she walked up to where Buck was standing. Lou felt her chest tighten. She should never have talked Cody into fixing Buck up with a girl. She felt so guilty. Buck was going to get his heart broken and it would be all her fault. Maybe she could stop it before it even started. That looked impossible as Buck was attracted to Myra. She could always tell Buck that Myra was only going to the picnic with him because Cody promised her a new bonnet if she did. No, that would hurt him more. She'd just have to make sure the picnic didn't go well for either of them. They would just not hit it off and that would be that. No hurt feelings and no broken hearts.

Buck woke up on Sunday morning feeling nervous. It had been a while since he was at church and sometimes the reverend would seem to be preaching straight to him when he talked about sin. He was more nervous about taking Myra to the picnic. They had never spoken a word to each other and he wasn't sure what to talk about with her. He didn't know anything about her really. He was suddenly glad that Cody and Johanna would be there the whole time. He wouldn't be under pressure to entertain Myra, at least not with Cody around.

Lou felt worse and worse the longer Buck took to do his hair. He was really going all out to impress Myra. Lou gave a quick look to Cody who shrugged. Cody looked determined to see the bright side to the situation. All Lou could see was the impending disaster. What if Buck and Myra hit it off? None of it would matter once he found out she let him escort her to the picnic for the price of a bonnet. His heart would be broken and Cody and Lou would be to blame. She couldn't let it happen. She needed a plan. Then it came to her. She would need to grab a few things away from the station, but she knew just were to find them.

Lou came back in a hurry and Buck was finally done messing with his hair. She got herself cleaned up quickly and started to change into her blue dress. She would be going to the picnic as 'Louise' today.

"Lou, hurry up," Kid said coming up to her, "We're going to be late."

Buck was fidgeting near the door. He was anxious to get this over with.

"You look fine, Buck," Kid said reassuringly. "Myra's a lucky girl."

Lou gave Cody a quick look, but he dismissed her concerns.

Buck took a deep breath and went outside.

They all sat through church and Buck was right the Reverend had an unnatural fascination with the half Kiowa rider every time he talked about sin. Buck tried to tune it out and think of more pleasant things like Myra Hinton. He even stole a few glances at her during the sermon. She looked so pretty in her light pink dress. It had some frills but it was tasteful enough for church and a picnic. He caught her looking at him with an admiring gaze as well.

Lou felt bad for Buck every time the good reverend glared at him. She knew that Buck didn't go to church much because it wasn't his religion and she felt guilty again for the way he was treated. She and Cody had thrust this upon him. She had made him a fool. She had to undo this.

Buck was glad to be out of the church and into the sunlight and fresh air again. He was standing next to Cody when Johanna and Myra walked up. The boys offered the ladies their arms and they all walked toward the picnic.

Lou couldn't keep her eyes off the foursome as they left.

"Lou, shall we?" Kid asked offering his arm.

Lou kept her eyes on Buck and Myra as they walked to the picnic grounds. She didn't even hear a word Kid said.

"Lou?" Kid asked louder. "Lou, do you hear me?"

"What is it Kid," Lou answered absentmindedly while she watched the couples walk away.

Kid looked up at the sky in frustration. He had romantic plans for this picnic and Lou wasn't even paying attention to him.

"Lou, look at me, please," Kid requested.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Kid," Lou said blushing, "What were you saying?"

"I was asking if you were ready to go," Kid said pleasantly and offered his arm again.

Lou graciously accepted his arm and the two walked toward the picnic.

The picnic was taking place near the miller's pond just outside of town. The mill had been abandoned years ago, but the water wheel still worked and it had a nice pleasant meadow for picnics and fellowship gatherings.

Kid spread out their picnic blanket while Lou looked around the meadow. She found Buck and Cody's picnic spot and noticed the boys were taking their ladies to the pond to watch some ducks glide across the surface. This was her chance.

"Kid, I'll be right back," Lou said wandering away from her blanket.

"Where you going, Lou?" Kid asked.

"Oh just to find Rachel," Lou replied. "I wanted to see if she packed any mustard."

"Okay," Kid said and finished setting up their blanket.

Lou looked back to make sure Kid didn't see her as well as anyone else. She walked over to Buck and Cody's picnic blanket and slipped a few things from her drawstring purse into their picnic basket. She looked around again as she was leaving making sure nobody saw her and returned to Kid.

"Rachel have any mustard?" Kid asked.

"What? Oh, no, she didn't," Lou answered quickly.

Lou stared off in the distance and took a bite of potato salad. The foursome had returned from the pond and Myra had moved to open the picnic basket. Lou was riveted.

Kid was at a loss. He wanted the day to be special. He thought he'd try one last thing.

"You know, Lou, being that your skirt is on fire and all, it really gives your skin a nice glow," Kid said trying to see if she was paying attention.

"Sure, Kid, I would love some lemonade," she answered automatically.

"Lou, what is wrong with you?" Kid asked in a raised voice, "You're acting awful strange today."

"What?" Lou asked startled.

"You haven't heard a word I've said, have you?" Kid asked. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Lou said turning her attention back to Kid, "Let's just enjoy our lunch."

Kid wasn't about to argue. He finally had Lou's undivided attention or at least he thought he did.

There was a blood curdling scream that rang through the entire meadow and every eye was now on the picnic spot of Buck and Cody. Myra was flushed and yelling and Johanna actually slapped Cody. Both women stormed out leaving Buck and Cody stunned.

The whole town watched with the whole scene with rapt fascination. Everyone looked but Lou who had ducked her head down and started to giggle.

Kid immediately knew Lou was responsible.

"Lou, what did you do?" Kid asked.

Before Lou could answer and deny all wrong doing a shadow fell on their blanket. Rosemary Burke smiled down at the two riders

"Hello, Kid, Lou, I was wondering if either one of you have seen James?" Rosemary asked.

"I think he's over with Teaspoon and Rachel," Lou said, "Let's go see. I'll be right back, Kid."

Lou got up to avoid an argument with Kid and took Rosemary over to where Rachel and Teaspoon had their spread. Jimmy was there but his smile turned to a frown when Lou and Rosemary arrived.

"James, may I have a word?" Rosemary asked.

Jimmy stood up and shrugged, "Sure what's on your mind."

"Privately," she clarified.

Jimmy sighed and started to walk with her away from the picnic.

"What you want from me I can't give you," Jimmy volunteered.

"James, you have the opportunity to do so much good for the cause," Rosemary said trying to convince him. "Your name could get us publicity that is unparalleled."

"Don't you understand that I don't want that," Jimmy pleaded. "I just want to be left alone to live my life."

"But what kind of boring life would that be, James," she challenged. "You will live on forever if you joined our cause."

"I want a simple life," he countered. "I want to raise a family and die of old age. I didn't ask to be famous or notorious and I refuse to be bound to the name 'Wild Bill.' So you can take your cause to somebody else."

"But, James," she started.

"No 'buts.' I'm in love with someone, Rosemary," Jimmy said smiling as he thought of Alice. "I want to live in her world -a world with no guns. In that world I am James Butler Hickok, not 'Wild Bill.' Now please don't bother me again."

Jimmy walked away leaving Rosemary stunned and unable to collect her thoughts. She started to follow, but stopped. This wasn't working. She wanted revenge on the men who killed her husband and further his cause. She wanted to rally followers to it to make sure Isaiah's name was always remembered long after she was dead. If James wasn't going to come to the fight, she would have to bring the fight to him.


	10. Chapter 10

Kid and Lou were sitting on the bunkhouse porch snuggled against one another as the sun was setting. The day had been eventful. Kid couldn't complain. After the blow up at Buck and Cody's picnic, Lou was very attentive and the rest of their afternoon had been lovely.

"So are you going to tell me what you did today?" Kid asked giving Lou a gentle squeeze.

"I saved Buck from a broken heart," Lou answered.

"How do you know Buck would have gotten his heart broken?" he asked.

"You were right, Kid," Lou said, "I shouldn't meddle in the affairs of the hearts of others."

"I don't understand," Kid said. "You don't want to meddle, but you did something to their picnic."

"I was just undoing what I'd already done," she explained. "Cody and me set Buck and Myra up together. Cody had to bribe her with a new bonnet. So you see? Buck would have gotten his heart broken."

Kid ran his hand through his hair and looked out at the sunset. A small smile spread across his lips. "So, what did you do to that picnic basket?" he asked.

"I put a bunch of baby garter snakes in it," she answered burying her head in her arms and trying not to laugh.

Kid smiled and started to tickle her. "Have you learned your lesson?" Kid asked as he tickled her with more effort.

Lou laughed out loud as Kid 'tortured' her.

"Yes!" she cried between fits of laughter, "I've learned my lesson! I've learned my lesson!"

Kid stopped tickling her and caught his breath and smiled at Lou.

"I've learned never to confess my crimes to you," she teased.

Kid began to tickle her again with gusto and just when Lou could hardly breathe anymore from the laughter, he kissed her long and slow. He had wanted to kiss Lou this way all day long. He swept her off her feet and spirited her off to the barn for a little post picnic recreation. Lou wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him senseless the whole way there.

Kid laid her down in a soft pile of clean straw next to an empty stall. He wanted her, but he would be patient. He wanted to ask for her hand before he took her body completely.

* * *

><p>The next day Lou was sitting outside on the bunkhouse porch sipping coffee as Cody came out of the barn after doing some morning chores.<p>

"Cody," Lou said sweetly, "Just the man I was looking for."

"Oh no, Lou," Cody said, "You're not roping me into another round of matchmaking."

"But Cody," Lou whined, "The dance is coming up soon and we need to make sure Buck has a good time."

"Like he had a good time at the picnic?" Cody asked. "No thanks, Lou, I think Buck's better off on his own."

"You had to bribe Myra to be there," Lou said angrily. "It would have only hurt Buck when he found out."

"I don't think Myra would have made me get her a bonnet, Lou," Cody said, "I think she was really starting to like him."

"It never would have worked, so let's just move on," Lou said with an air of finality. "The dance is next week and we need to either make sure he is escorting someone or keep him from holding up the wall all night."

"I think it is safer for him to go alone," Cody advised.

Lou started to protest.

"We can see to it he has fun and dances a lot without having to be roped to one girl," Cody explained. "Maybe he'll hit it off with one of the girls and then we let nature take its course."

"Alright, I guess you have a point," Lou conceded.

"Now, I've updated my book since last we spoke," Cody revealed. "I've added all the single ladies of Rock Creek and made notes on all of them."

"Cody, that's disturbing," Lou said with a scrunched face.

"Well, most of the prettiest ones are really more my type than Buck's," Cody rationalized.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Lou demanded.

"They're shallow, Lou," Cody said humorlessly, "They only look at people that make them more popular and desirable. None of the ladies in my book turned out to be any good for Buck. Will you agree?"

"I guess you are right," Lou answered.

"So I had to do some scouting," Cody said jovially.

"So we're calling leering at unsuspecting women scouting now?" Lou asked sarcastically.

Cody gave her a patronizing smile and then continued, "I was looking for ladies with more substance than I usually require for myself."

"Cody, you are amazing," Lou said running her hand through her hair.

"Why thank you, Lou," Cody said beaming.

"That's not what I meant," she said into her hands.

"Let's just get through these names," Cody said.

"Ok, who's first?" Lou asked trying to remain calm.

"Grace Thomsen," Cody read from his book.

"The widow Grace Thomsen?" Lou asked angrily. "Cody, she's past her child bearing years and she smells funny."

"Oh and who's shallow now?" Cody taunted.

"Just pick another one," Lou ordered, "Someone our age this time."

"How about Erma Peavy?" Cody asked.

"She's really nice, but she's shy," Lou observed. "I don't think she's ever made eye contact with any of us. She'd be hard to count on to say yes if Buck asked her to dance."

"Well, I have some more and I think they'll be more agreeable to you, Lou," Cody said.

Cody went through the rest of his list and they found a few ladies that Lou thought might work out. Cody decided he would start laying the seeds for Buck when he was in town next. He would casually compliment them and tell them that Buck was right when he said they were pretty. He would butter them up and give Buck all the credit. That ought to get them to look Buck's way at the dance and when they made eye contact with Buck, Cody would nudge him into asking them to dance. It would work like magic.

Lou took a deep breath hoping this would work better than the picnic.

"Who are you taking to the dance, Cody?" Lou asked.

"Nora and Flora Thorton," Cody said dreamily.

"Both of them?" Lou asked surprised.

"They're twins, they do everything together," Cody said tilting his head and smiling.

The bunkhouse door opened and Kid came out.

"What are you two up to?" he asked suspiciously.

"Nothing, Kid," Lou said nonchalantly. "We were talking about the dance and did you know Cody is taking both the Thorton Twins."

Kid looked over to Cody and tried to hide how impressed he was. He didn't want to hurt Lou's feelings.

"Who're you taking, Kid?" Cody asked slyly and looked right at Lou.

"I ain't been asked," Lou said fake pouting.

"Lou, may I have the honor of escorting you to the dance?" Kid asked as he looked into her eyes and smiled.

Lou pretended to think about it and answered, "You may."

Kid leaned over and rubbed noses with Lou as she smiled and let out a soft giggle.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Cody said as he left the porch.

* * *

><p>Cody was in town planting the seeds of his and Lou's plans with all the subtlety he could muster. He was getting a better response than he thought he would get. The ladies would be falling all over themselves to get a dance with Buck. Cody smiled. This was like shooting fish in a barrel.<p>

With Cody in town setting up the first part of the plan, Lou knew it was time to work on the second part of the plan. She walked into the bunkhouse and found who she was looking for. Buck was sitting at the table writing a letter.

"Whatcha doin' Buck," Lou asked mischievously.

Buck smiled, "Writing a letter to Emma and Sam."

Lou smiled warmly.

"I was wondering if I could ask a favor," Lou hesitantly asked.

"What is it, Lou?" Buck asked back.

"I want to practice dancing before the big dance gets here and I need a partner," Lou baited.

"Lou, you know I don't dance that well," Buck said blushing. "It's hardly a skill I've needed to keep up anyway."

"But that's perfect we can help each other," Lou said excited.

"I don't need to practice something I ain't gonna use," Buck said with a hint of sadness in his voice and looked back to his letter.

"Buck, I'll make sure you use it," Lou said. "I will always want you to save me a dance. So what do you say? Will you help me?"

Buck looked up at the pleading look on Lou's face. She looked really cute when she batted her eyes at him or any of the other riders for that matter. He really never could deny her anything.

"Oh alright, Lou," Buck said caving.

Buck stood up and wiped his palms, which were suddenly sweaty, on his pants.

"Did you want to do this now?" Buck asked.

"Sure," Lou answered. No one but she and Buck were around the station so they wouldn't be interrupted or discovered.

Lou walked up to him and helped him place his arms and hands. She moved his right hand to her back just below her shoulder blade and moved her left hand to his upper arm. It brought the two riders closer to each other. Lou could feel the heat between them. It clouded her thoughts momentarily. She swallowed hard and squared her shoulders to keep her mind on her task. She took his right hand in her left and they were set.

"Oh, we need some music," Lou said fretting.

"No, we don't," Buck said smiling. "We can hum a little. By the way, I'm sorry if I step on your toes."

Slowly, Buck started to hum. Lou looked into his eyes and they started to dance. Buck was a much better dancer than he took credit for. She felt like she was floating above the bunkhouse floor. She let her eyes close and listened to the rich baritone of his voice. His pulse quickened against her hand and she felt her own body stiffen. Lou opened her eyes and found herself staring into the depths of his. They were darker than she had ever seen them. She saw a spark of emotion there she didn't recognize. Her mouth was suddenly dry and she felt a little nervous. She was enjoying the dance a bit too much.

Buck looked down at Lou. He wished he were in another time and place. It felt right having her in his arms and leading her around a dance floor. He could feel the muscles in her back as he led her around the room. His heart started to race and he could almost hear it beating. He didn't understand why he was suddenly feeling this way around Lou. Maybe it was because he was hoping to find a girl just like her someday. They were just friends though and she was Kid's girl.

Buck ended the phrase of the song he was humming and slowly brought their dance to a halt. He cleared his throat and looked away.

"I should finish my letter to Emma if I want to get it out with the next rider," Buck said quickly.

All Lou could do was nod. She went over to her bunk and grabbed a shirt that needed mending and smiled and pointed at the main house indicating she was going to see Rachel.

Buck nodded and tried to get back to his letter.

Lou opened the door and lingered a second trying to make sense of her feelings. She shook her head in an attempt to free her mind and walked up to Rachel's house.

* * *

><p>Buck helped Lou practice for the dance the up until the day before the dance. They both took a more detached approach to the sessions as the first one left them both feeling disconcerted and confused. Lou thanked him for helping her and promised to save a dance for him. They became better friends over the last two weeks and Buck and Lou became confidants for each other. Lou told Buck about her hopes and fears for Kid and Buck shared that he hoped he'd be as lucky and find a good woman to share his life with him. Lou immediately felt better about her plotting and scheming with Cody.<p>

Buck was feeling restless the day before the big dance and took a walk into town. He was noticing some of the ladies in town looking at him all week. He really thought he was in the wrong town sometimes. He looked down at his arms and they were the same color they had always been and he even stopped to check himself in a mirror in Tompkins' store to make sure he still looked like himself. It was mysterious. He stopped by Teaspoon's office just to get out of the way of the ladies leering at him.

Teaspoon was looking over some wanted posters when Buck came in. He laughed at the expression his rider wore.

"Buck you've become quite popular with the ladies this week," Teaspoon said.

Buck's eyes got big. "I have?" he asked dumbfounded.

"I've have several parents come and ask me for a reference," Teaspoon said smiling. "They wanted to know what kind of man you were."

"Why?" Buck asked. He truly didn't understand what was going on with his sense of reality.

"I guess they want to know that their daughters will be safe dancing with you tomorrow night," Teaspoon said grinning.

"Dancing with me?" Buck asked. He was still having a hard time comprehending what was going on. "Nobody ever wanted to dance with me before. Why would they want to dance with me now?"

"I don't know, Buck," Teaspoon answered. "Maybe the people in this town are finally coming around."

"I'm going back to the station, I got chores to do," Buck decided.

* * *

><p>The night of the dance arrived. Lou decided she would keep herself from interfering in Buck's night and just enjoy herself with Kid. She was wearing a new dress she picked up in Seneca on an Express run and she couldn't wait to show it off. She and Cody had done all they could and now it was up to Buck.<p>

Buck let everyone go ahead of him. He was trying to summon some courage. The last dance in town had been a catalyst to one of the worst times in his life. Ike and Emily had sealed their love at that last dance and then Ike was violently taken from them all. He remembered feeling so happy for Ike and then having to find him later to tell them Emily's father had been killed. Buck finished tying his string tie and smoothed his hair back into a ponytail. He took a deep breath and put on his suit jacket. Looking once more in the mirror, he left the bunkhouse and slowly walked toward the dance hall.

Buck walked toward the soft glow of the dance hall. He could hear the spritely fiddle music weave its way through the more dominating tones of the squeezebox Edwin Montgomery was certainly responsible for. He could see the shadows play on the boardwalk just outside the doors to the dance. He walked up to the door and peeked inside. Lou was dancing with Kid and she looked happy and carefree. Cody had a twin on each arm and was regaling them with some wild story. Rachel and Teaspoon were dancing as were Noah and Cassie. Buck smiled at that. While no one was paying attention, Noah and Cassie were getting closer and closer. They didn't need to shout their love from the center of town they just quietly went about loving each other. He hoped for the same kind of scrutiny free love affair. Jimmy was by the dessert table getting a snack for himself and Buck decided he would slip into the dance hall and join him.

Jimmy nodded at him and Buck walked up to join him.

"You alright?" Jimmy asked.

Buck grabbed a molasses cookie from the table and started to think about biting into it. He nodded.

"You're thinking about Ike, aren't you?" Jimmy asked.

Buck nodded again. "There hasn't been a dance in town since that night," he said.

"Well, snap out of it," Jimmy advised, "There's a bunch of ladies making eyes at you."

"Are you sure they're not looking at you?" Buck said hopefully and not looking.

"I'm sure," Jimmy said with a small laugh, "Their eyes followed you all the way over here. You should probably ask one of them to dance."

Buck placed his cookie on Jimmy's plate. He didn't know why he even took it. Slowly he turned around and noticed a trio of ladies blush and smile as he looked at them. He knew of them. They were nice young ladies from respectable families. He couldn't for the life of him figure out just why they were suddenly interested in him. Hazel Polston was the prettiest of the three. Maybe she would like to dance.

"Hickok, what do I do," Buck asked slightly terrified.

"Just walk up to her and say, 'May I have the honor of this dance?' and hold your hand out," Jimmy instructed.

Buck hesitated and Jimmy took it upon himself to give Buck a gentle push in the ladies direction.

Buck walked up to Hazel and repeated the line Jimmy had fed him and soon he and Hazel were dancing. Hazel wasn't as good of a dancer as Lou, but Buck still had a good time. They talked a little bit. Buck caught Lou looking at him and smiling over Kid's shoulder.

Throughout the night Buck hardly sat out a dance. There were a few ladies he wouldn't mind having another dance with. He thought about Hazel and her two friends, they seemed really nice. Their families were all local ranchers. He could fit in on a ranch. He saw the three of them over by the punch bowl.

Lou sneaked peeks at Buck's progress all night. She danced mostly with Kid, but took time to dance with Jimmy and Teaspoon too. She was taking a break near the punch bowl, when she heard some raised voices nearby. Hazel and her friends Rose and Bernice were arguing about who should get to have Buck walk her home. Lou smiled. It was nice to hear women fighting over Buck for a change. Her smile faded as the argument started to turn vicious. They started talking about entrapping Buck just to keep the others from getting him. Lou felt her plan about to backfire on poor Buck, so she did the only thing she could think of. She gave a leg on the punch table a discrete but swift kick. The table leg gave out and sent the punch bowl crashing to the ground. The dark red punch splattered all over the girls' dresses. Lou turned around just in time to intercept Buck on his way to asking one of the ladies for another dance.

"I told you I'd save a dance for you, Buck," Lou said getting as far from the punch accident as she could.

Buck took her hand and led her out to the dance floor looking back wide eyed at the carnage of the punch table.

"Did you do that, Lou?" he asked with a curious look.

"You don't know it, Buck, but I just saved your life," Lou said.

Buck chose not to ask how and the dance continued on while the girls' mothers took care of their punch soaked daughters. Buck had danced with many young women at the dance this night, but his favorite partner was still Lou. It was probably because they had been practicing together the last two weeks and he was used to the way she moved.

Teaspoon, Rachel and the riders returned home after a night of happiness. Jimmy was especially glad Rosemary did not show up. He hadn't seen her for a couple of days and was hoping maybe she left town. His thoughts drifted to Alice. It would be nice to dance with Alice for the rest of his life.

* * *

><p>It was a beautiful morning and Kid couldn't think of anything he wanted to do more than spend the day with Lou. He had gone to St. Jo last week on a run and picked up something for Lou that was now burning a hole in his pocket. He was waiting for the right time and felt like today could be the day. He would wait to see what kind of a mood Lou was in, but he really wanted today to be special. The two of them had been getting along really well lately and he knew he loved Lou more than anything. He hoped she felt the same way.<p>

Lou came out of the bunkhouse yawning as she put her vest on. She saw Kid and smiled.

"Lou, can we go for a ride today?" Kid asked with a shy smile, "Just you and me?"

Lou smiled back and bit her lip. "I would love to go for a ride with you, Kid," Lou said.

Kid took Lou gently by the hand and they walked to the barn

"Do you mind if we take only Katy?" Kid said when he got to the barn door and looked deep into her eyes.

Lou felt her stomach start to do flips.

Kid quickly saddled Katy and led her out of the barn. He vaulted up into the saddle and Lou climbed up behind him. The ride was pleasant and ended near a pond with a view of wild flowers and some gently rolling hills.

"Lou, do you remember that farm we looked at?" Kid asked as they gazed at the beauty of their surroundings.

"Yes, I think about that place a lot," Lou answered honestly.

"Me too," Kid said.

Kid walked up behind Lou and hugged her. "I think about the two of us together all the time and I want to spend my life with you," Kid said as he leaned his head against hers.

Kid turned Lou to face him and lowered himself down on one knee. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny velvet bag.

"Lou McCloud, you are the love of my life," Kid spoke as tears of joy mixed with fear gathered in his eyes. "I can't imagine my life without you. I want to be with you now and forever."

Kid slipped his finger into the velvet bag and came out with a golden ring with a shiny white stone in it. He took Lou's left hand in his.

"Lou would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" Kid asked nervously as he looked deeply into Lou's eyes.

Lou felt a tear gently roll down her cheek and nodded her head before she could speak. "I will," she said and sank to her knees and placed a tender kiss on Kid's lips.

Kid slipped the ring onto her slender finger and picked her up and spun her around. He had never felt so happy. As soon as they stopped spinning they started kissing. Kid gently picked her up and laid her on the soft grass and lowered his body next to hers. They both basked in the warmth of the sun and the warmth of each other while they kissed each other savoring every moment.

Kid rested himself on his elbow and looked down at Lou as she lay in the grass. He traced her jaw line with his finger and then leaned in for another kiss. Lou started to undo the buttons of his shirt with trembling fingers. Kid stopped the kiss and looked at her seriously.

"Are you sure, Lou?" he asked breathlessly.

"I'm sure, Kid," Lou answered her eyes and smile beckoning him to take her.

Kid reached down and reclaimed Lou's lips as a swell of passion ripped through them both. They spent the rest of the morning making sweet love amongst the wildflowers of the prairie and then lay in the sun next to each other spent and happy. Kid looked over at Lou. Her eyes were closed, but he could tell she was still awake. He reached over and plucked a wildflower from the ground.

"I love you, Lou," he said and kissed her gently.

Her eyes opened dreamily and he presented her with the flower. She smiled and took it from him and inhaled its fragrance.

"I love you too, Kid," she said.


	11. Chapter 11

Rachel cooked a big celebration dinner that night for Kid and Lou. There were hugs all around and many 'It's about times.' Kid and Lou were beaming with joy.

"So when is the wedding?" Teaspoon asked.

"We thought we'd hold it next month," Kid said as he gave Lou a gentle squeeze as he smiled at her.

"Well there are a ton of things that need to get planned," Rachel said excitedly.

"We're thinking of an evening wedding by candlelight," Lou said dreamily. "I know this shop in Seneca that has the most beautiful candles."

"I could pick some up for you if you like," Buck offered, "I'm on my way to Seneca on a run tomorrow."

"Maybe I could go with you," Lou suggested. "My favorite dress shop is there too. I could look at dresses and get some candles. Besides, Buck, there is something I want to ask you."

"Sure, I don't mind the company," Buck said, "As long as Kid doesn't mind having you out of his sight."

"I trust you, Buck," Kid said smiling.

* * *

><p>Buck was up early and was in the barn saddling both his horse and Lou's by the time Lou was up and ready to go. Seneca wasn't very far away from Rock Creek. If Lou budgeted her time wisely in Seneca they would be home before supper.<p>

They set out just after sunrise eating a quick breakfast of some corn muffins that Rachel made for their trip.

"So, Lou, what did you want to talk to me about?" Buck asked curiously.

"I wanted to ask you if you would be my Best Man," Lou answered.

"Your Best Man?" Buck asked confused. "Lou, you don't get a Best Man."

"Why not?" Lou pouted, "Kid gets a Best Man. Why can't I have one too?"

"You're supposed to have a Maid of Honor," Buck answered.

"I don't want a Maid of Honor," Lou argued, "I want a Best Man."

Buck didn't want to argue with her, heck he didn't really care about the white traditions of a wedding anyway.

"Maybe I can have a Man of Honor," Lou said smiling. "I just want you to stand up for me, Buck."

"Okay," Buck said, "I'll be your Man of Honor -as long as I don't have to wear a dress."

"It's a deal," Lou said laughing.

When they arrived in Seneca, it was still morning. Buck went off to make the pouch delivery while Lou went walked down the street. She would visit the candle shop after she and Buck met up for lunch, but first on her list was the dressmaker.

Lou touched all the fabrics and looked at some patterns. She smiled at the dressmaker, Arlene Meacham, and started asking about having a wedding dress made. Arlene still had her measurements from the last dress she made for Lou, but she took them again just in case. Lou found a style and a fabric she liked and put a deposit down and Arlene got right to work.

Lou left the dress shop happy. She couldn't wait to tell Buck all about her morning. She found Buck waiting for her outside the café. She didn't bore him too much with the details of her dress, but he was happy to come with her to help pick out candles. They had a pleasant lunch of sandwiches and sarsaparilla.

Lou bought so many candles that Buck had to pack some of them in his saddlebags too. He was happy to do it. They still had time to get back to the station before supper so he didn't need to store any supplies inside. He always had some jerky around for emergencies, but that didn't take up much room.

Buck looked at the sky toward rock creek and didn't like that the sky was darkening. Their ride home was going to turn wet. Given the hue of the sky, their ride would only be wet and not dangerous.

"We should make sure our rain slickers are handy," Buck said, "I think there's a storm coming in."

"Are we going to get caught in it?" Lou asked.

"I think so, but it just looks like rain," Buck answered.

The riders began their trip home a little faster than they would have needed to, but they decided they wouldn't get too wet if they hurried.

Rain started to fall softly at first the closer they got to Rock Creek. Gradually it began to get heavier. They took out their rain slickers and kept going. Buck was fine riding in the rain, but when he heard Lou sneeze, he knew he had to find them shelter. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if anything happened to her. Not when he could stop it. They were running ahead of schedule and could afford to wait out the storm. After all, they were only about three hours away from Rock Creek.

Buck remembered that there was a small cave near the trail they were on. He had used it before when bad weather forced him to take shelter. He didn't know if any of the other riders knew about it, but it would keep the rain off of them for a while.

"Lou, I know a cave where we can take shelter from the storm," Buck shouted over the sound of the rain.

"Sure, let's go," she said and sneezed again. She was feeling chilled and really wanted out of the rain.

Buck quickly found the cave and by then the rain became heavier and they could hear thunder started to roll through the sky.

Buck and Lou quickly unsaddled their horses and took their tack inside the cave. Buck started a small fire to keep them warm and dry their clothes while Lou set their bedrolls out for them to sit on. Lou peeled off her slicker and laid it down close to the fire. Buck did the same.

"How long do you think that storm will last?" Lou asked as she stripped down to her long johns.

"Maybe an hour at most," Buck speculated. He saw Lou shiver and put his blanket over her shoulders.

Buck didn't want to build the fire up any more that it was. The only ventilation for the fire was the mouth of the cave and he didn't want to smoke them out. He wished he had a pot to make coffee. Buck stood up and put his slicker back on.

"I'm going to go out and make sure the horses are all right," he said and moved to go outside.

A lightning flash struck nearby and the light temporarily blinded Buck and an explosion of rocks and boulders closed up the cave mouth. He had to dive back quickly in order to get out of the way.

Buck got up and grabbed some candles from his saddlebag. Once he lit them, he kicked dirt over their fire. Lou coughed a couple of times as the smoke wafted around the cave. Buck stuck the candles in the dirt near the front of the cave. He needed to see if he could dig them out.

Every time Buck made progress on the cave mouth more dirt and rocks would fall and set him back to square one.

"Buck it's no use," Lou said, "Come back over here and rest."

"We can't stay in here, Lou," Buck said, "We're going to run out of air."

"How long do we have?" Lou asked startled. She was almost too frightened to hear the answer.

Buck moved over to the bed rolls and took off his rain slicker again. He sat next to Lou and put a comforting arm around her.

"I don't know," Buck said, "It's a big cavern -maybe a couple of days, maybe less.

"Do you think the others might come and look for us?" Lou asked hopefully.

"I'm sure they will, Lou," Buck answered her. "They'll be no stopping that fiancé of yours."

Lou blushed. As much as she hated it when Kid worried about her, in times like this, she was glad that he did.

"When we aren't back to the station by late morning, I'm sure they'll head out to look for us," Buck said trying to reassure her.

Buck got up and moved some of the candles back where the fire had been. He grabbed a couple of more from his pack and lit them.

"We should be able to gauge the air by how well the candles burn," Buck said explaining.

When her clothes were dry, Lou redressed and sat back down next to Buck.

"Did you like Myra Hinton?" she asked casually.

"I don't know," Buck answered, "I was just getting to know her. She seemed nice up until she found all those baby snakes in the picnic basket."

"I'm sorry," she said looking down at the ground.

"Wait, the snakes…that was you?" Buck asked slightly shocked.

"I didn't think her motives were pure," Lou explained.

"So you were trying to protect me, the same as at the dance?" Buck asked.

Lou just nodded.

The two were silent for a while until Lou yawned.

"We should get some sleep," he said. "Maybe if the rocks settle over night they'll be easier to dig through tomorrow."

* * *

><p>Kid stood out on the porch looking toward the horizon. It was dark out now and the rain was still coming down but not as hard as before. He was starting to really worry about Lou. She had ridden through rain before, but she was hours late now. He sent a silent prayer up to the heavens asking for Lou to be alright.<p>

Teaspoon finally convinced Kid to turn in for the night. When morning broke, Kid was once again holding vigil on the bunkhouse porch waiting for a dust cloud or any other sign that his true love was almost home. He stared and pace, but no sign of Lou or Buck for that matter showed up. Finally Kid couldn't wait anymore. He walked down the street to Teaspoon's office.

"Teaspoon, I have a bad feeling about Lou," Kid said, "I can't just sit around waiting. I need to go out and look for her."

"They still ain't back yet?" Teaspoon asked.

"No, they've been gone too long," Kid complained. "I'm really worried."

"Alright," Teaspoon said, "Gather the boys and let's go."

Kid found Jimmy and Noah at the station. Cody had just left on a run. Rachel came out of the house with some food for their search. They saddled up their horses and one for Teaspoon and met him at the marshal's office.

"Let's follow the express trail," Teaspoon suggested, "They probably wouldn't have strayed too much form it."

They searched all day with no luck. Kid was starting to get really scared and starting to imagine all sorts of awful things had happened to Lou. They made camp for the night near a stream. Nobody ate much nor slept well. They felt Kid was right. Buck and Lou were in trouble.

* * *

><p>Buck spent most of the day trying to dig them out of the cave they found themselves trapped in. Every time he thought he was getting somewhere, more rocks and dirt would fall. He didn't have anything to brace the hole with. Finally he just gave up. He and Lou shared the jerky from his saddle bags and drank a bit of the water from their canteens. They were starting to run low.<p>

Lou looked over at the candles. She noticed they weren't burning as bright.

"How much air do you think we have left?" Lou asked concerned.

"I don't know, I think maybe we'll run out by morning," Buck answered looking at the same candle flames as they flickered.

He felt like he failed her. He had really tried to move the rocks and dirt from the mouth of the cave only to have it cave in more every time.

Lou looked down at the ground and then up at Buck. "I'm not going to make it to my wedding am I?" Lou's eyes filled with tears.

Buck stepped toward her and pulled her into an all encompassing embrace. He held her tightly as she started to cry.

Lou rested her head on Buck's chest as she thought of her life. Was this the part where her life passed before her eyes?

"Buck, I don't want to die this way," Lou pleaded

"What way, Lou?" Buck asked. He knew she meant something deeper than just where they were.

"Alone," she said softly.

"You're not alone, Lou. I'm here," he said looking down at her meeting her eyes. He leaned in and kissed her gently on the cheek and held her a little tighter.

Lou in turn pulled him closer to her. She could feel the rhythm of his heart and hear its gentle beating. It was comforting and all she could do was cling to him.

Buck rocked her slowly, giving her all the comfort he could. He still held out hope that the others would find them. They hadn't been gone long, but that storm may give the others some concerns about their welfare and if the horses went back to the station there might be a chance they could be found. Buck looked back down at Lou and found her looking at him. He didn't know why he did it but he placed a slow thoughtful kiss on her lips.

Lou felt his lips touch hers at first like a whisper and then became much stronger when she returned his kiss eagerly. She knew this was all sorts of wrong, but it felt right. His lips were so warm and his kiss tasted so sweet that Lou never wanted it to end.

Buck felt like he could lose himself so easily, but it wasn't right. Lou was engaged to Kid and they were going to be found. He gently ended the kiss and looked into her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I shouldn't have done that."

"No, it's alright, Buck," Lou said with a blush in her cheeks, "It was nice and I needed it."

They both sat down on the bedrolls they had set up and leaned against their saddles. Lou still wanted the comfort of his warmth and strong arms around her, so she settled in next to him.

"What do we do now?" Lou asked snuggling against his shoulder.

"We wait," Buck answered. "They're going to come for us, you'll see."

They had run out of food, their water supply was dangerously low and he could tell by the weak flames on the candles that the air was thinning. For the first time, Buck thought they might not make it out. He looked over at Lou and knew she was thinking the same thing. He gave her a gentle squeeze and kissed the top of her head. He knew she was scared and he was too. They had been through a lot together on this trip.

"I'm sorry for meddling in your life, Buck," Lou said suddenly feeling the need to clear the air between them. "I just wanted you to be happy like I was with Kid."

Buck looked back at her with a confused questioning stare.

"Then why whenever I would start to show interest in someone would you get in the way?" Buck asked.

"They weren't right for you, Buck," Lou retorted. "I didn't want to see you hurt."

"You'd rather see me alone?" he asked softly.

"I'd rather see you…," she didn't know how to finish the sentence, but Buck could see the truth in her eyes and it startled him.

Something changed for Lou in that moment. She realized she cared for Buck more than she wanted to admit. She also knew nothing she did now would matter to anyone but her and Buck. She was sure they wouldn't be found until it was too late. She reached up and kissed him fully and tenderly on the lips. She wanted to continue what they had started earlier.

Buck felt at once conflicted. This was Lou. Kid's Lou not his Lou. At the same time he felt his desire for her grow with each tease of her tongue in his mouth. He just closed his eyes and felt the rush of emotion flood him. He was content in her kisses and returned them eagerly then he realized that her hands were unbuttoning his shirt.

"Lou, I can't do that," he said breaking the kiss and turning from her. "What about Kid?"

"There is no Kid," she argued, "There is only now and right now there is only you and me."

Buck couldn't hide his longing from her and his resolve was waning.

"What if you regret it in the morning?" he asked softly. It was his worst fear that Lou would hate him if they were rescued after giving in to the intensity of their situation.

"There isn't going to be a morning, Buck," Lou answered him and swept a lock of hair from his face, "Not for us. The air will be gone and we'll be gone too. Please. Tell me you don't want to."

"I can't do that Lou," Buck said averting his eyes, "But we shouldn't. It wouldn't be right. People would be hurt when they find us."

"If they find us," Lou shot back. "I think they would understand and maybe it would be easier for Kid to lose me if he hated me a little."

Lou pulled Bucks face to look at her. She could see the conflict she felt mirrored in his eyes. They were kneeling in front of each other now looking longingly, but hesitating before each other. Buck started to stand up.

"Buck, in a few hours all we're going to be are memories," Lou said pulling him back down. "I want my last moments on this earth to be happy ones. I want them to be full of joy and passion and I want that for you too."

Buck reached his hand up to Lou's face and caressed her cheek with his thumb. She closed her eyes and leaned into it.

"Are you sure?" he asked knowing that the tone in his voice begged her to answer 'yes.'

Lou turned her head and kissed the palm of his hand. "I'm sure," she answered looking back into his eyes.

They sat across from each other, but Buck couldn't help but look down at the ground. Lou cupped her hand under his chin and brought his eyes up to look into her own. She thought about the last couple of months and everything that had happened up to this point. She thought about all the times she wanted Buck to be happy. She still wanted and needed that. She was trying to find him a lady when she was right there the whole time. Although she was unavailable to him then, she wasn't now. She smiled warmly at him begging him to kiss her again.

Buck pressed his lips to hers, and then gently covered her mouth with his. The world began to blur and he felt like he was trapped in a beautiful dream. He loved the feel of her soft lips against his. They felt to him like they always belonged there.

Lou quivered at the sweet tenderness of his kiss. She let every fear and worry fall to the side. She felt safe and loved. She started to undress him with care and patience wanting to make the night last as long as she could. She knew when the night was over they would become ghosts. Buck's vest slid easily off his shoulders and onto the ground. She tugged gently, untucking his shirt from the waistband of his buckskin pants. He helped her pull his shirt and undershirt over his head. She stared admiringly at his bare chest. His muscles tensed in the coolness of the cave as the light from the candles flickered across him. She ached to feel his bare skin against hers. She reached out and caressed the scar on his side where the bullet from Jimmy's gun had pierced him.

Buck felt Lou's hands grasp his and move them to the buttons on her shirt. He couldn't deny her or himself any longer. He gently started to undo the buttons and let Lou's shirt fall open revealing a very feminine camisole underneath. He grinned and looked into her face and she was blushing. He pushed her vest and shirt gently off her shoulders and made his way to her camisole. She shuddered with longing as he slowly opened her camisole and gazed at the nakedness of her breasts. She let the camisole float to the floor. Her arms encircled his neck as she kissed him again. He gently placed a hand on the small of her back and drew her to him. The feel of their bare skin on each other was electric and surprising. There was nothing that either of them would do to get away now.

Buck took off his boots and pitched them to the side. He untied the laces of Lou's shoes and removed them from her tiny feet. Soon, they were unfastening each other's trousers. They paused when they both sat naked before the other. This was their last chance to change their minds. Lou smiled at him and he smiled back with a genuine smile. The kind she had wanted to see for weeks.

Lou launched herself into Buck's waiting arms and they kissed and touched each other with a building hunger. Buck felt like a dam broke inside him and every hope and dream he had came out in every kiss and every caress. If this was the last thing he was going to do in his life, he was going to make it the most reverent and beautiful creation he could. Every touch was filled with truth; every kiss was all of him. He couldn't hold anything back. He didn't want to hold anything back. This was the only chance he was ever going to have to let anyone completely in. He slowly let every wall he had ever built crumble to pieces before her.

For Lou, she suddenly knew everything about Buck and realized she had never known him at all. He lived his life as a tethered eagle never allowed to fly free, but the tethers he had made himself and given them to others to hold. They were now in her hands. She didn't want to capture him or tame him, but let him soar unburdened. She needed him to know that he was free. She needed him to know as much about her as she now knew about him. She needed him to know every nightmare and fantasy, every secret she ever kept. She needed her life to be an open book and for him to savor every word.

Buck wanted Lou to feel the love and admiration he had for her. He wanted her to feel all the pleasure he could give her. He knew he brought her to her full when she began to quake in his embrace. He savored her taste as she writhed in ecstasy.

Their shadows danced around the rock face and their moans and cries echoed off the walls as they became one with each other.

They took their time to feel every sensation to savor every lingering kiss. Every touch was cherished and every bead of sweat was earned. As long as they were still making love they were still alive. There were no boundaries left between them. They had enjoyed each other as fully as was possible, each giving to the other selflessly, joyously, and completely. They had given themselves to each other for the rest of their lives. What had been the closest thing to a bridal bed either of them had would now become their tomb.

The candles flickered. The oxygen in the cave should have been just about gone. Buck and Lou lay cradling each other passed out from exhaustion in the thin air. The candles faded and nearly went out before a breeze drifted in the cave and they began to burn bright once more.


	12. Chapter 12

Kid was up and saddling Katy before the sun rose. He wanted to get as early a start as he could. Noah and Jimmy soon joined him. Teaspoon was a little slower, but that ultimately worked out best for all of them. He was out and just finishing up relieving the call of nature when he saw her.

"Lightning, what are you doing over here?" Teaspoon asked the black horse while slowly gathering its reins in his hand. Teaspoon ran his hands down her forelegs looking for any sign of injury. He didn't find any and gently patted the horse on the neck.

"Teaspoon," Kid shouted, "Where are you? We need to get going"

Teaspoon led Lightning into the camp and noted the surprised looks on the boys' faces.

"Kid, I don't think we need to go far," Teaspoon said.

Kid saw Lightning and jumped down from his horse. Noah and Jimmy did too.

"I think Buck and Lou are probably around here somewhere," Teaspoon theorized. "This horse has been unsaddled, so I think it is reasonable to think that the two of them took cover somewhere nearby."

"There's a cave near here," Jimmy remembered. "I've used it a couple of times when the weather was bad."

"Where is it, Jimmy?" Kid asked frantically.

"I'm not sure," he said, "It's been a while since I used it."

"Think, Jimmy, think," Kid pleaded.

"Why don't we follow Lightning's tracks?" Noah asked helpfully.

Teaspoon nodded and tethered Lightning as the boys tethered the other horses. They all followed the tracks and also tried to jog Jimmy's memory about the cave's whereabouts.

Jimmy saw a tree he recognized and beckoned the rest over a different direction. They came into small clearing and they saw Buck's horse pawing at a pile of dirt in front of a rock face.

The four men stood stunned and slack jawed for a brief moment.

"Lord a mercy," Teaspoon said as Kid ran to the cave in and started to dig furiously with his bare hands.

"Lou!" He yelled as he dug.

Teaspoon watched as more rocks and dirt came rushing down as quickly as Kid could dig it away. This wasn't productive.

"Jimmy, find some wood to shore up our progress as we dig," Teaspoon ordered, "Noah, get that horse out of the way.

Noah grabbed the reins of Buck's horse and pulled him back to their camp. He then grabbed some things they could use to help dig and rushed back.

Jimmy found a bunch of wood and brought it to the front of the cave and began to pile it up.

Noah and Teaspoon started to brace in some walls so that they could tunnel in and save Lou and Buck. They were sure that the two of them had to be in there. It was the logical conclusion.

Kid had tired himself out so Jimmy spelled him. It was decided that they would take turns digging. Teaspoon took the next shift and Noah the next. On Noah's turn, he started to feel the dirt give way in front of him and he poked a hole in to see if he could see anything. He saw the soft glow of a candle and called out to the dwellers inside.

"Hello? Buck, Lou are you in here?" Noah called as he tried to move further inside the tunnel. He was just a little bit closer to the cave now and was just breaking through more of the dirt and rocks.

Buck started to stir after hearing a noise. He must be dreaming, he thought he heard Noah's voice. He could breathe and the air somehow seemed sweeter. Buck woke with a start when he heard Noah call out again and began pulling on his clothes as quickly as he could. He knew he wasn't dreaming and he wasn't dead. He shook Lou and began gathering her clothing and putting them next to her. He needed to stall them so Lou could get dressed.

"Lou, wake up," Buck said to her. His voice was full of panic. "They've come for us."

Lou's eyes popped open and she got up and grabbed her clothes

When Buck was fully dressed, He crawled over to the opening Noah was making. "Noah, is that you?"

"Buck?" Noah asked with relief, "Is Lou with you? Are you guys all right?"

"We are now, I didn't think we were going to last too much longer," he said and started helping move the rocks and dirt.

Noah shimmied out of the tunnel and reported back to Teaspoon and asked for a canteen of water. He turned and went back inside the tunnel to complete help his two friends out.

Noah passed a canteen of water inside. "Here's some water," Noah said, "The two of you gotta be thirsty."

Buck passed the canteen to Lou who had joined him up by the shaft. She took a long drink and passed the canteen back to Buck who also took a long drink.

Buck helped Noah into the cavern and they both worked to shore up the hole so they could all fit back through it.

"Lou, you're first," Noah said smiling at her. "I know there's a guy with a funny name out there that's going crazy with worry."

Lou smiled back but it did not reach her eyes, she looked at Buck but his eyes were downcast. She knew he felt guilty for what happened between them. She gently squeezed his hand and started to crawl out of the cave.

Buck went back to their camp and started packing up the rest of their stuff. He grabbed their saddles, saddlebags, and bedrolls. Noah made him go out of the cave next and his passed their things off to the other riders then followed him out.

Buck was greeted outside by a big hug from Teaspoon and the sight of Kid kissing Lou and spinning her around.

"Lou, I was so worried," Kid said to Lou and he kissed her some more. "I didn't think I was ever going to see you again."

His heart sank a little. He was afraid this was going to happen. He caught Lou's eye and she was looking as guilty as he felt.

"How'd you find us?" Buck asked clearing his throat and trying to sound happy to be free of the cave.

"Lightning walked into our camp and your horse were pawing at the ground in front of the cave, so we figured you two had to be inside," Teaspoon said. "Buck, are you alright, Son?

"Just really tired," he answered. "We were almost out of air. If you hadn't shown up when you did, we probably would have died." He couldn't help but think it would have been easier if they had.

"Well, let's go back to the camp and have some lunch," Teaspoon said. "Boys, let's get some firewood set up. Buck, Lou you two just take it easy. Kid, why don't you take horses down to the stream for some water?"

"No way, Teaspoon," Kid answered, "I'm not letting Lou out of my sight ever again."

"I've got the horses, Teaspoon," Jimmy said helpfully.

"I'm going to go wash up at the stream," Lou said. She had mixed feelings about it but she knew she smelled of sex and Buck. While she didn't want to wash him off of her yet, she didn't feel comfortable being around Kid while she could still smell the guilt on her skin of what she and Buck had done.

"I'll go when you get back," Buck said trying to smile.

Teaspoon looked at his riders with concern, something was off.

Buck and Lou fell into uneasy silence after lunch. They kept thinking of last night and being haunted by thoughts of the cave and what happened there. At one point of the afternoon they found themselves staring at each other from across the campfire as Teaspoon and the rest of the riders took a quick nap. Lou wanted so badly to talk to Buck before they left for home, but she knew that it wasn't going to be possible.

* * *

><p>Cody rode into the station as a concerned Rachel met him by the barn. She told him of Buck and Lou's disappearance and that Teaspoon and the others had ridden out to find them. Cody was immediately concerned. He didn't know what to do with himself except wait. Rachel used her nervous energy to bake.<p>

It was late in the afternoon when Cody saw them heading for the station.

"Rachel! They're coming! All of 'em!" Cody yelled while running toward the house.

Rachel burst through the door and carefully counted the riders coming toward the station. There were six horses and riders. A big smile spread across her face and she hugged Cody in celebration.

When the riders all arrived at the station, Rachel hugged both Lou and Buck as they dismounted from their horses.

"I'm so glad the two of you are alright," she said with a big smile. "I'm going to make you all a big supper."

She turned on her heel and headed up to the house to start cooking.

"She made a couple of pies today too," Cody said excitedly and took Lou and Buck's horses to the barn to cool them down.

At dinner Buck and Lou were unusually quiet, while the others were loud and boisterous. Cody wanted to hear everything about the rescue and wished he had been there. Rachel could sense something was up with the quiet ones. Buck was just picking at his food, she had only seen him take a few bites. She brought a second plate of biscuits to the table. She stood behind Buck and watched him for a few seconds.

"Buck, are you alright?" she asked and put her hand on his forehead to check his temperature. He wasn't hot.

"Fine, Rachel, I'm just not hungry I guess," he said. "May I be excused?"

"No, you may not, Buck Cross," Rachel scolded. "You look terrible. You need to eat something or you'll get sick." With that she sat down at the table.

Buck saw all the eyes looking at him from around the table. They all held looks of concern especially Lou's. He didn't deserve it. He looked back down at his plate and picked up a forkful of food and took another small bite and then another. He didn't want to draw any more attention to himself. He felt relief when the conversation picked back up. When Buck had cleared about half his plate, he looked over at Rachel with a pleading look.

She sighed. "Alright, you're excused."

Buck took his plate over to the wash basin and promptly left the bunkhouse. He needed to get out of there. The guilt he was feeling about the cave was consuming him. He only got a few steps from the bunkhouse porch when he stumbled and doubled over emptying the contents of his stomach. He was still heaving when he felt a pair of hands gather up his hair and pulled it away from his face.

"Oh, Buck, honey, I'm so sorry," Rachel said comforting him. "I shouldn't have forced you to eat if you weren't feeling well."

She handed him a damp cloth and he wiped his face with it.

"Why don't you come up to the house with me and I'll fix you something to settle your stomach?"

He just nodded and followed her up to the house.

He didn't sleep well that night, but then neither did Lou. Every time he looked over at her, she was looking at him.

* * *

><p>Lou spent the next morning trying to be by herself. She had a lot of things on her mind and a lot of feelings to sort out.<p>

Kid was always around he didn't give her much space, but Lou understood. He was scared and he had almost lost her. She would let him cling to her for a day or two without getting upset.

Lou was conflicted she wanted Kid close and wanted him to stay away from her. It was always the opposite of what she had. When he was close, she wanted him gone and when he was gone she missed him. She really needed some peace and quiet to try and figure out where her life went from here, but she didn't want to be left alone. Her wants and desires scared her. Everything was wrong. She wished she had never gotten stuck in the cave, because being in the cave changed everything. She had a dream about the cave last night. In it she dreamt that she told Buck she loved him. When her dream self said it, her real self woke up with a start.

Lou looked down at the ring on her finger. This ring had made her so happy just days ago. It was now a reminder of how screwed up her feelings were now. She wanted to talk to Buck and figure out what she was feeling and if there was something really there. Making love with him in the cave had changed how she saw everything. It changed how she looked at Kid, how she looked at Buck, and how she looked at herself. She knew she couldn't just forget about what happened and move on with her life. She needed to talk to Buck. He was the only one who could understand.

Lou had been trying for days to find a time to talk to Buck and was getting irritated. Mostly she couldn't find time when Kid wasn't around. He had meant it when he said he was never going to let her out of his sight. He followed her around like she couldn't look out for herself. She tried to understand. He very nearly lost her forever and she was trying to be sympathetic. She would probably dog his every step if he had been trapped like she had but it had been more than a few days now.

Buck wasn't handling things well either and she really wanted to talk to him. He was never alone and she was sure he did that on purpose. He knew darn well she wanted to talk about what happened and he was avoiding her. He was always gone in the morning when she woke up and he volunteered to take shifts at the jail to spell Teaspoon in the afternoons. He would do evening chores with Jimmy or Noah when they were around.

She knew he wasn't sleeping because he was awake and staring at her whenever she was awake and staring at him. He looked tortured and guilty all the time and that was exactly how she felt too.

Lou saw her opportunity the next day. Buck had gone into the barn alone. Rachel had just called Jimmy and Noah to help her carry some boxes and Kid was at Teaspoon's office. Lou walked into the barn and saw Buck busy saddling his horse. She was tired of the way he continually avoided her now.

"Buck, why won't you talk to me?" Lou asked.

"I don't want to complicate things," he said dismissively as he tightened the cinch on his horse.

"Things are already complicated," Lou protested. "Buck, I need to figure this out. My feelings are all over the place. We shared something really intense and beautiful and we can't un-share it. I really wish you would talk to me."

"What's the use, Lou," Buck said sadly. "My feelings shouldn't matter. You're with Kid and you're always going to be. The quicker we accept that the better off we'll both be."

"We…you said we, meaning both of us," Lou noticed and then smiled weakly, "You're just as confused as me, aren't you?"

He didn't say anything. He walked back up to his horse and leaned his head into its neck. He buried his face into its mane.

"Buck, we almost died in that cave. I'm not sorry for what happened between us. It was the most alive I've ever felt."

"Lou, we thought we were going to die," Buck said trying to diminish their feelings. "If we knew we were going to live we would have never have…well you know. We just wouldn't have."

"I know," She said softly

"I can't let myself want what I can't have," he said turning his back on her and leaning on his horse.

"What if you could?" she asked shyly. "Have me, I mean."

Buck looked at her startled.

"Buck, I don't know what I want anymore," Lou said trying not to cry, "Or who I want anymore."

"What about Kid?" he asked walking toward her.

She stepped to him and when they met, she put her hands on his shoulders. "I love the Kid and I probably always will, but I don't know if that's enough anymore. Being with you stirred up all sorts of feelings I never knew I had. It touched me in ways I can't describe. I don't want to go through the rest of my life never feeling like that again."

Buck's hands went instinctively to her waist. "But, what if you decide…"

"Buck," Lou said holding her finger to his lips to quiet him, "Kiss me."

"Lou," he said letting his hands drop to his side.

"Please, I need to know," she begged

"Need to know what?" he asked.

"If it's the same out here as it was in there."

Lou raised herself up on her tip toes seeking out his lips. Buck, losing his resolve, gave in to Lou and met her lips with his own. The kiss was sweet but then turned into a kiss of devastating passion. Their lovemaking from the cave came crashing back to them and they were both helpless to prevent it. Every time they touched each other was as if it were the only chance they would ever have to feel the fire that burned inside of them.

He ached for her, but he hadn't any right to feel the way he did. She belonged to Kid not him. He broke the kiss.

"I've got to get out of here for a while," he said desperately and vaulted onto his horse and galloped out of the barn door.

Lou watched him leave stunned as her fingers touched her lips. "Oh my god," she said tears forming in her eyes. "What am I going to do?"

"Lou, I've been looking all over for you," Kid said as he walked in the barn.

Lou looked back at him unsure of what to say or do.

What're ya doin' out here?" Kid asked watching Buck ride away. "What's with him?"

"Nothing, Kid," Lou said. "I gotta go. I promised Rachel I'd help her get supper ready."

Lou ran out of the barn and to the house leaving Kid looking confused.

* * *

><p>Lou was sitting on the porch steps of the bunkhouse after supper. She needed space away from everyone. She spent days trapped in a cave with Buck and she thought she was going to have to trap him in another one just to talk to him and try and clear the air between them. She heard the bunkhouse door open and knew it was Kid. She didn't acknowledge him and she hoped that would be enough for him to leave her alone.<p>

Kid came out of the bunkhouse looking for Lou and when he found her he stood behind her just watching. He didn't like the way Lou had retreated into herself. She didn't seem glad to have been rescued. She seemed resistant to talking with him and uncomfortable whenever he tried to hold her. Something was definitely going on with the woman he loved. She closed herself off and pushed him away whenever something big was bothering her. He wished she would talk to him about whatever it was.

"Lou, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Kid," Lou answered slightly annoyed.

"Are you sure?" he asked, "Because you ain't acting fine. You've been awful quiet since we rescued you and Buck from that cave."

"Have I?" Lou asked, her voice cracking slightly. She was scared that Kid could see right through her and then he'd know what she'd done.

"Yeah, you have," he answered gently. "I don't want to crowd ya, but I'm here if you want to talk."

"Thanks, Kid, but I'm really fine," she assured him.

All Kid could do was offer her his ear. He knew Lou well enough that when she wanted to talk, she would. It was always worth the wait and they always grew closer afterwards. So he would wait.

She heard the bunkhouse door close behind her. She was alone again. That made her a little sad, but mostly relieved.

Lou didn't like lying to Kid, but she couldn't talk about the cave with him. He wouldn't understand. She didn't know if he ever would.

She knew she had feelings for Buck, she just didn't understand what those feelings were. Were they love, were they lust? She didn't know for sure. Yes, they both thought they would never have to face the outside world again. Everything Buck is was laid out in front of her. He wasn't a mystery to her anymore. He had trusted her with his soul and she couldn't just disregard that. She had trusted him with her own and still did. Being with him had upended everything she thought she believed about love, destiny, and fate. She wished this would be as easy as loving her friend had been when they thought their lives were coming to an end, but it wasn't. There were other people involved.

* * *

><p>Teaspoon had been watching Buck for the last week. Every morning he would get up before dawn and ride out somewhere. Teaspoon assumed that he went out to pray. They boy looked troubled again. There was a brief moment between when he came back from Emma's and when he and Lou had that run together where they had the old Buck back.<p>

Now he was back to hardly eating again. Teaspoon was determined to get to the bottom of this. He didn't want to have to figure out another ruse to send him to Emma.

Teaspoon saw Buck hanging on the fence rails of the corral. He decided to walk over and see if the boy wanted to talk.

"Hey Buck, want to talk about it?" Teaspoon asked carefully.

"No," Buck said giving his standard answer.

"Well, you seem a might bit distracted and tormented," Teaspoon observed, "I thought I could help."

"You probably could, Teaspoon," Buck said, "But I'm not ready to talk about it."

"Oh," Teaspoon said knowingly, "You've got filly troubles."

Buck's facial expression turned from troubled to ill.

Teaspoon smiled. He was teasing, but the look on Buck's face told him he had struck the truth.

"What's her name, Buck?" Teaspoon asked playfully.

"Please, I can't talk about this," Buck pleaded. "I don't even know how."

"Buck, you know I've been married six times," Teaspoon bragged, "I'm an expert on the female heart. So which one is it? Myra or Hazel?"

"I've gotta go, Teaspoon," Buck said quickly and rushed inside the barn to saddle a horse.

Teaspoon watched Buck ride away. Teaspoon suspected Buck was in love, but being in love should be a happy thing, though it weighed on Buck like a curse. He was getting closer to figuring it all out. He just hoped he could reach his troubled rider before he descended into depression again.


	13. Chapter 13

Teaspoon stood by the corral watching as Buck rode away. He was concerned. So much so that he didn't hear Rachel until she was standing next to him.

"He talk to you?" she asked.

"Nope," Teaspoon answered.

"What do you think is wrong?" she asked.

"I think he's in love," Teaspoon said.

"If he's in love, shouldn't he be happy?" Rachel asked confused.

"You'd think that wouldn't you?" Teaspoon asked rhetorically. "I'm missing something."

"Well, why don't you pull him aside when he gets back and make him talk about what's bothering him," Rachel said, "We just got him back. I don't want to lose him again."

"I know, Rachel," he said. "Somehow I don't think Emma would mind if I sent him back to her, but I need to figure out how to get through to that boy on my own."

"You will, Teaspoon," Rachel said encouragingly.

* * *

><p>Teaspoon waited on the bunkhouse porch for Buck to come back. He knew the boy wouldn't be gone long. He saw Buck walk his horse into the station. He didn't look like the ride had helped him at all.<p>

"Come on, walk with me," Teaspoon said, "We'll go to a place without pryin' ears."

They walked about a mile out of town to a pond some of the local kids used as a fishing hole. They sat down on a downed tree and sat in silence for a few minutes. Buck picked up a stick and started to look at it intently. Finally, he gathered up the nerve to say something.

"It shouldn't have happened, Teaspoon," Buck volunteered.

"What shouldn't have happened son?" asked gently, "I teased you before about having filly troubles and it look like I struck a nerve. Are you in love, Son?"

If Buck had looked ill before, he looked positively green now. Teaspoon didn't understand.

"Buck, being in love is a wonderful thing," he said trying to figure out the problem. "There's no reason to deny it is there?"

"Teaspoon, she's getting married to someone else," he said snapping a twig in two.

"Is this about your friend Camille?" Teaspoon guessed.

Buck shook his head and tossed one of the sticks in the water.

Teaspoon understood now. He had fallen for a woman he couldn't have. Teaspoon knew how that felt. It was soul crushing, but he felt the boy would get over it. Well, as long as there weren't any other complications. He would have to ask to make sure.

"How does this woman feel about you?" Teaspoon asked hoping the woman didn't even know about Buck's feelings.

"She's confused, Teaspoon," Buck confessed, "I messed up everything for her."

"How'd you do that?" Teaspoon asked. This wasn't good. He hoped there wouldn't be a jealous fiancé coming by to challenge Buck to a duel or anything.

"We spent the night together," Buck admitted. "I didn't mean for it to happen, it's just that we weren't thinking straight."

Teaspoon closed his eyes as it suddenly became clear to Teaspoon who Buck was talking about and under what circumstances. "Lou, you're talking about Lou, ain't ya?"

He couldn't speak so he just nodded.

"Lordy, lord," Teaspoon said letting the information sink in. "Buck, you and Lou have been pretty tightlipped about that cave you were trapped in. Is that why?"

He nodded again and they sat in silence for a few minutes.

"We didn't want to hurt anyone," Buck explained, "And we didn't think we'd survive it. We were just being there for each other. The air was almost gone and we knew we were going to die. Then it just happened."

Teaspoon clapped his hand on Buck's shoulder. "Something that intense is bound to confuse anyone. I had an experience or two like that."

"What happened afterwards for you?" Buck asked hoping Teaspoon experience could help him.

"I got married, twice," Teaspoon said wearily.

Buck didn't feel that information was helpful at all.

"Lou should be with Kid," he said resolutely. "I need to stop these feelings and so does Lou."

"Maybe you should try dealing with them instead," Teaspoon suggested. "After what you and Lou have been through, there's no way to stop feelings that intense."

"Lou's tried to get me to deal with them, Teaspoon, it didn't help," Buck complained.

"Well, how did Lou want to deal with them?" Teaspoon asked curiously.

"She kissed me," Buck said and looked away.

"And that didn't clear everything up?" Teaspoon asked trying not to laugh.

"It made it worse," Buck said in frustration. "It was like the whole experience came flooding back only more intense. I had to ride away."

Teaspoon didn't know what to think. He had been one of Kid and Lou's biggest cheerleaders ever since he found out Lou was really Louise. He thought for sure those two were made for each other and would figure out everything. They had just gotten engaged and everything looked like it was going to go smooth. He had been looking forward to the wedding. Them two kids made him so proud. This new information really rocked his beliefs.

"Well, maybe this all happened for a reason," Teaspoon conceded. "Maybe Lou and Kid ain't supposed to end up together after all. Or maybe just not right now."

Buck gave him a look of disbelief. He felt like he had ripped out the romantic plot of a great piece of literature and replaced it with his own feeble chicken scratch attempts at writing.

"Buck, I've lived a lot of years and I've been on both sides of a broken heart," Teaspoon advised, "You can't always help who you fall in love with."

"Kid and Lou have been together on and off since Lou's first ride," Buck said offering evidence for his argument. "Besides, she has a much better chance at happiness with Kid than she does with me. I should just leave."

"Buck, no one wants you to go," Teaspoon said quickly. The last thing he needed was one of his riders wandering off because of a broken heart.

Buck just looked back at him with resolve. He truly thought it would be the right thing to do.

"I think Lou would blame herself, if you did," Teaspoon said gently. "If her feelings for you are as strong as the ones you carry for her, there's no way she'll marry the Kid until those feelings are resolved. Her sense of honor wouldn't let her. You being gone ain't gonna make those feelings disappear. The two of you will have to work this out. Trust me, Son."

Buck still looked a little ill, but Teaspoon wasn't sure that just wasn't a lack of food. They'd done all the talking this particular problem was going to require. How did his boys always manage to land in such interesting trouble? He didn't think his boys would come out of this one unscarred. He was most worried about Lou. He didn't really know how to talk to girls about love, but he hoped she would talk to Rachel.

* * *

><p>Lou stood outside the door to the house. She raised her hand to knock on the door several times and then lowered it. She turned to walk away a couple of times too. She needed to talk, but she was scared. Finally, she took a deep breath and knocked. A couple of seconds later Rachel opened the door.<p>

"Hello, Louise, what brings you up to the house?" Rachel asked smiling.

"Hey, Rachel, can I speak with you?"

"Sure, Sweetheart, come on in and sit down," Rachel said moving some books off the sofa. "I was just working on some lesson plans, but they can wait. What's on your mind?"

"Rachel, have you ever been in love with two people at the same time?" Lou asked fidgeting with the sleeve of her shirt.

"Lou, are you having second thoughts about marrying Kid?" Rachel asked gently.

"I don't know, I guess so, but…"

"Lou those feelings are normal," Rachel said. "The closer the day gets the more nervous and scared one becomes."

"Rachel something happened that has made me question everything," Lou confessed. "I'm not sure what I'm feeling anymore."

"What happened, Lou, and does it have anything to do with how Jimmy's been acting lately?"

"Jimmy?" asked Lou confused, "No, not Jimmy. He's in love with Alice."

Rachel mouthed the word oh. These boys never told her anything anymore. She felt like she was always on the outside looking in.

Lou took a deep breath. "As you know, a little over a week ago, Buck and I got trapped in a cave."

"Did something happen in the cave?" Rachel asked gently.

"You see, Rachel, we thought we were going to die and it just seemed right at the time," Lou rationalized. "We didn't think we'd be rescued."

"You and Buck made love, didn't you?" Rachel guessed.

Lou nodded.

Rachel put her arm around Lou and drew her into a comforting hug. "Does Kid know?"

She shook her head. "No, I can't tell him. It would crush him."

"Do you have feelings for Buck?" Rachel probed gingerly.

"I don't know, Rachel," Lou said with confusion written on her face. "Being with him was so much different than Kid. I know the situation was extraordinary, but everything was so intense. In that moment I was completely in love with him."

"And now?"

"I'm so confused Rachel," Lou sighed in frustration. "He won't talk to me about it, but I can see he's just as turned around as me. I thought if we spent some time talking we could figure out if the feelings were real or just a product of our situation. I thought if I kissed him it would be different and we would know what our feelings meant."

"Did you kiss him?"

She just nodded.

"Did you get an answer?"

"I'm just more confused," Lou said defeated. "I thought if I kissed him and the intensity wasn't there, then it was just the circumstances of being trapped. But, if anything it was more intense. I don't know what to do."

"Lou, you're going to have to work this out before you walk down that aisle," Rachel cautioned. "You need to figure out your feelings for Buck and when you do you need to talk to Kid. One way or the other you can't keep this from him."

"I know," Lou said, "I don't want anyone to get hurt. That's not possible, is it?"

"No, Honey, it isn't," Rachel said and drew Lou into a comforting hug and rocked her gently.

* * *

><p>"Teaspoon, you got a minute?" Rachel asked as Teaspoon was heading back to the marshal's office for the night.<p>

"For you, Rachel, I got all night," he said jovially.

"I wanted to talk to you about Lou and Buck," she said quietly.

Teaspoon's face turned serious. "I got prisoners in the jail, we'll have to talk up at the house."

"That's fine. Come on, I stashed some pie in the kitchen somewhere."

Teaspoon and Rachel settled into the kitchen with a piece of pie and a cup of coffee each. There was uneasiness in the room, but mostly because of their concern for the riders involved.

"I spoke to Lou today about what happened in the cave while she and Buck were trapped," Rachel announced picking up her cup and looking at the coffee.

"Yeah, I spoke with Buck today about the same thing," Teaspoon said. He held a fork in his hand, but felt like he didn't have the desire to use it, even though Rachel's pies were sublime.

"What are they gonna do, Teaspoon?" Rachel said seriously. "I think she's a little in love with him."

"I know he's in love with her," Teaspoon revealed and set down his fork. "What about Kid, did she say anything about him?"

"Not exactly, but I think she still loves him too," Rachel reported. "What did Buck say?"

"He's feeling guilty about the whole thing, including his feelings," Teaspoon answered. "I think we'll need to keep a special watch on him to make sure he doesn't bolt."

"You think he'd do that?" Rachel asked shocked.

"Yeah, I think he's already plotting his escape," Teaspoon answered. "He thinks it would be the noble thing to do."

"It would devastate Lou if he left because of her," Rachel said wearily. "We need to arrange them some time to deal with this. I don't want our family to break apart because of this."

"I've got a prisoner transfer set for tomorrow morning," Teaspoon remembered. "I'll send Kid along with Jimmy. That should make it easier for Lou to find time to talk to Buck. I'll drop by the bunkhouse on my way back to the office and let Kid know."

* * *

><p>Jimmy and Kid rode on in silence for the first few miles of their trip to Seneca. Their quarry was not a notorious killer with a loyal gang. He was a loner who killed a man and stole his horse. Their trip should be largely uneventful.<p>

"Jimmy," Kid said, "Does Lou seem different to you?"

Jimmy really hadn't been thinking about Lou much lately as his mind was always on Alice.

"I don't know, Kid," Jimmy replied, "I guess I haven't really been paying attention."

"Well, Lou was happy and excited about the wedding, and well, now she seems to be weighted down by something," Kid explained. "She hasn't said anything to you?"

"Kid, Lou and me ain't really talked since before we shot Buck," he answered. Truthfully he kind of missed their talks, but he really didn't know what was going on now.

"I wonder what has got her so upset," Kid said thinking aloud. "I know she'll tell me eventually, but she seems so upset and all I want to do is help her."

"Don't worry, Kid," Jimmy said, "I bet she'll be ready to talk by the time we get back."

* * *

><p>Buck was in the barn feeding the horses when he heard the barn door creak. He knew it was her. She had been trying to get him alone since yesterday.<p>

"Buck," Lou said with conviction, "Let's go for a ride."

Buck turned and looked at her with a pleading face.

"I'm not taking 'no' for an answer, now saddle up," she said grabbing her saddle out of the tack room.

Buck could see he wasn't going to win this argument and he knew they needed to have this talk especially after his conversation with Teaspoon. He just couldn't help fearing that when this was done his heart would be broken. As long as they didn't talk, it wasn't really over. It was time to face it though. He hesitantly went into the tack room and grabbed his saddle too.

They saddled their horses in the quiet of the morning looking over at one another occasionally never meeting the other's glance.

"I'm gonna tell Rachel we're going on a ride. I'll be right back. Don't you dare leave without me," she said handing the reins of her horse to Buck.

Buck led the horses out of the barn and waited for her dutifully, but everything in him wanted to run away. He watched her come out of the house with Rachel following. Rachel hugged her and she came down the steps of the porch. She jogged back to Buck and the horses. Buck looked back at Rachel and she smiled at him. It gave him a small slice of hope.

They rode in silence for a while. Buck let his hat fall off the back of his head and let his hair blow in the breeze. Lou did the same and spurred her horse into a run when they came upon an open bit of prairie. Buck did the same. She noted how much happier Buck seemed when he was on horseback running free like the wind.

They came upon a creek where they stopped the horses and let them drink their fill.

"I don't want to put this off anymore, I can't," Lou declared, "I have feelings for you, Buck. I don't know what to do about them."

"Forget about them, Lou," Buck advised. You have a chance to be happy with Kid. You should take it."

"I can't just forget about them, Buck," Lou said angrily. "That night is in my dreams and always in my thoughts. I need to know if that night was just about the circumstances we found ourselves in or if it was something more."

"How are we supposed to find that out, by talking?" Buck asked doubtfully.

"No, like this," she said and kissed him.

He broke the kiss. "I can't do this, Lou."

"What are you afraid of, Buck?" she asked. "I want you to kiss me honestly and let me know how you feel."

"Why do I need to kiss you, why can't we just talk about it?" he countered.

"You don't hide from me in your kisses and I need to know how you feel," Lou explained turning him toward her.

"You want to know how I feel?" he asked looking into her eyes.

"Yes," she said simply.

He could see no deception. He desperately wanted to trust her. He pulled her against him and planted a soulful kiss upon her lips. It was his answer to all of her questions. It was full of passion and a bit of sadness. He wanted her now and for always. His kiss couldn't lie to her or deceive her. It was completely honest and devastatingly so.

Lou was stunned for a second and then took the kiss in for all it was. She needed to answer his desire with her own. She remembered the cave. She knew that the passion between them wasn't temporary but something more permanent. This was how his kisses were always going to feel. She started to crave him –every bit of him, just like in the cave.

They started to kiss and touch each other with abandon. Their clothes came off quickly and soon they were making love again as if their very lives depended on it. There was so much Buck wanted to say to her, but he could only tell her through his actions. Lou needed to answer his every question and concern –needed to reassure him in every way. She had never been this close and open with anyone in her life. She knew now that it wouldn't be quite the same with anyone else. She and Buck had something rare and special.

They held each other tight and then collapsed against one another out of breath. Buck leaned up against a tree and Lou leaned against him. He wrapped his arms around her. He let his head fall back against the tree with a thud. He didn't have any answers to the problems they found themselves facing.

"What happens now?" Lou asked with a pained expression on her face.

"I don't know," Buck sighed. "Lou, I think I should leave."

Lou pulled away from him and turned to face him. "Buck, you can't leave. It wouldn't be right."

"And this is right?" Buck said pointing at their naked bodies. "You're engaged to one of my best friends. I can't keep betraying him this way. I'm hurting you, can't you see?"

"I'm hurting you and Kid too," Lou said. "I don't want to make a mistake. I want to make sure if I get married, I'm marrying the right guy."

"Kid's the right guy, Lou," Buck assured her. "You should forget about me. That'll be easier if I'm not here."

"No it wouldn't," Lou said defiantly. "Besides if you left I'd follow you and bring you back. This is your home and you've got nowhere else to go. I won't be responsible for taking that away from you."

Buck smiled. "Teaspoon said you'd react that way."

"You told Teaspoon?" Lou asked with her eyes wide.

"Teaspoon can read me like a book, Lou. He figured it out."

Lou smiled. "I told Rachel too."

Lou snuggled in closer to Buck. She wanted to feel his warm skin on hers and wondered if this was the last time she would. She honestly didn't want it to be and found herself kissing his neck.

Buck closed his eyes and was drawn in by her kisses. He wanted to stay there, but he couldn't –this wasn't right.

"Lou, we can't do this," he pleaded.

"I just need to feel you, and love you one last time, before everything changes," Lou said. "I have to tell Kid the truth about the cave."

"I know." He gave himself permission to be in the moment once more. The last time he would allow himself to betray his friend.

He let his hands roam over the curves of her body giving her goose bumps and sending shivers through her. Every time they were together was to be the last time, but Lou knew the way he was touching her and kissing her that he never wanted this to end. She kissed him and touched him the same way. They made love for the second time that day under the tree in the long prairie grass.

Lou laid her head on Buck's shoulder and put her hand on his chest feeling the gentle beating of his heart. "Buck, are you my friend?"

"I am and I always will be -No matter what," he answered holding her close.

"I don't want to stop seeing you and I don't think I'm ready to break things off with Kid," she confessed.

"I know," he said looking guiltily up at the sky. "I won't pressure you to do anything you don't want to do."

"Thanks, Buck," she said guiltily, "But I don't want to hurt you either."

"The only way you would hurt me is if you made a choice that didn't make you happy," he assured her. "That's all I want for you, Louise, is for you to be happy."

"We should go back to the station," Lou suggested, "Before someone comes looking for us."

By the time they got back to the station they were late for lunch. Rachel gave them a knowing smile and told them there were some sandwiches in the kitchen that she saved them. Buck and Lou were both a little more at ease and that was something.

* * *

><p>Jimmy and Kid had returned from the prisoner transfer by supper time and Buck was once again picking at his dinner. Lou was quiet but seemed like she was building up her courage.<p>

Rachel looked across the table to Teaspoon and she could tell he could see it too. Tomorrow things were going to take a turn and their family might never be the same.

Teaspoon cleared his throat a little. "Buck, are you feeling up to taking a longer run tomorrow?"

A look of profound relief came over his face. "Sure, Teaspoon," he answered. "Where to?"

"Fort Kearny," Teaspoon answered. "I have a dispatch that needs to be personally delivered and I need you to wait for an answer. It may take a few days to get that answer."

The thought of being away from the station when Kid found out what he had done was a great relief to Buck. He knew it was cowardly of him, but he also knew that Kid was sometimes rash in his reactions. He wasn't sure how Kid was going to react to the news and he really didn't want to be in the path of Kid's anger.

"You better eat up and hit the sack, Buck, you leave bright and early in the morning."


	14. Chapter 14

Lou watched as Kid went into the barn. She knew he was alone. Buck was long gone on his run to Fort Kearny and the other boys were in town with Teaspoon shooting the breeze in his office or off to the saloon to watch the poker games. He left Kid in charge of the station while they were out.

Lou still didn't know what she wanted to do, but she felt it was time she told Kid the truth. If he loved her he would understand and give her the time she needed, she hoped. She knew it would hurt him and he might even leave her, but she knew she couldn't keep it from him any longer.

"Hey, Kid," she said to him upon entering the barn.

"Hey, Lou, what's up?" he asked giving her an easy smile. He was busy sorting some tack that needed repairs.

"I was wondering if you had time to talk," she said hesitating a little.

"I always have time to talk to you Lou. What's on your mind?" he asked his smiled fading slightly.

"I was just thinking about the cave. I need to tell you what happened in there." Her voice was barely audible. She was trying hard not to lose her nerve. Kid was being so sweet lately and she hated that what she was going to say was going to hurt him.

Kid stopped everything he was doing. He could tell by her fidgeting that what she wanted to say was weighing heavy on her heart and soul. He gave her his undivided attention. He took her hand and led her over to a bale of hay and they sat down together. Kid put his arm lovingly around her.

"Were you scared?" he asked after several minutes of silence.

"Of dying, yes. We were out of food, out of water, and nearly out of air. I didn't think I'd ever see the outside world again. I didn't think I'd see you again." Her eyes were starting to well up. She didn't want to cry, but she couldn't help it.

"It's over now, Lou. You're safe," he said hugging her tightly lightly kissing the top of her head. "I'm so glad we found you in time."

Lou buried her head into Kid's shoulder. "Sometimes I'm not, Kid."

"What do you mean, Lou?" he asked moving her away from him so he could look her in the eye.

Lou bit her lip to keep herself from completely breaking down, but she could feel the tears fall from her eyes. "Something happened in that cave between me and Buck."

"Did he hurt you? Lou, if he hurt you, I'll kill him," he said standing up -his concern turning to anger.

"He didn't hurt me, Kid," she said quickly, "Buck would never do that."

"Lou?" he asked weakly. He started to pale and his eyes became glassy.

She closed her eyes letting fresh tears fall. She had to get this out. It was poison to her soul keeping this secret from him. "Something happened between us that I can't take back -I don't want to take back. It was a decision we made because we didn't think we would live to face the consequences."

"Oh God, Lou, you and Buck?" He walked over to Katy's stall and faced away from her. He couldn't look at her. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked as a couple of tears rolled down his face.

"You deserved to know the truth before we got married," she sobbed. "I didn't want to start our lives together with a lie."

"You still want to marry me?" he asked quietly.

"I think so, I don't know." She didn't want to make any drastic decisions right now. She wasn't ready for him to leave her life.

Kid didn't like the indecision in her voice, it scared him. He could feel the blood rush to his ears and his mind was racing.

"You and Buck, is it over?" he asked as his voice cracked.

"I don't know," she whispered.

"What do you mean 'you don't know,' Lou? Either it is or it isn't."

"The cave, that place, feeling like we were going to die, it stirred up feelings I haven't been able to sort out completely. I don't know if it's cold feet or if there's something real. I can't just forget what happened or pretend it didn't mean anything to me."

"It's not over with Buck, is it?" Kid asked putting his hand to his forehead and looking to the ceiling.

"No, I was with him yesterday," she admitted. "We went for a ride to talk."

"But you didn't just talk, did you?" he demanded

She shook her head she couldn't look at him.

"God, Lou, are you in love with him?" Kid asked not wanting to know the answer if it was yes.

"No, yes, maybe, I don't know," Lou whispered.

"What about me, Lou?" he asked trying to control his emotions. "Where do I fit in with all this?"

"I don't know," she sobbed. "I love you Kid, so much. I'm just so confused about my feelings. I don't know what I want anymore. I just need some time to figure it out."

Kid took Lou in his arms and kissed her hard on the mouth. Lou wanted to feel something magical and intoxicating, but the kiss was the same kiss she and Kid always shared. She loved Kid's kisses and it was a really passionate kiss. She could feel him trying to say more with it but she couldn't get herself to open herself up to it. It almost felt like a betrayal. The innocence she felt in the kisses she shared with Kid was gone though. She was even more confused now than when she came in the barn and she knew she needed to leave. She broke away from the kiss and ran from the barn tears streaming down her cheeks.

Lou ran and hid inside Rachel's house. Rachel gave her some space when Lou didn't want to be around the boys. Right now was one of those times. Lou didn't know what to do about Kid and Buck. She knew they couldn't go on like this forever. They couldn't go on like this for another day. She felt terrible for leaving both of them hanging while she figured out what she wanted. The pressure she felt she was under was terrible.

She looked down at the ring on her finger. It was a lie. When she took it, she promised her heart and soul to Kid. She promised to marry him and forsake all others. She couldn't do it. She needed to give the ring back. It didn't mean she didn't still have feelings for him, but it did mean that she couldn't marry him -at least not when they planned to have the wedding. She should have given the ring back in the barn when she was telling Kid what happened in the cave. That would have been right. Instead she may have mistakenly let him believe that her feelings for Buck were fleeting and they were not. She knew that when he asked if it was over between her and Buck. The thought of never being held or kissed by Buck again saddened her. She wanted to feel his touch again.

But…she looked at the ring again. When she said yes to Kid, she had meant it with her whole heart. The day Kid had asked her to marry him was the happiest day of her life. She had finally come to understand how her independence and a partnership with Kid could work. She was hopeful and happy. She really felt like the two of them could take on the world and win. She and Kid made love and it was so nice and tender. They had become one that afternoon and it was special. That wasn't a lie. But everything had changed so much. She had messed it up. She should have listened to Buck. He knew Teaspoon and Kid would find them. She knew that he didn't know for sure, he hoped they would find them, but he was still right.

Then the cave happened and changed everything. She wasn't angry about that. It was a night that she would never forget. Everything about that night was full of emotion and love. She may have never known that kind of love if it hadn't been for that cave. The only thing she wished is that she wasn't hurting so many people. She didn't know how they would all be okay again. She didn't even know _if_ they'd all be ok again. She didn't want to drive anyone away and yet she didn't know how they could all live here in peace. Maybe she should be the one to go. She could go visit Emma again or find another place to be. She knew she couldn't let Kid or Buck leave. She created this situation and she would have to fix it.

She loved them both and it was tearing her and them apart. This wasn't fair.

* * *

><p>Teaspoon came back to a quiet station and wondered where everyone was. He walked into the barn and saw Kid standing next to Katy's stall looking a curry brush like it was the first time he'd seen one.<p>

"Kid, you okay?" Teaspoon asked the sullen rider.

"Would you be okay, Teaspoon," Kid asked sadly, "If your fiancé betrayed you with one of your best friends?"

"No, I s'pose not," Teaspoon said putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"You knew, didn't you?" Kid asked bitterly.

"Just figured it out recently myself," Teaspoon said trying to be neutral. "You want to talk about it?"

"I don't know, Teaspoon," Kid answered. "I love Lou so much and I don't want to lose her. I'm just so angry too. I don't know how I feel half the time."

"I know, sometimes, matters of the heart ain't so simple," Teaspoon said.

"Everything seems like it is out of my control," Kid observed. "It's almost like I have no say in how this plays out. Like I have to sit back and wait for Lou to figure it out."

"Kid the way I see it, all you can do is wait for her to decide what she wants," Teaspoon said, "Unless, of course, you take yourself out of the choices."

I don't think I can, Teaspoon," Kid said, "Does that make me weak?"

"No, Kid it doesn't," Teaspoon answered, "It makes you a man in love."

"How could they have done that, Teaspoon?" Kid said in frustration. "How could they have betrayed me that way?"

"Kid, I'm pretty sure neither of them set out to hurt you that night," Teaspoon said. "Ask yourself what you would have done if you and Buck were in each other's places."

"I don't know Teaspoon," Kid said, "I would hope I would have shown more self control then he did."

"Well, think of it this way," Teaspoon proposed, "What if they had died in there? Would you feel better knowing that they were a comfort to each other in their last moments?"

"I don't think so," Kid said.

"I'm sorry, Son," Teaspoon said.

* * *

><p>Lou dried her eyes and looked out to the barn. She saw Teaspoon leave. It looked like he'd just had a tough conversation with someone and she figured Kid must still be in the barn. She swallowed hard and knew what she had to do.<p>

Lou opened the barn door and saw Kid sitting on a hay bale with his head in his hands. She had done this. She broke his heart. She hadn't meant to, and she thought deep down he knew that. She looked at how sad he was and started to have second thoughts. She didn't want to hurt him more than she already had today. He would be clinging to the knowledge that Lou still wore his ring. That was giving him hope. But Lou knew the hope was a lie and she needed to do this. It was the right thing to do.

"Kid," Lou said softly, "I need to talk to you."

"Lou, I really can't right now," Kid said trying to keep Lou from seeing him cry.

Lou sat down next to him and started to rub his back. She couldn't just turn her feelings off for him.

"I'm so sorry, Kid," she said. "I need to give this back to you."

Lou held the ring that Kid had given her in her fingers.

"Please keep it," he said.

"I can't, not right now anyways," Lou said, "That wouldn't be fair to you. I know that I love you, but before I marry anyone I need to be absolutely sure and right now I'm not. I'm so sorry."

Kid took it from her and looked at it. Lou slowly got up and left the barn.

* * *

><p>The rest of the week was torture for Kid. He could hardly look at Lou at meals or during chores. His only solace was that Buck was away on a run. He was sure Teaspoon had sent Buck on that run to ease the tension and make sure the two of them didn't get into a fight. Kid didn't hang around the station too much preferring to take up his free time in the saloon nursing sarsaparillas and watch poker games. After much hemming and hawing, Kid finally told Jimmy what was going on. Jimmy was understanding and decided to be a support system to Kid. They had bonded on the way to Emma and Sam's and Jimmy wanted to be there for his friend.<p>

Jimmy didn't blame Buck like Kid did. Jimmy knew if he had been in Buck's boots he'd have done the same thing. He'd seen how tortured and upset both Buck and Lou had been since they rescued them from the cave and now he understood why. It looked to him like Teaspoon and Rachel had a handle on Buck and Lou, so he concentrated his own energies on Kid. Kid was his friend and he would stand by him and get him through this. Maybe he would take him on a little trip to James Creek. A change of scenery would do him good. Jimmy had told Alice he would only be gone two months at the most. He knew that wasn't going to be the case anymore and wanted to get word to her personally. His family was threatening to fall apart and he needed to help keep it together. He wanted to be with Alice so badly, but he knew she would understand and wait for him. He would need to start making regular trips to see her. That would be helpful for their relationship and keep him from missing her too much.

Kid kept a lookout for Buck. He wanted to talk to him, yell at him, hit him, hurt him, or maybe just ask why. They needed to clear the air. At twilight he saw the familiar dust cloud coming toward the station and knew Buck was home. As bad as it was with Lou around, Kid didn't know how things were going to go now that Buck was around too. He didn't know if he could stand being around the station while either of them was there. He thought maybe if he and Buck talked, he would be able to figure out what to do or maybe they could figure out an understanding. Kid leaned up against the back wall of the barn watching the stars begin to shine brighter. Kid heard the barn door open and the horse and rider walk in. This was his chance.

"It's about time you got back," Kid said harshly from the back doorway of the barn.

Buck looked up surprised and immediately realized Kid had been waiting for him to return.

"I'm not going to fight you, Kid," Buck said bracing for Kids reaction.

"And I'm not here to get into a fight with you, Buck," Kid stated. "We need to have a talk about Lou. I know what happened between the two of you."

"I'm sorry, Kid," Buck said looking at the ground, "I didn't mean for what happened in the cave to happen."

"I asked you to look after her, not sleep with her," Kid yelled angrily.

"I'm so sorry," Buck said backing away. "I don't know how else to say it." He'd never betrayed a friend before and didn't know what to do to make it better other than to apologize.

"I don't care if you're sorry, Buck," Kid shot back, "I just want you to stay away from her from now on."

"Don't you think I've tried," Buck said letting out his own frustration.

"I love her, Buck, doesn't that mean anything to you?" Kid asked raising his voice more.

"Of course it does," Buck replied. "I wish I could go back and change the past but I can't."

"Then change the future," Kid begged. "Bow out and let me have her."

"I tried to bow out," Buck said. "I tried to convince her that you were the better choice. She doesn't want me trying to make her decisions for her."

"Dammit, Buck, she was going to be my wife," Kid said and pounded his fist into a wall. His voice started to crack, "She was going to be my wife."

Kid leaned his head against the barn wall and tried to collect himself. He knew that if Lou wanted to spend time with Buck there was no way she would be dissuaded. He knew it because he knew her. Lou would never let them make her choice for her. He just couldn't help feeling her slip through his fingers.

"You hurt me, Buck," Kid said swallowing his tears, "I trusted you and you betrayed me."

"I'm sorry, Kid, I never meant to hurt you," Buck said choking back tears of his own.

"Do you love her?" Kid asked quietly.

"Yes," Buck said quietly back.

Kid felt defeated. It would easy to hate Buck if he didn't love her, but knowing that he loved her made him feel worse. He didn't have any other solutions to offer save one more.

"Why don't we just agree to stay out of each other's way for a while," Kid suggested, "Until we figure out how to deal with each other."

Buck nodded. He didn't fault Kid for any of this. This was a mess of his own making and Kid was a just a victim of his poor judgment.

"I'll sleep out here in the barn from now on," Buck offered and Kid nodded his appreciation.

Kid returned to the bunkhouse, walked over to the lantern, and started to turn the wick down.

"Wait, where's Buck?" Lou asked. "I saw him ride in. We should wait for him before turning the light out."

"He's sleeping in the barn, Lou," Kid said without expression. "It was his idea."

Kid gave the curious looks on the faces of the others an icy look and not even Cody wanted to make a comment. Jimmy understood and saw the pain that was etched into his friend's face.

Lou waited until she thought everyone was asleep and crept out of the bunkhouse. Kid watched her leave and felt a deep sadness come over him. Even though she wasn't ready to admit it, she had chosen who she wanted to be with. He didn't know how he was going to be able to let her go. Maybe she just got up to use the outhouse. He knew when she didn't come back that she went to the barn.

Lou opened the barn door and found the stall where Buck had set up a pallet of straw and blankets. He wasn't sleeping; he was just turned away and staring at the wall. Lou slid under the covers behind him and held him close. He rolled over and looked at her. She saw the sadness in his eyes and kissed him. She never wanted him to feel cast out. It wasn't fair for him to be out in the barn all alone.

"What are you doing here, Lou?" Buck asked after the kiss's conclusion.

"I came here for you," Lou said stroking his hair.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" Buck asked looking into her eyes.

"I don't know," she said. "It's just not fair for you to be out here. Everything's my fault and you are the one being punished."

"I'm okay," Buck said and took her in his arms as she snuggled in close.

"I gave Kid his ring back," she said.

"Are you alright?" Buck asked knowing that Lou's heart was broken.

"No," she said, "But I will be."

Buck kissed her head as he held her close. He didn't want to be alone and he was glad she came. He was afraid he was going to lose his family. There was so much tension and he didn't want the others to feel like they needed to take sides. The most important thing to Buck was that he and Lou not lose their friendship. If Lou and Kid got back together now, there was no way Kid would ever let him be near Lou again. They had been good friends before the cave and he hoped they still would be now and forever no matter what Lou decided. He just didn't know if that would be possible anymore. Buck held Lou until she fell asleep and then allowed himself to try to sleep too.


	15. Chapter 15

The next weeks were tough on everybody. They were all on edge. Nobody knew how to deal with the unease around the station and it felt like everyone was walking on egg shells. Kid and Buck had a hard time working together without one of them walking away to avoid fisticuffs. Lou was always upset and running off on her own or to Rachel's. Teaspoon and Rachel were at the ends of their ropes while Jimmy, Cody, and Noah just tried to keep the family together.

Lou really wanted to talk to Kid, but he was just as elusive as Buck had been when they first emerged from the cave. She wanted to tell him she still loved him and that they weren't necessarily done as a couple. She had some things to work out. If nothing else, Lou wanted to be friends with both Kid and Buck. They had all been friends before and now everything was a mess. She knew whatever she decided would hurt one of them and she needed to take them both out of her decision making process for a little while. What she wanted and decided definitively, would be best for her in the long run. Everyone else would adapt. She couldn't be with one of them out of pity. That wouldn't be fair to any of them. She needed to be with who she wanted to be with. It was a simple idea in theory, but very complicated in practice. She needed to decide what and who she wanted and she needed to figure that out soon.

She and Buck still spent time together when they could which wasn't often, but they both decided it would be best if they weren't alone. With Lou's feelings so confused, Buck didn't want to confuse her more. He loved Lou even though he had yet to tell her that. He didn't think it was fair to say when she still had feelings for Kid. He still thought she would be better off with Kid even though it would break his heart. So if he didn't tell her about his feelings it didn't make them real.

Lou kept thinking about Kid. He seemed to think everything was over when Lou gave him the ring back. She didn't want him to take it that way because she wasn't sure herself. She couldn't accept his ring when her feelings were so confused. She hoped he would understand that but he didn't. He just avoided her now.

It seemed to Kid that whenever Lou wasn't at the station, neither was Buck and he had a hard time not imagining that they were together. Kid came to Teaspoon and Rachel separately asking for as many runs as he could get. He was finding it difficult being around Lou and also Buck. He did, however, appreciate that they didn't rub whatever was going on with them now in his face. At least he didn't know if they were sneaking off together. Everything was uncomfortable and awkward. He didn't know if Lou and Buck were together or not. Lou wanted to talk to him, but he didn't want to talk to her. He didn't want her to say something to him that would hurt him more. By this time both Cody and Noah had figured out that Kid and Lou weren't engaged anymore but didn't know any of the details. They weren't about to ask either.

Cody noticed Kid was starting to spend an awful lot of time in the saloon and followed him there one night. He almost laughed when he caught Kid nursing a sarsaparilla.

"I've been watching you come here for over a week and you mean to tell me you're only here for the sarsaparilla?" Cody asked.

Kid looked at him startled.

"I just needed to get away from the station is all," Kid said hoping Cody would leave him be.

"Kid, you can't drown your sorrows in sarsaparilla," Cody joked. "It just doesn't work. I've tried."

"Aw, Cody, I came here to be alone," Kid said. "I can't be around Lou right now. I can't watch her fall in love with someone else."

"Lou's falling in love with someone else?" Cody asked astonished.

"Oh come on, Cody, don't tell me you haven't seen the way she looks at him?" Kid asked.

"Looks at who?" Cody asked and then tried to change the subject. "Kid what you need is the comfort of a good woman."

Cody saw his favorite saloon girl Celia Barnes walking over to where the pair were sitting.

"Kid, have you met the lovely Miss Celia?" Cody asked with a bright smile on his face.

"Who's your friend, Billy," Celia asked as she draped an arm around Kid.

Kid turned to look at the saloon girl and blushed slightly. She was really pretty, but her dress reminded him of the one Lou wore in Willow Creek when he faced off against Cole Lambert. He wished he could forget about Lou for just one night. Celia certainly smelled different than Lou, he thought as he inhaled her scent.

"Celia, this is Kid," Cody said.

Celia looked into Kid's eyes and smiled seductively as she slid her index finger down his neck the open area of his shirt. She played with the hair on his chest and Kids eyes started to droop as if he were under a spell.

Cody tapped the bar a few times with his fingers and the bartender put up three shots of whiskey. Cody handed one to Kid and one to Celia, saving the last shot for himself.

Kid looked at the amber liquid and decided he'd been the honorable one for long enough. He downed the drink and let the alcohol burn its way down his throat. He suppressed a cough as the shock hit him. Cody smiled and let Celia work her magic.

A couple of drinks later and Celia was leading Kid up the stairs. Cody smiled and ordered a sarsaparilla, sat back at a table, and waited for Kid's return.

Nearly an hour later Kid returned. Cody could see a look of guilt mixed with something closer to relief.

"Let's go home, Kid," Cody said as he smiled and clapped a congratulatory arm around Kid.

All Kid could think of on the way back to the station was Lou. He gave Cody a fake smile and hoped that he would leave him to his own devices next time. Cody would have none of it and hooked him up with Miss Celia for most the week. Kid was feeling sort of liberated, but at the same time guilty. He guessed he understood more about what Lou and Buck were going through.

* * *

><p>Jimmy watched Kid and decided Cody's methods of mending his broken heart weren't really going to make Kid feel better at all. He was going to visit Alice, so he would invite Kid along. He really wanted Alice to meet his friends and Kid was just about his best friend. He was going to ask Kid to stand up for him when the time came to marry her. Jimmy really thought it would do Kid some good to be around the Peacemakers. Their lives were simple and their stresses were even simple. They only dealt with the normal everyday stresses of communal living. Kid had too many stresses. Lou was a huge stress and Buck was too although to a lesser extent. Hanging out with Cody at the saloon was turning into a big stress too. Jimmy could see that. The express coming to an end was a stress on all of them. Being out of a job and having no idea what comes next can sometimes be too much and Jimmy felt that was exactly where Kid was right now. Kid's plans had fallen through and now he was lost. Jimmy wanted Kid to figure out his future and he would need peace and quiet to do that. Peace and quiet was the one thing the Peacemakers had in abundance.<p>

Jimmy talked it over with Teaspoon so all he had to do now was to convince the Kid to come with him.

He found Kid in the bunkhouse lying on his bunk with his arm over his head.

"Hey, Kid, you want to come for a ride with me?" Jimmy asked at a volume that turned out to be much too loud for Kid.

Kid squirmed and held his head and moaned, "Not so loud."

"Damn Cody," Jimmy muttered, "I'll deal with him later."

Jimmy knelt next to Kid's bunk and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, get up, Kid," Jimmy said softly, "You are coming with me. Get packing. We'll be gone about two weeks. Meet me in the barn when you're done."

Jimmy left the bunkhouse when Kid started to stir and was done saddling Sundance when Kid finally walked into the barn. Jimmy went into the tack room and came out with Katy's saddle and Kid started organizing their provisions for the trip. The bedrolls were packed and they had plenty of hard tack, jerky, and coffee.

Kid caught himself thinking about how much better the food was when taking a trip with Buck. Buck would hunt for fresh meat and bring back fresh greens or wild berries. He quickly pushed it out of his mind. He still wanted to be angry with Buck. He just wished everything could be different. Maybe going on this trip with Jimmy would fix it. He just needed time to think without Lou or Buck around.

Jimmy finished saddling Katy and the two friends mounted up and headed out toward James Creek.

"You know, spending time in the saloon ain't gonna solve your problems with Lou," Jimmy advised.

"I know, Jimmy," Kid said, "It's just so hard to be around Lou knowing what she and Buck did."

"Do you still love her?" Jimmy asked.

"How could I not?" Kid answered. "She's Lou. I don't know how not to love her."

"Then why ain't you fighting for her?" Jimmy asked.

"I don't know, Jimmy," Kid answered, "I don't know if I can."

"Well, the way it looks to me, is you fight for her or lose by default," Jimmy observed.

"Jimmy, something was missing between Lou and me," Kid explained. "I don't know what, but whatever it was she found it in Buck."

"What if that's the only thing she found there?" Jimmy asked. "You and Lou have built up a relationship with each other that none of the rest of us has. You shouldn't discount that."

"The two of them have been getting a lot closer since Ike died," Kid said. "I don't think I'm the only one who's close with Lou."

"Kid, I've seen how Lou's been acting since she gave your ring back," Jimmy remarked, "And she hasn't given up on you yet. I know you're hurt and all, but you should talk to her before you lose the chance."

Kid and Jimmy rode the rest of the day in silence. Kid was trying to both think about what Jimmy had said and not think about Lou too much. It was hard to balance.

The rest of the ride the next day was easier. Jimmy let Kid talk out his feelings about Lou, but no conclusions were made. Kid was really hurt and at the same time he really wanted to believe that he and Lou had a chance. The rest of the trip was largely uneventful, but Jimmy couldn't help but think somebody was following them.

Alice ran to meet Jimmy when they arrived. He jumped from his horse and caught her in a whirling embrace. He kissed her long and slow, as was appropriate for the amount of time they had been separated.

Kid lightly cleared his throat.

Jimmy blushed and introduced Alice to Kid. He took Kid around and introduced him to Jacob and the rest of the peacemakers that he knew. Jacob made sure they had a room to stay in. Kid had done as Jimmy suggested and put his gun in his saddlebags out of respect for the Peacemakers.

Jimmy spent nearly all his time with Alice so Kid had a lot of time to just sit and think. The people were nice to him and he helped with chores and even played some games with the children. It was nice feeling like he wasn't under any pressure. He tried to think about what he wanted and he wanted a good life with a good woman. He wanted to own a small farm and raise children. That is what he wanted.

* * *

><p>Lou was moping around the station and saw that Buck was finished with his chores. She had been thinking and really wanted to talk. She really wanted to talk to Buck.<p>

Buck leaned against the corral fence and Lou saw her chance.

"Buck, can we go for a ride somewhere?" Lou asked.

"Sure, Lou," Buck answered. He became slightly concerned when he saw how contemplative Lou was.

They rode in silence for a while and ended up at the same spot they seemed to always end up. They dismounted and let the horses graze freely in the meadow.

Buck sensed Lou wanted to talk about something serious. She needed him to be a friend today and he was alright with that. He led her over to their favorite tree. He sat against it, pulled Lou down, and held her comfortingly in front of him.

"What's on your mind, Lou?" he asked.

"I was just thinking about you and me," she answered.

Buck felt himself getting nervous and a little scared. She usually wasn't as serious as she was today when they were together. He was suddenly scared they wouldn't be able to be anything to each other anymore.

"Buck, what would life be like for us, if we got married?" Lou asked.

Buck shifted a little. This was why he was trying to steer her back towards Kid. Her life would be so much easier if she went ahead with her plans to marry him.

"It would be hard, Lou," Buck said quietly. "You see how people treat me? They would treat you worse."

The news didn't startle Lou as much as she thought it would. Maybe it was because she expected it. She did see how people treated Buck and she was paying more attention to it since the cave.

"Everything that would come easy for most people would be hard for us," Buck said honestly, "It would be difficult for us to buy land. I would have a difficult time finding work. The women in town would probably shun you. If we farmed or ranched we would have a difficult time selling animals or crops at a good price."

"How do you stay here, when you are treated this way?" Lou asked, "Do you ever think about going back to your people?"

"No, because, believe it or not, I'm treated no better there," he answered sadly, "And there is more opportunity for me to succeed here."

"I'm glad you're here," Lou said, "It's better here at the Express, right? Where people love you and care about you?"

"Yes, it is the best I've ever had it," he said, "I don't know what I'm going to do when the Express is over."

"Me either," Lou said. She snuggled in against him and they sat just holding on to one another.

* * *

><p>Jimmy and Kid stayed at the bruder hoff for nearly a week. Jimmy knew it was time to go back to the station, but he didn't want to go. He hated telling Alice he was leaving again, but she understood. She knew now he would be back and back to stay. Kid seemed to be more at peace and Jimmy promised Teaspoon they would only be gone two weeks. There were still runs to take although there were mostly military now.<p>

Jimmy and Alice had a tearful goodbye with Jimmy promising to write and to be back as soon as he could. Jacob shook Kid's hand and invited him to come back anytime. Kid was astounded at how well Jimmy seemed to fit in with these people. He would have never guessed it would work if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes.

They were riding along comfortably when Jimmy started to feel like someone was following them again. He started to look over his shoulder every now and again.

"I think it's great, Jimmy," Kid said breaking the silence, "You and Alice. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself."

"She's the one, Kid," Jimmy said smiling.

"Well, just don't let her go on an overnight trip with Buck and you'll be fine," Kid said snidely.

Jimmy was hoping Kid wouldn't be so bitter any more, but he knew that it would take some time yet. He wanted to keep their conversation from dwelling on Lou and Buck. As it turned out he needn't have worried about their staying on that subject.

A horse whinnied ahead of where they were riding and a rider came into view. Jimmy recognized her immediately.

Kid looked over at Jimmy and then to Rosemary. He didn't know why she kept showing up in Jimmy's life.

"Rosemary did you follow me here?" Jimmy asked hostilely.

"I did, James," she answered, "I needed to know who was ruining your future. You could be so much more than what those people are."

Kid scowled. He didn't like Rosemary's politics or her tactics, but he especially didn't like her fascination with Jimmy's reputation.

"I'm not going to change my mind," Jimmy warned. "Please, I'm askin' ya, leave me alone."

"Why are you being so stubborn, James?" she asked.

"Why don't you let him alone?" Kid demanded, "You asked, he answered, now get lost."

"I would expect that kind of rude behavior from a southern boy," Rosemary said with open loathing. "James, you can't turn your back on your blood. Your father was an important man and you could be too."

"I ain't telling you again, Rosemary," Jimmy said plainly, "I ain't interested."

Jimmy gave Sundance and gentle kick to spur him on and Kid gave Katy the same. They left Rosemary quietly seething as they passed her by.

"Why won't she give up and leave you alone?" Kid asked.

"I don't know, Kid," Jimmy answered, "Some people just don't understand when they've lost."

They rode on in silence until Kid couldn't keep his mind from reading into Jimmy's answer anymore.

"You think I've lost her, don't you?" Kid asked.

"What makes you say that?" Jimmy asked curiously.

"It's why you brought me along on this trip with you, isn't it?" Kid asked.

"I brought you on this trip, because I wanted you to meet Alice," Jimmy responded. "Also, I thought you could use some time away from Lou to sort out your feelings."

"Thanks, Jimmy," Kid said. "I really enjoyed meeting Alice. I think she suits you."

"I was hoping you'd like her," Jimmy said beaming as he thought of Alice. "When the Express is over, I'm going to marry her. I'd really like it if you'd stand up for me."

"I'd like that, Jimmy," Kid said and gave Jimmy a hearty handshake.

They both urged their horses to go faster and returned to Rock Creek as quickly as they could.

* * *

><p>The two weeks that followed Jimmy and Kid's return turned out to be very busy for all the riders. More than one of them was always out on a run and their military runs were starting to increase.<p>

Buck was in the barn. He had just finished cooling down his horse when Kid came in from a run of his own. There was still awkwardness between the two riders, but they were saved by the arrival of Cody.

"Teaspoon wanted to see you up at the house," Cody said looking at the two other riders.

"Which one of us?" Kid asked.

"Both of you," Cody said, "Didn't say why, but he looked really serious."

"I'll be in after I've taken care of Katy," Kid replied.

Buck just nodded and started toward the house.

Buck walked up to the house and gently knocked on the door. He opened it and came inside.

"Cody said you wanted to see me?" Buck asked.

"Buck, come on in," Teaspoon said solemnly. "I need to have a talk with you."

"What about?" he asked curiously.

"Well, it's not just you," Teaspoon clarified. "We'll wait for the others."

Buck's curiosity was piqued. He sat down at the table and waited.

Kid walked through the door and nodded to Teaspoon, "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, Kid, I do," he said, "Have a seat."

Kid sat looked over at Buck, who merely shrugged, and sat down. He looked to Teaspoon for clarification but none came. Teaspoon just sat and waited. Every once and a while he would look toward the back of the house.

"Well, Teaspoon, are you going to tell us what's going on?" Kid asked impatiently.

"No, Kid, that's not my place," Teaspoon replied, "But if you'll wait, you'll find out in short order."

The three sat in silence for several minutes. Kid shifted uncomfortably like he wanted to be anywhere but here. He had chores to do and he still wasn't' in the mood to be anywhere near Buck yet. Buck just looked at the table and carved designs in it with the tip of his fingernail. Teaspoon looked at his two riders and felt in a good position to intervene should violence erupt.

"I don't have time for this, Teaspoon," Kid announced standing up. "Let me know when you have something to actually talk about."

"Don't go, Kid," a small voice called from the back of the house.

"Lou?" Kid asked as she walked out from the back of the house with Rachel's hands supportively on her shoulders.

Kid slowly sat back down at the table. "Lou, what's this all about?"

Lou sat down with Rachel sitting protectively by her side. She tried to get up the courage she needed. She looked around the table. Teaspoon was looking at her with all the love and support he could muster. She was very glad she had him in her life. Buck was looking at her with the love and friendship she expected to see. Kid looked concerned and uncomfortable. She felt badly about that. Out of all the people in this room, Lou felt Kid was at a disadvantage. He was the one that was still carrying so much hurt. Tears started to roll down her cheeks and she tried so very hard to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. She felt like her voice had left her and she had such a very important thing to say. She just couldn't find the words. She didn't want to hear it said out loud. That would make it true and irretrievable. Once it was out, everything was going to change for everyone in this tiny room.

Buck wanted to take her hand and tell that she could tell them anything, but he knew he couldn't do that. Not with Kid here. It would hurt Kid too much to see him and Lou interact that way. He didn't want to cause anyone any more pain than he already had.

Lou cleared her throat and Rachel gave her a small squeeze of support.

"I have something I need to tell you both," she said barely louder than a whisper. She was trying to get it out, but this was the hardest thing she had ever had to do. She looked over at Rachel who was starting to tear up in sympathy.

Buck felt the muscles in his stomach contract. Lou must have come to a decision about him and Kid. He was suddenly nervous. He looked over at Lou and at Kid. Kid looked like he was feeling the same way.

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen," Lou said finding her courage, "And I don't want to hurt either of you, please know that."

Kid softened watching Lou struggle. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be alright. How did everything get so complicated and why couldn't they just go back to the way things were. Everyone was happy before that damned cave. The three of them had been through hell all because of the cave.

"Lou, it's alright. You don't have to put yourself through this tonight," Kid said trying to relieve her pain.

"No, Kid, I have to say this," Lou said full of resolve. "It won't be easier tomorrow or any other time. The three of us have a problem and it's not going away and it never will."

"I don't want it to," she whispered.

"What do you mean, Lou?" Kid said almost accusingly, "We can't go on like this forever."

"Kid," she said soberly. "I'm pregnant. One of the two of you is going to be a father and I don't know which one."

Kid sat there shocked for a few moments and then did the only thing that came to his mind. He loved Lou more than his own life and he couldn't hate her.

"You son of a bitch!" Kid yelled as he launched himself at Buck. He couldn't be angry at Lou, but he could be angry at Buck.

For his part, Buck just took the abuse. This wasn't the way things were supposed to happen. He felt Kid's fist connect with his jaw and could taste the blood in his mouth. It didn't last long as Teaspoon pealed Kid off of him and ushered him outside. He looked up from the floor to see that Lou had left the room.

He remained on the ground for a few minutes letting the shock of information penetrate him. A baby? There was now a baby involved and was it his? Rachel helped him off the floor and grabbed a rag and some water and started to wipe the blood from his face.

"This just keeps getting bigger," Buck said in shock, "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"I know, Honey," Rachel said as she cleaned him up. "Fate just has a mind of its own."

Rachel followed his gaze as he searched the room for Lou. She had heard Lou run upstairs and she would tend to her when she was finished with Buck.

"Do you love her?" Rachel asked gently.

"She and Kid were supposed to be together," he deflected.

"You've never told her have you?" Rachel surmised.

He shook his head. "I don't want to make her life difficult," he rationalized. "She still loves Kid."

"She loves you too," Rachel pointed out, "You can't control that."

Buck looked back at Rachel's face. She was really concerned and at the moment she was on his side.

"What'll you do if that baby's yours?" she asked gingerly, "You know what it's like to grow up without a father."

"Kid would make a better father than me," he said

"Buck, you can't walk away from this, you know that, right?" Rachel asked adamantly.

"I know," he said. "Rachel, I'm scared."

"I know," she said. "Why don't you put on some coffee while I go check on Louise?"

Buck nodded and headed for the kitchen.

Rachel gently knocked on the guest bedroom door and then opened it a crack.

"Louise, do mind if I come in?" Rachel asked soothingly.

Lou wiped the tears from her face and looked over to Rachel and shook her head. Rachel sat down on the bed and put her arm around her and gave her a small squeeze.

"Is Buck ok?" Lou asked in a quiet voice.

"Yes, he's fine," Rachel answered. "He's making us all some coffee."

"What about Kid?" Lou asked.

"Teaspoon's out with him," Rachel answered.

"Rachel, I've messed this up so badly," Lou said and started to cry. "Kid and I were on our way to getting married and having a family and then everything changed. I changed it Rachel."

"Honey, nobody blames you," Rachel said trying to be comforting.

"I blame me, Rachel," Lou said, "Nothing would have happened in that cave if I hadn't…"

"Do you regret it, Lou?" Rachel asked concerned.

"That's the thing, Rachel," Lou said, "I don't regret making love to Buck, but it changed everything and I don't know what to do."

"Well, sweetheart, I think the choice is in more than your hands now," Rachel said, "I don't think either one of those boys is going to run out on you when they could be the father of that baby."

"No, I think you're right about that," Lou said. "They are honorable like that."

"Yes they are, now let's go downstairs and talk this thing through," Rachel urged.

Lou stood up and dried her tears and started to walk down the stairs.

Teaspoon escorted Kid outside to cool him down and get him thinking straight.

"Kid, you need to settle down," Teaspoon said pushing him against the corral fence.

"This isn't fair, Teaspoon," Kid shouted in frustration. "He's taking the life I should have had with Lou. We should be married now and the news about a baby should have been our happy news."

"Kid, that baby may still be your happy news," Teaspoon reminded him. "We need to go back in that house and work this out."

"Teaspoon, I can't," Kid said. "Not tonight."

"Kid, I ain't giving you a choice," Teaspoon cautioned. "I'm not a young man and I've waited patiently for the three of you to come to some sort of understanding. Now we are going back in the house and things will be worked out between the three of you, understand?"

"Yes, sir," Kid said.

The very last thing he wanted to do tonight was talk to Lou and Buck about how to handle the arrival of a baby. This all should have been so simple. He and Lou were engaged! They were engaged and the cave ruined everything. He didn't like living with uncertainties. He wished there was a way to know whether he was the father or Buck was. He couldn't wait until the birth of the baby to find out. He also couldn't leave and not know. If he was the father of that baby he needed to be its father. He didn't want to abandon Lou and his child, but he didn't want to hang around waiting to see Buck and Lou happily cuddling a child that should never have been conceived. Kid thought back to the day he proposed to Lou and how happy they were. They made love amongst the wildflowers on the prairie and it was a perfect day. He wanted to believe that the baby Lou was carrying right now was a product of the love and devotion they felt for each other. He needed to believe it. They were in love and babies come from love. They don't come from desperate nights in caves when you think you're going to die, do they?

Kid and Teaspoon walked back inside the house just as Lou and Rachel were coming back into the room. Buck had made some coffee and was pouring it into five cups set around the table. He took a seat on the far left hand side when he was finished.

Teaspoon sat down between Kid and Buck and the five people at the table started to stare intently at their coffee.


	16. Chapter 16

Teaspoon looked around the room. He couldn't help but appraise the people in it. He figured it was the lawman in him. He could almost feel that pain of each one of the riders he had adopted. He thought of them all as his children and had been thinking that way ever since they signed onto the Express. Sure he had disagreed with Emma back when it all started. She said they were just kids, but he had argued that they stopped being kids the first time they took a run. He couldn't help but replay that conversation with in his mind. Emma said she wished the boys had more time to be kids and be brought up proper. Teaspoon took her words to heart. He bought them games like baseball and tennis to play. He made them attend the town social events. Oh he told them it was to help the town see the Express in a good light, but he wanted these boys to have fun and be kids like Emma wanted. They were all so serious all the time. They all looked like they were carrying the weight of the world on their backs. He liked to see them all look happy and carefree and for a while they did. It seemed strange to think of the beginnings of the Express as a simpler time, but looking over at his charges, he knew nothing was as complicated or painful for them as this moment in time was. He knew they were grown now, but he didn't ever remember these three riders of his looking so young and so lost.

Lou sat across from the boys with Rachel at her side. Her knees were drawn up to her chest and her arms made a protective circle around her body. It looked to Teaspoon as if she were trying hard not to need anyone to comfort her. The tears were falling from her eyes freely and all Teaspoon wanted to do was gather the girl into his arms and tell her everything was going to be alright. Lou was a daughter to him in every way but blood and he was sad that the situation was likely to be the worst for her. She had to deal with the physical burden of pregnancy and childbirth and also the heartache of choosing which of the two young men in this room she wanted to spend her life with. He always admired her spunk and determination. He hoped her two greatest assets would stay with her through this ordeal.

"Everything's gonna be alright, Lou," Teaspoon said when he caught the eye of his girl.

"No, it ain't, Teaspoon," Lou said starting to cry harder. "No matter what we all decide someone is going to be hurt."

Kid and Buck looked up from their coffee at that moment and Teaspoon thought about his two boys. He loved Kid and Buck like sons. They were both suffering such emotional pain and from two sides of the same coin. The two always seemed to have a little bit of a bond ever since they came back from rescuing Ike from the Kiowa. They recently came back from Emma's as better friends than ever. He didn't know if anything would repair their friendship now. He knew from experience what happens when a woman comes between two friends. Everything had gone south in his friendship with Cyrus when the two both fell in love with a woman named Beatrice. As a result he never got the chance to know his own daughter, Elizabeth Kelly. Her mother Beatrice wasn't the only thing that had come between him and his ex-partner Cyrus, but it was the beginning of the end of their friendship.

Kid did everything right. He proposed to the girl and was going to marry her and then fate got in the way. The boy was suffering but it concerned Teaspoon that Kid might feel a sense of being owed Lou for all the pain he has endured. He'd never voice it that way and he may not even know he felt that way, but it might come out in small ways.

He knew Buck hadn't intended any of the things that happened to happen. In a way Teaspoon was the most worried about him. Buck was the least likely to fight for what he truly wanted. He would settle for what he thought he deserved. He might defer to what Kid wanted because he thought Kid the better man. But Buck also had a defiant streak in him. When he thought himself unjustly wronged he would fight for himself. He kind of hoped the defiant Buck would show up at this meeting. Teaspoon really wanted everyone to be honest about what they wanted and what they felt. It was the only way to keep the hurt as manageable as possible. It was better in the long run. He knew that from experience.

"Boys, Lou, I know this is hard," Teaspoon said looking at the three riders around the table. "There ain't nothing easy about a situation like this."

Lou looked over at Teaspoon hoping whatever he was about to say was going to make everything better.

"I've lived a lot of years and I loved my fair share of women," Teaspoon said as his voice began to crack, "And there are things I wished had turned out differently, but one of my biggest regrets is not knowing I had a child out in the world until it was too late."

"Teaspoon, you didn't know Beatrice was even pregnant when you left her," Rachel said trying to ease Teaspoon's conscience. Teaspoon had told her all about Beatrice, Elizabeth, and Amanda O'Connel over the course of the year she had been there.

"It don't matter what I knew or didn't know," Teaspoon said sadly and waved off Rachel's attempt to absolve him of his responsibility, "She died before I got the chance to know her and I will always regret that."

All three riders and Rachel gave Teaspoon their undivided attention. Teaspoon had rarely been this emotional when talking to them except when Ike had died.

"Lou, I care about that little one you're carrying like it was my own grandbaby," Teaspoon said his eyes gleaming with pride, "I want all of you to promise me that the father of that baby will get all the chances in the world to know and love that child."

Lou's heart warmed to hear Teaspoon claim her baby as his grandchild.

"I promise, Teaspoon," Lou said as fresh tears made their way down her cheeks.

Buck and Kid nodded their agreement. The both looked relieved as if a major fear had just been dispelled.

Kid suddenly felt uneasy. He didn't know how, but he felt like he'd been kicked in the gut again. He wanted to feel like the victim in this situation. He was the wronged party after all. Lou and Buck had hurt him. But all he could think of now was the baby and how it didn't care who its parents were or how it was begotten. It deserved to be loved by its parents and extended family. This meeting wasn't about him and his feelings anymore. It was about an innocent baby.

"Kid…" Teaspoon said and nodded his head toward Buck.

Kid looked up at Teaspoon and then over at Buck. He suddenly felt like he was five years old. He knew that Teaspoon wanted him to apologize to Buck and he understood he should, but he hated that Teaspoon had to point it out to him. He could see Buck was looking away from everyone. It was the first time he really took the time to see how he was feeling and reacting to everything. There was guilt and a hurt Kid never remembered seeing in the features of Buck's face. He knew that they'd probably been there for weeks. It made him sad to see the pain. He wondered if Buck was thinking of his own upbringing. Kid felt his face lose more of the tension he was holding. It wasn't until that moment that he realized more fully and distinctly that he wasn't the only person who was reeling from everything that was happening. It seemed like everything kept spinning out of control but he took a strange sense of comfort when he realized he wasn't the only one feeling it anymore. He looked at Lou and she had the same look. He was certain now his look was similar. They were bonded the three of them whether he liked it or not. He looked back at Buck.

"Buck, I'm sorry I hit you," Kid said quietly. He waited for Buck's eyes to lift and look at him. "I have no excuse, I just felt so frustrated. I hope in time you can forgive me."

Buck looked at Kid and nodded his acceptance to Kid's apology.

Teaspoon for all his speechifying still didn't see how they could leave this room tonight without Lou being engaged to one of these boys. Even though the father wouldn't be denied his child, Teaspoon was sure Kid would never let her marry Buck with the possibility of Lou's baby being his. Buck would let Lou marry Kid though. He had already tried to convince her over and over that she should. Lou didn't seem to agree. It was dizzying. Teaspoon was sure there wasn't this much drama in the ladies church auxiliary. But Lou's attitude was telling. Teaspoon was pretty sure Lou didn't want to marry the Kid right now she was waiting on something. This Teaspoon could say with certainty, because if she did want to marry Kid, they would be married already. Lou wanted to know something from Buck, but he was reluctant to tell her. Teaspoon knew exactly what Lou wanted to hear and he suspected she was looking to him to tell her three little words and whether he did or not would have a direct impact on the decision she made.

Teaspoon took a sip of his coffee. It was now cold. The room had been silent for way too long. It was his job as father to begin the discussion. He cleared his voice and as he did four pairs of eyes looked over at him.

"Lord knows this isn't going to be easy, but we got to start talking about what to do," Teaspoon said.

"What do you mean?" Lou asked.

"Louise, we've already made the assumption, but do you want to keep the baby?" Rachel asked.

"Lou, you have to stop riding for the Express," Kid said worriedly. "And you'll need to get married."

Lou looked at Kid with surprise. First she had to give up her job and then her freedom. Lou was feeling like she was about to panic.

"You and the baby could get hurt," Kid said gently. "And then there's your reputation to consider too."

"Stop!" Lou cried out. "This is too much. Too many things all at once."

Everyone looked over at Lou. She was frantic and flushed. Everything was overwhelming her so she stood up and quickly left the room. Buck and Kid both stood then sat back down when Teaspoon grabbed their arms. They could all hear her getting sick in the next room. Rachel rushed to Lou's side to help her.

Lou sat on the floor and leaned against the wall. She was almost dizzy. She didn't know what she thought was going to happen at this meeting, but being forced to radically change her entire life this very minute was not one of her expectations. Neither Kid nor Buck would be expected to quit their job. They wouldn't have to be forced into marriage. Regardless of what they did, their reputations wouldn't be ruined. People already scorned Buck, so he didn't even have a reputation to protect.

Teaspoon looked at the boys next to him. Kid was looking at the ground and Buck was looking to where Lou went. There was concern in Buck's features. Kid looked guiltily at his boots. Teaspoon could hear him quietly cursing himself for his stupidity. He put an understanding hand on Kid's shoulder. The three men sat and waited until Lou reappeared with Rachel. Rachel took Lou's coffee away and replaced it with a glass of cool water.

After everyone seemed settled Teaspoon spoke again.

"First things first, Louise do you want to keep the baby or give it up for adoption?"

Lou looked up and locked eyes with Kid and then with Buck. They both looked scared but seemed to have a bit of resolve too.

"Teaspoon, this little one is a product of love," Lou said, "I know this to be true. The two people that created it were in love when it happened. I am certain of it."

"Louise, are you certain you don't know who the father of this little one is?" Teaspoon asked quietly.

"I don't, Teaspoon," Lou said and looked back and forth between Kid and Buck, "I wish I did, it would make everything easier. All I know is that I loved both of you when we were together and the life we created is a creation of the love we shared. I could never give it up for someone else to raise."

"Louise, if that's the way you feel, you should get married," Rachel said gingerly. She reached over and gave Lou's hand a gentle squeeze.

"I'm not ready to get married, Rachel," Lou said.

"Lou, Rachel's right," Kid said looking kindly into her eyes, "You should get married. It wouldn't look right for you not to be married."

"I don't care what it looks like, Kid," Lou said getting angry, "I'm not ready to get married."

Lou looked around the room for someone who looked like they were on her side. Rachel wanted her to get married, Kid wanted her to get married, Teaspoon looked her not knowing what to say, and Buck was still looking down at his coffee uncomfortably. She wished Buck would look up at her or just look up at all.

"Now, Lou, we ain't got to decide nothing tonight," Teaspoon said reading the look on Lou's face. "Let's label marriage as option number one."

Lou started to calm down. She wished Buck would look at her. She wanted to know what he was feeling. She had a good sense of what Kid was thinking but not Buck.

"Lou, why don't you tell us how you're feeling about everything," Rachel suggested supportively.

"I don't want this baby to come between us," Lou said, "Any of us."

Lou looked at Buck. She willed him to look back. Finally Buck looked back at Lou and she saw a bruise coming in on the left side of his face. His lip was split. Lou looked at Kid. He looked so sad and forlorn. He looked like his world had been taken from him. He kept looking at the knuckles on his hand and looked like he felt badly about what he'd done. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I can't get married until we know who this one's parents are," she said as she patted her stomach. "What are my other options?"

"Lou," Kid said, "You're being stubborn. I really think we ought to get married like we planned. It would be the best thing."

"The best thing for me or the best thing for you?" Lou asked with narrowed eyes.

"Lou, you can't just walk around Rock Creek in your condition without being married," Kid said in a hushed tone. He was trying to understand and to explain. He knew Lou could be very resistant to change she wasn't in control over. He should have known that she would react badly to anything that wasn't presented as a choice. Teaspoon knew and that's why he phrased everything like he did. Kid ran his fingers through his hair. He was frustrated with himself.

"I just meant…" Kid tried to explain.

"What are my other options?" Lou repeated looking Kid straight in the eye.

"Well, you could go to a different town and claim to be a widow or to be waiting for your husband to join you," Rachel said.

"I'd be alone then," Lou stated. She swallowed hard. She didn't want to be alone.

"Well that would depend on where you went, Honey," Teaspoon said. "We wouldn't want you out there all by your lonesome. I could write some letters and you could stay with Amanda in Benton or perhaps Emma and Sam in Omaha."

"I would still have to quit my job?" Lou asked.

Lou looked over at Buck and wondered why he wasn't saying anything. It made her almost angry that he didn't seem to want to fight for her, but she knew that he wasn't big on talking about his feelings especially around others. She knew what she needed to do and she knew it would hurt Kid for her to ask, but she needed to know.

"I need to talk to Buck alone," Lou said looking to Teaspoon and then to Rachel.

"Alright, come on Kid," Teaspoon said, "Let's take a walk."

Kid reluctantly stood and sent a pleading look to Lou.

"Please, Kid?" Lou asked.

He turned and let Teaspoon lead him outside. Rachel went to the kitchen to make some tea.

Lou slid down the bench and took Buck's hands in her own from across the table. She waited until he looked up at her and met her eyes.

"Buck, why won't you say anything?" Lou asked.

"I don't know what to say, Lou," Buck answered. "This is so overwhelming. I don't know how to feel yet. I feel happy then I feel guilty for feeling happy. I feel scared and then I feel stupid for feeling scared."

"I'm feeling about the same, Buck," Lou said. "There is only one thing I know for sure. This baby, whoever his daddy may be, was conceived in love."

"But you didn't love me in the cave," Buck argued.

"I'm sure that's where I fell in love with you and that's where you fell in love with me, isn't it?" Lou asked.

Buck looked away from her.

Lou got up from the table and sat next to him on the other side. "Buck, please look at me," Lou said softly.

Buck turned and looked at her. He saw her smiling softly. He could tell how scared she was and how much she needed someone on her side. He pressed his forehead against hers just wanting to feel her against him and to offer her comfort.

"Buck, I know you love me, I need to hear you say it," Lou said, "Please tell me."

A couple of tears rolled down her cheeks and she made no attempt to brush them away.

"I love you, Lou," Buck said, "But it's wrong, and I can't help it. I love you."

"I love you too, Buck," Lou said. "It can't be wrong if we both feel it, can it?"

"It's not enough though is it?" Buck asked.

"I don't know," Lou answered honestly. "I don't want to keep this baby away from its father. That could be you though you know."

"I don't know if I'm ready to be a father," Buck said, "I don't know if I would be a good one."

"I don't know if I'm ready to be a mother," Lou responded with an encouraging smile. "We've got time to figure it out…well about six and a half months anyway."

Buck looked at Lou's face. She looked just as scared and confused as he did. He brushed her hair back and kissed her tenderly. Rachel cleared her throat from the kitchen doorway. Lou and Buck broke their kiss and gave Rachel a sheepish look.

"I've got a fresh pot of coffee," Rachel said bring a pot to the table. "I'll tell teaspoon and Kid to come back in."

Once Teaspoon and Kid were once again seated at the table, Lou began to speak.

"I want to go to Emma's," Lou said, "But I don't want to leave until I can't hide my condition anymore."

Lou stretched out her arms across the table and took the hands of both Buck and Kid. She squeezed them and the boys looked over to her.

"Will you be there when it's time?" Lou asked with a slight wavering of her voice. She was scared and she searched both of their faces for reassurance.

"Just try and stop us," Buck said giving her an encouraging smile.

"There's no way either of us would miss it," Kid agreed.

"I'll write a letter to Emma," Teaspoon said. "Now you three should go off to sleep."


	17. Chapter 17

The sun was barely up and Teaspoon was tired. He hadn't had much sleep the night before. Who could sleep after the night he had? Two of his boys and his beautiful girl had stayed up half the night talking about a problem that Teaspoon wished he could have spared them. Maybe he should have talked with them more about love and commitment. Truthfully, he was not as much of an expert on matters of the heart as he pretended to be. He'd been married six times and failed six times. He didn't know any more about this now than he did then. The circumstances of this problem were exceptional for his kids. His famous talks would have done them no good. They were all good kids and all the talking in the world wouldn't have prevented what happened. All he could do was get them all through it.

Teaspoon sighed as he started to put pen to paper. He would send his letter to Emma with Noah when he went on the next run. He didn't know how to write this letter. It was harder than telling her about Ike. Emma was a strong lady with definite moral values, but she understood matters of the heart like no other woman he had met besides Rachel. Emma wouldn't judge Lou; she would love her as she always had.

_Dear Emma,_

_Whoever said raising youngins was easy, never tried to raise Pony Express riders. I am asking on behalf of Lou, if you would be willing to take her in. She can't ride no more on account of her delicate condition. Propriety dictates that she either gets married or leave town for a while. She chose the second option and she would like to come to you. I will leave Lou to fill you in on the details if you decide to welcome her. Please let me know as soon as you can._

_Love,_

_Teaspoon_

Teaspoon folded the letter and slipped it into an envelope. All he needed to do now was walk it back to the station. He couldn't help it, but he thought of each of his troubled riders again. It saddened him that they had found themselves in this situation. Each had a piece of this problem that they were clinging to. Lou carried the shame, Kid felt the hurt, and Buck took the blame. The weights of their burdens were tethering them to a bleak and hopeless place that each of them decided to inhabit solitarily. He wished he could make everything all better for the three of them, but they had closed themselves off to him and the rest of their family. He really wanted to believe that Buck and Kid could find a peace between them and maybe they would without Lou around them all the time. Lou was trying so hard to balance everything between Kid and Buck. It near broke Teaspoon's heart to watch her struggle with this problem on her own. He knew it was only a matter of time before she was going to seek out one of the two boys and that boy would be the one that held her heart. Everything would change again when that baby came into the world and her choice may not matter, but that was a problem for another day.

* * *

><p>Lou rolled over and squinted when the morning sun hit her eyes. She wished it had all been a bad dream. She knew it wasn't. She spent the night in the guest room of the main house. She didn't sleep here unless she was really sick or really troubled. After what happened last night she couldn't face anyone that wasn't in that room last night. She couldn't talk to Cody, Noah, or especially Jimmy about what happened in that room last night. She wasn't ready to face that reality. She had a feeling that she would be spending the rest of her time before leaving, here.<p>

She had noticed a couple of weeks ago that she was feeling sick and when her monthly was late she started to panic. Neither Buck nor Kid was at the station at that moment. They were both out on runs. They were always gone then and she felt like she had no one to turn to. Rachel was busy teaching and she rushed to cook dinner when she came home from school. Lou felt so alone, but she needed to know if she was carrying a child. She remembered being scared of finding out. She went to see a doctor near one of the other stations on one of her runs. She couldn't let her secret out to the doctor in Rock Creek. She would have felt so exposed. Seeing a doctor and confirming what she suspected was going to change everything and she knew it. It did change everything and now she was scared to find out just how much. She knew what she wanted to do. She wanted him. She needed to find him and tell him that she wanted him to be the father of her baby. She wanted him to know that she hoped it was him.

Lou looked out the window and saw that none of the boys was outside. The hour was late morning she could tell by the position of the sun that it wasn't quite noon yet. The chores were usually done by now and they usually had off time before lunch. Lou tentatively ventured out Rachel's front door and searched the town for familiar horses tied to hitching posts. She just really wanted to know where everyone was. She could see Sundance and Katy tied just outside Teaspoon's office and figured that's where two of them were. Noah's horse was tied to the fence near the bunkhouse which meant he was probably inside. That made sense to her. He was scheduled to ride today. That only left Cody and Buck. She saw Cody ride out of town out of the corner of her eye. With all the other riders accounted for except Buck, Lou felt comfortable going out to the barn. If Buck's horse was gone she had a fair idea where he would be.

The barn door creaked as Lou opened it, but there wasn't anyone inside to startle. Buck's horse was gone. Lou went to the tack room and grabbed her saddle. The doctor said lifting things was alright as long as they weren't too heavy and also she could still ride for a few more months. The doctor did advise against taking anymore Express runs and she would heed his warning. She didn't want to do anything to hurt her baby. Lightning was all saddled and ready. All Lou needed to do now was to mount up and go. She led Lightning outside the barn and took one more look at Teaspoon's office where Katy was tethered before she climbed aboard her favorite horse and set out to find Buck.

Just as Lou rode out of town, Kid walked out of Teaspoon's office and saw her. His curiosity and concern got the best of him and he mounted Katy and set out following Lou at a safe distance.

Lou rode along the prairies that were still clinging to summer even though autumn had just set in. There were a few clusters of wild flowers blooming, but most of the grass was starting to brown and the leaves on the trees were already starting to change color and fall. Lou was sure she was going the right way even though she had only been to this place once before and it was dark at the time. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Buck's horse munching some prairie grass. He was sitting next to a tree with his hat in his hands looking at the place where they had taken Ike. Lou got down from her horse and walked toward Buck. She could still see the blackened earth beneath the thick growth of new grass.

Buck looked up as she approached. He knew she was there long before she was visible. Lou could tell that by the soft smile of recognition his face held. He stood and held a hand out for her which she took. He hugged her tightly. She wondered if he thought she might be a vision that he was trying to prove real. She reached her arms up and pulled his face down to hers so that their foreheads touched.

"Why are you here, Lou?" Buck asked.

"Buck, I want to be with you," Lou quietly pleaded.

"I'm not sure that such a good idea, Lou," Buck said. "What if something happens?"

"Like what, Buck?" Lou asked. "I can't get more pregnant."

Buck smiled shyly. It wasn't exactly what he meant, but he could see she wasn't trying to toy with his emotions. He was hoping nobody followed her here. It was so hard for him to be this close to Lou and not want to love her. Her sweet smell was effortless and intoxicating. He moved one of his hands to the small of her back and drew her closer to him. He let his eyes slowly close as his lips descended onto hers in a tender and lingering kiss.

Kid stopped Katy in time to see Lou's horse and Buck's. He knew he should probably leave. What possible good would it do him to spy on them? He was hoping they were just talking but deep down he knew why Lou had come here. He walked closer and saw what he had been dreading. Lou and Buck were kissing like a couple in love. He didn't want to see it, but he couldn't look away so he found a place where he wouldn't be seen. From the place he found he mercifully couldn't hear anything, but the sight of the two of them together broke Kid's heart.

Buck had been yearning to kiss her and hold her close since she told him and Kid she was carrying a baby. He wanted so much to be able to celebrate the news, but the uncertainty was holding him back. He was scared that it wasn't going to be his news to celebrate and he thought he didn't have the right to hope that it was either. But Lou being here right now felt like she was choosing him. Buck's eyes opened his eyes at the conclusion of the kiss and looked deep into Lou's.

"Lou, are you here for now or for always?" Buck asked anxiously.

"For always," she answered near tears.

Buck took his coat off and laid it on the ground. Lou took her coat off and handed it to Buck. He laid hers on the ground too creating a pallet for them. It would protect them from the cold damp ground. Buck turned to Lou and gently lifted her off her feet and laid her onto the pallet. He lay next to her and brushed his fingers through her hair. He lowered his lips to hers and searched anxiously for any other meaning behind her words. He wanted to be sure she wanted him to be with her for always. He kissed her deeply with hoping she knew how much he wanted her and needed her.

Lou made quick work of the buttons on Buck's shirt and then moved to her own. She wiggled out of her shirt as Buck took his shirt, undershirt, and vest off all at once over his head. They stopped to drink in each other's beauty. Buck moved his hand along the curves of Lou's breast to her abdomen and softly caressed her.

"This isn't going to hurt the baby is it?" Buck asked concerned.

"No, the doctor said it was ok to have marital relations," Lou assured him and blushed when she used the word 'marital.' "I told him I was married."

Buck kissed her softly on the bare skin above her womb as Lou buried her hands in his hair. She pulled him back up to her face so she could look into his eyes.

"Buck, I want you to know that I hope the baby is yours," Lou said, "And that we can be together."

Kid choked back his emotions and was about to leave but he stopped when things seemed to change between Buck and Lou.

Buck sat up and pulled Lou into an embrace. He held her tightly against his chest. Her head rested in the hollow between his neck and shoulder. He shielded her against the cool breeze and kissed her head.

"I'm scared, Lou," Buck said quietly, "What if the baby isn't mine? Would you marry Kid?"

"I don't know," she said trying not to cry.

"You came here and told me you wanted to be with me for always," Buck said with a tear slowly rolling down his cheek. "I love you, Lou and I can't walk away from you anymore. There was a time where I think I could have, but I can't now."

"Buck, there was never a time where I could have walked away from you," Lou said snuggling into him. "Our time in the cave changed me. I saw the real you for the first time in my life and I have never wanted to be with anyone else since that night."

Lou traced her fingers along the muscles of Buck's chest. She listened intently to the beating of his heart. It was strong and steady.

"It took me a little while to realize it," she said. "My head thought Kid was the one, but my heart knew it was you all along."

Lou moved to face Buck. She wanted to wash away all the fear and insecurity he felt, but she felt it too. All they could really do was comfort each other and hope for the best. She knew that to be true. She wanted her baby to be Buck's because she wanted to be with him. She didn't see how that would be possible if the child ended up being Kid's. She could handle being Kid's wife as she loved him too, but not the same way. Not like she did before. She wouldn't be unhappy; she just thought she wouldn't be as happy. She didn't want to hurt Buck like she hurt Kid. She wanted this to be easy.

Lou snaked her arms around Buck's waist and pulled him toward her. She kissed him deeply as his hands came up to her face. He tilted her head back and started to leave a trail of feather light kisses down her neck. In the meantime, Lou had undone the ties that held Buck's trousers on and started to lower them over his hips.

Kid had seen all he could stomach. He mounted Katy and kicked her into a gallop toward town. Tears blinded his vision as he rode. He had truly lost her. He knew that now. His only hope of ever having Lou in his life rested solely on whether the baby Lou was carrying was his. He didn't want to get her by default, but that might be the only way it would happen. He needed to clear his mind and he knew the place he wanted to go. It wouldn't be good for him, but Cody's friend Celia had been kind to him once before.

Buck looked up startled and looked around. He thought he had heard someone. When he was satisfied no one was around, Buck turned his attention back to Lou. She had a questioning look on her face, but Buck's sudden calm made her think it was nothing. The sun came out from behind a cloud and they felt the warmth as they finished undressing each other. Freed of their clothing they joined their bodies as well as their hearts.

Buck and Lou lay wrapped in each other's warmth and caught their breath. They would cling to one another and hope that it was enough to see them through the agony it was going to be to wait. Reluctantly they got up and got dressed. They had missed lunch and there were chores to be done in the afternoon. Their absence was going to be missed soon if they didn't get back.

Buck planted one more lingering kiss on Lou's sweet lips before they walked out to get their horses. Lou went to retrieve Lightning but Buck stopped and crouched down to look at some tracks in the ground. Buck had long since memorized every hoof print from the station horses, but he paid special attention to the horses each rider rode just in case any of his friends was ever lost. His finger traced the print in the ground. It was less than an hour old. These tracks were undeniably Katy's which meant Kid was here and he saw them.

"What is it, Buck?" Lou asked.

Buck weighed his thoughts. Lou would want to know, but it would hurt her. He knew he had to tell her though as she would be angry with him if he didn't.

"Kid was here," Buck answered, "He saw us."

"I just can't seem to get through a day without hurting him, can I?" Lou asked with a slight crack in her voice. Her voice held all the sadness, but her eyes refused to shed any more tears.

* * *

><p>Lou had been looking for a time to catch Kid alone for a couple of days. She finally found her chance as she watched Kid walk Katy in from a late night at the saloon.<p>

"Kid, can I talk to you?" Lou asked as she walking into the barn.

Kid had taken the saddle off his horse and was brushing her down.

"What's the point, Lou," Kid said defeated, "You've made your choice."

"I know."

"So what's left to say?" Kid asked, "Or did you just want to rub it in my face."

Lou didn't want this talk to be this hard, but she knew she had to have it. They couldn't go on like this anymore and they might have to deal with each other for the rest of their lives if her baby belonged to Kid.

"No, I didn't come here to do that," Lou said. She couldn't hold back her tears.

Kid stopped brushing Katy and put the brush down on a post.

"I saw the two of you together, Lou," Kid said he couldn't hold back his tears either. "It about ripped my heart from my chest."

"I'm sorry you had to find out like that," Lou said.

Kid's face looked devastated and confused. Lou didn't seem surprised at all by his revelation.

"Buck found Katy's tracks," she said answering the unasked question. "We didn't know you were there until we were leaving."

"So this is a call to ease your guilt then?" Kid asked and picked the brush back up. He started to brush Katy again. This time he brushed her a little harder than before.

"No, yes, I don't know," Lou said all turned around. "I just don't want you hating me. We might have a bond that will last us a lifetime and if that's how things turn out I want us to be able to look at each other. I want us to be able to be friends."

"I need time, Lou," Kid said softly. The brush on Katy's back slowed and Kid put it down on the post again. "I trusted you with everything I hold dear. Everything, Lou. You broke my heart and it's going to take me some time before I can be in the same place as you or Buck. You both betrayed me and it hurts so much."

The tears flowed freely from each of their eyes. Lou had never wanted to hurt Kid like this. She hadn't wanted to hurt Kid period.

"I'm so sorry, Kid," Lou said crying.

"I need time, Lou," Kid said. "Please, just let me have that."

Lou wiped her eyes and went back up to the house. She would give Kid time. She owed him at least that much.

* * *

><p>A week went by and Teaspoon was getting antsy waiting for Emma's reply. Something was really bothering Kid, but Buck was doing better. These boys were going to be the death of him yet. Teaspoon figured something must have happened between Lou and Buck for Buck to be more or less happy and Kid upset. Kid was spending more and more of his free time at the saloon and it worried him. He wasn't drinking but he was losing a fair amount of money in poker games. He just hoped that letter was with Emma now. Then he could maybe sort Kid out. He just needed to concentrate on Lou right now.<p>

Sam decided to ride back to the house. The last time Teaspoon had sent a letter to Emma they had four riders that were in a bad way at their door. This letter had been sent by Pony Express and not regular mail and it wasn't delivered by Lou this time. He was worried something bad had happened. He was glad he wasn't far from home. He was really anxious about this letter. He kicked his horse faster and scared Emma when he rode into their yard so quickly.

"What is it, Sam?" she called out to him with a face full of fear. "Are Teaspoon and the Boys alright? Is it Lou?"

"I don't know, Emma," Sam said jumping from his horse. He handed Emma the letter and waited for her to open it. He couldn't for the life of him figure out how Emma sensed the things she did. He hadn't told her anything about the letter he was carrying.

Emma wasted no time and ripped the letter open. She read the letter a couple of times to make sure she understood what it was asking.

"Well?" Sam asked impatiently, "Are they alright?"

"I'm not sure," Emma said frowning. "Mr. Spoon has asked if we can take Lou in. It sounds like she's with child."

"I don't understand Emma," Sam said, "If she were with child why wouldn't she just marry the Kid?"

"I don't know, Sam," Emma answered, "Mr. Spoon doesn't say. It sounds important to him that we let him know right away if Lou can stay."

"Well, you better write out that answer," Sam said smiling. "I'll send the messenger to the nearest way station when you're ready."

_Dear Mr. Spoon,_

_I would be happy to welcome Louise into our home. She is always welcome here. I will prepare for her arrival. I hope all is well. Please give everyone my love._

_Love,_

_Emma_

Emma hastily folded the sheet of paper and filled out an envelope. She stuffed the letter inside and waved to Sam as he rushed back to town. He hoped the rider that had delivered the letter would still be in town.

A few days after it left Omaha, Emma's letter was safely in Jimmy's pocket headed for Rock Creek. When Jimmy arrived, he handed off the pouch and rode Sundance over to Teaspoon's office. He quickly dismounted and delivered the letter to Teaspoon. Teaspoon opened the letter up, read it, and smiled. Things were finally taking a turn for the better.

Teaspoon walked first to the saloon and found Kid and then found Lou napping in the bunkhouse on Buck's bunk while Buck cleaned his gun at the table. Teaspoon and the three riders sat at the bunkhouse table and Teaspoon gave them the news.

"Emma is preparing for your arrival, Lou," Teaspoon said with a relieved smile. "I think you should go as soon as you're ready. The longer you wait the more uncomfortable that trip is going to be for you, Honey."

Lou looked over first to Teaspoon, then to Kid, and finally to Buck.

"I can still ride, I guess I can leave in the morning," Lou said.

Three voices started to register objections almost immediately and Lou's eyes narrowed until she saw the looks of concern for her held in their eyes.

Teaspoon calmed everyone and was the first to speak, "Lou, honey, I don't think you should ride or go alone."

"I can handle it, Teaspoon," Lou said angrily. "I don't need anyone to take me besides the doctor said I could still ride."

"Lou, I ain't sayin' you can't do it," Teaspoon said soothingly. "I don't want you going out there all by your lonesome. I don't want you to feel cast out."

"So who's taking Lou to Emma's?" Kid asked defeated. He knew it wasn't going to be him. He didn't think he could spend a few days alone with Lou without getting into an argument with her. She and Buck must think him stupid. They were trying to hide it for his benefit, he thought, but they were doing a lousy job. He lost Lou, but he didn't want to lose his child too -if it was his child. He felt like such a fool. At the same time he didn't want Lou and Buck to be together either.

"I am," Teaspoon answered. "I think that would be best. I'm leaving Jimmy in charge of the town, but I need you two to help him out since Jimmy's still refusing to carry guns. I won't tolerate any fightin' so you two will just have to figure out a way to get along."

Teaspoon held a family meeting that night and now all the riders were aware of what was going on. It had been a very uncomfortable meeting for Lou, Kid, and Buck, but at the same time they all felt like a bit of a burden had been lifted. The others now knew everything which was embarrassing and at the same time none of them had to be secretive about what was happening.

The next morning was busy around the station. Kid and Buck were loading Lou's things onto the buckboard. Every bit of her life was there except one thing. Lou thought she was going to cry when Buck and Kid both came out of the barn. Buck was leading Lightning out of the barn and Kid was carrying her saddle and other gear. They both knew her well enough to know she could never leave Lightning behind. Kid packed the saddle on the buckboard and started to tie everything down while Buck tethered Lightning to the back. Cody carried a sack of grain for the horses from the barn while Jimmy walked from the house with a basket full of food.

"Rachel was up half the night making all this stuff, so you better eat it," Jimmy said smiling, "Besides it is way better than anything Teaspoon could make on the trail."

Lou hugged him goodbye. "You better not be a stranger, Jimmy Hickok," Lou said. She hated goodbyes and today was no different.

In turn Lou hugged all other riders goodbye until just Kid and Buck were left. Buck gave Kid and Lou some space.

"Kid, you're gonna be there when it's time, right?" Lou asked nervously.

"I told you I would be," Kid answered with a weary smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I keep my promises."

Lou nodded and swallowed her emotions. She deserved the insult so she wouldn't get upset. She watched Kid retreat to the bunkhouse as Buck walked up to her.

"Are you alright?" he asked tenderly.

"No, but I will be."

"Come here," he said gathering her into a hug. "I'm going to come to you as soon as I can. Teaspoon doesn't think the Express is going to hold on for much longer and Sam said I had a job with him if I ever needed one."

"This is all real, isn't it?" Lou said as the gravity of everything started to weigh her down. "I'm really leaving."

Buck tilted Lou's face up to look at him. "Yes, you are, but you're not alone. Never alone. I'll be with you before you know it."

"You promise?" Lou asked meekly.

"I love you, Lou," Buck said sweetly. "Nothing in the world is going to keep me away."

Buck leaned in and gave Lou a long, slow, tender kiss that would have lasted several hours if Teaspoon hadn't broke the two of them apart. Buck helped Lou onto the buckboard and reluctantly let go of her hand. He stood and watched from the middle of the thoroughfare as Teaspoon drove Lou away.

* * *

><p><strong>AN Just wanted to welcome all the new readers and say that I am glad you are enjoying the story. I have been working on another story at the same time as this one...the other was supposed to be short and it is not so much with the short any more. I will try to update this one more frequently from now on. Thanks for reading and reviewing.**


	18. Chapter 18

Buck didn't know how long he had been standing in the middle of the street. He watched until he couldn't see Lou anymore and then watched until the dust cloud couldn't be seen. He couldn't seem to make himself stop watching the road. He kept hoping that Lou would turn around and come back. He was so focused that he didn't even hear Rachel come up behind him.

"Buck, it's almost time for lunch," Rachel said putting her hand on his shoulder.

"I miss her already, Rachel," Buck said not looking away from the road.

"I know," Rachel said putting her arm around him and leading him back to the bunkhouse, "But you know where she is and you'll be with her in no time."

"What am I supposed to do in the meantime?" Buck asked.

"Well, I know what expectant mothers do," Rachel said. "They start collecting and making things they will need for a new baby like diapers, blankets, and clothes. What do expectant fathers do among your people?"

"What if I'm not the father, Rachel?" Buck asked.

"Well, what if you are?" Rachel asked back. "Wouldn't you want to make sure the baby had everything it needed before it was born rather than have to rush to catch up later on?"

"I suppose so."

"Come on in the bunkhouse, lunch's getting cold," Rachel ordered.

"I'll be in, in a minute," Buck said absently.

Buck thought about that for a moment. It was a long time since he lived amongst his people. He remembered when Red Bear's wife was expecting their first child. Red Bear used the occasion to teach Buck what a husband's duties were when their wife was expecting. Red Bear had showed him how to build a cradleboard for a new born and explained that it was the husband's duty to build it for the baby. Buck didn't know if he could remember how to do it. It was years ago. Buck thought he was about ten years old at the time. He would find the wood to build a frame and decorate it and hunt the deer for the hides to cover the frame. Red Bear said that the women in the family would do the beading on the buckskin covering. He also remembered making a dream catcher for what was to be his nephew. Buck started to formulate a plan in his mind. He would make the cradleboard and a dream catcher for Lou's baby regardless of whether the child was his, but he could help hoping that the baby was his. He just needed to keep himself busy. Buck opened the bunkhouse door and went inside to eat lunch. He had a renewed sense of purpose. All of the sudden he wasn't sure if he would be able to finish everything in time.

* * *

><p>Jimmy settled into Teaspoon's chair and put his feet up on the desk. He hoped it would be quiet while Teaspoon was gone. He had never been in a position of authority without his Colts on his hips. He looked out the window and saw Buck finally heading back to the bunkhouse. He was almost sure he would stand there watching Lou and Teaspoon leave until the sun set. Jimmy couldn't believe he had completely missed what happened between his friends. Sure he noticed that Lou and Kid were having problems and that the wedding was called off. It took him completely by surprise when the whole story came out. He had no idea that Lou and Buck had gotten together. Everything seemed so obvious now. He should have realized it from the way Buck started acting after they rescued him and Lou from the cave. Everything changed at that point. Jimmy thought he must have been thinking too much about Alice to notice his friends. He felt a bit helpless and like a bad friend as he couldn't do anything to help any of the three of them. He could watch over the town for Teaspoon though and that was exactly what he would do. He was so distracted thinking about his express family and Alice, that he missed something. Jimmy usually kept one eye on the saloon at all times, and today was no different, but his mind was not on his work.<p>

Leonard Craven stopped his horse in front of the saloon. He passed the marshal driving a young boy away somewhere. With how the wagon was packed, it looked like the marshal would be gone for many days. The only other thing noteworthy was the presence of a half-breed standing in the middle of the road unhappily watching the marshal leave with the boy. The deviant looked heartbroken. It was bad enough when those heathens stole white women, but for a half-breed to be looking on a white boy that way? That was something that Leonard could not abide. If he got the chance, he'd put that Indian down like a rabid dog.

Leonard dismounted his horse and threw the reins of his horse haphazardly on the hitching post and walked up the steps to the worn boardwalk. He stopped, reached inside his jacket, and took a cheroot out of his shirt pocket. He placed the cheap cigar into his mouth and pulled out a wooden match from another pocket. Striking the match against the door frame of the saloon entrance, he lit his stogie. He shook the match until the flame blew out and flicked it into the street.

The batwing doors of the saloon swung freely as Leonard walked into the saloon and let his eyes adjust to the dark. He sided up to the bar and tapped his index finger on its smooth polished surface. The barkeep poured a shot of whiskey and started to move the bottle away. Leonard grabbed the man's wrist and the barkeep left the bottle. He didn't want any trouble in his saloon. He hoped perhaps the marshal or a deputy would make his way to the saloon. He didn't have to wait long.

Jimmy decided to take a walk around the town after lunch. Teaspoon did that sometimes too. He walked into the saloon and saw Kid playing cards. He was relieved to see he was still drinking sarsaparilla. He ordered one up for himself and decided to watch Kid play. Not that Jimmy was a great poker player, but he had never seen anyone so determined to lose all his money as Kid. Jimmy was hoping he could pull Kid aside and talk to him after the next hand. His friend was a path of self destruction and he would stop it if he could. He hoped he could talk some sense into Kid before he was completely broke.

"Kid, why don't you join me at the bar for a minute?" Jimmy asked without it sounding like a question.

Kid gave Jimmy a look of irritation, but he was on a losing streak. Maybe he could use a break.

"What do you want, Jimmy?" Kid asked trying to sound more irritated than he was.

"Kid what are you doin' here?" Jimmy answered Kid's question with a question of his own.

"I'm waiting, Jimmy," Kid said. "I'm waiting for the pain to go away, but mostly I'm waiting for her.

Kid nodded his head toward the inner balcony of the saloon where a door just happened to open as if on cue. A beautiful lady walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.

Celia Barnes stepped out of her room and surveyed the saloon floor beneath her. She looked like today was a new beginning for her. She had some regulars who were nice gentlemen and Cliff the owner operator of the saloon had recently gifted her with a premium room. It was nice and big with a new feather bed and had its own door to the outer balcony. She frequently watched the goings on in the town from there. She was even wearing a new frilly dress today. It was a nice dark green with black lace trim and really brought out the color of her sparkling green eyes and chestnut brown hair. Cliff wanted to class up the place so he bought all the girls new dresses and underpinnings. It looked like Celia had spent a good deal of the day primping and powdering. She looked really pretty. Her hair had curled just how she usually wore it, but today is looked especially shiny. The smile on her face said today was going to be a good day and that she could feel it. Kid hoped she would let him occupy her time today. He was always so eager and willing to learn as well as gentle and willing to pleasure her too. If she ever wanted to get out of this life, he hoped it was with him or a man like him.

Kid smiled and caught Celia's eye. She casually walked right up to him and snaked and arm around him. Kid took one last drink from his mug of sarsaparilla and tipped his hat in goodbye to Jimmy.

"Have a good time, Kid," Jimmy said to himself as he went back outside and continued his rounds of the town. Nothing seemed out of place, so Jimmy wandered back to the office to catch a cat nap.

Kid emerged from Celia's room about an hour later and left the saloon. He had some chores he was saving to do until after Buck was done with his.

Celia cascaded down the stairs with confidence and gave Cliff a wink as she entered the main room of the saloon. Cliff smiled at her as she started to work the room. The hour was starting to get into their busiest time and Cliff could sense tonight would be an exciting night. The only thing that worried him was the darkly dressed man with the equally dark demeanor drinking whiskey at the bar. There was something about this man that was not quite right. Cliff subtly warned all his girls not to approach him. There was an evil in his countenance that foretold of misery and pain for whoever spent time with him. Cliff ran a classy and clean joint. The last thing he needed was one of his girls getting beaten.

Leonard was getting an itch he wanted scratched and noticed a beautiful saloon girl flittering through the place like a beautiful butterfly. The beauty was wearing his favorite color, green. When she finally got close to him he hooked an arm around and deeply inhaled her perfumed scent. She was, of course, startled at his sudden movement, but she smiled sweetly and looked him up and down. Her smile faded slightly when he grabbed the whiskey bottle with his free hand and led Celia to the stairs.

She looked to Cliff and he shrugged. She looked at the rough man and her smile returned to her lips. She was a professional after all. She led him to her room and opened the door allowing him in.

Leonard was feeling bold. He learned that the marshal's most trusted man didn't carry guns. With no one to stop him, he could have his way with this lady. Most people would say it was a shame since she was so pretty, but he liked them pretty. He usually got to visit his type of savagery on dirty, used up women, but he was lucky tonight.

The night was nice and busy but all the noise suddenly stopped as sounds of a commotion drifted down to the main room of the saloon. It sounded like furniture being smashed and the screaming was the kind to make your blood run cold. Then as quickly as the noise started it stopped.

The silenced saloon patrons looked on in horror as the man exited the room from upstairs covered in blood and smiling. He walked confidently down the stairs. The look in his eyes was daring anyone to get in his way. Nobody moved.

A couple of the other saloon girls ran to Celia's room and let our blood curdling screams. Cliff couldn't take it and emptied the contents of his stomach behind the bar.

Leonard lit another cheroot after he left the saloon and mounted his horse to head to the next town.

A couple of men went out the door after the man left and watched the direction he went. One of them kept the other horses from spoiling the tracks the man's horse made while the other hurried off to the marshal's office. A few minutes later Jimmy Hickok had hurried to the saloon and assessed the situation. He left and came back a bit later with Kid and Buck. While Buck looked at the tracks and started to memorize what they looked like, Kid went to Celia's room. He stood in the doorway and became physically ill at what he saw. Celia was a good woman no matter what she did for a living and she didn't deserve the ending she got. Kid came back down to meet Jimmy and Buck. The three talked a bit and decided to hunt down the man tomorrow. It was dark now and there was no way they could track the man tonight, but tomorrow they would leave at first light.

* * *

><p>Teaspoon didn't sleep well the night before. Between Lou's endless tossing and turning and his own anxiety of leaving Jimmy in charge of the town, it was a wonder he got any sleep at all. After dawn started to break, both Teaspoon and Lou got up and they readied themselves to continue the journey to Sam and Emma's.<p>

Teaspoon watched Lou very carefully as they traveled. Last night it seemed she had forced herself to eat. He knew she was hurting. He put his arm around her and felt her settle into the crook of his shoulder. Teaspoon had the sudden realization that this was the first time he and Lou had been alone together. She usually went to Rachel with her problems with the boys. He was so busy dealing with Kid and Buck that he didn't take the time to make sure that Lou knew he still loved her and was still proud to call her family.

"Everything's gonna be alright, Sweetheart," Teaspoon said and gave Lou a gentle squeeze.

"I really messed this up, Teaspoon," Lou said. "I don't know how anyone can say they love me anymore."

"Lou, I will always love you like a daughter, no matter what," Teaspoon reassured her, "And it looked like Buck loves you too."

"He does, doesn't he?" Lou asked and smiled her first smile of the day. "Sometimes I don't know why. I've put him through hell, him and Kid both."

"I thought Buck was going to give up on life, never mind love not so long ago, Lou," Teaspoon said. "Sweetheart, you are the reason he's still alive. If you hadn't found him in the barn, we would have lost him. You're the only one he would have followed to Emma's. His love for you has kept him with us. He would have left if you hadn't asked him to stay."

"I feel like I'm being selfish," Lou confessed. "I love Buck, but I don't think I deserve him."

"Love ain't got nothin' to do with 'deserve,' Lou," Teaspoon said kindly. "As I told Buck, you can't help who you fall in love with."

"Do you think he'd change his mind if this little one isn't his?" Lou asked timidly.

"I think I know Buck about as well as he'll let anyone but you and I can say with confidence that he's probably more afraid you would change your mind about him."

"I don't think I ever could," Lou said smiling softly.

"I know, Sweetheart," Teaspoon said giving Lou another gentle squeeze. "Now don't you worry none, we'll be at Sam and Emma's soon."

"How much does Emma know?" Lou asked.

"Enough," Teaspoon answered. "I didn't say anything outright, but I hinted as to why you needed to come stay with her. She'll probably have a fair amount of questions."

* * *

><p>Jimmy left Noah in charge and took Buck and Kid with him. He didn't care that they weren't getting alone right now because of Lou. They were the best he had and he needed both of them. Buck was going to be the only one to find this man and they would both need Kid's gun. It didn't take long before Buck found the trail and they were off. Buck said they were about a day behind the man and Jimmy didn't doubt it. He knew that man wanted to put as much distance between himself and Rock Creek as he could.<p>

If there was ever a time that Jimmy was tempted to strap on his guns again this was it. Something evil happened in that girl's room last night. The sight of it would haunt Jimmy forever. He left his guns behind. If he couldn't figure out how to bring this man to justice without violence, then he didn't deserve Alice. This would be the test and if he could pass it, he knew he could live the rest of his life without having a gun in his hand or strapped to his leg and not think himself a coward.

Kid couldn't get the image of Celia's lifeless body out of his head. The man had slit her throat after he'd used her up. The walls that had been so tastefully papered were now streaked with her blood. Every time he thought of that room and what that man did to Celia, the bile would build in his throat. Celia didn't deserve what happened to her. Cody had introduced him to Celia not very long ago and he became one of her regulars. He thought maybe in time he'd offer her a way out of her life. He didn't always feel comfortable making love to her as he had a hard time doing that without being married. That was the mistake he'd made with Lou. After he and Celia would make love, they just mostly talked and she held him. She was kind hearted and listened to him when he told her about his problems. She comforted him whenever he wanted it. He couldn't wrap his head around her not being around anymore. First it was his mother, then Emma, then Lou, and now Celia. Kid wanted to stop the trend of the women in his life leaving him.

* * *

><p>Teaspoon and Lou finally arrived at Emma's three days after they left Rock Creek. Lou and Teaspoon were singing Teaspoon's favorite songs by the time they hit Omaha. They had run out of things to talk about to pass the time, but Lou wouldn't have traded this trip with Teaspoon for anything. She had learned so much about the man in the short days that they had been together alone. She truly felt like he was a father to her much the same way he said she was like a daughter to him.<p>

Emma ran out to greet them and her face was free of judgment. She looked curious about Lou's situation, but she wore a patient face and Lou knew she wouldn't have to explain anything until she was ready.

"Mr. Spoon, it is so good to see you," Emma said as she hugged the weathered station master. "Sam's in town working, you should go and see him when you're settled."

"I'm only planning on staying the night," Teaspoon said. "I need to get back to Rock Creek, I have a feeling the boys are going to need me. I'll go in to see him once we get Lou here settled."

Emma turned to Lou and embraced her so tightly that Lou didn't think Emma was going to let her go.

"Lulabelle, sweetheart, how are you feeling?" Emma asked.

"About as well as can be expected Emma," Lou answered.

"Well I'll show you to your room and let you freshen up," Emma said leading the way to the house.

Teaspoon left for town on one of Sam's horses and Emma put on a pot of water to boil. Lou had agreed to talk once they were alone.

Lou had washed up and changed when Emma came into the room with a pot of Tea and poured up to cups. She placed a cup and saucer in front of Lou and put the other one in front of her place. Emma sat down and placed her hand on Lou's and gave it a supportive squeeze.

"Lulabelle, what happened?" Emma asked sympathetically. "When you left here months ago, you and Kid were so happy."

"I don't know, Emma," Lou answered hesitantly. "I guess Kid and I just weren't meant to be."

"Do you still love him?" Emma asked.

"A part of me always will," Lou answered. "Something else happened that changed things. I'm not proud of myself, but I also can't lie about my feelings."

Lou told Emma the whole story starting with Kid's proposition and how they celebrated. She told her about the cave and everything that followed. It took Lou a long time to relay the story and Emma was patient and understanding just as Lou hoped. She smiled at the appropriate times and comforted her when she needed it. Lou finished by telling her of the baby and her feelings about the two men involved.

"Tell me about you and Buck," Emma requested.

"What do you mean?" Lou asked.

"Well, it seems like the two of you haven't had a proper courtship," Emma explained. "You and Kid had time to get to know one another and develop your feelings for each other over a long period of time. You and Buck it seems have had a hard time of things."

"I guess we have," Lou volunteered. "But I know there is something so powerful there. I can feel it when I'm with him, Emma."

"I'm sure you do, Sweetheart," Emma said. "I just want you to be sure."

"How do I do that?" Lou asked.

"Well you're away from both the boys," Emma said, "It will be easier to sort out your feelings for them without any pressure. I want you to just relax for a few days and not worry. I'm gonna take care of you."

Emma looked over at her Lulabelle. She remembered what it was like when she was young and in love. She remembered how much her father hated some of her suitors especially Longley. The intensity of things forbidden caused her to mistake her feelings of defiance for love. She knew how that felt. She could tell Lou felt something for Buck, but she wanted her to make sure her feelings were love and not something different like fear or guilt.

Lou noticed Emma look a little distracted.

"What's wrong, Emma?" Lou asked.

"I was just thinking about when I was your age," Emma answered.

"Tell me?" Lou asked.

"When I was young there was a young man that I fancied," Emma replied. "He was dapper and he seemed sweet, but he wasn't. My father didn't like him one bit. There were so many things going on that confused a girl my age. The more I was challenged about him the more I wanted to be with him and it turned out my feelings for him weren't real like I thought."

"Emma, do you think my feelings for Buck aren't real?" Lou asked with a hurt look on her face, "Or that he isn't a good man?"

"Oh no, Honey, I didn't say that," Emma replied. "I was just remembering how difficult love can be at your age. I just think you've been under such strain lately and that's not good for you right now. I just want you to relax and not feel pressured to make commitments you may not really want to make. I want you to be truly happy."

"Thanks, Emma," Lou said, "I have thought about Buck and Kid a lot even before I found out about the baby."

"I wouldn't expect anything less, Lou," Emma said. "But that baby probably sped up your thinking, didn't it?"

"Maybe a little," Lou answered. "OK, maybe a lot."

"Well, now I want you to relax and take care of yourself," Emma said. "I want you to concentrate on bringing a healthy baby into this world. The boys come second to that, alright?"

"Alright Emma," Lou said smiling. She was glad she was here with Emma. Somehow Emma always had a way of making Lou feel better and calmer.

* * *

><p>Buck jumped from his horse and looked at the tracks. He smiled to himself. After days of following Leonard Craven, they were finally catching up. The murderer had stopped here too long and now they were just an hour behind him. This man was full of confidence that they wouldn't bring him in as he never took the time to cover his trail. Buck didn't think it had occurred to him that they would follow him. This man didn't count on being followed that was evident in the tracks, but he knew their small posse was tracking him now. That was also evident. He was panicking and starting to make mistakes. In addition to sleeping too long the man had already made a number of other mistakes. The first being he assumed that no one would want to find him and bring him to justice. He committed so heinous a crime on purpose to scare people away from wanting to confront him. Second, he probably thought that with Teaspoon gone nobody would be in charge enough to organize a posse let alone have the skills to be able to catch him. The third assumption the man made was that Jimmy was a liability without guns.<p>

Buck thought not enough people gave Jimmy credit for his brains. Sure he didn't read especially well, but Noah was making sure that Jimmy was getting better at that. He was also a little thick when it came to women, but where Jimmy's mind was sharp was tactics. In a shoot out he always knew the best way to take down outlaws with minimal loss of life. He also had a way of knowing how the bad guys thought. Where they would hold up and where they would make a stand. He understood being cornered. Buck thought that if Jimmy ever learned how to track as well as he did, he'd be the most dangerous lawman in the territory. But that's not what Jimmy wanted and Buck was happy about that. Being a lawman was a lonely life and Jimmy seemed so much happier now that he was with Alice. Buck hadn't met Alice yet, but he thought she must be very special to have the impact on Jimmy's life that she did.

Buck was about to vault back into his saddle, but looked again to where the tracks were taking them and then he smelled it. The tracks led into the woods, but now those woods were also on fire. For the first time, Buck realized this man wasn't as stupid as he seemed. As soon as he realized he was being followed, he lured them here. They would have to be careful. Buck looked over to Jimmy and Kid. By the looks on their faces he knew they smelled it too.

"He's in there," Buck said to the others as he pointed to the heavily wooded area ahead of them.

"We'll have to leave the horses here," Kid added unhappily.

Kid and Buck both looked to Jimmy and Jimmy took charge.

"Ok, this is what we're going to do," Jimmy said as he dismounted.

The three young men huddled together and figured out a plan. The smoke would make it hard to see, and the fire would make it hard to hear, so they needed to try to stay close to one another. It wasn't going to be easy with all the smoke. Jimmy knew they would have to trust each other out there. He just hoped Kid and Buck were up for it. The three men put their neckerchiefs over their noses and starting walking into the woods.


	19. Chapter 19

Jimmy started walking in the center while Kid went to the right and Buck took the left. The goal was to surround their quarry and bring him in without a shoot out. The smoke was thick and it was hard to stay silent when one had to cough all the time. They walked about twenty feet into the woods when Jimmy stopped.

"Leonard Craven, come out with your hands up," Jimmy shouted. "You're under arrest for the murder of Celia Barnes."

A shot rang out and a bullet ricocheted off a tree just to Jimmy's left. Jimmy didn't flinch. He then gave a hand signal to Buck motioning in the direction the shot came from. Leonard was closest to Buck. Jimmy made another hand signal to Kid to close in from the other side.

Another shot rang out and hit a tree near Kid. Kid looked over at Jimmy. Leonard was toying with them. He could see them but they couldn't see him. Buck continued to get into position to catch Leonard as another shot rang out. It hit the dirt in front of Jimmy. Jimmy looked over at Kid curiously and then looked for Buck. Buck hadn't been slowed by Leonard shooting at him so he wasn't close to him and Kid anymore. Jimmy looked over at Kid panicked. Kid picked up on Jimmy's anxiety. Leonard was letting Buck get close. That was their guess, but neither knew why.

"Leonard there is no place you can hide," Jimmy shouted hoping to distract him. "It's over. Come on out now!"

Jimmy looked over and saw the Kid was out of his sight now too. He just needed to keep talking so Kid and Buck could take this guy down.

"Leonard there ain't a place you can run," Jimmy shouted. "We have you surrounded. We want to bring you in alive. Even the likes of you deserves a trial."

Buck thought he must almost be to where Craven was hiding as long as the man hadn't moved from where he shot at Jimmy and Kid. The smoke was getting more intense and bits of ashes were floating in the air. He felt his eyes start to burn. What he needed now was to get to a more ventilated spot. He couldn't see anything or hear anything from where he was. If he could find a spot that wasn't so smoky, he could get the drop on this man.

Kid moved toward where he thought the last shot was fired from. He knew he was closing in. He could almost make out a shape about twenty feet in front of him and he thought he saw Buck too. He kind of hoped Buck would subdue Craven before he got there.

Jimmy moved slowly forward. He had now lost sight but not track of both Kid and Buck. He knew where they would be right about now, because he knew them.

"Talk to me, Leonard," Jimmy yelled. "If you talk to me we can end this peacefully."

Jimmy's head snapped to his left as he heard the sound of someone taking a punch to their midsection. Then he heard another noise that sounded like a blow to the head. He hoped it was Leonard and not one of his friends.

"I don't want to talk to you, Deputy," Leonard shouted back, "Or should I say 'Wild Bill?'"

Jimmy let out a breath. If he could get this man talking Buck and Kid could take him down without firing a shot. He worried about the sounds from before. There was a good chance one of his friends was in big trouble.

"I ain't him," Jimmy shouted back. "My name's James Butler Hickok, and I'm going to bring you in, Craven."

"Well, won't that be a trick," Leonard called back. "I've got one of your men and you ain't carrying any guns."

"I don't need guns to bring you in, Craven," Jimmy shouted.

"You're gonna need something," Leonard said laughing. "You're about to lose a friend."

"Killing another person ain't gonna help your case," Jimmy yelled trying to keep the anger and fear from his voice.

"Ain't nobody gonna miss him," Leonard taunted. "Hell, nobody will miss that whore either. People don't miss half-breeds or whores. Really I'm doing your town a favor."

"Buck…" Jimmy mumbled under his breath. He wanted to charge this man and beat him to death with his bare hands, but he couldn't. Any sudden moves on Jimmy's part would guarantee Buck's death. He needed to keep the man talking. Besides he wouldn't lose Alice over this man.

"That's where you're wrong Leonard," Jimmy shouted trying to keep the emotion from his voice. "People in this town liked Celia and they respect Buck."

"Is that right?" Leonard laughed. "Maybe you don't know your town's folk as well as you think."

"I know they'll be wanting to see you face a trial for what you've done," Jimmy said confidently. "Don't make it worse, Craven. Let Buck go."

"Well I guess you'll have to come up here yourself then," Leonard yelled down to Jimmy. "Your other man could have killed me about ten times already, but he has yet to make a move."

Jimmy let the confusion wash over him. What did he mean? Kid must not have a good vantage point to get the drop on Craven. It didn't make sense to Jimmy that Kid wouldn't help Buck.

Kid sat in silence by a tree. He knew Craven could see him and he could see Buck lying crumpled on the ground. He wasn't moving, but he was breathing. He knew he should listen to the better angels of his nature and take this man out, but he kept thinking of Lou. He kept thinking with Buck out of the way, she would be his. Then he also thought about how upset she would be if anything happened to Buck. He saw the man raise a pistol and aim it at Buck's head. He could just let him die. Buck was out cold and wouldn't feel a thing. It was tempting.

Jimmy started to walk toward Leonard's voice. He had to get closer and engage this man in conversation and prevent things from spiraling out of control. Jimmy heard the bang of a gun and started to run. He couldn't accept that one of his friends was dead until he saw it with his own eyes. Jimmy stopped suddenly and looked at the scene in front of him. Leonard Craven was dead on the ground and Kid was standing over him holding a gun. Buck was still lying on the ground but he was starting to stir. Jimmy let out a sigh of relief and felt frustrated that Leonard didn't come in peacefully.

Jimmy knelt next to Buck and put his arm under Buck's shoulder to help him up and out of the burning woods. He motioned for Kid to carry Leonard. The town would need to see this man's dead body to be satisfied of justice. Right now Jimmy needed to get them all to safety. Buck was not quite conscious, so Jimmy mostly carried him until they reached the horses. Jimmy set Buck down and propped him up against a tree. Jimmy surveyed the woods and it looked like the fire was dying down. He went to Buck's horse and grabbed his bedroll. He wanted to make Buck comfortable until he woke up.

"I didn't have a clear shot at him, Jimmy," Kid answering the question before Jimmy could ask it.

"Kid, I never doubted you for a second," Jimmy said. "Men like Craven will do or say anything to cause people not to trust each other. If he breaks our trust in one another, he gets away. He knew that."

Kid looked at Buck and felt guilty.

"Jimmy I was tempted," Kid said barely above a whisper. "I was tempted to let Craven kill him. I don't know if I can live with that."

"Kid, the important thing is that you saved him," Jimmy said.

"I just kept thinking about Lou and how with Buck out of the picture we could be together," Kid confessed. "Then I thought about Lou and how upset she'd be if Buck wasn't around. I feel terrible, Jimmy."

"That's your conscience, Kid," Jimmy said. "If you didn't feel terrible I would worry."

Buck started to stir again and both Jimmy and Kid looked over at him.

"My head hurts," Buck groaned. "I didn't even see him."

"We got him," Jimmy said, "It's over."

"What about the fire?" Buck asked.

"It seems to be dying out," Kid said softly. "Looks like it might rain soon anyway."

Buck looked to the sky and agreed, "Probably tonight."

All three of the boys were quiet. Buck thought maybe they weren't telling him something.

"Is he dead?" Buck asked.

"Yeah, he's dead," Jimmy answered.

"I'm sorry, Jimmy," Buck said, "I know you wanted to take him alive. Is it because he jumped me?"

"He was going to kill you, I had to shoot him," Kid mumbled. "He was never going to let us take him alive anyway."

"I think I'm ready," Jimmy said.

"Ready for what?" Kid asked.

"I think I'm ready to join Alice's people," Jimmy said with a smile. "I proved I could come out here without guns and be alright. When I was talking to him, I felt like I was in control of my fear."

"That's great, Jimmy," Buck said smiling proudly at his friend.

"You're going to do it, become a peacemaker?" Kid asked.

"As soon as the Express is done," Jimmy answered.

A light rain began to fall during the boys' dinner. They all hauled out their rain slickers and huddled under the tree and near the fire. It was going to be a miserable night, but they had caught the bad guy. Jimmy thought of Alice as he watched the fire.

Jimmy had been away from Alice for too long. Every hour of every day he was away from her was too long. He had just successfully run a posse and caught an outlaw without the aid of a gun or fist. He knew he was ready. As soon as they got back to Rock Creek, Jimmy was heading out to see Alice. He had something very important to ask both her and Jacob.

Buck's head was throbbing in the morning, but he knew that in order to get everyone back to Rock creek quickly and easily they would need another horse. He tracked Leonard's horse and had it back in camp before Jimmy and Kid woke up. He just finished tethering the horse to their line when Jimmy and Kid started to stir. Buck figured it would take them a couple of days to get back to town if they left after breakfast. Since they weren't tracking anyone they could cover the distance quickly. Teaspoon would probably be back from Omaha by then and he wanted to know how Lou was doing.

* * *

><p>Lou wandered into the kitchen after a night of restless sleep. She thought she heard Emma clanging some pots and pans in there.<p>

"Morning, Emma," Lou said sleepily.

"Good morning, Lulabelle," Emma said back with a smile. "Sit down and I'll make us some tea. Would you like something to eat?"

"If you have some toast, I'd love some," Lou answered.

"Why don't you get some tea cups out of the curio?" Emma said pointing to a fancy hutch full of patterned cups and saucers.

Emma sipped her tea and looked over at Lou, who nibbled at her toast.

"We need to talk about your story," Emma said gently.

"My story?" Lou asked.

"You know I don't judge you for what happened, but the good people of Omaha will," Emma reminded her. "We need a story for you, sweetheart. People are going to want to know who you are and we need to tell them something."

Lou put her toast back down on her plate and looked up at Emma.

"Do we have to make up a story," Lou pleaded, "I could just never leave the house."

Emma smiled sympathetically at Lou.

"Honey I don't want you to feel like a prisoner," Emma said reaching for Lou's hand. "You did nothing wrong. We don't have to tell anyone anything because it's none of their business, but I think we should have a story in case those biddies around town get too nosy."

Lou nodded.

"Let's say you're a widow and your husband died right before you found out about the baby," Emma suggested. "That way if you want to get married to the father of the baby after it is born you'll have had a suitable mourning period."

"I guess that could work," Lou said in a non-committed manor.

"Sweetheart, everything's going to work out fine, you hear?" Emma said comfortingly. "Now, have you started collecting anything for the baby yet? Blankets? Booties?"

"No," Lou answered. She started to worry that she was way behind.

"It's alright," Emma said calmly. "Would you like me to teach you to knit?"

"Emma, I'm not sure I can do this?" Lou said shakily.

"Oh, Lou, knitting's not too hard," Emma said soothingly, "It just takes a little bit of practice."

"Emma, do you think I'll be a good mother?" Lou asked with tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

"Oh, Lulabelle, I know you will," Emma assured her and moved around to the other side of the table to hug Lou. "You have plenty of time to prepare for this and I'm going to be with you every step of the way."

Lou sat quietly as Emma knelt beside her chair.

"What else is troubling you, Sweetheart?" Emma asked. She sensed Lou was holding something back from her.

"I started riding for the Express so I could get my brother and sister out of an orphanage," Lou explained, "I'll never be able to get them out now."

Emma looked at Lou and remembered when Lou's father took the children.

"I don't know what to do, Emma," Lou said as the tears started to fall, "I'm starting a new family and I feel like I'm leaving them behind."

"Don't you worry about a thing, Lou honey," Emma said. "We'll figure it out together."

* * *

><p>Jimmy, Kid, and Buck rode into town about the same time as Teaspoon. The town seemed a little different to them. The three riders had been on a posse without Teaspoon for the first time they could remember. They all noticed there was something different about the town as they rode in. The small town innocence was lost, but also there was an air of progress. Jimmy saw them first. There were poles being set into the ground in a row. The telegraph was coming.<p>

Jimmy took Leonard Craven to the undertaker. The boys were happy to be rid of Leonard as he was starting to smell. Buck volunteered to take care of the horses and Kid lagged behind hoping to catch a word with Teaspoon.

Teaspoon was settling into his office after having been away nearly a week. He started to rifle through the mail and the new wanted posters. He had just picked up an envelope from Russell, Majors, and Waddell when he sensed a presence in the doorway. He looked over at the man casting the shadow from the entrance and saw the long face.

"What's on your mind, Kid?" Teaspoon asked and pointed at a chair for Kid to sit down.

Kid sat down and rubbed his face in his hands.

"It's alright, Kid, you don't have to say nuthin," Teaspoon said. He could sense by the stricken look Kid wore that this conversation wasn't something that was going to be easy or quick. He needed to give Kid time to reveal what was eating at him in his own way.

Kid sat for a minutes trying to sort out a question. He wanted to figure out how to make it sound not so bad. Finally he gave up the notion that he could make his behavior sound any different than it was.

"Teaspoon, have you ever done something you weren't proud of?" Kid asked timidly.

"Sure, Kid," Teaspoon said concerned. "I've told you boys before that I spent time on both sides of the law."

"We just brought in a man," Kid said. "He murdered Celia. She works…worked in the saloon."

"I remember her," Teaspoon said sympathetically. "She really took a fancy to you boys."

"Yeah, she did," Kid said with a sad smile. "We tracked down the man who killed her and it was pretty tense for a while."

"I suppose he weren't too eager to be caught," Teaspoon speculated.

"No," Kid said looking at the floor.

"What is it, Son?" Teaspoon asked, "What's eatin at you?"

"He got the drop on Buck and I…" Kid said trailing off. "I almost let that man kill him."

Teaspoon couldn't hide his shock but Kid didn't see it. He couldn't bring himself to look up from the ground much less look Teaspoon in the eye.

Teaspoon took a deep breath and let it out before answering. "Kid, I think the most import word in that confession was 'almost.'"

"I just never thought I would be capable of something like that," Kid said.

"Kid, you weren't capable of that," Teaspoon said seriously. "Buck's alive and you saved him."

"But I was tempted, Teaspoon," Kid said in a raised voice. He stood up and kicked the chair over. He was really angry with himself.

"That means you're human, Kid," Teaspoon said as he laid his hand on Kid's shoulder. "Even the best men are tempted. It is what we decide to do with that temptation that is important. We always have the choice to resist or give in. The right answer ain't always the same neither."

Kid nodded reluctantly.

"Come on," Teaspoon said, "Let's get back to the station. I have a letter here from Russell, Majors, and Waddell and I'll bet it will have a direct impact on all our futures. You gather the boys and I'll meet you in the bunkhouse."

Teaspoon stood at the head of the table, cleared his throat, and looked down at all his remaining riders. They had all seen this coming. The telegraph poles were already up.

"I got here a letter from Russell, Majors, and Waddell," Teaspoon started. "They are starting to wrap up the Pony Express. Now we have telegraph poles and the wires are coming, but as soon as the wires are up in the next town, they won't need us anymore. Until then we will be taking short runs to the next station and military runs to Fort Kearny."

The boys and Rachel all looked around knowing their time with each other was short. Rachel even started to tear up a little.

"With the decrease in runs, I'm not going to need all you boys," said with a slight strain in his voice. He knew he was going to lose the boys eventually, but he didn't want it to be so soon. "I'm going to have to let a couple of you go. I'll start with volunteers."

Teaspoon hoped he would get the volunteers he needed. Firing the boys was something he didn't have the heart to do.

"I'll go," Buck said. "I've wanted to follow Lou to Omaha the minute she set out for it. Besides, Sam said I could have a job with him if I ever needed one."

Teaspoon sighed in relief. That was one.

"I'll go too, Teaspoon," Jimmy said. "I've been away from Alice for far too long. She's starting to think I'm never going to stay."

"Thanks boys," Teaspoon said. "That'll give you other three a chance to figure out what to do when the Express is over."

Buck and Jimmy decided to leave when once the telegraph lines were put up which turned out to be only a few days. Rachel made them some food to take and the trail. They both hugged Teaspoon and Rachel goodbye as they put everything they owned on their horses.

Buck bought a couple of Express mares. He wanted to put together a grubstake for himself and hopefully Lou. He didn't know where they would live. There was so much that he needed to talk to Lou about. He had saved much of his pay from the Express and there was the job Sam said he could have. Well he needed it now. He didn't know if he could support a family on whatever he could make as a deputy. Mostly all he could think of was Lou and being with her again. He missed her so much even though it had only been about two weeks since she left.

* * *

><p>Jimmy thought of Alice's beautiful smile as he rode toward James Creek. He could remember everything about her face. He loved the way she smiled shyly at him when he complimented her. He couldn't wait to tell her that he was there to stay. Every time he had visited her, she asked him to stay and this time he would say yes. He kicked his horse to go faster.<p>

Jimmy started to see the familiar landmarks on his way to the bruderhof and stopped at the creek to remember Alice's baptism. With any luck, Jacob would consent to baptizing him as soon as possible. He was ready to commit to the Peacemaker path. He hadn't been wearing his guns for months and he had been tested and he knew now that he would never need them again. He was still hanging on to his guns for sentimental reasons. The pair was a reminder of what he had been through as an impressionable youth. He couldn't quite part with that time in his life…yet.

Around the bend Jimmy started to see the bustling of the community. It looked like the last of the crops were being harvested. The mood seemed to be light and happy. The harvest must have been plentiful.

Sundance gave a whinny and several of the peacemakers looked up at the perceived intrusion. Alice was holding a large basket of corn when she heard the commotion. She looked up and seemed to forget what she was holding. The corn fell to the ground and started to roll in all directions at the same time a smile spread across her face. She cleared the garden hopping around people and stopped at its edge. She looked at Jimmy to make sure he was real and relief took over her face when he smiled back at her. Alice hiked her skirts up a few inches and took a couple of steps to start. She lost control of her resolve and she started to run to Jimmy.

If Jimmy could get off his horse faster, he would never let you know it. As soon as his feet hit the ground he started to run to Alice. He could see the tears in her eyes and hoped they were tears of joy. Whether they were or weren't he knew when he got his hands on her, he would kiss away each and every one.

It seemed like an eternity before they reached each other, but when Alice was close enough he gathered her into his arms. He kissed her as they spun around. He wanted her to know that he was never going to leave her again. His kiss was his bond.

Jimmy's hat fell down his back as Alice wound her hands into his hair. The spin felt like it turned into a graceful dance. Everything felt so right with her in his arms. She kissed him back as if she desperately wanted to believe they would never be apart.

"Please, James, do not leave me again," Alice begged in between kisses.

"I promise you, I'm here to stay," Jimmy said holding her just a little tighter. He moved his hands to her face and gently caressed her cheek with his gloved hand. He gently captured her lips once more in a tender kiss.

Alice looked at Jimmy and felt her face flush. He always had a way of making her feel things it would be improper to share.

"Alice, there's something I want to ask you," Jimmy said looking at his boots. He started to sink to one knee.

Alice looked around and quickly pulled Jimmy back up to his feet. "Not here," she said. "In our tradition, these things are done in secret."

Jimmy blushed and looked around as Alice tried to hide his intention.

"I also wanted to ask Jacob to baptize me," Jimmy said with a shy smile.

"Really?" Alice asked excitedly. "You really want to be a peacemaker?"

"Yeah, I do," Jimmy said smiling and then he whispered in her ear, "And then I want to marry you."

Alice giggled silently and tried to hide her joy from the other peacemakers. There would be speculation enough in the spring when she planted her garden.

"I'll take you to Großvater and the two of you can speak," Alice said smiling. One by one her prayers were being answered. She thought for sure she must be dreaming.

Alice waited outside on the porch while Jimmy and Jacob discussed things. Jimmy came out about a half an hour later with Jacob and Jacob pointed to some land that was standing just to the north and east of the main grouping of houses.

"Come with me," Jimmy said grabbing Alice's hands and pulling her toward the area Jacob pointed to.

"Jacob said my baptism would be this Sunday," Jimmy said conversationally.

"I'm so proud of you, James," Alice said smiling.

They kept walking along until Jimmy stopped in the middle of clearing. There was a beautifully large open space in between a couple of stands of trees. Alice looked at him expectantly.

"Jacob said I could have this piece of land to build a house on, do you like it?" Jimmy asked hopefully.

Alice blushed. Großvater knew how much she loved this particular piece of land. He was being sly.

"I love it, James," she answered.

Jimmy looked around to make sure no one was watching and slowly dropped to one knee in front of her.

"Alice, I love you," Jimmy said, "Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"I will have to think about it," she teased.

Jimmy was crestfallen until Alice started to laugh.

"Okay, I have thought about it," she said quickly with a coy smile.

"Do I get to know what you decided?" Jimmy asked.

"Only if you can catch me," Alice said and took off running.

Jimmy smiled, licked his lips, and ran after her. This was one woman that he wasn't going to let get away.

Jimmy quickly over took her and the two tumbled to the ground with Jimmy pinning Alice to the ground. They both rolled around in the long grass as Jimmy leaned down and kissed her soulfully to let her know just how much he wanted her.

"Yes," Alice answered at the end of the kiss.

Jimmy looked down at her confused. He couldn't remember asking a question until it suddenly hit him.

"Yes?" he asked excitedly.

"Yes, yes!" she answered him and pulled him into another kiss.

"So when do you want to have the ceremony?" Jimmy asked after they broke the kiss.

"We'll have to wait until late spring," Alice said, "After all the crops are planted, so the whole community can celebrate. We'll also need time for the celery to grow so it can be harvested in time."

Jimmy understood waiting until the crops were planted, but was confused at the mention of celery. "I don't care about celery," he said.

Alice smiled and giggled a little. "You should, James," she said, "We cannot get married without celery."

"Why not?" Jimmy asked not understanding the significance and shaking his head.

"It is our tradition," she said, "At the wedding there is a celebratory feast cooked by the bride and her family. Almost every dish contains celery in one way or another."

"So you plant lots of celery," Jimmy surmised, "I guess that makes sense."

"It gets the whole community a buzzing when someone grows lots of celery in their garden," Alice warned.

"Let me get this straight," Jimmy tried to say without laughing, "Celery starts the marriage rumors flying?" He was unsuccessful.

"You laugh, James Hickok," Alice teased. "But since we cannot tell the rest of the community until two weeks before we are to be married, the people will speculate all through the spring."

"Don't they have anything else to do?" Jimmy asked.

"Of course, but weddings are exciting for all of us," Alice reasoned. "If you can't handle a little excited talk, it's not too late to back out." She was only teasing, but she hoped he knew that.

"You won't get rid of me so easily," Jimmy said with a smile. "I can handle a little celery gossip."

Alice and Jimmy spent the rest of the week getting Jimmy and Sundance settled into temporary lodgings. Sunday morning church came early and Jimmy was nervous.

Jacob led the congregation outside of the church doors and started Jimmy's baptism.

"Ze time has come, James," Jacob announced. "Vhat once ve thought you now know, vhat once ve questioned you have answered. Ve have never strived to be ze masters of men, rather ve strived to vork with zhem as ve have vorked with you. Teaching you ze regal and ordinal ze straight and narrow path you have learned to follow the church."

"As it will follow me," Jimmy responded.

"To remain in ze light," Jacob said.

"So that I might see the way to go," Jimmy said.

"If ze darkness should come and take you vithout varning?" Jacob asked.

"Then I shall light a candle," Jimmy answered.

The congregation processed to the creek following Jacob and Jimmy to James Creek.

"Today I ask you zhis question for ze final and most important time," Jacob said. "Do you promise to keep ze ordinal never to depart from it as long as you shall live?

"Yes," Jimmy answered.

Jimmy knelt in the creek as Jacob scooped up some water and held it over Jimmy's head. He let it drip onto his forehead.

"Zen upon that faith I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen."

"Amen," the congregation echoed.

"Blessed are ze peacemakers for zhey shall be called ze children of God," Jacob said in closing.

Jimmy stood up and shook Jacob's hand. Alice hugged him.

"You are family, James," Jacob said as more people offered their congratulations to Jimmy.


	20. Chapter 20

It was late in the morning when Buck stopped his horses at the top of a slight ridge. He carried everything he owned on these three horses. Most of it fit into his saddle bags and when he looked at the amount of space his possessions took up, it seemed like he had almost nothing. He had some money, clothes, a few books, and horses. He needed to catch, buy, or trade for a stallion, but that wasn't his priority yet. He didn't want his mares foaling until spring so he would need to wait for spring to breed them anyway. He wished his plans were more settled. So much of his future seemed to hinge on whether he was going to be a father or not. Even though she didn't outright say it, Lou seemed to have tied her fate to the father of her child. It would be months before they would all find out. Buck thought he might go crazy waiting, but he could wait because Lou was worth it.

He could see Sam and Emma's homestead spread gently out across the prairie from where he sat. A light breeze swayed the wild flowers back and forth. Their fragrance was calming but he still felt nervous. The last time he was here, both Sam and Emma offered him a place to be when the Express ended and he hoped the offer still stood. A lot had happened since he was last here though. He didn't know if he would still be welcome. Lou would have told them both about what happened and he didn't know how Emma would feel about him now. Buck shifted his weight in his saddle and tried to find the courage to continue. This was Emma, he reminded himself. She wouldn't turn him away, would she? Then there was Lou. Her absence had made his heart grow fonder and he hoped his absence did the same for her, but he knew it didn't always happen that way. Sometimes people realized that their feelings for another person weren't as strong as they thought. Their absence provided clarity where their presence only provided confusion. Buck felt his palms become sweaty as his grip on his reins tightened. What if Lou thought being with him was a mistake? What if she realized she wanted to be with Kid after all? Buck shifted again and rested his hands on his saddle horn. He tried to relax and loosened his hold on the reins. His horses began to graze.

The sound of a door falling closed broke him from his thoughts and he watched as Emma took laundry out to the line. She pinned each piece up with care and he could tell she knew he was there. She looked up at him and he thought he saw her shake her head and smile. He gently kicked his horse into a gentle walk. He couldn't stay up there watching now that Emma had seen him. He knew he had some things to answer for and hoped talking with Emma would go well.

Emma waited on her porch swing and watched Buck walk the horse he was riding plus two others onto her property. When he was close enough she got up from the swing and walked over to him.

"Why don't you get your horses settled into the barn and come up to the house and we'll talk a spell," Emma said. "I'll bring out some lemonade."

Buck just nodded and took his horses to the barn. He settled his two mares into stalls and gave them some fresh hay. He took the saddle from his horse and brushed him down. It was a long ride here and he took his time. His favorite horse whinnied when he gave him some hay. Leaning against the stall, he took his hat off and ran his fingers through his hair. He knew he was avoiding the inevitable, and he couldn't hide in the barn forever, but it felt like the path of the rest of his life was about to be decided. He didn't know if he was ready for that yet.

Buck took a deep breath and walked toward the barn door. He swallowed hard and opened it. Emma was sitting on her porch swing. She held a glass in her hand and another poured up glass and a pitcher were on a table next to her. Emma grabbed the other glass and offered it to Buck as he neared the porch. He took the offered lemonade and gingerly sat down next to Emma on the swing. He couldn't bring himself to look Emma in the face. He was afraid he would only see disappointment there.

"How's Lou?" Buck asked after several minutes of silence.

"She's alright," Emma reported. "She's resting. She doesn't do so well in the mornings or lately the afternoons either."

Buck just nodded in understanding. He brought the lemonade closer to his mouth and then lowered it again without drinking. His eyes focused on his boots.

"How are you doing?" Emma asked.

Buck looked away trying to figure out how to put into words what he was feeling. Emma's hand grasping his startled him and he looked into Emma's face. Her eyes held sympathy not judgment and Buck felt immediately better.

"I don't know what to do with myself now that the Express is over, Emma," Buck said. "I want to be with Lou and be excited about becoming a father, but all of the unknowns are wearing on me."

Emma rubbed his arm to get him to keep going. She could tell he had a lot on his mind and he needed to get it out.

"I want to be building a home and making a stake," he said. "I don't think I have enough money and I certainly don't have the land to do that. But then I don't want to have everything prepared and then have her leave me if the baby isn't mine. I feel stuck."

"Tell me about those horses you brought with you," Emma urged.

"I bought them from the Express," Buck said. "They're the two best mares we had. I thought I could start a small horse ranch or something. I want to be able to provide for Lou and the baby. She's wanted to get her brother and sister out of the orphanage since she left it. I don't know what to do about that."

"Well, I think you should just take one thing at a time," Emma suggested.

"That's just it," Buck said. "I don't even know where _to_ start."

"Buck, you're going to have to start with the only thing you can control," Emma said, "and that's you."

"You think I should get myself set up so that regardless of whether I'm a father or not I'll be alright, don't you?" Buck asked.

"Yes I do," Emma said. "You'll go crazy otherwise."

"I think I already have," Buck said with a small laugh.

"I think you, me, and Sam should have a long chat after dinner tonight," Emma said. "I have some ideas and I'm sure Sam will too. Together we'll figure it out."

"Do you think Lou is up yet?" Buck asked shyly.

Emma smiled a knowing smile. "I'll see how she's feeling," she said.

Buck stood up when Emma did and Emma paused as she opened the door and gave Buck an appraising smile.

"What?" Buck asked.

"You're in love, Buck Cross," she said, "it looks good on you."

* * *

><p>Jimmy spent most of the morning removing brush from the land that Jacob presented him with. The sun had been beating down on his body and it didn't take long on this warm autumn day for him to shed a few layers of clothing. He had just laid his vest, shirt, and undershirt on a nearby stump and drank the last of the water in his canteen. The sun was high in the sky and he figured it was very close to lunch time. He only had a few more patches of brush to clear and then he would break for lunch. He would stake out the dimensions of his house after he ate. The community was planning on his house-raising after church on Sunday, so he needed to clear the area and stake out the position. He would start on the foundation tomorrow.<p>

Jimmy grabbed his neckerchief off the stump and wiped his brow. He heard a small branch break behind him. In the past he would have whipped around while he quickly drew a gun, but he recognized the footfalls. A smile crept over his lips and he turned to meet the woman of his dreams.

"I brought you lunch," Alice said just before Jimmy's lips met hers.

"You're all the lunch I need," Jimmy said huskily between kisses.

Alice dropped the picnic basket as his arms encircled her body.

Alice broke the kiss after about a minute and turned shyly away. "We will not need celery to start rumors if we keep this up," she said with a soft laugh.

Jimmy smiled at her and caressed her face lightly with his gloved hand. Every day he was here, he counted his lucky stars. He always thought he would die young and now he had the chance at a real life and a family. He wanted to pinch himself to prove this wasn't a dream.

"Come, you need to eat," Alice said gathering up the picnic basket.

Jimmy reluctantly turned to help Alice set up their picnic. Maybe he could steal a few kisses for dessert.

* * *

><p>Lou looked out the window and could see Buck was pacing back and forth across Emma's porch. She had been here for weeks and she had been really anxious to see him. He had just turned away from the door, when she pulled it open. The squeak of rusty hinges startled him. Lou stood in the crack of the door. She knew she was a little paler than he would have liked to see her. His face held concern for her and he looked like he couldn't decide if she looked happy to see him. She could see that he feared the worst, but hoped for the best. It was evident in his eyes.<p>

Buck walked over to Lou and drew her out of the doorway. She was a little unsteady on her feet. He gently picked her up and sat down on the swing cradling her in his arms. She didn't speak. She didn't need to. Lou snuggled into the hollow of his shoulder while Buck rubbed the small of her back and kissed her forehead.

"I love you, Lou," Buck whispered softly into Lou's hair as he nestled in closer to her. "I'm going to help you feel better."

"You promise?" Lou moaned. "I don't know how other women do this. I feel terrible."

"I know, I'm sorry," Buck said.

"You better be," Lou said softly punching Buck in the stomach. "I really hope this is all your fault."

"Me too," Buck said smiling seriously as he gave her a gentle squeeze.

"Can you really help me feel better?" Lou asked. "I mean you're being here makes me feel a lot better, but is there some Indian remedy you know that will help?"

"Are there any raspberry bushes nearby?" Buck asked.

"Emma and I picked the last of the berries last week," Lou answered.

"I remember when I was a boy," Buck said starting a story. "Red Bear's wife was terrible sick in the mornings when she was with child. My mother made her a tea from the leaves of a raspberry bush. I helped her make it and she told me if I was a smart boy I would remember to make it for my wife someday."

"Did it really help?" Lou asked hopefully.

"Yeah it did," Buck said.

"Can you make me some now, smart boy?" Lou asked.

"Sure," Buck said with a small laugh. "Where did you pick the raspberries?"

"About a half hour's walk from here," Lou said then added, "You should take Lightning. She hasn't been out in ages."

Buck carried Lou into the house and set her on a sofa. He double checked the location of the raspberries with Emma. He then went out to the barn, saddled Lightning, and went to get what he needed to make Lou feel better. He was back in a half hour and made Lou some soothing tea. Lou was kind of amazed how well it seemed to work.

Emma kept tabs on the two all afternoon. Lou had been so miserable all week and Emma was really starting to worry about her. It did her heart good to see Lou curled up in Buck's arms and smiling. The two of them seemed so comfortable with each other. Emma felt better about the pair making a life together. Still, she couldn't help but think on the connection that Kid and Lou shared.

"Buck, why don't you get yourself settled in the barn," Emma said coming out of the kitchen. "This house is so small, I think it would best if you stayed out there for now."

"Yes, ma'am," Buck said and reluctantly left Lou's side.

"Lou why don't you come into the kitchen and help me with dinner," Emma said.

* * *

><p>Jimmy double checked his stakes and the string. Everything was set in place. He would start working on the foundation tomorrow. He wiped the sweat from his brow and noticed the sun was setting. He smiled. He needed to get cleaned up. Alice invited him to dinner tonight and he knew they would be able to spend some time together after the meal. Sure, there would probably be a bundling board involved, but Jimmy loved being around Alice so he would accept its presence.<p>

They had been sitting with each other on her bed with that danged board every night since he arrived. He treasured the time with Alice, but really wanted to take her in his arms and make her his. He didn't think he could wait for the early spring and then wait some more for celery to grow. He liked traditions and all, but this one was just silly. Couldn't they use a different vegetable?

Jimmy thought about his house. Maybe once the walls of his house were up, he could arrange some alone time with Alice. She looked at him with longing in her eyes. She was married before and it looked to him that she was having just as difficult a time waiting as he was.

Once the walls were up they would have complete privacy. Alice volunteered to help him decorate it, which was fine with him. It would be her house too soon enough. Jimmy was fine with flour sacks as curtains, but knew no lady would be content with such crude decorations. She could deal with the decorating as he worked on the interior walls. They could test all the furniture together and make sure it was sturdy. That thought made him smile.

After supper that night the two retreated to Alice's room and Jacob was ready with the bundling board. It was beginning to be his nightly ritual too. Jimmy looked at Alice, but she was looking down at her hands. She was wring them slightly as if she had something to ask, but didn't know how to phrase it.

"What is it?" Jimmy asked suddenly concerned.

"I was just thinking," Alice answered.

"I can see that," Jimmy said, "What about?"

"I was just wondering if you wanted children," Alice answered nervously.

Jimmy let out a deep breath. He honestly thought that wass one question he would never have to answer. He thought a lot of things were beyond his reach so he never let himself wish for them. Children were one of those things. Hell, marriage and settling down had seemed impossible months ago and now here he was. He thought about having a son to pass on Teaspoon's wisdom to or little girls with heads full of blonde curls that bounced as they ran beside their mother. The thoughts caused a smile to appear involuntarily on his lips.

Jimmy looked back at Alice. She looked so scared of his answer. She wasn't even looking at him. He stood up and walked around to Alice's side of the bed, took her hands in his, and knelt before her.

"I never thought I would have the opportunity to have a family until I met you," Jimmy said sincerely. "Because of you I wish for things and hope for things. I want to have a family with you, Alice."

Tears welled in her eyes but did not fall. She blinked them back and smiled at Jimmy. He looked back at her confused.

"What aren't you telling me?" Jimmy asked.

"I do not know if I can have children or not," she answered softly. "You know I was married before and we were trying to have a child. God did not bless us with one."

"Maybe God will bless us instead," Jimmy said taking her into his arms. "Can you imagine us with a bunch of baby Jimmys and Alices?

Alice giggled at the thought. "I think that would be perfect," she said.

* * *

><p>Lou had just gone to bed to give Emma, Sam, and Buck some privacy. She knew they wanted to talk to Buck alone just like they talked to her a few weeks before. She figured Buck would tell about what they discussed tomorrow anyways. She knew it really didn't have much to do with her. It was about him and his future right now. They would probably talk living arrangements, employment and the like. She was much too tired to be a part of that conversation anyways.<p>

Emma brought in a steaming pot of coffee and poured cups for all three of them. She sat down at the table and folded her hands on the table and looked at both Sam and Buck. Sam cleared his throat as Emma looked at him expectantly.

"So, Buck, Emma says you brought a couple of mares with you," Sam started awkwardly. "You looking to start a horse ranch someday?"

Buck nodded and took a sip of coffee. "I just want to be able to provide for a family," he said after swallowing the hot bitter liquid.

"You'll need land for that," Sam remarked, "and money."

"I've got some money," Buck said, "I saved as much as I could from the Express."

"Do you know where you would like to settle?" Emma asked. She really missed her boys. She really hoped both Buck and Lou would stay near. They would both be here until spring and she didn't think she would be able to part with them and a new born baby.

Buck shifted uncomfortably in his chair and took another sip of coffee before speaking. "I don't want to go back to Rock Creek," he said. "Too much has happened there."

"That's understandable," Emma said full of hope.

"The last time I was here, I was at peace," Buck said. "It felt like I was starting over. I went back to Rock Creek and everything fell apart again. The only good thing was finding Lou, but it almost destroyed us too. I want to make a fresh start here hopefully with Lou."

The three of them put their heads together. Tomorrow Sam and Buck would go into town and look into property and lumber prices. If Buck was going to breed horses he was going to need a barn first. He had three horses and it was already taxing on Sam and Emma's small barn, but if he were going to get his business started he was going to need more horses and a good stallion for stud.

Buck stood up from the table and asked Emma's permission to say goodnight to Lou before turning in. She granted it but stayed close by. They were still not married and Buck shouldn't be alone with Lou in her room at this hour.

Emma watched as Buck headed out for the barn.

"Sam," Emma said. "Do you still have that bounty money that Buck wouldn't take for bringing the man to justice?"

Sam looked confused.

"You remember, the man who killed Ike," Emma reminded him.

"Oh, yeah, I still have it," Sam said. "It's locked up in the safe."

"If Buck likes the land next to ours, let's buy it for him with that money," Emma suggested. "We could buy at least a hundred acres with that amount. He'd be close and settled."

Sam let out a breath. "That's a lot of land for someone just starting out, Emma," he said wearily.

"If he's going to have a ranch, he'll need it and more," Emma argued, "and he'll need to get started on that barn before winter sets in. He can't keep his horses in our barn forever."

"The kind of barn he's going to need is going to cost almost as much as that land," Sam said.

"That's why we should buy the land with that money," Emma said. He's going to have a hard time of things as it is. I just want him to stay."

"I know you do, Emma," Sam said and pulled her into a hug. "He won't take that large of a gift from us. We're going to have to tell him it's his money and just let the chips fall where they may."

"I suppose you're right, Sam," she said. "I think I'm going to put out feelers for a barn raising. I think we could get the men from church to help out week after next."

Buck and Lou took a walk after breakfast the next morning and Buck told Lou what they all had discussed the night before.

"I think it is a wonderful idea, Buck," Lou said. "I want to stay close to Emma too."

Buck turned to Lou. "Lou, I know you love me and I love you too," he said feeling bold. "I want to marry you and I think you want to marry me."

Lou stopped him before he could go any further. "Buck, I do want to marry you, but I can't," she said, "not until we know who the baby's father is."

"Lou, I want to marry you no matter who the baby's father is," Buck said, "and I think you feel the same way. What's stopping us?"

"Buck, it's not that simple," Lou said.

To Buck it seemed that simple. He wasn't sure when he left how Lou felt about him and about Kid, but he felt he knew now.

"Are you saying you would marry Kid if the baby was his?" Buck asked, "even if you didn't love him?"

Lou's eyes began to flood with tears. The last thing she wanted was to hurt Buck. She broke from him and ran back to the house leaving a devastated Buck behind.

Buck always suspected that Lou had decided that she would marry the father of her baby, but he'd hoped she'd change her mind. Maybe she still would. Lou wasn't due for months yet. There was still time. He would not give up on her. Buck looked up as the door to the house opened again. Sam was standing on the porch giving him an understanding look.

Sam walked over and put his arm around Buck's shoulder. "Come on, Buck," he said sympathetically, "I know this is probably the last thing you want to do, but I want to show you some land."

Buck nodded. He needed to keep moving forward even if Lou wasn't ready. Looking at land would probably be the best thing for him. He had horses to consider and they needed a barn.

Sam and Buck saddled a couple of horses and went on a ride.

* * *

><p>Emma knocked softly at Lou's door. She had seen Lou run away from Buck and wanted to help her poor girl.<p>

"Lulabelle?" Emma asked softly at the door. "Sweetheart can I come in?"

Lou sat up and wiped her eyes. "Sure, Emma," she croaked out.

Emma came in and sat on the edge of the bed. "Buck went out for a ride with Sam," she said, "and I thought the two of us could talk.

"Oh, Emma, I'm afraid I just messed up everything," Lou said.

"Why don't you tell me what happened," Emma said soothingly and gathered Lou up into her arms.

Lou told Emma about her conversation with Buck and how he wanted to marry her. She told her how she handled it too.

"I want to marry him, Emma," Lou said. "But I can't unless I know this little one belongs to him."

"Lulabelle, I'm going to ask you a question and I don't want you to get angry," Emma said. "What if you can't tell?"

"What?" Lou asked startled.

"Well, Buck's only half Kiowa," Emma clarified, "and you're all white, so a baby between you two would be only a quarter Kiowa. Buck's pretty light haired and skinned for an Indian as it is. What if you can't tell, sweetheart?"

Lou never considered that it wouldn't be obvious whose child it was after the birth.

"I'm sorry, Lulabelle, I shouldn't have upset you," Emma said holding her a little tighter.

"Emma, what would you do if you were in my position?" Lou said trying not to cry.

"I would marry the man I love," Emma said. "I know that sounds simple and in a way it is, but you deserve to be happy."

Emma rose from the bed and left the room giving Lou time to think. She did not envy Lou's situation and hoped everything would work out for the best.

* * *

><p>Jimmy was up early. He had only a few days to get the foundation of his house ready before the walls and roof could be framed and attached. He was looking forward to having his own space. Living with the other riders at the station was one thing, but staying in a house with another family was something completely different. Jacob wouldn't let him stay in the same house with Alice. So he was stuck invading the lives of another family.<p>

Jimmy laid out his tools and started to dig post holes to stabilize and level the first floor of his home. He would frame the first floor as soon as he set all the posts. It would probably take all morning to get the posts sunk and leveled, but he knew when lunch time came around, Alice would bring a picnic just like yesterday.

A horse whinnied as the hour neared noon and Jimmy looked up to see Rosemary Burke spying on him from atop a nearby hill. She rode away as soon as Jimmy locked eyes with her. Jimmy frowned and tossed his the hammer in his hands to the ground in frustration. Why wouldn't Rosemary just let him live in peace. He didn't like her periodic presence in his life. It threatened everything he was dreaming and hoping of having with Alice.

Jimmy wanted to get his house finished. It would tell the world and Rosemary that he was here to stay. This was his place and he wouldn't leave it. Maybe Rosemary already got the message. He hoped so.

Jimmy smiled as he heard Alice's footsteps come closer to him. He turned to greet her. He wasn't going to let Rosemary Burke ruin this for him. Not today. Alice looked so much more at peace today after their talk about children the night before. This was the life he wanted and the woman he wanted. He wouldn't let anyone distract him from what was right in front of him.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N Sorry this is so late in coming...I got stuck. All better now :)**

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><p>Kid was kicking a can outside the bunkhouse. With just Cody and Noah around now and not much work to be had, Kid was bored. He tried to keep himself busy, but every chore was done. The bunkhouse had never been so clean. He, Cody, and Noah had played cards for days. It was different today though. Cody was off scouting for the army today and Noah was on the only run they'd had so far this week. Kid was beginning to think that Jimmy and Buck had the right idea. Kid thought of Buck going to Omaha to be with Lou and he kicked the can hard. It slid off the side of his boot and soared off in a direction he didn't intend. He hung his head and waited for the scolding he was about to get. The last sounds of tinkling glass brought Rachel stomping out of the bunkhouse with a wooden spoon in her hand.<p>

"I'm sorry, Rachel," he said, "I guess I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing."

"It's alright," Rachel said relaxing her grip on the spoon, "Why don't you have a seat, Kid, I can tell something's on your mind."

Kid took a deep breath and let it out as his shoulders slumped and his head bowed. He was never good at bottling up his feelings. He sat on the steps of the bunkhouse and Rachel sat beside him.

"It's Lou," Kid said sadly. "I can't stop thinking about her and now that she and Buck are in the same place…"

"Ah," Rachel said knowingly, "Feeling all mixed up right now is normal. The three of you have been through so much."

"The three of us…" Kid echoed trailing off. "Why does everyone include Buck in this like he's lost something?" Kid asked as his expression hardened. "Why does everyone seem to be making excuses for him? Why isn't anyone on my side?"

"Kid, I'm on your side," Rachel said gently. "You three are like family to me and it tears me up that this situation is going to leave at least one of you if not all three of you scattered to the wind. I still love all three of you no matter what. So I'm always going to be on all of your sides. Besides, Buck has lost something…you."

Kid digested Rachel's words. He was still too angry with Buck to acknowledge the pain of losing him as a brother. He wanted his life back the way, in his mind, it was supposed to be.

"I love Lou, Rachel," Kid said, "I have always loved Lou from the first. I just don't understand why everyone seems to think I should just let her go. I can't let her go."

"I'm so sorry, Kid," Rachel said as she put her arm around Kid's shoulders and gave him a gentle hug. "I know this is hard on you."

"Everything used to be so clear, Rachel," Kid said, "Lou and I were going to be married and we were going to face the world together as a team. We were going to be unstoppable."

"I know," Rachel said sympathetically.

"I don't understand how everything changed," Kid said, "I don't understand why we couldn't overcome what happened in the cave. I was hurt, but I still loved her. Instead of coming back to me and trying to work it out, she kept going to him."

"Sometimes people get scared, Kid," Rachel offered. "They turn away from the people they hurt because they are afraid of hurting them more or that they won't or can't be forgiven for what they've done."

"But, Rachel, Lou should know I will always forgive her," Kid said quietly and then added, "I love her."

"Sometimes people need to be told that," Rachel said. "Humans are fragile, Kid, we need to be reassured that our feelings are accepted and returned. When we don't get reassured we doubt and we hide."

"Do you think she really has feelings for Buck?" Kid asked scared to know the answer.

Rachel sighed. "Yes, I do," she said. "She's going through a lot right now, Kid. She hadn't completely figured out her feelings and then she found out she was in the family way. The stress and strain isn't fair for any of you, but mostly not for her."

"I just want to hold her and make everything alright again," Kid said.

"I know," Rachel said smiling. "That is you, Kid and I think that is something Lou always admired about you even while she was pushing you away for it."

"I know, my concern for her always ended up coming out as caging her in," Kid admitted. "I did a lot of stupid things because I was feeling scared of losing her."

"Yeah, you did," Rachel teased lightly. "But I think deep down Lou knows that."

Kid felt sick and more than a little lost. "What should I do now?" he asked.

Rachel smiled slightly trying to be supportive. "I think you know," she answered.

"I should talk to Lou and tell her how I feel," Kid said.

Rachel nodded. "I'll fix you some food for the trail," Rachel said getting up from the steps.

Kid nodded his thanks and went inside the bunkhouse to pack his things. He was hoping he was never coming back. As soon as he was done in the bunkhouse, Kid went to the barn to saddle up Katy.

Rachel walked out to the barn to meet Kid with a bundle of food and a few letters for Emma, Lou, and Buck. Kid packed it all and hugged Rachel goodbye.

"You stop by the jail and tell Teaspoon goodbye, you hear?" Rachel said as Kid vaulted onto Katy's back.

Kid nodded to Rachel and gave Katy a soft kick and rode over to Teaspoon's office. Rachel watched from the bunkhouse steps as Kid walked into the jailhouse and then came out with Teaspoon giving him a slap on the shoulders. She felt a slight ache in her heart as Kid mounted back up and she watched another member of her family ride out of her life. She didn't know what was going to happen in Omaha with Buck, Lou, and Kid all together in the same place. She just hoped everything would work out for the best for everyone involved.

* * *

><p>Sam took Buck all around the immediate area to look at available land. Finally late in the day Sam led Buck to the land immediately adjacent to his place with Emma. Sam had him looking at places all over the area so Buck would have a good sense about what was around, but Sam saved this piece for last. He had his own eye on this piece of property for some time, but never had enough extra money to buy it. There was a good stand of trees on one end that would a nice area for a house. I was on a slight hill and overlooked the rest of the land. He really hoped Buck would like it.<p>

"Well, what do you think?" Sam asked.

Buck shifted in the saddle and rested his hands on his saddle horn. "This is the best piece of land we've looked at yet," he said.

"I won't lie, I saved it for last hoping you would like it the most," Sam said. "Emma and I both want you close."

"This is a beautiful piece of land, Sam," Buck said, "but I don't know how I'm going to afford it."

"Emma and I have been talking..." Sam started to say.

"Sam if you are thinking of giving me this land, I can't accept it," Buck said cutting him off.

"Not exactly," Sam said. "Emma and I did something the last time you were here."

Buck looked confused. "What?" he asked.

"It's about that bounty money," Sam said, "For the man who killed Ike."

"Sam, I told you I didn't want that money," Buck said adamantly.

"I know and I told Emma that too, but she thought we ought to save it for you in case you changed your mind," Sam explained. "It would be enough to buy this whole spread."

Buck was tempted. He would need the rest of his money to build a barn, a house, and supplies for at least a year while he was starting up his horse breeding business. The other places he'd looked at today needed so much repair on them that he would have had to tear them down anyway. Those places would be so much more work than starting from scratch here.

"Sam I don't want that money, you and Emma can have it," Buck said with a hint of reluctance in his voice.

"Buck, you know Emma will just buy this land with it and give it to you," Sam said smiling.

Buck couldn't help but smile at Sam's statement. Emma Cain was a force of nature that would not and could not be tamed.

"I know, Sam, but I don't want this land to have any bad medicine," Buck said. "I feel bad that I disappointed Teaspoon and I broke a law in the white world."

"But you didn't, Buck," Sam said. "We have the wanted poster to prove it."

"I didn't know that when I killed him, Sam," Buck said.

"Buck, what would have happened in the Kiowa world if a member of your tribe was killed like Ike was," Sam asked.

"The man would be challenged to the death and if he was killed, his possessions would be taken," Buck answered.

"Well, that seems to be what happened here," Sam said. "How can the justice of your people be bad medicine?"

"But this all happened in the white world," Buck tried to rationalize, "And he didn't accept the challenge."

"Well in the white world he most likely wasn't going to get the option to accept a challenge so it worked out too," Sam argued. "Most men would just have shot him in the back. This money belongs to you in both worlds."

"I'm not going to win this argument am I?" Buck asked.

"Not on your life," Sam said smiling. "Besides, if I couldn't convince you then I would've given Emma a crack at you. You would've really been in trouble then."

Buck laughed. "Yes, I would've been in big trouble."

"We still have time to get to the land office today," Sam suggested with a sly smile.

Buck frowned and hesitated.

"You didn't think I'd let you rethink your decision did you?" Sam asked smiling bigger. "Come on, let's get to town."

"Alright," Buck agreed. "I'll never hear the end of it at dinner if I don't."

"That's right," Sam said with a laugh.

Sam and Buck headed back to the farm with Buck as the proud owner of one hundred acres of prime Nebraska farmland. Sam and Buck talked a lot about stables and what he would need starting out. He could build a modest stable with two birthing stalls and four regular ones with a corral just adjacent to it. He could also build a training ring for working with horses. Buck was feeling a little overwhelmed by all the planning, but Sam insisted on helping. They would set pencil to paper after dinner and figure out how much lumber he would need. Buck hoped to talk to Lou too. Their last conversation weighed heavily on his mind.

* * *

><p>Lou was quiet during dinner. She listened intently as Sam told Emma about his and Buck's adventures of the day. Maybe Emma was right, she should marry the one she loved and she was pretty sure that was Buck. Buck was making plans and she wanted to be a part of them. She would always have a soft spot for Kid, but right now the only feelings she had for him were feelings of guilt. She didn't mean to break his heart the way she did. He was the one who had suffered the greatest loss out of all of this. Lou knew Kid thought they would be together forever and at the time she really thought so too. Everything was different now and Kid didn't do anything to cause the differences -that was all on her. Every time she looked at or thought of Kid she felt guilty for feeling happy without him. He didn't seem able to move on and she wasn't sure he ever would, but that wasn't her problem anymore, was it?<p>

Lou didn't even notice that she was just rearranging her meal on her plate and not eating it. Emma did and reached a concerned hand over to comfort Lou. Lou smiled at her and looked back down at her supper. She was eating for two now and just because she was sad was no reason to make her baby stressed too. She scooped up a spoonful of stew and took a bite. She needed to clear the air with Kid, that was all there was to it. Then she could move on with her life. It was just hard for her to process her feelings sometimes. Everything just kept swirling around and swirling around. Lou felt tired and dizzy. She just wanted everything to be simple.

She looked over at Buck who looking over at her. He gave her a soft smile of support and Lou actually felt worse. Here he was, just trying to figure out his place in her sea of uncertainty and she almost felt jealous when she should feel happy.

Jimmy woke up and stretched. It was Sunday. He smiled dreamily. Today the peacemaker community was going to help him build his house. He had the foundation firmly in place and the floorboards for the first floor were all nailed in. All it needed now was four walls and a roof. Of course it was a little more complicated than that. He had planned a second floor with a staircase leading up to it. There would be plenty of room in the upstairs and he was going to do his best to fill it with happiness and maybe even a few children. He only wished he didn't have to wait so long to start trying. Jimmy imagined Alice's smile as he dressed for the day. He laid out some work clothes for later, but for now he put on his Sunday clothes and headed for the church.

He met Alice there and he sat next her and let her fragrance drive him wild. He couldn't keep his mind on the speakers and what they were saying when he was seated next to her. He didn't think she could either. She kept stealing looks at him when she thought no one was looking. He hoped the first thing he would get to do in his new house was going to be to kiss his fiancé. It was all he could think about. He jumped a little in his seat as the tip of Alice's foot caressed his ankle. She could hardly hide the smile it caused her. They both straighten their faces when Jacob gave them a stern look. Jimmy couldn't wait until the gathering was over. The hard work in front of him would give him focus. The quicker he got those walls up the quicker things could happen behind them.

The community became of flutter of industry once the church gathering was completed. The men started setting up tools and saw horses around the construction site while the women started working on food. They put out plates of simple sandwiches for everyone to grab as they needed and the children kept the water buckets supplied.

* * *

><p>Jimmy couldn't have asked for a better November day to build a house. The weather was seasonal, but it was sunny. They didn't get too hot while working, but they didn't freeze either. The chimney was going up easily and the walls were being framed quickly. The community had been raising a lot of houses in the last six months as more and more families came to settle. They all knew their strengths and fell into their jobs happily. By mid afternoon the men started to raise the walls on the first floor of the house and started to frame the second floor. Jimmy had just finished the stairway and the framing became much easier for the men to start laying the floor boards for the upstairs. He felt the whole structure would be framed and the clapboards placed on the outside of the walls by suppertime. If the walls on the downstairs got covered by the end of the day, Jimmy decided he would sleep in his house tonight.<p>

Jimmy's appraisal of the situation was right on. The downstairs was structurally done with the clapboard on the outer walls and the upstairs was framed. He would be staying in his own house tonight. The chimney was ready too and he could have a small fire to keep himself warm. He laid some blankets on the floor and started a small fire in the fireplace. It was nice and cozy inside. He covered the windows with some wood for the night and would drive a wagon into town tomorrow and pick up the glass for the windows. Everything was coming together and Jimmy couldn't help but smile. He crawled into his makeshift bed and looked to his ceiling. He was tired, but excited. Tomorrow they would finish the exterior of his house and he could start doing the finish work in the inside. Alice would help him to add some decorative touches and then he would need to furnish the house. He rolled around on the floor trying to get comfortable and decided a bed was the first piece of furniture he would need.

As he drifted into sleep he began to think of Alice. She always wore her hair so severely pulled back. He thought of removing her bonnet and unpinning her hair to let it flow free down to her shoulders. Jimmy could feel hands on his body and smiled when he realized he was no longer dreaming. He rolled over to see Alice with her hair down and smiling at him. She had crawled under the covers with him while he slept. He took a moment to appreciate the beauty of her face and the tresses of hair that framed it. If possible she looked more beautiful in person than in his dreams.

"Alice, what are you doing here?" Jimmy whispered. "Not that I mind, I'm just curious."

"This is a housewarming, James," Alice said biting her lower lip as she smiled coyly.

Jimmy caressed her cheek and swept a lock of hair from her face. He looked deep into her eyes.

"Are you sure?" Jimmy asked.

Alice nodded and stroked his hair. It had been a long time since she had touched a man the way she wanted to touch him. Her first husband was long dead but she wasn't. A quiet passion always burned inside of her and she wanted to feel the love she knew burned inside them both. She sought out his lips with hers as they both succumbed to the passion they felt for each other.

Jimmy was still wearing his long johns when he went to bed, but they were now in a pile across the room along with the robe and night gown Alice wore over. Jimmy marveled at how the light from the fireplace flickered and danced across Alice's skin. He wanted to savor every moment of being with her this first time. The soft touch of her skin excited him in ways he couldn't control and he had to fight with himself to let the moments linger so he could savor them. He could feel a bead of sweat slowly roll down the groove down the middle of his back as he held her. He longed to become one with her. Her kisses told him that she longed for the same thing. Jimmy relaxed a little and thanked God for bringing him here. He felt like he had entered heaven at the same time he and Alice joined their bodies.

* * *

><p>Buck spent the next week riding around the land that was now his. He wanted to look at it again and figure out where the buildings would go. His immediate goal was to figure out where the barn was going to go for that would need to be built first. He still couldn't believe he was a land owner. Just after Ike died he thought the dream of owning land and raising horses had died with him. He never thought that he and Lou would be embarking on a life together. Well, he still didn't. She was distant and wasn't talking to him. He thought he knew why. Her decision would bring finality to her relationship with Kid and he watched her love Kid for a long time. Buck knew Lou wanted to be ready to really leave her feelings for Kid behind, but he was patient and he would wait for her as long as she needed. He hoped he was doing the right thing making a life and assuming she would be part of it when she was ready. He really couldn't see it going any other way.<p>

Buck and Sam had their heads together for the first part of the week planning how much lumber Buck would need to build his horse barn. First, they would need to figure out the design and draw up some plans, and then they would know how much wood to order. The plans were simple, but efficient and they were able to put in the order with the lumber mill by the middle of the week. They wanted to get the lumber as soon as possible so they could get started on building the foundation. Sam took some time off of work –leaving his deputies in charge to help Buck sink some poles into the ground to form the foundation of the building. There was still so much to do before the first snow fell and the two of them didn't have enough time to get it done on their own.

Emma and Sam took on the responsibility of organizing their friends and neighbors to come out and help with a good old barn raising. Many of their neighbors and friends from church were reluctant at first to help, given Buck's heritage, but Emma used her special way with people to get them all to agree to help with the project that coming Sunday.

Lou for the most part stayed out of the way. Emma could see how it took its toll on Buck that Lou wouldn't talk to him. She was worried about both her riders. All she could do was support them both and hope that they could work out whatever was coming between them.

When Sunday finally arrived, the conversation around the breakfast table was quiet. Buck kept looking at Lou hoping to catch her eyes, but Lou didn't look at him. She looked either down at her plate or at the floor. Buck didn't know what was going on with Lou. He wanted to find out and resolved that before he left for his land he would try to talk to her again. He found her in Emma's parlor sitting on the settee.

"Please come and see the place, Lou," Buck said sweetly as he sat next to her. "You haven't seen it yet and I think you'd like it."

"I…I just don't feel well today and I don't think I want to be around so many people," Lou answered.

"Would you like me to make you some tea?" Buck asked concerned.

"No, I can manage," Lou said forcing a smile. "Go on now. Go, build your barn."

"Lou," Buck said uncomfortably, "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine, Buck," Lou said, "I just want some time to myself, understand?" The last bit came out a bit angrily and Lou immediately regretted her tone.

"I'm sorry, Lou," Buck said his excitement waning. He really wanted Lou to be a part of his life and that meant being a part of making the land into a homestead. "I hope you feel better."

"Buck…" Lou said as he turned to leave. "I'm sorry. Everything is happening so fast and I feel terrible."

Buck turned and pulled her into a hug. "It's ok, Lou, I don't ever want to make you feel bad or cornered."

"Thanks, Buck," Lou said as she was freed from the hug.

Buck leaned in to kiss her and Lou instinctively turned her head so his kiss would land on her cheek.

"Lou, I wish you would talk to me," Buck said gently. "Please don't shut me out."

"I'm not trying to shut you out, I'm just tired and I don't feel well," Lou said trying not to sound angry.

"Okay, I'll let you rest," he said trying not to sound defeated.

Buck reluctantly left to build his barn and the flurry of activity around the construction site helped take his mind off of Lou for periods of time. The goal was to get the barn up and the loft built. If they could manage it they would get the roof on. Buck and Sam to a lesser extent were going to spend the next week constructing the stalls and the tack room.

Emma and the ladies of the church set out food and drink for the men and Emma even organized a quilting bee at the same time. Buck would need some quilts and blankets to get through the winter and Emma was going to make sure he was comfortable. When she wasn't thinking of Buck, Emma was thinking of Lou. She was still up at the house and Emma didn't like the way things were left between her and Buck. Emma watched as Buck would look over to the house where Lou was with increasing frequency.

Finally around lunch time, Emma suggested to Buck that he go check on Lou and make sure she was alright. Buck smiled and didn't need Emma to suggest it to him twice. He gave his horse a running start and mounted it on the run. Emma smiled. It had been a long time since she saw any of her boys ride out like that.

Buck stopped at the edge of Emma's yard and instantly felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Katy was tethered to the hitching post near the house. Buck carefully dismounted and crept up to the porch. He didn't make a sound. He hadn't decided if he was going to knock on the door or go back to his place. He didn't want to announce his presence until he decided. Lou's voice suddenly broke the silence and he couldn't help but overhear the conversation inside.

"Kid, you were the first person I ever fell in love with," she said.

Buck felt his heart break a little as he moved to the window and saw Kid take Lou in his arms and kiss her. Buck didn't stay around any longer than that. He couldn't. It hurt too much. He got back on his horse and galloped back to his place. Feeling like he no longer had a future with Lou, Buck was determined to make sure his barn was built well. It was the only thing he had left in this world and the only thing he knew was his.

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><p><strong>Thanks to Kristina for reading this over and giving me some much needed feedback :D<strong>


	22. Chapter 22

Lou welcomed the quiet. Emma, Sam, and Buck were at Buck's place getting everything ready for the barn raising and Lou finally had the house all to herself. All Emma would talk about lately was how happy she was that Buck had bought the land next to their place. Emma was careful not to assume that it would be Lou's place someday too and Lou appreciated it. She wanted to embrace Buck's success and just throw caution to the wind, but something was holding her back. She didn't feel free to hold onto him and she was starting to feel bad that she encouraged him to love her.

Every morning Lou woke, she felt awful. Emma had told her all about morning sickness when she settled in and Lou didn't know if she be able to survive the nausea. When Buck arrived and fixed that tea for her, she thought all her problems would be solved, but something inside her didn't think she deserved to feel better. The morning sickness seemed like an appropriate punishment for how she was hurting the people she cared about. She usually wouldn't make the tea, she allowed herself to suffer instead. It was the least she deserved.

Lou thought back to the conversation she had with Buck this morning. He really wanted her to come and see his land. She really wanted to, but at the same time she was too much of a coward. She was scared everything was going to fall apart. What if they people asked too many questions about her? She was avoiding everyone in town and staying out of site. Buck was now a land owner in this town. She didn't want to bring scandal into his life. She knew Buck didn't care, but he should. These were the people who were going to buy horses from him.

Emma had left some broth for Lou for lunch and Lou was in the process of heating it up for lunch. She heard the familiar sounds of hooves getting louder as a horse and rider descended on the house. She thought it must be Buck and she resolved to be in a better mood for him. She hadn't meant to be so sour and grouchy. Being pregnant was really upsetting all of her normal responses and she sometimes felt like she was watching from outside her own body as she said and did things she never thought possible.

There was a soft knock at the door and Lou smiled. Buck could be so shy sometimes. She turned and went to the door and opened it. Her smile faded quickly when she opened the door to Kid. She hadn't expected to see him and she didn't know what to do or say.

Kid looked concerned and she knew she would have to say something.

"Hello, Kid," she said. "Emma and Sam are about a mile east of here."

"I didn't come here to talk to Emma and Sam, Lou," Kid said, "I came for you."

Lou felt Kid study her and she could feel his confusion. She wasn't being very welcoming.

"Come in," Lou said offering a slight smile. She opened the door wider and stepped aside to let him in. She offered him a seat on the settee and brought out a couple of glasses of water from the kitchen. He took the glass from her and she sat down beside him.

"Are you feeling alright, Lou?" Kid asked concerned. "You look a bit pale and tired."

"I've been better," Lou said trying to feel comfortable.

"I've missed you so much," Kid said. "I know things haven't been very good between us and I really want to fix that."

"Kid…" Lou said trailing off.

"Please listen to me, Lou," Kid interrupted. "I forgive you for everything that happened. For a long time, I blamed you, but I want you to know I don't anymore."

Lou shifted uncomfortably.

"Lou, I know whatever we face together we can beat," Kid said passionately. "We used to know that the world didn't stand a chance when the two of us were together. I know that we can be that again. We can work out everything."

"Kid, it's not that simple," Lou said with a serious look.

"It is that simple though, Lou," Kid said looking deep into her eyes.

"No, it isn't," Lou insisted. "I'm sorry, Kid. I can never be who you want me to be."

Kid's stomach lurched a little as he processed Lou's words. He didn't understand.

"Lou, you can't be saying you don't have feelings for me anymore?" Kid asked. He was scared she meant exactly that.

"Kid, you will always have a special place in my heart," Lou answered. She knew it was not what he wanted to hear.

"Lou, you own my heart," Kid said. "You're the only one for me. Surely you don't mean that. I want to be a father to your baby, our baby."

"Kid, that's sweet," Lou said, "But I love Buck. I want to be with him."

Kid was stunned. "I always thought I would have the chance to win you back," Kid said. "I still want to be a father to my child."

"The only person I am sure this baby belongs to is me," Lou said calmly. "I know both you and Buck are hoping to be the father and it makes me feel terrible that one of you is going to be disappointed."

"I don't understand how everything changed so quickly between us," Kid said cutting her off.

"Kid, you were the first person I ever fell in love with," Lou said composing her thoughts.

Kid didn't like where this line of reasoning was going. He knew he had one shot left to try and convince Lou that they were meant to be. He moved in and placed a tender kiss upon her lips and took her into his arms.

Lou let the kiss linger longer than she should have, but she was curious if there was anything still there. She thought she heard someone on the porch and she pulled away from Kid startled. She got up in time to watch Buck ride away.

"Damn it," she said feeling the tears fill her eyes. Kid came over to her, but all she could do was shove him away. "Kid, I just want to be alone."

Kid saw the dust cloud and concluded what Lou did, that Buck had seen him kiss Lou. He knew he upset her by taking the liberty of kissing her, but now he could only watch as Lou rushed away from him. He heard a door slam just after she reached the top of the stairs. Kid didn't know what to do next. He walked outside and remembered Lou had said that Emma and Sam were about a mile east. He could only assume they were helping a neighbor. He climbed onto Katy's back and reluctantly headed east.

'Buck again,' Kid thought. Everything was fine until Buck showed up again. They would still be kissing if Lou hadn't heard Buck on the porch. He felt it in her lips. She kissed him back. He tried to put his jealousy aside, but it was hard. Lou and Buck had been here at Emma's for a couple of weeks. Everything that seemed so certain back when he and Lou were engaged was almost non-existent now. Kid even stopped by the farmstead he had taken Lou to on their way back from Omaha the last time he was here. He had built so many dreams around that small farm. It was perfect for a young couple just starting out and that's what he would have been with Lou. He hated thinking about Lou and their engagement as a thing that happened in the past. He wanted it to be his present and his future as well.

* * *

><p>Emma watched Buck ride back in and grabbed Sam's upper arm in concern. She watched as he jumped down from his horse and started back to work.<p>

"Uh oh," Emma uttered. "Something must have gone wrong back at the house."

Emma's brows furrowed as she watched Buck carefully and with concern. "I'm going to bring him something to eat," she said as she jumped up.

Sam's eyes wandered elsewhere. Sam and Emma had different strengths when it came to observation. While Emma's concern was fixed on the emotional turmoil her boy was in, Sam's gaze focused in on the cause. He stuffed the rest of his sandwich into his mouth and walked off to meet Kid, who was riding onto Buck's land.

Kid jumped down from Katy and Sam extended a hand in greeting.

"How are you, Kid?" Sam asked genuinely.

"A little tired from being on the trail, but it's good to finally be here," Kid said. "Speaking of here, where am I?"

Sam smiled slightly. He didn't know how Kid would take the news. "You're at Buck's new place. We're building him a barn today."

"Oh," Kid said, "I suppose he's got to have somewhere for his horses." Kid tried to smile like everything was alright, but that smile was fake. He couldn't help but be jealous of Buck again. He didn't have his little starter farm or Lou, while Buck seemed to be doing fine and Lou told him that she loved Buck. He looked over at the land he could see in front of him. The grass was lush and there were trees and a creek. Kid could feel his jaw clench. He wished he could be happy for Buck. In another place in time perhaps he could, but not now because Buck had Lou. Buck was building a life for himself and Lou and Kid wished that he could be in Buck's place. The barn being laid out was a nice big one. Buck's horse breeding business would have a nice start with a barn like that. This should be his life with Lou, not Buck's.

"Yeah, our barn is a little cramped," Sam said. "Why don't you help me with the corral fence?"

"You sure Buck won't mind?" Kid asked trying to keep his true feelings hidden.

"Did something happen between the two of you?" Sam asked.

"Not exactly," Kid said. "I kissed Lou and I think he saw it."

"I see," Sam said. "How's Lou?"

"She's shut herself up in her room," Kid said. "Sam, I really messed up." Kid all of sudden was feeling a bit better. If Buck had reacted so badly about his and Lou's kiss, perhaps he still had a chance. He would just have to work on Lou.

Sam put a hand on Kid's shoulder to comfort him and looked over to where Emma was talking with Buck. Sam sighed. He did not know how they were going to keep the peace between Buck and Kid. He was also concerned for Lou. She did not need the stress of this. He had silently watched, trusting Emma to see to their girl, but he thought maybe Lou needed the love and protection of a father too.

"Kid, I'm going to have you work on the corral with Mr. Simms and Mr. Collins," Sam said. "I need to talk to Emma quick and then I'm going to check on Lou."

Kid nodded and Sam introduced him to the men. Sam looked over to Emma who was trying to get Buck to eat a sandwich. Sam started to wonder how in the world Teaspoon ever survived the riders of the Pony Express.

Sam treasured the non verbal communication that he and Emma shared. Ever since the boys and Lou had been here the first time they started to be able to read each other's intentions by looking at each other's eyes. Emma's eyes connected with Sam's as he nodded toward Kid. She opened her mouth in realization and looked back briefly at Buck and then nodded at Sam as he tipped his hat to her. He was confident she knew what he was planning and left her to make sure Buck and Kid didn't kill each other.

Sam pulled up his horse and tethered it to the hitching post in front of the house. He walked in the house and listened for Lou. He didn't hear anything and gently knocked on her room door. When he didn't get an answer, he opened the door up a crack and peered in. Lou wasn't in her room. This concerned Sam and he turned and thought about the only other place she might be. He walked across the yard to the barn and gently opened the door. There he saw Lou saddling up Lightning. In many ways Lou was a lot like Emma, Sam realized. She wasn't one you could forbid anything, but the thought of Lou riding out on a horse in her current emotional state and condition scared the life out of him.

"Just the young woman I was looking for," Sam said trying to keep the worry from his voice.

"Hi Sam," Lou said slightly startled. She felt she really needed to start paying more attention to the world around her as she kept being surprised by things she didn't notice. It was making her feel helpless and that was the worst feeling in the world. "What did you need?"

"It isn't really what I need," Sam said gently. "I just thought you could use a friend."

Lou was surprised. Sam usually didn't seek her out and offer up a shoulder. It was usually Emma that did that. She stopped tightening the cinch and looked to him unsure about what to do or say.

"I know boys can put a lot of pressure on a girl without even knowing it," Sam said. "Now you've got two of them."

Lou walked over to a hay bale and sat down.

"If you need me to run either of them off with a shotgun, I'll do it," he said trying to make Lou smile. "You're like a daughter to me Lou and I would like it very much if you wanted to lean on me that way."

"Sam, have you ever been an expectant father?" Lou asked.

"No, Lou I haven't," Sam said trying to hide his disappointment. "But I have been a man in love with a woman that wasn't sure she wanted to marry me."

"You were?" Lou asked curiously.

"Sure, you and the boys had a front row seat to most of our courtship," Sam reminded her with a smile. "I know you're scared and that's really alright."

"I just feel like I'm supposed to make a choice right now," Lou said. "It seems like that's what they want me to do."

"Forget what anybody wants you to do," Sam said sitting next to her. "You'll make a decision when you're ready and it'll be the right one."

"How will I know?" Lou asked feeling small.

"Follow your heart," Sam said pointing at her chest and then he pointed at her head, "Don't follow this. It will lead you astray every time."

"My heart and my head are in two different places right now," Lou said as she covered her eyes with her hands. "Every time I think I have it figured out, my head starts convincing me it's wrong. I'm so mixed up right now."

"I know, Sweetheart," Sam said as he pulled Lou into a hug.

"Kid kissed me and I think Buck saw it," Lou said. "Everyone is getting hurt and I can't stop it. Everything seems out of my control."

Lou started to cry and Sam just held her and let her cry it all out. Lou hadn't allowed herself a good cry and she found she couldn't stop. Lou finally quieted and felt herself being lifted off the ground. She could feel herself losing the battle to stay awake. She had thoroughly exhausted herself.

Sam carried Lou back up to the house and took her to her room. He laid her on her bed and covered her up with a light quilt.

"I meant what I said about that shotgun," He said as he closed the door.

Lou smiled and let herself drift off to sleep.

* * *

><p>Emma saw Sam return and he gave her a reassuring smile. She took a deep breath and released it. Lou was alright. Buck was still looking broken hearted and so far, Emma had been unable to get Buck to open up about what was troubling him. She just concentrated on the quilting after a while.<p>

Sam was floating between all the different groups of workers taking on the role of foreman for the construction. The daylight wasn't lasting very long so, but the only part aside from the interior that was left was the roof. He and several of the men would have to come back tomorrow and help Buck finish it up.

Emma walked up to Buck at the end of the day with a stack of quilts. "These are for you," she said. "But I don't want you to be a stranger. I know you'll move into your own barn now that it's up, but I want you to take your meals with us."

"Emma…"

"Oh, no you don't, Buck Cross," Emma said, "I won't let you hide from us."

"Emma, I don't belong at your house," Buck said sadly.

"Buck, why on earth would you think that? Emma asked. "Please, tell me what has you so troubled."

"When Lou left Rock Creek, Lou and I were together," Buck explained. "She wanted to be with me for always. At least that's what she told me. Now, she won't talk to me and when I went to check on her before she was kissing the Kid. I can't help but think she's changed her mind."

Emma's heart was breaking for Buck, but also for Lou. She wished it wasn't so messy, but that was usually the case with situations such as this one.

"Buck, I know it looks and feels bad, but honey, you should try to talk to Lou about this," Emma suggested. "I know she hasn't been the most talkative lately, but please don't make assumptions about how Lou feels. Pregnant women have all sorts of wild emotions they can't help."

"I guess I can wait until she's ready to talk to me then," Buck resigned. "I can't really do anything else."

Emma hugged him tightly. "I'll expect you for dinner and breakfast."

Buck sighed, "Alright, I'll come for meals, but as of tonight I'm staying here."

Emma reluctantly agreed. She was worried about Buck, but having Kid and Buck sharing the barn was just borrowing trouble.

* * *

><p>Jimmy nailed in his very last nail and a big smile spread across his face. The construction on his house was finished. Now all he needed to do was furnish and decorate it. He had a fair amount of money from his time with the Pony Express and there were quite a few things he needed that he couldn't make himself. He had made a list of things to shop for and a list of things he would need to order.<p>

Jacob had given him the plans for making a rope bed and Jimmy had all the wood he needed left over from the construction of the house. All he needed was the rope which he added to his shopping list. Alice was coming with him to town to help pick out things for his house like fabric for curtains and other sundries like bed sheets and pillows.

By the time they were done in the general store, Jimmy had ordered a stove, a rocking chair, and a settee. He also picked up the robe he needed and some chain for a porch swing. He always liked the porch swing at Emma's house and really missed having one in Rock Creek. He wanted to spend many a summer night sitting on his porch swing with Alice just watching the sunset and holding her hand.

When they returned back to Jimmy's house, Alice set to work on curtains while Jimmy started building his bed. It would be nice and big enough to hold two people. His goal was to finish making it so he and Alice could try it out later. Just that thought brought a mischievous smile to his lips. Jimmy started by laying out all the pieces he needed and drilled holes in the sides for the ropes. He was happy that Jacob loaned him the tools he would need to complete the furniture in his house. He didn't own any himself and was finding the brace and bit drill of Jacob's to be very handy for all the holes he needed.

Jimmy took a break and stretched when he had framed the bed and attached the legs. All he needed to do now was to run the rope between the boards. He strung the first rope between the head and foot boards, and then he took the other rope and wove it between the first rope and the side boards. When he was done, the rope was nice and tight. The elders of the community had given him a basic patchwork quilt and a feather mattress. Jimmy smiled and thought maybe he could get Alice to help him make the bed and perhaps test it to make sure it was soundly constructed.

* * *

><p>Things were tense during meals at the Cain house for the next few days. Dinners were eaten mostly in silence. Lou stole glances at Buck, and while Buck ate, he chased food around his plate more often. Kid tried not to let his anger and jealousy consume him. It was hard for him to see Lou be concerned for Buck's feelings and not his.<p>

Buck noticed that Lou kept looking at him during meals. They just hadn't found the time to talk. In that Buck found some comfort. He couldn't help but think that maybe Lou hadn't completely changed her mind after all. He was still concerned, but knew when Lou was ready to talk he would be more than ready to listen.

On a bright sunny morning Buck looked around his farm. The barn had walls and a roof and now Buck was spending his days mostly building the stalls on the inside. He had just come back from the blacksmith's shop with hinges and other various pieces of hardware and he planned to hang the stall doors today. He still had some work to do on the doors before he could mount them, but when they were done they would be exactly what he wanted. The doors were split like a Dutch door so the horses could peek out of their stalls. Some of them weren't fitting together quite right so he needed to shave down some of the wood on the bottom half of the door. He borrowed Sam's Jack plane and just started to set to work when a shadow darkened his work space.

* * *

><p>Lou felt like she was isolating herself too much. She thought she would take a ride and surprise Buck at his barn. She wanted to talk to him and hold him and let him know he was loved and that her feelings for him hadn't changed. She had been terrible to him for too long. Most of it wasn't even anything that he had done, he just reminded her of how much she hurt Kid. Buck was so patient and understanding. She felt like she didn't deserve such consideration most of the time. Sam saddled up Lightning for her at Lou's insistence. It wasn't a long walk, but Lightning needed to get out and Lou needed a friend. It was a pleasant ride. It had been too long since she was out in the fresh air. She dismounted when she got to the front door of the barn. She was about to open it, when she heard voices inside. She pressed her ear to the door hoping it would allow her to hear clearer.<p>

* * *

><p>Buck looked up after he brushed a curl of shaved wood from the top of the door. He put the Jack plane back in Sam's tool box and waited. If Kid had something to discuss, he would let him start.<p>

"Buck, we need to talk," Kid said seriously.

"What is there to say, Kid?" Buck asked.

"This has gone on too long without me saying anything and I aim to fix that," Kid said.

"Kid, why don't you go back to Emma's," Buck suggested. He realized Kid came here for a fight. Buck could defend himself fine, but he didn't like fighting especially not with people he cared about.

"Buck we've been headed to this day for a long time," Kid said almost too calmly. "We're going to clear the air."

"I'm not going to fight you, Kid," Buck said. "I'm not a boxer."

"We don't have to box," Kid said, "We can fight according to the traditions of your people."

"My people's tradition in fights over women is to the death," Buck said trying to discourage Kid.

* * *

><p>Lou could finally hear the voices clearly and jumped back when she heard Buck tell Kid they were fighting to the death. She could feel the blood draining from her face. She wasn't strong enough to stop this and she didn't want to risk getting hurt or hurting her baby. She needed help. Sam would help. Lou quickly got back atop Lightning and rode back to Sam and Emma's place.<p>

Sam was just stepping off the porch after kissing Emma goodbye. He was about to head to town and go to work for the day, when he saw Lou riding in. She stopped Lightning right in front of him.

"Sam, you have to stop them," Lou said out of breath. "They're going to kill each other."

"Who, Lou?" Sam asked as he started to run for his horse.

"Buck and Kid," Lou said starting to cry. "I heard Buck say they were going to fight to the death."

Emma helped Lou down from her horse as Sam mounted up and raced out towards Buck's place. Sam didn't know what to think about those boys. Surely it hadn't come to this. He looked back at Emma as Lou fell to pieces in his wife's arms. He had to get to those boys before one of both of them was seriously hurt.

"Emma, how could they do this?" Lou sobbed. "I couldn't bear to lose either one of them and if they do this I will lose both."

"Oh, Lulabelle," Emma said hugging Lou tighter. "Sam will get there in time."

* * *

><p>Buck's words, 'to the death,' hung in the air and Kid looked like he was trying to make a decision. It alarmed Buck that Kid was even considering this kind of fight.<p>

"That's fine by me," Kid said as he unbuckled his gun belt and dropped it to the ground.

"Kid I'm not going to fight you and especially not to the death," Buck said.

"Buck, I ain't got anything left, you've taken it from me," Kid said. "Everything I have wanted you have."

"I'm sorry, Kid, I never meant to hurt you," Buck said keeping his guard up.

"It don't matter what you meant," Kid said angrily. "You don't deserve any of this! I worked hard and I've tried to always be fair. Lou and I were going to get married. How could you have such little regard for that?"

Buck stood silently by letting Kid get all of his anger out. He hoped maybe Kid would lose his resolve for violence if he just yelled a bunch. Unfortunately he didn't.

Kid kicked Sam's toolbox dumping it over and sending tools all around the ground. "Did you know, when Lou and I came back from Omaha a few months ago, we stopped to look at a small farm that was for sale? We looked it over and I was going to buy it and we were going to live there," Kid said with his voice gathering passion. "What is this place? Are you trying to outdo me again?"

Buck didn't answer and he was trying to keep his face calm. Kid needed to get it all out and Buck would let him yell.

"How could you ever afford to buy a place like this and build a barn like this?" Kid asked. "Who would even sell it to someone like you?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Buck said unable to suffer through an insult to his heritage from someone he considered a brother. He didn't know if Kid really meant it or was just trying to get him to fight, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Buck's hands went instinctively to the buckle on his own gun belt although he stopped short of unbuckling it.

"What do you think it means?" Kid asked rhetorically. Kid started to feel the angry energy in him rise. He found a way to get under Buck's skin and he was going to push him until the violence he craved erupted. Kid wanted to have this fight months ago when he first found out about Lou and Buck and waiting until now just made his need for release stronger.

"Kid, I know what you're trying to do," Buck said trying to control his own anger, "And it's not going to work. I'm not going to fight you. You should leave."

"I ain't leaving, Buck, and we are going to have this out," Kid said giving Buck a little patronizing push.

Buck clenched his jaw and felt his fingers pull the tie on his leg and unbuckle his gun belt from his hips. It was not more than a second later when Kid took a wild swing at Buck. Buck ducked quickly and spun unconsciously sweeping Kid's legs out from under him by extending a leg. Kid landed hard on the ground. Buck tried to subdue Kid in a tackle and pin him to the ground. He couldn't let this turn into a boxing match. If he was going to have a chance at doing well in this fight he would have to keep it a wrestling match. Kid managed to bring his legs up and flip Buck over backwards and free himself. Buck got quickly to his feet before Kid could get into position to hold him down. He needed to stay mobile and not give Kid any advantages. Kid let fly another wild swing and Buck leaned back to avoid it. Buck went for a little offense and plowed his shoulder into Kid's midsection sending both young men to the ground. They both landed some blows to each other, but the suddenly stopped when the barn doors burst open and Territorial Marshal Sam Cain stood before the two of them with his gun drawn.


	23. Chapter 23

"Emma, I'm so angry and worried I could scream," Lou said as she sat down and on the settee and let Emma comfort her.

"I know what you mean, Sweetheart," Emma said grabbing Lou's hand, "But Sam will get there in time, so don't you worry none."

"Why would Buck challenge Kid to a fight to the death?" Lou asked with tears streaking down her face. "I thought I knew him."

Emma put a comforting arm around Lou and hugged her tightly. "Are you sure you heard him right? I mean that doesn't really sound like Buck, does it?"

"No, but that's what I heard," Lou said burying her face into Emma's shoulder.

Emma rested her head on top of Lou's and looked out the window. She could see Buck's barn in the distance. She hoped for Lou's sake that Sam reached that barn in time.

* * *

><p>"Just what do you think you boys are doing?" Sam yelled. "Lou came riding back to the house telling us the two of you were going to kill each other."<p>

"Lou was here?" Buck asked as he stood up and caught his breath.

"Yeah, and she told us the two of you were going to fight to the death," Sam answered.

"Oh, no," Buck said as he started to walk toward a horse to saddle it up.

"Buck, you're staying here," Sam said. "Kid you're coming to town with me."

Both men looked to say something in protest, but Sam was having none of it.

"Don't make me chain you to a stall, Buck," Sam said sternly. "Lou will talk to you when she's ready and not before. Same goes for you, Kid. Now hop up on Katy and let's get moving."

Buck slumped his shoulders in disappointment and started to pick up all the tools that had been dumped on the ground. He still had the stall doors to finish before he could move his horses over to his barn. He thought now it was more important than ever. Emma was right; the only person he could control was himself. He had a horse breeding business to start and he would need to start looking for a stallion, but first he needed to finish his barn. He ran the plane over the top of the door and watched the wood curl into a spiral and then stopped. He put the plane back in the tool box and leaned on the stall door. Buck just wanted everything to stop hurting. He wanted Lou to stop hurting. He missed her terribly. He missed the way they talked and held each other and the way she felt in his arms. He longed to kiss her again and hear her tell him that she loved him.

Buck took a deep breath. All this wallowing was not getting his barn done. He picked up the Jack plane with a renewed purpose and started to shave more wood off the top of the bottom door to the stall. He needed to concentrate on living his life and being in a stable and happy place. That would be the best thing he could do for himself and for Lou. He just wished he could fix everything as easily as he was fixing this door.

Kid followed behind Sam. He didn't feel any better. Walking into that barn he expected to get some satisfaction but did not get the release he was looking for. He wanted so badly to just fight until he was exhausted. He just wanted to hit something until he couldn't feel anything. He just couldn't get Lou off of his mind. It was all he could think about and it consumed his every thought so that when they finally arrived in town, Kid didn't even notice.

"Here we are, Kid," Sam said. "Come with me."

Kid followed Sam inside the Marshal's office and looked over at a couple of deputies sitting around. Sam opened up one of the cells and motioned Kid inside.

"Sam, you don't mean…" Kid said trailing off and shoot Sam a pleading look.

"You need to cool off some," Sam said. "We'll talk later."

After he locked the Kid up, Sam went back outside, mounted his horse, and headed back home to let Emma and Lou know that the boys were alright.

Kid let the cool smoothness of the bars to penetrate his anger. It started to make him rethink everything about Lou and what he was doing in Omaha. He sat on the cot and put his head in his hands. Every action that he wanted to take every choice he had already made and every decision he was facing was leading him to this place. He did not want to spend his life behind bars. He needed to make some changes to his thoughts and change the reason he choose to come to Omaha in the first place. Then he could move on with his life.

* * *

><p>Jimmy smiled he didn't think he could be any happier. He looked over at the sleeping beauty next to him and leaned to nuzzle her nose with his. Her lips were the first to react as she smiled at the affection. Jimmy moved in for a kiss and easily captured Alice's soft lips. The bed was holding up nicely. He would probably have to tighten the ropes later as the pair stretched them out pretty good. He was starting to get used to making love to her in the mornings when she visited his house to help him 'decorate.' They didn't spend the entire day in bed, just the first part of their day together, but after a while, Jimmy became concerned that they weren't being careful enough.<p>

"Alice, I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you," Jimmy said hesitantly. "But I'm scared that we're being reckless. I don't want to ruin your reputation."

Alice shied away and tried to be strong. "I don't think we're being reckless, James," Alice said almost on the verge of tears. "I was hoping that I was wrong before, about not being able to have children, but I think maybe I was right."

Jimmy took her into his arms and held her close. "If we're meant to have children we'll have 'em -we don't need to rush it," he said. "I love you and whether we have little Jimmy's and Alice's running underfoot or not -that ain't gonna change. I told you that once and I meant it."

"I just really want a family, James," Alice said, "And I don't want you to be stuck with a barren wife. I just wanted to be sure I could give you a family."

"Alice, you're the most important thing to me and nothing else matters," Jimmy said. "I came back here for you. Anything else is just extra."

"I love you, James," Alice said, "I don't know how I got so lucky having a man like you love me."

"Believe me, Alice, I'm the lucky one."

Jimmy swept Alice into his arms and carried her back to the bed and made her his for the second time that day.

Jimmy stretched as he walked down the stairs and in to his kitchen. It was time to get back to making his house a home. He and Alice talked while they worked and became closer friends every day. Alice had made the curtains for the master bedroom while he had built the bed. There were three windows in there, one on the south wall and two on the east side of the house. That room would always have lots of light in it and they both wanted to make sure there would be enough privacy there. Today she would work on the curtains for the front windows in the downstairs, while Jimmy built a table and benches for the kitchen. The furniture and stove he ordered would be in this Friday and he could pick them up in time to have a Sunday dinner together with his true love.

* * *

><p>Kid sat on the cot in the cell and looked through the bars. The jail was pretty large. There were 4 other cells besides the one he was in. Omaha was a pretty big town from what he had seen and it would need a large jail to accommodate amount of trouble a larger town generates. There were a couple of deputies sitting around drinking coffee and every once and a while one would leave to walk around town. The office ran smoothly from what Kid could tell. The deputies were pretty responsive. A gunshot rang out and both deputies shot up from their chairs and had their guns drawn before they even were out the door. Minutes later, another cell was occupied.<p>

Sam walked through the door a couple of hours later. He walked up to Kid's cell, grabbed a spindle leg chair, and sat down.

"Kid, how are you doing?" Sam asked

"I'm fine, how's Lou?" Kid asked.

"She's fine now, but I think it would be best if you stayed in town from now on," Sam advised.

"Stay in town?" Kid asked, "Sam, I sorry about before. I really don't want to stay in town though."

"It's for Lou's sake," Sam said seriously. "You boys are more stress than she can handle and Emma and I are worried for her so until that baby is born you're staying in town."

"What about Buck?" Kid asked angrily.

"Buck's got his place and he'll be staying there from now on," Sam said. "You both will be expected at Sunday dinner, understand?"

Kid looked at the floor and then back up to Sam. "I don't know anything about this town," he said calmly. "Where can I stay, and is there work available?"

"Well, I spoken to Miss Mabel and she has an empty room in her boarding house you can rent. Cost you fifty cents a week and that's because she likes me," Sam said with a smile. "As for work, you'll be working here with me as a deputy."

It didn't sound to Kid like he had a choice so he just nodded in agreement.

Sam let Kid out of jail and then walked him over to Miss Mabel's boarding house. He got settled in there and then set up Katy at the livery near the other deputies horses. As soon as Kid had settled in, he came back to the jail and Sam swore him in and pinned a badge to his chest. The other deputies welcomed him and Sam gave Kid a work schedule. It was mostly nights. The only night he had off was Sunday and that was for dinner.

Kid thought he could make this work. He could maybe get over Lou if he had something else to occupy his mind. He wouldn't see her all the time like he had at the Express. Maybe this was for the best. He just didn't think he could handle Sunday dinners with Lou and Buck, but he needed to be there for Lou. That child of hers still could be his and he was clinging to that. He wanted to have a piece of Lou connected to him and he prayed every night that the child she carried was that piece.

* * *

><p>Buck was sitting against a stall in his barn. It had been a few day since he and Kid fought. He had finished with his stalls and now his horses were all settled into them. He had even found time to go hunting and was now drying and smoking some venison on a rack. It would be jerky in a couple of days. He had tanned the hide of the deer and was now attaching it to the planks he had made for a cradle board. He found peace in working on projects for the baby. His mind drifted to thinking about being a father. It is something he had never considered before Lou and he were together. Probably because he never thought he'd have the chance in the white world at least. It was just as doubtful among the Kiowa. He couldn't help but wonder what a baby of his would look like. Would it have his eyes, his hair, or his nose? He wanted to find out and hoped every day that he would soon.<p>

Buck leaned the finished cradle board against the stall next to him and started picking up around his stable. He found some left over wood from the construction that he thought he could fashion into a cradle in the white tradition too. Then Lou could rock the baby to sleep. He set the pieces aside and was about to start a new project when he heard a horse outside. He wasn't expecting anyone, but thought maybe Emma was stopping by to bring him some food or to check up on him. He opened the door and a smile popped up instantly on his face. He walked up to the horse and helped Lou down to the ground and gave her a gentle friendly hug. He could feel that Lou's stomach wasn't flat anymore and he longed to touch her there and tell the baby that he loved it. Lou broke the hug abruptly and moved toward the door and Buck, feeling slightly defeated, grabbed Lightning's reins and led her into the barn. He put her in a stall, gave her some hay, and went back to see Lou.

Lou was looking at the cradle board he had been working on all morning. She looked at the planks and ran her hand up to the tops that came to a point. There were some symbols burned into them as well as a horse and rider racing across the prairie. It looked like an Express rider to her. She fingered the soft buckskin that was attached to the planks and looked back at Buck.

"What is this?" Lou asked softening slightly.

"It's a cradle board," Buck answered shyly. "My people have made them for generations. It's so we can carry the baby around and still have our hands free. I thought you might like it."

"How does it work?" Lou asked.

"Like this," Buck said as he lifted the board and placed it on Lou's back. He put the strap over her head and around the front of her shoulders.

"It's a lot more comfortable than I would have thought," Lou said quietly. She was still angry and didn't know how to diffuse the awkwardness between them.

Buck took the cradle board off of Lou and set it back against the stall door.

"Why did you challenge Kid to a fight to the death?" Lou asked worriedly.

"I didn't," Buck answered with a look of concern.

"Don't lie to me, I heard you!" Lou shouted.

"Lou, I don't know what you heard, but I didn't challenge Kid to a fight of any kind," Buck said defensively. "He wanted to know how my people fought over women and I told them they fought to the death, and then I also told him we weren't going to do that."

"But you still fought over me?" Lou asked.

"Yes, as I'm sure Sam probably told you," Buck answered, "But, Lou, I didn't want to. I was just trying to keep either of us from getting hurt. I didn't want to fight Kid."

Lou let out a deep breath and looked into his eyes. She could only see the truth there and then nodded in relief. Buck was still the man she thought he was. Truthfully she felt a little stupid for doubting him. She didn't know what to say next so she just looked around a little.

"So this is your barn?" Lou asked after a long silence.

"Yeah, it is," Buck answered as he ran a hand through his hair while trying to think of something better to say.

Lou looked around some more and nodded. She bit her lower lip and looked to the ground.

Buck felt like he was going to go crazy. This wasn't the way they usually related to each other. Everything felt so careful and guarded. He was just as big a contributor to that as Lou though.

Lou started to walk to Lightning's stall. "I should get back to Emma's," she said reluctantly.

"Would you like a tour?" Buck asked quickly, "Of the barn?"

"Sure," Lou said with a sigh of relief. She didn't really want to leave.

Buck showed her around the barn. Lightning was housed in one of the birthing stalls, which he explained was twice the length of the normal box stalls. The birthing stalls could also be converted to normal size by adding a divider in the middle. He was showing her the regular stalls when Lou found the stall he had been more or less living in. She stared at it and felt all of the sudden sad.

"I'm so sorry, Buck," Lou said.

"For what?"

"For this," Lou said pointing to Buck's living conditions. "You've been cast out again because of me."

"Lou, it isn't like that," Buck said taking her in his arms. "I'm gonna build a house in the spring. This is just temporary. Besides I built this barn and good people helped me. The Great Spirit has shone on me."

"But you don't even have a bed," she said sadly.

"I'm comfortable," Buck said, "Emma and the ladies from her church made a bunch of quilts for me."

"I'm so sorry, Buck," Lou said suddenly. "I'm sorry I've been so distant and that I have been so awful to you."

Buck held her a little closer and kissed the top of her head. "Shhhh. Everything's going to be alright, Lou, you'll see," he said.

"Are you warm enough out here?" Lou asked concerned.

"I will be," Buck said. "I have the horses. They'll keep me and each other warm."

"You ever get too cold, you come up to Emma and Sam's, you hear?" Lou scolded slightly teary eyed.

"Lou, I'm going to be fine out here," Buck said. "But if it gets too cold, I'll come up to the house, I promise."

Buck wiped the tears from Lou's face and replaced them with a gentle kiss upon her lips.

When the kiss broke Lou snuggled into the crook of Buck's shoulder.

Buck took a chance and let his hand slide down Lou's arm to her slightly rounded belly. "How are you both doing?"

"Better lately," Lou said. "I'm trying to take better care of us."

"I was worried about you," Buck said as he gently caressed her slightly swollen belly as Lou snuggled in closer.

"So what's next for your business," Lou asked interested.

"Well, I need to get a good stallion," Buck said. "I thought I might go out and catch one and if I'm lucky maybe some broodmares."

"Is that dangerous?" Lou asked.

"Not really," Buck answered. "I thought now would be a good time to look with the food supply getting low for wild horses. This might be a time when young stallions are run off by the older stallion in a herd. I hope to breed my mares in the spring."

"You should take Lightning too," Lou suggested. "I won't be able to ride her too much longer anyhow."

"Lou, I couldn't," Buck said

"Please, Buck," Lou pleaded. "I hope that someday soon, I'll be a part of everything here. Besides, Lightning's a better mare than both of yours put together."

Buck smiled softly back at her. "That she is," he agreed. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure and she can help keep you warm this winter too," Lou said. "Why don't you take her today?

"Lou, I don't know…" he said trailing off.

"We could ride her together back to Emma's and then you can take her back here," Lou suggested. "Then you would always have a good reason to come for a visit us. I'm going to miss seeing and riding Lightning terribly, but I know you'll take good care of her for me."

"You know I will," Buck said.

Buck helped Lou up onto Lightning's back and then hopped up behind her. He liked being this close to Lou. He put a hand gently on her belly once more and kissed her neck before giving Lightning a gentle kick toward Emma and Sam's place.

* * *

><p>The next few weeks saw changes in Kid, Buck, and Lou. Gone almost completely were the carefree Pony Express riders and in their place were young adults navigating the world. They were becoming responsible people. Every day, each of them was carving out their place in the chaos of world. Sam and Emma were proud of the adults their riders were becoming.<p>

Kid was a natural as one of Sam's deputies. He fit right in with the other men and working with Sam was doing him good. On the inside, Kid was floundering. He didn't think he wanted to be a lawman. He wanted a nice quiet farm with a wife and children. He didn't know what he was going to do now especially if Lou's child wasn't his. She had made it clear her choice was to be with Buck.

Buck was often hunting for food and shared it with Emma and Sam in exchange for all the help they gave him. Buck and Lou were spending more time together again and Emma and Sam couldn't help but smile as they seemed to be getting closer once more. Buck had caught a magnificent looking stallion for his horse breeding business. He also managed to catch a couple of broodmares. One of them was heavily pregnant and would give birth before winter was over. The other looked like it may be due in the late spring. His barn was full up and he would be warm this winter. Everything was coming together for his business, but he couldn't help but feel like everything he had worked for was one giant house of cards poised to fall.

Lou's belly was getting just a little bigger every day. Her morning sickness wasn't as bad and she was eating better. She was seeing Buck almost every day when Buck took Lightning for a ride to see her. Lou was starting to feel depressed about a different problem now. She was trying to write a letter to her brother and sister at the orphanage. She couldn't help but feel that she failed them. With the baby on the way it wasn't going to be possible for her to send for them. She must have started that letter ten times only to crumple it up.

Sunday night dinners were still strained, but the one on this night was very uncomfortable for everyone. Lou had told Emma about her attempts at writing a letter to her siblings and Emma wanted to talk about it at dinner that night. Lou didn't really feel comfortable with the boys there, but Emma had said they had both been concerned about her siblings too.

Emma dished a slice of apple pie on each plate and Lou and the boys passed them all out while Sam filled four mugs with coffee and one with herbal tea for Lou. Sam sat next to Emma and they both looked at each other and took a deep breath.

"Lou, we wanted to talk to you about Jeremiah and Theresa," Emma said looking at their girl from across the table.

Lou's hand instinctively clasped Buck's under the table. Buck looked over to her and gave her a supportive smile.

"We know you are feeling bad about your brother and sister still being at the orphanage and we wanted to propose a solution," Emma said.

"What kind of solution, Emma?" Lou asked as she gripped Buck's hand a little tighter. She didn't know what she was expecting them to say and she was scared she would ask her to let them be adopted out and then she'd never see them again.

"Well Sam and I have been trying to have children as long as we've been married and so far God hasn't blessed us with any, but you and all the boys," Emma said as tears gathered in her eyes. "Sam and I have a lot of love to give children and we thought maybe if you'd let us, we could adopt your brother and sister."

Lou sat stunned on the other side of the table. Whatever she was expecting Emma to say that wasn't it.

"I don't know, Emma," Lou said. "I feel like it's my responsibility to see to them."

"I know, Lulabelle," Emma soothed. "I just thought we could help each other out."

"I'll have to think about it," Lou said.

"Lou, I had another idea," Sam started, "It's getting so close to Christmas I thought we could bring them here for you to spend the holidays with. You three could talk it over then."

The tears in Lou's eyes began to fall as a smile crept across her face. "Jeremiah and Theresa here for Christmas?" she asked rhetorically. "I would love that."

Lou got up from the table and hugged Sam and then Emma.

"I'll have to go to town and buy presents," Lou thought out loud.

By the end of the night it was decided, Sam and Kid would go to St. Jo and pick up Jeremiah and Theresa. Lou wrote and signed a consent letter for them to leave the orphanage. Emma was in her element making all sorts of Christmas treats. She had everything and everybody organized. Lou was in charge of decorations while Buck was charged with finding the perfect tree and hunting for a Christmas turkey. Emma was planning a feast of epic proportions and everything had to be just right. She wanted this Christmas to be special. Lord knew they all could use some happy times together.

* * *

><p>Alice stood in front of Jimmy's front door. She had a small package in her hand wrapped in plain brown paper with a corn husk ribbon. Her hands trembled and she couldn't help but choke back unshed tears. She was being silly. If she were to look objectively at her situation, it was a blessing in disguise. She and James had dodged a bullet really. A larger part of her was devastated. Her moon had arrived right on time as it did every month. The first drop of blood was met by teardrops from her eyes. She knew it would be scandalous to become pregnant before marriage in this community, but her desire for a child was stronger than any shame an out of wedlock pregnancy would cause. She trusted James with all her heart and knew that he would still love her, but she did not think she was worth it. He had given up his life for a life of peace with her. She couldn't help but feel that his choice was a mistake if she wasn't able to give him a family.<p>

Alice started to pick at the ribbon on the gift. It was hard to tie a bow with a corn husk, but she managed to do it. She had spent much time thinking about this gift. When she finally set about choosing it she went to the general store in James Creek and looked at all the Bibles they had in the shop and chose this one. It had a nice smooth leather cover with black lettering on it. It was simple but there was an elegance to it that was tasteful and sort of masculine. This was a book was meant to be used. It was a tool not a decoration. She looked down at it again. She knew she should get strength from it, but it was hard to believe today. She swallowed her sadness and knocked on the door putting a smile on her face to mask her pain. She would go on like nothing had happened and she would hope again for a miracle next month.


	24. Chapter 24

Teaspoon sat down on his chair in his office and placed a plate of food on his desk. Rachel had made a batch of fried chicken. Her fried chicken was like nothing he had ever tasted or probably would taste anywhere else. She wouldn't tell him the recipe and most of the ladies around town were clamoring for it. The local restaurant had offered her a hefty sum for it, but Rachel wouldn't budge. Teaspoon thought she might be harboring aspirations toward owning her own restaurant some day. The thought made him smile. She couldn't be a school teacher forever even if she enjoyed molding and shaping young minds. Rachel had a lot to give to this town and helping raise the town's children was only one of those things.

There was another thing exciting Teaspoon today. The mail had come and he had received a piece. The letter lay tantalizingly in front of him and he couldn't help but look at it as if it were another morsel of Rachel's home cooked food. He was saving it until after lunch when Rachel would be back. She deserved to read it as much as he did. It seemed like such a long time since they had heard from their riders. They were farther away now and he had started to miss them terribly. He had both Cody and Noah around for a while, but Noah finally got himself married to Cassie and they headed further west to start a new life. Truthfully, Teaspoon was glad they were going. The war was starting to get closer and closer all the time and the further west Noah and Cassie went the better, Teaspoon felt. His biggest project now was to keep Cody out of the army. Cody was a man attracted to the promise of adventure and with all the other boys gone, Cody was getting mighty restless. Teaspoon knew he couldn't hold onto him forever. Cody needed to find his way in the world just like his other boys.

Rachel walked through the door just as Teaspoon was wiping the crumbs from the corners of his mouth. She sat down in a chair and silently waited for Teaspoon to open and read the letter. Teaspoon smiled at her and grabbed the letter. He knew Rachel wouldn't say anything, but her waiting on him was making him nervous. He opened up the seal and read the greeting and smiled. He cleared his throat and began to read aloud.

_Dear Mr. Spoon,_

_I hope you had a Happy Christmas and a good New Year. Everyone here is well. There have been a lot of changes for our girl and boys. Most of them seem to be positive, but I was worried for a while that these three would never recover from the hurt they all carry. Things are a little better now, but they all have a ways to go._

_Buck has land and a barn full of horses. We were able to get him to settle down, so I guess we can count one success. I can't tell you what that meant to me. I have been worried about him since I first met him really. He is such a sensitive soul and he bottles up everything. I've always been afraid we'd lose him. He went out and caught a fine stallion and a couple of broodmares for his business and they seem to be getting on with the other horses well. One of them is a very pretty palomino and she just gave birth to the cutest little colt you'll ever see. It's a pinto in a palomino coloring and Buck named him Sunfire. Now that winter is over we can finally get that boy into a house. He's been living in his barn all winter._

_Lou is getting bigger every day. She is starting to get really uncomfortable, but she's managing alright. We think she must only have a months left tops. Both Buck and Kid get more anxious by the day, but their lives keep them from completely smothering Lou with concern. _

_Sam and I brought Lou's brother and sister to our house for the holidays. Lou was feeling like she failed them and it near broke our hearts. With all the heartache we just wanted to make this Christmas special for her. _

_Although Lou was resistant at first, we managed to convince her to let Sam and I adopt Jeremiah and Theresa. We're finally parents! Oh, Mr. Spoon I can't tell you how happy we are. They are such good kids. Jeremiah idolizes Sam and Theresa and I bonded from the start. It is so nice to have children around. Sam and I feel truly blessed._

_Kid is still probably the most troubled of the three. I think he came up here thinking that he could turn back time and he quickly found that he couldn't. I'm really worried about him and he won't talk to me. He's working with Sam as a deputy and that seems to be working out well, but I can see that his heart is not in it. I hope he comes through everything alright, but I fear if Lou's baby isn't his, we may never see him again. I don't know what to do Mr. Spoon._

_I hope you can make it here in time for the birth. I think it will be a matter of weeks now. I know I could use your help with Lou and the boys. Sam and I have tried to help all three of them, but I don't think it would hurt to have more people around who love them._

_Love,_

_Emma_

Rachel looked up at Teaspoon and frowned. "Poor Kid, I told him to go."

"Oh now, Rachel, you encouraged him to go where he needed to be," Teaspoon said. "He'll get through it and if needs be we'll help him.

"I suppose you'll be leavin' for Omaha soon," Rachel said. "I wish I could go, but I got school to teach."

"I reckon I should leave soon," Teaspoon said. "I've heard first babies can be a little unpredictable."

"They sure can," Rachel said dreamily. "You better wire me the moment that little one arrives. I don't think I could wait until you came back."

"I promise not to keep you in suspense a moment longer than necessary," he assured her. "I should get some things together if I'm going to leave by the end of the week."

"Why don't you take Cody with you?" Rachel suggested. "I don't like him staying here alone with all those army recruiters."

"I think that's a fine idea, Rachel. I could use some company on the trail."

* * *

><p>Jimmy sat down on the settee in front of his fireplace. The winter had drawn to a close and he couldn't help but be happy about that. His supply of firewood was dwindling and he had no desire to go out and replenish it. He was content to enjoy an after dinner cup of coffee. As he brought the cup to the edge of his lips, he couldn't help thinking of Alice. Something was bothering her and she wouldn't tell him. Maybe he was being thick, but he was starting to understand that her distance and distress seemed to occur every once and a while and would only last a few days. He wondered if it was a womanly ailment of some sort. He wished Rachel or Emma was here to ask. He didn't quite feel comfortable enough to ask Alice. Every time he thought to bring it up seemed like the wrong time. It had started just before Christmas and continued through the winter. It was the middle of April now and it seemed like Alice should be getting mysteriously upset and withdrawn any day now by his calculations.<p>

Jimmy wanted to do something special for Alice, so she'd know whatever was making her sad was going to be alright. He didn't know what would be appropriate. The lives of the peacemakers, his life was now simple and simple people did not give extravagant gifts. There weren't any spring flowers yet so he couldn't give her those. Maybe he could cook for her and treat her to a nice meal. He didn't know if he could do that though. The only thing he knew he couldn't screw up was porridge. In the end Jimmy decided to go into town the next morning and see what he could find. Something thoughtful and something that would remind her that he loved her. He came back with a thimble. The ones Alice had were looking a little worn. She was always sewing something when she was with him inside the house and she looked at peace whenever she was working. He hoped she would like it. He felt kind of silly giving it to her as it was just a thimble after all.

Alice came over later that afternoon to check on the celery they had planted just over a month ago. Both Jimmy and Alice had wanted to get it into the ground as soon as possible so they could get married as soon as possible. Jimmy noticed that Alice was wearing a big smile today. It lit up her face and she looked beautiful. It made him curious, but he thought maybe she was happy because the celery was already looking like they could eat it. They were taking a risk planting so early. Winter was barely over and with one single frost they would have to start from scratch, but Jimmy was determined to marry her celery or no celery.

Alice had a stack of fabric in her arms and Jimmy took it from her as she walked in the door. She was making him some sheets and pillow cases today while he finished up making some beds for the other rooms upstairs. He hoped that children would use them someday, but right now he wanted to be able to put up Teaspoon and any of his brothers that could make the trip for his wedding to Alice. With all the sewing she was planning today, Jimmy thought it would be the perfect time to give her the thimble. He knew just the moment to give it to her. He set the fabric on the table near the door and swept Alice into his arms and laid a nice slow deep kiss on her lips which Alice eagerly returned.

"Why are you so happy today," Jimmy asked at the kiss's conclusion.

"I'm in love with the most wonderful man in the world," Alice said with a big smile.

After all this time, Alice could still make him blush. Jimmy rewarded her with another long kiss.

"Shall we go upstairs and get to work?" Jimmy asked.

Alice blushed and bit her lip. "Just what kind of work are you suggesting, James," she answered coyly.

Jimmy heard himself growl as he swept a giggling Alice off of her feet and charged up the stairs. The thimble could wait.

* * *

><p>Sam sat at his desk as Kid pushed a broom around the jailhouse floor. All the months that Kid had worked for him didn't seem to be helping the young man sort out his feelings. He knew Emma was really worried and Kid seemed to be avoiding her. He didn't stay long after Sunday dinners and didn't come out to the farm to see Emma or Lou for that matter. Emma was too busy looking after Jeremiah and Theresa to go hunt Kid down, so Sam thought he might give talking to Kid a try especially since he saw him every day.<p>

Kid put the broom against the wall in a corner and looked out the front window. Sam had noticed that Kid looked out that window a lot. Sam caught himself looking out that window a lot too. It was the direction of his house and Emma was there. For Kid, Lou was there. Sam felt like he had let Kid down in a sense. He could see the boy was hurting and he hadn't done anything to help.

"Sit down, Kid," Sam said taking out a bottle of whiskey and two shot glasses from his desk drawer. It was almost the end of their shift so Sam didn't think a little drink would hurt.

Kid dutifully sat down and Sam pushed one of the glasses in front of Kid and waited.

Kid looked at the small glass and the amber liquid inside. He didn't know if he wanted to talk but he was pretty sure Sam wanted him too. What was the point? Even though Rachel had said she was on his side, he didn't think that was entirely true. Everyone seemed like they were on Buck's side. They helped buy land, they helped him build a barn, and now they were helping him build a house. It would probably be all ready for Lou and the baby to move into once it was born. He didn't have any land and nobody offered to help him find some. He had a small room in Miss Mabel's boarding house and Katy and that's all. He stayed away from Sam and Emma's house other than Sunday dinners because he couldn't bear to watch Buck and Lou get closer. He couldn't watch Lou drift further away, but at the same time he wanted to see her.

"Kid," Sam said, "I know you're hurting and I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you."

"Right," Kid said angrily, "Nobody's 'here' for me, Sam. They are 'here' for Buck and they are 'here' for Lou. They are probably off together somewhere and everyone wants me to accept that. Well I can't."

"I'm sorry, Kid," Sam said. "We're trying not to pick sides and maybe we are anyway by accident."

"You moved Buck in right next door to you," Kid challenged, "How am I not supposed to see that as you taking a side. You adopted Lou's brother and sister. How is that not taking her side?"

"We're just trying to keep everyone together," Sam said. "We're trying to do what we think is best for the baby."

"What if it's mine?" Kid said, "Where do I fit into this? You've all prepared everything as if you already know whose baby it is or maybe you just don't care."

"Of course we care, Kid," Sam said earnestly.

"Sam, you threw me in jail!" Kid shouted.

"I did for your own good," Sam said forcefully. "Lou was scared to death that she was about to lose both of you."

"There! You just admitted you did it for Lou, not me."

"Kid, I did it for everyone involved, but mostly for you. What would have happened if one of you had been really hurt or killed? Don't you think the law would've come after the other? Either way you might have ended up dead."

Kid started to calm himself, but it was hard. He still felt so angry.

"I just wanted him to feel the hurt he caused me," Kid said.

"I know, but are you sure Buck's the one you're really angry at?" Sam asked.

"Who else could I be angry at?" Kid shouted back.

"Lou," Sam offered gently.

"I…" Kid said trailing off. He looked at the glass of whiskey and then at Sam. "I gotta go."

"I'll be here if you need to talk later," Sam offered as Kid jumped on Katy and galloped away. Sam was relieved to see him go in the opposite direction of Lou. Kid needed some time to sort out his feelings and he would give him, time, space and an ear if he needed it.

* * *

><p>Buck laid the hammer done and wiped the sweat from his brow. The season wasn't warm enough to cause this type of sweating, but he was determined to get his house finished before Lou gave birth to her baby. He had just started building the house a week ago and he couldn't see how he would get finished in time. Lou was going to give birth any minute, he was sure of it. He couldn't get the picture of Lou out of his mind as he grabbed the hammer. In fact he was so distracted by that thought that the next time he took a swing at a nail, he hit his thumb instead.<p>

"Ouch!" he cried as he winced in pain.

"Cody, I think we arrived just in the nick of time," Teaspoon said catching his former rider by surprise.

Buck looked up after putting his injured thumb in his mouth. "Teaspoon?" he said disbelieving.

"And don't forget me," Cody said with a smile.

Buck smiled and hugged his guests as they dismounted their horses.

"Emma told us we'd find you here," Teaspoon said looking around. "Looks like you've made a quite place for yourself."

"Where'd you get the money for a place like this?" Cody asked walking up to the corral.

"I saved my pay from the Express," Buck said hoping that would satisfy Cody. He really didn't want to reveal the origin of the money in Teaspoon's presence. He caught the look on Teaspoon's face and knew he would have to explain about Neville later.

"That the stallion Emma wrote me about?" Teaspoon asked pointing to a gray horse speckled with black with a black mane and tail. "I believe they call that coloring a blue roan. Looks like you picked yourself a good one."

"Yeah, that's Scout," Buck answered as they watched the stallion pace the corral. "He's gets to have a mare over for relations tonight. Lightning's feeling frisky."

"Lou's Lightning?" Cody asked, "How did you con her out of Lightning?"

"I didn't 'con' her out of anything," Buck said grumpily. "You might say she's on loan. Lou isn't going to be able to ride her for a while, so she's letting me breed her."

Buck took Cody and Teaspoon around the place and showed them around. The two mares he bought from the Express were in a separate corral and the rest of the horses were in the barn. Buck stopped in front of one his birthing stalls.

"This is my newest addition," Buck said proudly pointing to a white mare with a little chestnut foal lying in the soft straw. "She arrived last night."

"Is she ever cute!" Cody exclaimed.

The tiny foal struggled to its feet and wobbled over to Cody.

"Hi there," Cody greeted softly, "William F. Cody at your service."

Cody smiled and scratched the filly behind the ears.

"What's her name?" Cody asked still smiling at the tiny horse.

"We haven't named her yet," Buck said. "Lou wanted to, since I named the last one."

Teaspoon was leaning over the door of the next stall over. "Is this little one, Sunfire?" he asked.

"Yep, that's him," Buck answered proudly.

"Well, Son, you've got a real nice setup here," Teaspoon said approvingly. "I'm sorry I can't stay, but I need to be getting to town to see Sam. I'm leaving Cody with you though and he can give you a hand with that house of yours. "

"Sure, Teaspoon," Buck responded and walked Teaspoon out to his horse.

"Emma's expecting everyone at her house for supper tonight," Teaspoon announced. "She told me to tell you."

"We'll be there," Cody answered for them. "I never could say no to a meal cooked by Emma."

Buck smiled and handed Cody a hammer.

* * *

><p>Rosemary Burke sat at her makeshift desk and looked over her papers once again. She sighed loudly. Isaiah's dream was dying. She wasn't able to command the same respect as her beloved husband and his followers were leaving her side in droves. What she needed was a man like 'Wild Bill' for her remaining followers to rally behind. She thought so before and every day that passed convinced her more. James was an unwilling participant, but she knew ways to make men willing. Watching James had become almost an obsession. She rode down to the peacemaker community each month and stayed out in the open. She wanted them to get used to her being around. Her presence was required to lay the ground work for convincing James to join her. Rosemary had seen and observed the woman that kept James from his destiny. Alice would be no match for what she had in store. That pale Bible thumper wouldn't know what hit her.<p>

Rosemary looked back at her papers and pulled a map from underneath the stack. She studied it closely and made some notes. She needed to solidify her group and attract more followers and she needed to do it soon. It was the only way. She needed to convince James that joining her was the right thing to do and she knew just how to do it.

* * *

><p>Lou was sitting on the porch waiting for Buck to bring Lightning by. It had been a week since she'd seen him at dinner along with Teaspoon and everyone else. Cody and Buck were busy all week building Buck's house and Buck was so convinced that he had to get it done quickly. Lou didn't think there was nearly the rush that Buck did. Sure she felt rather uncomfortable, but the doctor said she was a couple of weeks away from delivery.<p>

Buck said he'd come by just after lunch time. Lou was supposed to go into town with Emma, Sam, and the kids to meet Teaspoon and Cody for lunch, but she begged off in order to spend time with Buck. Cody was around every night to eat some of Emma's cooking so it wasn't like she was hadn't seen him. The same was true with Teaspoon.

The sky was gray and Lou could smell the rain in the air. She hoped it would stay away long enough to enjoy her time with Buck. Still, there was something very nice about rain. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. The smell of rain felt cleansing and soothing. Lou always liked the rain. A smile broke across her face as she heard the tell tale noise of a horse galloping toward the house. Her eyes remained closed as she heard the squeak of leather when the rider dismounted.

"I thought you'd never get here," she said dreamily.

"I think you have me confused with someone else," Kid replied brusquely.

Lou's eyes shot open and the smile faded from her face. He was not who she was expecting and the two of them hadn't been alone together since before Christmas.

"What do you want, Kid?" Lou asked.

"Just to talk," he answered. "I just have questions that you need to answer for me."

Lou let out a sigh. "Alright, I'll try," she said skeptically.

"I just need to know why, Lou," Kid asked, "Why didn't you try and work things out between us? I loved you, hell I still love you and probably always will."

"Kid, it was complicated," Lou said.

"No, Lou, it wasn't. All you had to do was talk to me."

"I couldn't. I didn't even know what I was feeling. How could I have explained it to you?"

"You didn't have to explain anything to me. You just needed to talk to me and to lean on me. Instead you shut me out. You walked away from us."

"I'm sorry, Kid, we didn't feel right anymore and I had questions about what I was feeling that didn't concern you and that you couldn't answer."

"You could have told me that at least."

"I didn't want to hurt you," Lou said a tear gathering in her lashes.

"You had to know that would have happened anyway," Kid accused. "You strung it out and it ended up hurting more.

"I was hoping it wouldn't hurt at all. I was just wrong is all."

"Yeah, you were," Kid said barely above a whisper.

"Kid, why are you here, really," Lou asked defensively. "I'm sorry I broke you heart. Can't we just move on?"

"Maybe you can move on, Lou, but I can't. I didn't do anything wrong, but I've been cast as the bad guy from day one."

"What can I say, Kid, besides 'I'm sorry'? I didn't know it was going to turn out this way."

"You left me out of deciding the fate of our engagement. You do remember our engagement, don't you?"

"Yes, I remember," Lou said softly and her hand went instinctively to her belly as she felt a twinge. "I'm sorry, Kid. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"I don't care if you're sorry. I didn't come here for an apology."

"Then, what did you come here for?" Lou asked. A couple of tears started to slowly roll down her face.

"I just needed you to know how much you hurt me."

"Well, now I know so I'd like you to leave now," Lou stated and stood to leave.

"Lou, please don't go," Kid pleaded.

"Why so you can make me feel worse that I already do?" Lou asked.

"No, I just wanted to clear the air between us," Kid answered sincerely, "Well before, you know…"

"I see," Lou said. "Do you feel better now?"

"Don't do this, Lou," Kid said.

"Do what?"

"Get angry and defensive," Kid said. "You're the one who made the mistake and I'm the one getting punished for it."

"Kid that's not true," Lou argued. "We're all getting punished for it."

Lou looked up at the porch ceiling and wiped her eyes.

"I hate that I hurt you. I hate that I feel guilty for loving someone other than you. I hate that I don't know who my baby belongs to. But I love my baby with my whole heart and I know it was conceived in love whether that was with you or Buck. This baby wasn't a mistake!"

Lou was crying freely now and thought maybe Kid was right. They needed to clear the air.

"It just seems so unfair," Kid said.

"I know," Lou said, "And I'm sorry about that. My momma used to tell me that life wasn't fair and looking at all of us in the Express is proof of that. Life's not been fair to any of us."

Kid walked up to Lou and pulled her into a hug and held her for a few minutes. It felt different somehow, but still he longed to hold her for a different reason.

"What is it about him that made you want to leave me behind?" Kid asked after they had sat down on the porch swing.

Lou buried her face in her hands. "Kid I don't feel comfortable talking to you about this."

Kid put his arm around her and gently rocked the swing.

"I know, I don't feel comfortable hearing about it either," Kid said.

"Then why do you want to know?" Lou asked lifting her face up from her hands.

"I guess, I just miss talking to you is all," Kid answered. "I need to know what happened so I can make peace with it and move on. If that's what you want me to do."

Lou sat back and thought about Buck, the cave, and everything that followed. She still didn't know how to describe what happened between them in there. Lou took a deep breath.

"I don't understand everything, Kid," Lou started. "I was so afraid inside that cave and I didn't want to die. The first day I thought about getting out and rushing into your arms. The second day I lost hope. We couldn't dig our way out and the air was disappearing. Buck was there and he was just as scared as I was. We looked to each other for comfort. I didn't expect that anything we did in there would matter and I was so wrong."

"I guess I can understand that," Kid said. "For a long time I didn't want to and I'm sorry if I pushed you away because of it."

"Kid there's more to it than that," Lou said thoughtfully. She knew this part would hurt Kid so much and she also knew it would hurt her to say it. "Everything became different between Buck and me in that cave. I felt like I connected with his soul. I fell in love with him right then and there and it felt like he did too. It felt like we were pledging to be together for the rest of our lives, which we thought were going to be over at any moment. When we got out of that cave I didn't know what to do. All of the sudden my world had turned upside down and the only person I thought could help me make sense of it was Buck because he was going through the same thing."

Kid let the information sit for a second. He had always discounted Lou's feelings for Buck. He thought they must be a reaction to her fear of commitment. He had been sure if he understood what they were he could win her back. The more she talked about Buck and what she felt for him, Kid started to understand that he was fighting a losing battle.

"I'm sorry, Kid, I never meant to hurt you," Lou said shedding fresh tears. She started shifting uncomfortably in the swing and Kid became concerned.

"Are you alright, Lou?" he asked quickly.

"I don't know," she said.

Kid could feel the fear in her voice and the way she grasped his hand.

"Let's get you into the house and then I'll get the doctor."

Kid was so focused on Lou that he didn't hear the hoof falls of a horse galloping toward the house. He stood up and grabbed hold of Lou just as she let out a scream.

Buck jumped from his horse in time to see Lou screaming in Kid's arms. He didn't hesitate to pull Kid away and strike him with his fist.

Lou watched in horror as Buck and Kid rolled around on the ground in front of her. It was then that the rain she smelled earlier began to fall. The rain made it harder for Lou to yell to stop them. Another wave of pain hit Lou and she screamed. She felt warm liquid start to gush down her legs. She began to panic.

"Help!" Lou yelled, "Help me!"

Both Buck and Kid stopped suddenly and looked at Lou who was standing in a puddle holding her abdomen. They were paralyzed for a few moments until they could process the scene in front of them.

Kid quickly pushed Buck toward Lou and vaulted onto Katy's back.

"Take care of her!" Kid yelled, "I'll get Emma and the doctor!"

Buck swept Lou into his arms and kicked the door open as Kid raced to town.

* * *

><p><strong>AN I know this is a terrible place to leave it, but I will try and get the next chapter out before the week is done! Thank you all for reading and leaving comments. Many have said it and it is so true. The comments keep fueling me and I treasure every one of them. I have to give a special shout out to Paola for changing the course of some of this chapter with some comments exchanged over LJ. I think it is a better chapter for it.**


	25. Chapter 25

Kid and Katy came barreling into town at full Express speed stopping right outside the restaurant door just as Emma and Sam, along with everyone else, walked out of the door. Kid jumped down from the horse's back and right into a puddle. He didn't even notice the splash of mud that now caked his trousers. The constant light rain would wash it off in due time.

"Emma, Lou's in labor! Kid cried as he caught his breath.

"Is she alone?" Emma asked worriedly.

"No, Buck's with her, but, Emma, I think there's something wrong," Kid said anxiously.

Emma gathered her skirts, walked out into the rain and started giving orders. "Sam, you send Dr. Obermeier out to the farm. Mr. Spoon, you and Cody please see to the children. Kid, take me to Lou."

Kid put and arm down as Sam gave Emma a leg up and they were soon galloping off toward the farm.

* * *

><p>"AAAaaaaahhh!" Lou cried, "Buck, it hurts!"<p>

"Hang on, Lou," Buck said trying to be a calming force. He thought back to when he helped Mrs. Granger deliver Thomas Ike, but somehow this was different and it was scaring him. "Just keep breathing and try to relax."

"I can't relax, it hurts!" Lou screamed.

All Buck could think of to do was to hold her and hope Kid got back with Emma and the doctor quickly. He closed his eyes and silently prayed to the Great Spirit for Lou and the baby to be alright. After the last contraction passed, Lou let go of Buck long enough for him to help her get into a night gown. He grabbed a few pillows and tried to make her comfortable in her bed, before she grabbed a hold of him again.

"I'm going to go downstairs and start some water boiling," Buck said softly as he caressed Lou's forehead.

"No, don't leave me, Buck, I'm scared. I'm so scared."

"I won't be gone long," Buck assured her.

Lou tightened her grip on Buck's arm and wouldn't let him go. Buck could only gather Lou into his arms and hold her close. He would just have to wait for Emma and the doctor because the best thing he could do right now was hold his love and make sure she stayed calm.

A few minutes later Lou started screaming again and clung to Buck for dear life.

"I can't do this, Buck, I can't. I've changed my mind! I don't want to be a mother!"

Buck smiled cautiously. He wasn't about to open his mouth and say that it was too late to back out now. He knew better. Lou already seemed to have super human strength judging by the grip she had on his arm. He wasn't going to press his luck. He just held Lou as she sobbed.

Buck thought he heard hoof beats outside and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw from the window Kid and Emma ride in.

"Lou, Emma's almost here," Buck said trying to ease Lou's grip on his arm. It was starting to bruise.

Buck heard the front door burst open and Emma was shouting encouraging words.

"We're up here Emma!" Buck yelled and then turned to Lou. "See, it's all going to be alright now."

"No it's not!" Lou screamed. "I want it to stop. I'm not ready. Oh God, it hurts!"

Emma walked in the door and took stock of the room and the situation. She needed to take charge.

"Lulabelle, I know it hurts, sweetheart," Emma said soothingly. "Come on, Sweetheart, you have to let go of Buck now, I need him to help Kid with bandages and the boiling water."

Buck looked at Emma with worry written all over his face. Lou finally eased her grip and Buck was able to free his arm. He stood to leave, but stopped when he reached the door. He couldn't let go of his worry.

"Buck, Lou's going to be just fine," Emma said, "But I need you boys to get those supplies ready."

Buck walked back to the bed, kissed Lou on the top of her head, and let her go to Emma. He stopped in the doorway again and looked helplessly back.

"Don't worry now, Sam is bringing the doctor and he should be here any minute," Emma reassured him.

Buck reluctantly climbed down the stairs and headed into the kitchen where Kid was setting a pot of water on to boil.

"I owe you an apology, Kid," Buck said after a few minutes of silence. "I thought you were hurting her."

"Thanks, Buck, but you should know I could never hurt Lou that way," Kid reminded him.

Buck nodded and grabbed a stack of old sheets and handed some to Kid. The sat in the relative silence ripping sheets into strips with Lou's screams as the only interruptions. Both men were feeling absolutely helpless and vulnerable.

"I'm scared, Kid," Buck said softly. "I've never been this scared in my life."

"Not even in the cave?" Kid asked curiously.

Buck didn't expect that question and didn't even know if it was wise to answer. "Yeah, not even then," he said taking the chance. "Lou and I had each other to lean on in there and we kind of came to a peace about dying. I feel so helpless right now and there's more than just Lou to worry about. I'm scared for both of them."

"I know what you're feeling, Buck, because I feel it now and I felt it then too," Kid said. "I thought I might have lost both of you in that damned cave. In the end, it turns out that I did."

"I'm sorry I failed you, Kid," Buck said. "I couldn't save her. I couldn't dig us out. I tried, but the dirt and rocks kept falling in on us."

Kid nodded. "I know, Lou told me," he said.

There was another scream from upstairs and the boys looked up toward the stairs. The front door opened just as Emma ran down the stairs.

"Doc you better come quick, I think the baby's breech," Emma said grabbing the doctor's arm and forcefully leading him up the stairs.

Buck swallowed hard and all he kept hearing was the words, 'hurry' and 'breech'. Kid wasn't fairing much better.

"She's gonna be alright, Buck," Kid said as he watched his friend pale. "This is Lou we're talking about."

Buck arched an eyebrow in response. They both knew Lou wasn't as indestructible as she wanted everyone to believe. He clutched his medicine bag and started to pray silently. He didn't know what he would do if he lost Lou and the baby.

Teaspoon, Sam, Cody, and the children came inside the house while Lou cried out from upstairs. Teaspoon looked over at his boys and over at Sam and figured they were all in for a long day and probably long night. Theresa and Jeremiah looked distressed and terrified every time Lou screamed, so Sam decided to take them over to a neighbor's house. Teaspoon sent Cody to do the chores on Buck's farm. He needed to take some of the worry off Buck's shoulders.

The closeness of the air was starting to wear on Buck and he felt like he needed to step outside before he suffocated. It was still raining, but the rain had lightened considerably. Buck closed his eyes and inhaled deeply letting the damp air cleanse his soul. This was the type of rain he was really fond of. It refreshed the earth and washed away the grit of winter. The brown grasses would soon turn green and the prairies would become lush with vegetation. The rain signaled a new season and a new start. He always admired how nature could renew itself over and over with each passing year.

Buck wandered back into the house as Emma came down the stairs. He thought he felt his heart stop when she looked up. Emma was worried. He could tell.

"What is it, Emma?" Teaspoon said being the first to find his voice.

"I just wanted to give you boys and update on Louise," Emma said. "The baby is breech right now, but the doctor thinks we can turn it. It will cause Lou a great deal of pain. I just wanted to prepare you all."

Emma turned and ran back upstairs as both Kid and Buck sank into chairs each saying a silent prayer to their gods.

Buck's face fell into his hands as he heard the screams from above. He didn't know how to handle this. Everything in him wanted to charge the stairs and break down the door. He just wanted to save Lou. He felt Teaspoon's hand on his shoulder and it gave him an odd sense of comfort like it was ok to break down. Buck let the tears fall from his eyes and dampen his hands. He couldn't do anything else.

Kid stared at the staircase willing Lou the strength to get through the pain. She needed it and he knew his brother seated next to him was feeling the same way. He felt the comfort of Teaspoon's hand on his shoulder and looked over at his brother and the man he considered a father. Teaspoon's face was as pale as he'd ever seen it.

"I don't know how women do it," Teaspoon said. "I ain't never been good at hearing the screams of a woman, but I think our Lou's a lot tougher than any of us ever gave her credit for."

"I hope you're right, Teaspoon," Kid responded.

Teaspoon put some coffee on as the afternoon stretched into night. Sam came home from the neighbors with some food for everyone. Kid nibbled on a biscuit, but Buck couldn't bring himself to eat anything.

"Is it supposed to take this long, Teaspoon?" Buck asked concerned.

Emma had quietly descended the stairs and looked in on her boys, husband and Teaspoon. There was so much worry etched in all their faces.

"It takes as long as it takes, Boys," Emma said from the foot of the stairs. "Louise is doing just fine, I promise."

"How much longer will it be, Emma?" Kid asked for all of them.

"I can't say," Emma answered. "First babies always take time. Don't worry the baby turned and everything is looking so much better now. I just came down here because Doc Obermeier could use some coffee."

It was near dawn when Buck was suddenly awakened by the noises from above. He looked over and noticed that Kid had also, been jolted out of sleep. Buck quickly stood and tried to make out the words. He thought he had heard the doctor tell Lou to push and Lou grunt in return. Maybe the time of birth was nearing.

They both heard the cries and knew the baby had arrived. Soon they would find out which one of them was a father.

Buck hated how all this had torn them apart and hoped perhaps the tiny life upstairs would heal them all. He missed having Kid as his brother and there were times in the last twenty-four hours that he felt that kinship again.

Even though Kid was sure he'd lost Lou forever, he prayed that the child was his. He still wanted to be bonded with Lou for the rest of his life and if he couldn't have Lou as a wife, he wanted the child to bond them in a different way. The father of her child would always have a place in the family and he wanted that more than anything.

The wait was killing both Kid and Buck. They wanted and needed to know if Lou and the baby were alright. The sound from above was eerily silent. The only think Buck and Kid could hear was the gentle rain that had been falling since yesterday tapping against the window panes.

Emma finally came down the stairs holding a small bundle. Buck and Kid quickly rose to their feet as Teaspoon walked up and peaked inside the blanket. He smiled at the little face yawning at him. He smiled down at the baby when it grabbed his finger. There was no doubt who the father of this precious little one was.

"It's a girl," Emma told him with a huge smile and a tear in her eye, "A beautiful little girl."

Teaspoon turned around and walked up to Kid and put his arm around the boy's shoulders. "Come on Kid, let's take a walk."

Buck let himself sink back into a chair and sat in silence feeling the disappointment start to wash over him as he watched Teaspoon walk to Kid. He bowed his head and didn't look up until Emma said his name a couple of times.

"Buck," she said finally getting his attention. "Would you like to hold your daughter?"

"_My_ daughter?" Buck asked unsure if he heard right.

"Yes, your daughter," she said placing the bundle in his arms. The small child stared back at him and he felt overcome. She had a thick cap of straight dark brown hair and her skin tone matched his. There was no doubt in his mind that she was his. She had a tiny version of his nose only much cuter. He fell instantly in love.

"How's Lou?" he asked Emma as he reluctantly looked up from his child.

"She's exhausted, but fine," she said smiling.

"Is she happy?" Buck asked timidly.

"Of course she is, Buck. Come on, let's bring this little one back to mama so she can eat."

Buck climbed the stairs carefully and quietly knocked on the door to Lou's room. When he opened the door he found Lou looking exhausted but radiant.

"Isn't she beautiful?" Lou asked him sleepily as he walked through the door.

He nodded and a smile of pure joy spread across his face. "She looks like you."

"She looks like you too," Lou said as she smiled at Buck. "What should we name her?"

Buck sat down on the bed and turned the baby so Lou could see her.

"I was thinking Spring Rain Cross," Buck suggested nervously.

Lou looked out the window seeing the gentle rain still falling and smiled. She placed her hand on the blanket tickling the baby's chin.

"That sounds perfect," she said. "What do you think about that Rainie?"

The baby cooed in response.

"Rainie," Buck said smiling, "I like it and I think she does too."

Emma came in after letting the new parents deal with the initial awkwardness of being new parents.

"Emma, this is Spring Rain Cross," Lou said with a smile. "Rainie, this is your nana, Emma."

"Oh, what a beautiful name," Emma said with a big smile. "I bet little Miss Rainie is hungry."

Emma helped Lou get into position and then gently took Rainie from Buck's arms so Lou could feed her.

Emma watched the family and smiled to herself. It was a beautiful moment, but she couldn't help but to feel a little sad. Her riders were all grown up now. She sighed and tried not to cry. The beautiful family in front of her wasn't going away and they would always be nearby. She smiled again when Rainie was fed and Lou was fast asleep. Buck was seated in the rocking chair holding his daughter close and trying not to drift off to sleep himself. Emma felt a peace wash over her. Everything was going to be alright now.

* * *

><p>Teaspoon led Kid out of the house and started to walk toward the barn.<p>

"I'm sorry, Kid, I knew you was hopin', but there ain't a doubt about it," Teaspoon said.

"She belongs to Buck," Kid said reiterating solemnly.

Teaspoon nodded. "Yeah, and she's as purdy as a picture too."

"Well, Lou's her momma, I would expect nothing less."

Kid looked out toward the horizon. He felt lost again. He had no direction and he didn't think he could stay here.

"What're ya plannin' to do now?" Teaspoon asked curiously.

"I thought I would head to James Creek," Kid said finding his voice. "I got a letter from Jimmy yesterday and he wants me to come to his wedding. It's happening at the end of the month."

"Can you stay on for a few days?" Teaspoon asked. "Sam, Cody, and me are gonna finish building Buck's house. We could use your help."

"I don't know Teaspoon," Kid said. "That's a lot to ask."

"I know, Son," Teaspoon said. "I just want to spend time with ya before you leave. I have a feeling I ain't gonna see you much after you're gone."

"I'll be around, Teaspoon," Kid assured him. "I'll be back in Rock Creek before you know it."

"Well, I'm gonna check on Cody, I left him by his lonesome over at Buck's," Teaspoon said and headed off towards his horse.

Kid leaned on the corral fence and watched Teaspoon ride over to Buck's place.

* * *

><p>Kid walked into the house after reflecting and stopped in front of Emma as she came out of the kitchen with a tray of food.<p>

"I'll take it up," Kid volunteered.

"Are you sure?" Emma asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I need to do this."

"I'll be down here if you need to talk later," Emma offered.

"Thanks, Emma," Kid said as he made his way to the stairs.

As Kid ascended the stairs he heard the soft sounds of Buck singing. He thought it must be a Kiowa lullaby or something just given how sweet sounding it was. Buck finished the song and started to talk, although Kid wasn't close enough yet to hear what he was saying. Kid paused just outside the door and listened.

"Do you know why I named you Spring Rain, little one?" Buck softly asked the infant snuggled into the safety of his arms. "I gave you that name because like the rains of spring, you have made everything new again. I can't feel anything but happiness when I look at you. I cannot feel guilt or pain, because I love you and I'm happy that you're here.

The baby made a couple of small coos and Kid could here Buck's gentle laugh. He didn't remember the last time he had heard that sound.

"Your life is going to be different than mine," Buck said continuing soberly. "You have lots of family that loves you already. You will always know how you fit into the world because I will always accept you. I will protect you from anyone and anything that ever wants to hurt you. I promise."

Kid smiled as he heard the sound of a light kiss and thought it would be safe to come into the room without interrupting Buck's speech to his daughter.

"Emma wanted to make sure you two had some food close by," Kid said quietly as he entered the room. "I'll just put it over here on the vanity.

"Thanks, Kid," Buck said sincerely.

Kid set the tray down and walked over to his rival. He looked at the little girl tucked into Buck's arms and couldn't help but smile at the baby.

"She sure is a beauty," he said. Kid couldn't deny it, the little girl could only be Buck's. He looked into Buck's face and saw only love in his eyes. "You're right, you know. I can't look at her and not feel happy."

"Would you like to hold her?" Buck asked cautiously.

Kid swallowed hard and smiled slightly. "Could I?" he asked as Buck placed the child into Kid's outstretched arms.

The child fussed at the disruption and then settled right down again.

"Lou gave her the nickname, Rainie," Buck said as he looked over at his daughter with pride.

"Hello, Rainie," Kid whispered with a voice full of conflicting emotion, "I'm your uncle Kid. I'm so glad you're here. Your mamma and papa used to be two of my best friends and I'd like to think that you are going to help bring us back together."

Buck swallowed hard and let a tear fall from his eye. He didn't have words but gave a nod in agreement.

"I hope so too, Kid," Lou said from the bed. She woke up in time to hear the words Kid spoke.

The baby started to fuss a bit more and Kid didn't know what to do. "I think someone wants their momma," he said handing off the little girl to Lou who had pulled herself into a sitting position.

Rainie fussed a little more when Kid handed her to Lou and Lou couldn't quite get her quieted down. She handed the baby off to Buck and the baby became content as soon as she was nestled again into his arms. Buck sat beside Lou and they were the perfect picture of a happy family. Kid didn't think he could stay and watch, but he was coming to terms with it.

"I'm gonna leave you all in peace," Kid said awkwardly. "Teaspoon said he needed some help with your house, Buck, so I'm going to go and keep Cody in line."

Buck stood up and offered and his hand. Kid looked down at the offering and grabbed Buck's hand pulling him into a half hug instead of a full one as to not squish the baby.

"You better take care of them, you hear," Kid said into Buck's ear. "I'll come after you if you don't."

"I'll take care of them, I promise," Buck said.

Kid left the room hastily and bolted down the stairs almost running Emma down at the bottom.

"Kid, are you alright?" Emma said grabbing Kid's arm.

Kid stopped and turned to her. "I will be, Emma," he said looking into her face. "It's still hard not to want what Buck has up there."

"I know," Emma said and hugged him tightly.

"I'm going over to help Teaspoon and Cody," Kid said. "Buck and Lou will need a house to raise their family."

Emma broke the hug and held his face in her hands for a few seconds before placing a kiss on his cheek.

"You're a good man, Kid," Emma said smoothing out Kid's hair and wiping away his tears.

Kid spent the rest of the week helping out at Buck's place. The physical labor felt good to Kid. Too long he'd been idle and hoping for something that could never be. With him, the work on Buck's house started to come together. Between Teaspoon, Cody, Sam, Jeremiah, and Kid, the house was ready for the new family to move into as soon as they were able.

Lou was taking a long time to recover and Emma was a little worried. Lou only seemed to wake in order to nurse. She slept a lot and while she slept, Buck took care of the baby most of the time. Emma could tell that Buck didn't mind one bit, but Lou seemed a little more detached from the baby than Emma would have liked.

With all the work that needed to be done on Buck's farm, Cody decided to stay on and help Buck and Lou until they could manage on their own. He didn't really have anything else to do anyway. The Express was done and he kind of liked Omaha. Perhaps if Kid didn't stay on as Sam's deputy, Sam would give him a shot or maybe Buck would need help with his horses.

Teaspoon spent many days of the next week going back and forth between playing with his grandbaby and helping finish Buck's house. Rainie had taken to Teaspoon right away and she was the apple of his eye. He cherished his time here, but he knew he needed to return to Rock Creek and get back to marshaling. He had been away too long and he knew that Rachel would be dying to hear about the baby. Jimmy's wedding was coming up and he wanted to go, but with all the time he'd spent in Omaha, he couldn't justify being away that long again. He would just have to surprise Jimmy and Alice a little later with a visit. Perhaps, he could wait until school was done for the year and take Rachel with him.

All Kid could think of was getting away from the places where he loved Lou. Visiting Jimmy was the only thing Kid wanted to do right now. He wanted to be there for his friend. He needed to be around someone who understood what it meant to have loved and lost Lou.

* * *

><p>As Kid rode into James Creek, the sun was setting. He had been on the trail for a week and the only thing he could think of was drinking a large mug of nice cool sarsaparilla. The trail was dusty and he was tired. He got a room for the night and he would ride out to the Peacemakers community in the morning. It would be an imposition arriving tonight after all and his momma had taught him better than that.<p>

Kid sidled up to the bar and ordered his drink and looked around at the clientele of the saloon. The night was quiet and that was to be expected with it being the middle of the week. There were a couple of poker games going and Kid thought he might like to relax and play a hand or two of cards later before settling in for the night. Right now he was just content to sit down and relax.

Kid grabbed his drink and walked over to a table near a poker table nearby. He sat down and took a sip of his sarsaparilla. It really hit the spot. He shoved his hand into his pocket and fingered the coins and bills inside and tried to decide if he should ask to sit in on the game. There were three men playing at the table and they looked like they already knew each other. All three were remarkably different from one another. One was clean shaven, short and stocky, but his clothes were ill-fitting. The second was unkempt and a little smelly. The third man and the one who seemed to be the leader was an older gentleman with a gray, well groomed beard. The men were drinking whiskey and were sharing a bottle between the three of them. Kid only came in to relax but he felt suddenly tense when he listened to the conversation the men were having.

"When are we supposed to kidnap the Peacemaker lady?" the unkempt man asked.

"The night before her wedding day," the older gentleman answered. "Keep your voice down."

"When's that again?" the clean shaven one asked.

"We move tomorrow night," the grey haired man said downing a shot of whiskey. "Remember, Mrs. Burke said she is not to be harmed."

"Awww, Emmet," the unkempt man whined, "You never let us have any fun."

"Well, if 'Wild Bill' doesn't cooperate, I reckon Mrs. Burke might change her mind," Emmet said temptingly.

Kid had a hard time keeping his anger in check as the men accidentally spilled their plans to him. He didn't know what exactly he was going to do, but he knew he needed to protect Jimmy and Alice from these men even if it was the last thing he did.

The three men emptied their glasses of whiskey and decided to call it a night. The rattle of their chairs scraping against the floor startled Kid back to alertness. He didn't want to let the men out of his site, so he followed them out.

The batwing doors on the saloon gave Kid's presence away, but only the one called Emmet noticed. The gray bearded man turned and gave Kid a scrutinizing stare.

"What do you want, Boy!" Emmet yelled out.

"You ain't going near the Peacemakers," Kid challenged opening his coat and revealing a gun. He knew taking out these three men wasn't going to stop Rosemary, but it might delay her a while.

The other two men stopped walking to their horses and turned. Emmet held his ground and tucked his coat behind the holster of his own gun.

"You gonna take on all three of us, Boy?" Emmet asked with a sneer. "I don't think you're that fast."

"I'm fast enough," Kid assured him.

Emmet flinched as he drew his gun and his two companions backed his play. Kid outdrew him and the street was suddenly filled with smoke as the gunshots pierced the calm of the night.

The piano in the saloon stopped suddenly as customers and onlookers poured out of the saloon to see what happened. They stopped sharply looking at four bodies, lying and bleeding in the street.

A man walked over to where Kid was lying and Kid grabbed the man's arm. He could feel the world going dark around him but he needed to help his brother.

"Jimmy, I've got to warn Jimmy," Kid said as his body went completely slack.


	26. Chapter 26

Alice woke up and stretched. She was excited to see Jimmy today. She had wanted to be sure before she told him and she was sure now. It was a couple of months now since she'd last bled and as soon as she stood up, she knew she would expel any remaining contents of stomach. Most women hated that part, but Alice was just so happy to be pregnant that she would endure the sickness that came each morning. It reminded her of what she had prayed so hard for. It was time to tell Jimmy though. She knew just how she wanted to do it too. They would be married on Thursday and she wanted to save the news for their wedding night.

Alice was sad she wouldn't see Jimmy until tomorrow, but she needed the time to finish her wedding dress. It wasn't anywhere near as fancy as the ones she'd seen on occasion in the town of James Creek. There wasn't any lace or embellishments on her dress. It was a plain, but a beautiful shade of sky blue. Dresses amongst the Peacemakers were never worn just once, but a dress for a wedding needed to be new. This dress would become her Sunday dress and would also be the dress she would be buried in when she died. The color blue was the traditional color for a wedding dress among the Peacemakers. She didn't have a lot of choice on the color but the style was up to her so she picked a flattering style and hoped Jimmy would like it. The hem was the last thing she had left on the dress. She would get to it after she had dressed for the day and helped with breakfast.

When Alice was back in her room, the first thing she did was to sit down in the rocking chair and take out the thimble Jimmy had given her. It was simple, yet shiny and he had given it to her with his whole heart. She treasured it. It meant that he truly understood her. The simple thimble always reminded her that she was loved dearly and that is exactly what she needed today. It was a little piece of him she could hold close. He was never far from her thoughts and this tiny metal thimble reminded her with every stitch, how much she loved him.

* * *

><p>Kid squinted his eyes as the light from the window temporarily blinded him. He tried to remember where he was and what had happened. Right now he couldn't recall a thing and all he felt was pain.<p>

"Well it's about time you woke up, Sonny," a man's voice said. "I'm Dr. Harris. Do you know where you are?"

Kid lifted his hand to his head and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He was still fighting off the groggy feeling one gets when they first awake, but his body ached and he felt like he got trampled by stampeding horses.

"Yeah," Kid answered, "I'm in James Creek."

"Do you remember anything about last night?" Dr. Harris asked.

Kid reached into the depths of his memory and went through the moment he arrived and tried to remember. As soon as his memory filled in the blanks, Kid tried to spring from the bed.

"Jimmy," he said, "I've got to get to Jimmy to warn him."

"Whoa, hold on there, Sonny," Dr. Harris said trying to gently push Kid back into bed. "You're in no shape to rush out of here."

"You don't understand, Doc," Kid argued. "I have a friend to warn. Those men..."

"Oh, don't you worry about those men," Dr. Harris said cutting Kid off. "You got 'em. They won't be causing nobody else no trouble."

Kid relaxed a little and let out a big sigh as he sank back into the bed. "Thank God," he said.

The doctor started to redress his wound and Kid realized that he had taken a bullet to the shoulder. That explained why he was in pain. He probably lost a fair amount of blood too which would account for his feeling weak.

"Doc, how long til I can get out of here?" Kid asked anxiously.

"Oh I think if you promised not to overdo it, I could let you go this afternoon," Dr. Harris said.

"Thanks, Doc," Kid said. "Can I ride?"

"Oh I wouldn't advise riding unless it's your only way to get around," Dr. Harris advised, "But as long as you didn't ride faster than a walk, you should be alright. Just try not to use that arm."

"I need to get to the Peacemakers. I have a good friend there and I need to get to him as fast as I can."

"Well, I have a house call to make out that way," the doctor said. "I can give you a ride."

"Thanks, Doc."

* * *

><p>Emma sat down at the edge of Lou's bed and looked over her girls. Rainie was asleep in the cradle Buck made next to the side of the bed Lou was sleeping on. Emma knew Lou wasn't sleeping even though it would look like she was to the casual observer. It seemed that Lou was always sleeping or pretending to if she wasn't feeding the baby. She always seemed to leave Rainie's care to Buck. It concerned Emma that Lou didn't seem to want to hold the baby other than to feed her and Emma could see Buck was starting to notice too. Emma had seen the pained look in his eyes whenever Lou would pass the baby off to someone else after feeding.<p>

"Lulabelle, I know you're not sleeping," Emma said as she rested a hand on Lou's arm.

Lou tried hard to keep up the illusion, but gave it up knowing that she gave herself away by the deep blush on her face at being called out on her lie. She slowly opened her eyes.

"Sweetheart, is there something bothering you about the baby?" Emma asked gently.

Lou tried not to cry but she let the tears gather and fall. "I'm not a good mother, Emma," she said plainly. "Rainie doesn't like me."

"What do you mean, Rainie doesn't like you?" Emma asked shocked.

"Well, she always cries when I hold her unless I'm feeding her," Lou answered. "She never cries for Buck. I don't know what to do."

Emma understood the anxiety that comes with being a new mother and her heart was breaking for her girl.

"Sweetheart, sometimes these things take time and patience," Emma said. "Babies pick up on all sorts of things that we may not be aware of. Are you scared of her?"

"I…Emma…no, of course I'm not scared of her," Lou said unconvincingly. Lou looked away and tried not to let see her embarrassment. "Oh, who am I kidding, Emma, I terrified of her."

"Oh, Honey, you're not the first new mother to feel scared of her baby," Emma said comfortingly. "You just need to relax and know that she loves you. Everything will be alright, you'll see."

Rainie started to cry and Lou looked at Emma with pleading eyes.

"Here's your chance, Lou," Emma said encouragingly. "She needs her mamma. Go on now."

"I can't, Emma, I know she won't stop crying," Lou said.

"Lou, honey, she's your baby and she needs you," Emma said gently, "She probably needs to be changed. Why don't you check?"

Emma folded the blanket back uncovering Lou. Lou hesitantly got up and hovered over the cradle. She reached into the cradle and picked up the baby. Lou looked up at Emma as Rainie kept crying.

"Help me, Emma, please," Lou begged.

"You're doing fine, Sweetheart," Emma coaxed. "Let's change her."

Emma talked Lou through a diaper change just as she did for Buck over a week ago. Lou did really well, but Rainie was still fussy.

"Just relax, Lou," Emma said as Lou tried to comfort her baby.

"Why won't she stop crying, Emma?" Lou asked.

"Just give it some time, Sweetheart," Emma answered. "Try sitting in the rocking chair and just relax."

Lou sat down and Rainie kept crying. Buck appeared in the doorway with a concerned look on his face and Emma held him back. With a quick exchange of looks, Buck understood and was supportive but weary of Emma's plan.

"Buck, you have to take her," Lou pleaded, "I can't get her to stop crying."

"You're doing fine, Lou," Buck assured her. "Just close your eyes and take a deep breath. Relax and let her feel how calm you can be. Think of how much you love her."

Lou did as Buck suggested and was rewarded by Rainie slowly quieting down.

"That's it Lou," Emma said proudly. "You've got it."

Rainie stopped crying and started to hiccup. Emma let Buck enter the room and he knelt next to Lou and gave her a soft kiss. Emma decided her work here was done and left the room closing the door behind her.

* * *

><p>Rosemary was housed in a cabin pouring over a map of the Oregon Trail. This was a cabin she had used often lately. It afforded her access to many of the supplies she needed and it afforded her a close enough residence to keep tabs on the man she wanted and needed in her life. She needed to keep her mind on business right now though. She looked back at her map and traced the Trail with her finger tip. She thought it might be a viable option for freed slaves once the war was over. Her sources in Washington had told her that President Lincoln was entertaining the idea of freeing the slaves in the south. Some of those people would want a fresh start and a new place to settle. She also thought this might be the perfect time to try to do what John Brown couldn't. She didn't want to raid Harper's Ferry, but perhaps hitting a supply line would work and she could arm a slave revolt. It could turn the tide of the war. Still she needed a strong leader her people would follow and someone whose very presence would increase their number of recruits. She needed 'Wild Bill' Hickock. There just wasn't another way to do it.<p>

Emmet was supposed to check in with her this morning and it worried her that she hadn't heard from him or seen him today. She sent a man into James Creek to look for him and his men. She checked Isaiah's pocket watch. Jonathan should be back any time now with news. This had to work. She had written the terms of Alice's release herself. The letter was written and Emmet would deliver it tomorrow. She just couldn't figure out why Emmet wouldn't check in with her today. He knew how important this was to her.

There was a knock on the door and Rosemary's thoughts were jarred back into the present. She opened the door and found her man, Jonathan standing in front of her with a long face and his hat in his hands.

"What's happened?" She asked quickly and with a great deal of concern. "Where's Emmet?"

"He's dead ma'am," Jonathan answered, "Smitty and Barry too."

"How?" Rosemary asked with alarm. It was all she could do not to wrap her hands in her own hair and pull.

"Some kid out drew them in a gunfight," Jonathan explained.

"All three of them?" Rosemary asked as she started to crumple a piece of paper from the desk in her hand.

"They did get one shot in him, but it didn't matter."

"Does this kid have a name?"

"All's people knew about him was he was worried about someone named 'Jimmy' and that he rode a red and white paint," Jonathan remarked.

Rosemary could feel her eyes narrow. Of course he would be here for the wedding.

"Thank you, Jonathan. That will be all."

Everything had gone wrong and she didn't know how to fix it. She felt the hot tears in her eyes. Isaiah's dream couldn't die. She needed to save it and James was the only way. She needed to calm down and think. Pulling a chair out, Rosemary sat down and smoothed out her skirt. Her palms were sweaty and it distracted her more. She wiped them on her against the heavy fabric of her skirt and breathed deeply. There was only one thing left for her to do.

Rosemary started to organize her maps and lists. She couldn't leave them out in the open while they were away. Their plans must not slow down, and she knew what she needed to do. She had a wedding to stop. She went outside and readied her men.

* * *

><p>Kid stepped off from the doctor's buggy and untied Katy from the back. The doctor had bandaged him up but good and placed his arm in a sling, but that couldn't stop him from getting up on Katy's back.<p>

The first person Kid spotted at the bruder hof was Jacob and he kindly gave Kid directions to Jimmy's house. The garden out front of Jimmy's house was nicely tilled and it looked like it might be freshly planted after a quick harvest of early spring vegetables. Kid surveyed Jimmy's house and concluded that his friend and brother was preparing for a large family. This made Kid smile. He dismounted and tied Katy to the hitching post.

Katy's whinny brought Jimmy out of the house and the two brothers embraced.

"I didn't think you'd make it, Kid," Jimmy said happily.

"Truthfully, Jimmy, I was hoping I had a reason to miss it," Kid said and Jimmy did not miss the melancholy in his friend's voice.

"Lou have the baby?" Jimmy asked.

"Yeah, Buck's baby," Kid answered sadly. "She's adorable, Jimmy. She's got Lou's big eyes and Buck's nose."

"Oh, no, poor thing," Jimmy said with a laugh.

"It's not a big nose," Kid assured him. "It fits her face and it's just the same shape. It looks cute on her."

"I'll take your word on it," Jimmy said. "What'd they name her?"

"Spring Rain, Rainie for short."

Jimmy nodded his appreciation. "So are you going to keep me in suspense?" he asked.

"What do you mean, Jimmy?"

"That shoulder wound," Jimmy pointed out. "Which one of them did it, Buck or Lou?"

Kid smiled but then his face turned stone serious. "Jimmy, we have to talk about Rosemary Burke."

Jimmy's brow furrowed. "She did this to you?" he asked.

"No, but some men she sent did," Kid answered. "Relax, they won't be bothering you. I made sure of it, but I can't help but think she's lurking out there somewhere close by."

"Come into the house and tell me everything you know," Jimmy said and grabbed Kid's gear off of Katy's back.

* * *

><p>Kid and Jimmy had spent the night going over every move Rosemary Burke had made starting with when Jimmy first met her and going through the time she spent in Rock Creek trying to sway him to her cause. Jimmy was weary and didn't understand the obsession this woman had with him. The latest attempt really scared Jimmy. He couldn't let Rosemary hurt Alice.<p>

It was well after midnight, before the two friends turned in for the night. Jimmy rested but did not sleep. He didn't know how to reason with someone that was obviously unreasonable. In the past he'd just let his gun do the talking, but he couldn't do that now. Besides the fact that Rosemary was a woman, and he long since never condoned violence toward women, he made vows and oaths about violence when he became a peacemaker. The only thing he had was his mind and his courage to stand up no matter what it meant. He silently prayed he would be able to keep his family and community safe without letting down himself or his new family. This would be his biggest test yet.

Morning came early for Jimmy. He was never much of an early riser when he was with the Express, but he'd changed when he joined the Peacemakers. He didn't get up early to do chores. He got up early to live his life. Jimmy padded down the stairs of his house and inhaled deeply at the aroma of fresh coffee. Someone was up and making breakfast.

Kid poured a cup of coffee for himself and one for Jimmy when he saw the other man come through the door.

"Kid you didn't have to do all this," Jimmy said as he accepted the cup.

"This is your wedding day, Jimmy," Kid reminded him, "You need someone to make sure you take care of yourself today."

"And that's you?" Jimmy asked.

"Yep, that's me," Kid said with a smile. "I'm standing up for you today, so I get the job by default."

"Thanks, Kid," Jimmy said, "For everything."

Jimmy's suddenly serious face made Kid nervous.

"I know we've been through a lot in the last year," Jimmy began. "Who would have thought we've all ended up where we are now just one short year ago. We were fighting in a barn over Lou and now we're here."

"And neither of us has her," Kid said sadly.

"Aw, I didn't mean that," Jimmy said, "I mean we nearly killed each other and now here we are closer than ever."

"I'm proud of you, Jimmy," Kid said. "I don't think I could do what you've done. Put away my gun, I mean."

"I think me settling things with a gun has always been a bad idea, Kid," Jimmy said. "I think if I continued on that path it would have led me to an early grave. There is so much more I could do with my life."

"So what'd you do with them?" Kid asked hesitantly.

"The guns? I packed them away in a trunk upstairs. I couldn't just toss them out. It's a part of my past that I need to remember. Everything I used to be is in that trunk. Someday I'll know what to do with it, but not today."

"No, not today," Kid agreed. "Today we're getting you hitched."

Jimmy smiled and suddenly all he could think of was Alice.

Jimmy and Kid stepped out onto Jimmy's porch and Jimmy took a deep breath before closing the door behind him. It was time to go to the church. Jimmy was nervous like any man would be on a day such as this, but even more so for the threat that hung in his mind. He wouldn't let Rosemary or anyone else spoil this day.

The two men walked toward the church and Jimmy started to smile and his palms started to sweat. He didn't know exactly what to expect from his wedding. He knew there was a long service and he and Alice would be counseled on what marriage would mean. The whole thing would take about four hours.

Jimmy smiled and could hardly breathe when he met Alice just outside of the church. She looked absolutely beautiful to him in her sky blue dress. It was plain, but the color and cut on her made it seem like the fanciest dress he'd ever laid eyes on. Her smile made her the most beautiful bride he had ever seen.

Alice and Jimmy stood before each other and smiled. They couldn't speak for several moments.

"You look absolutely beautiful," Jimmy said. He couldn't stop looking at her. She was the only person who existed for him in that moment.

Alice blushed. "You look very handsome, too," she said.

The two joined hands and walked into the church together. Kid followed behind.

The weddings of the peacemakers were intense and long. There was singing and readings, just like most weddings, but in a peacemaker wedding several of the elders and other married people spoke about what marriage meant to them. They offered all kinds of advice and well wishes. Jimmy and Alice both felt relieved when they could get up and move, but it was only to go to another room with Jacob so he could offer counseling for the new couple. It was in the middle of this counseling that Jimmy heard the commotion and stood to look out a window. A gun had been fired and the community was starting to spill out of the church to see what and who had disturbed the happy day.

Jimmy looked out the window and frowned. His eyes dropped to the floor and he looked at Alice and thought of everything she was to him and everything he stood to lose.

"Please, James, don't go out there," Alice pleaded. "Stay with me."

"She won't go until I make her go," Jimmy said. "Only if I refuse her and send her away again will she go."

"James, we both know that's not true," Alice said sadly. "She'll just keep coming back until she gets what she wants. Stay here with me. Refuse to see her."

Jimmy didn't know what would be best he just knew he couldn't hide from this. The tears in Alice's eyes that threatened to fall broke his heart. He never wanted to see her cry.

"James, I have something to tell you," Alice said her voice shaky.

Jimmy stopped looking out the window and placed his attention solely on Alice.

"I wanted to save the news for when we were alone tonight," she said trying not to lose her composure.

"Are you alright?" Jimmy asked suddenly concerned.

"I am fine. I'm better than fine. I'm just scared you will let that woman take you away from me and, James, you can't let her."

"I could never leave you, Alice, not for any reason."

"Do you promise?"

"You have my word. Now what did you want to tell me?"

"I'm going to have a baby," Alice said looking into his eyes. She waited to gauge his reaction.

Jimmy was momentarily stunned. He felt his jaw go slack and then saw the worry in Alice's face. His open mouth soon turned into a smile.

"I'm going to be a father?" Jimmy asked sweetly.

Alice let her tears fall and nodded. Her lips curled into a smile at his reaction.

Jimmy whooped a grabbed Alice around the waist and swung her around in his arms. Then his kissed her deeply.

There happiness was disturbed as the sound of another shot pierced the air.

"Come with me and we'll face her together," Jimmy said.

Jimmy came outside with Alice's hand in his to a tense scene laid out in front of him. Kid was toe to toe with Rosemary Burke. They looked at each other with a tense stare.

"Finally!" Rosemary said in a huff. She pushed Kid out of her way on her way to Jimmy.

"Rosemary, what are you doing here?" Jimmy asked. Alice stayed by Jimmy's side and clutched his hand tighter.

"I'm trying to save you from a life of being anonymous," Rosemary answered. "I need you for the cause. It will die without you."

"I can't help you, Rosemary, I never could," Jimmy said shaking his head. "I just want to be left in peace. I made a life here and I'm happy. Please, just let me be."

"I'm sorry, James, but I can't do that," Rosemary said. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to force your hand. I can't let Isaiah's mission die. I not only promised him, but I promised myself."

"What do you mean, 'force my hand?'" Jimmy asked.

"I'm going to put up a bounty, paying two thousand dollars to be paid on proof of death," Rosemary said, "You'll never have a moment's peace for the rest of your lives."

Jimmy swallowed hard and his eyes narrowed. "I'll die when it's my time to die, Rosemary," he said, "But I won't leave my wife or this place."

"James, did you get the impression I was putting the bounty on your head?" Rosemary asked rhetorically.

Jimmy looked confused

"I'm putting the bounty on her, not you," Rosemary said indicating Alice as the target.

Jimmy tried to keep the shock from his face. A threat on his life he could handle but nobody threatened Alice. In that moment he knew he failed her. He wouldn't be able to protect her if he stayed.

Jimmy took both Alice's hands in his and led her away from Rosemary and her men. He needed to talk to Alice and make her understand. They stopped under a tree near the church. He looked over at the structure of his house a short distance away. This was to be his future with his wife and now he had a child on the way. He couldn't let anyone hurt them. He would sacrifice everything for them. This was the test and he failed it. Alice and their child were the most important things in the world to him. Jimmy would have to walk away from them to keep them safe. He had no other choice.

"I'm sorry," Jimmy said, "I'm so sorry. I really wanted this more than anything in the world, but I can't let anyone hurt you. If that means I have to leave you to protect you than…"

He couldn't finish the sentence. The lump in his throat cut off his ability to speak. Jimmy tried to collect himself, but he let his emotions out instead and tears started to roll down his cheeks.

"Please, James, do not leave me," Alice begged. "I cannot live without you with me."

"I could never live with myself if something happened to you," Jimmy choked out, "Not when I could prevent it."

"If I were killed, it would not be your fault it would be hers," Alice argued. "Please, James, do not do what you are thinking of doing."

"I'm sorry, Alice," Jimmy said, "I can't see another way. I love you too much."

Jimmy led Alice back to where Jacob stood and turned to walk toward the door of his house leaving Alice with her people. She fell to her knees and started to cry. The sound broke Jimmy's heart into pieces. He would never love anyone again. Not like he love Alice.

* * *

><p>He sat on the bed. He needed to think this through before he went through with it. He didn't think he had a choice. Rosemary wouldn't give them one. There were no other options. She was relentless and she would torment them until she got what she wanted -until she got Wild Bill. He looked out the window and saw Alice's sad face. He didn't like seeing that look. He needed to help protect her from all of this. Alice's way was a life of peace and industry in the service to the community and the lord. He deeply respected that type of commitment. He often fought with his friends numerous times over issues dealing with honor.<p>

He opened the trunk at the end of the bed. It contained a life abandoned -traded for a life of peace and simplicity. He pulled out the familiar black felt hat and fingered the studs on the hat band. This very hat was the signature of life headed for an early grave. He set the hat aside and picked up the twin colts. They were nestled in the trunk reverently the belts wrapped around the holsters. The ivory handles were as much a signature as the hat. Finally, he pulled out the jacket. The jacket and hat along with the guns had been seen on book covers and wanted posters. They were the trademarks of James Butler "Wild Bill" Hickok.

He stood up and fastened a colt on his hip and then tied the leather string around his thigh. He strapped on the other colt the same way. The look was foreign to him yet it seemed so right in this moment. He had chosen this and he would never look back. He couldn't. It would protect them all and he was committed. He slipped on the jacket and finally placed the hat on his head. There was a mirror in the room and he hesitantly walked over to look into it. For once he was glad Teaspoon wasn't here. He wouldn't have been able to look him in the eye and go through with this. But it needed to be done. He had nothing left and this gave him a purpose.

From the door way of the bruder hof he could see Rosemary argue with Jacob and the other elders. Their voices grew soft and he felt all the eyes drift over to him. Rosemary suddenly stopped mid-sentence and let her jaw drop. Nobody there was as shocked as the man he thought of as his brother.

He walked up to Rosemary in fact his eyes never left hers.

"You want Wild Bill?" he asked. "Well he's yours. Now leave them alone."

"Kid, I can't let you do this," Jimmy said when the shock had worn off. The look of Kid in his hat with his guns humbled him. "I can't let you become him."

"You can and you will, Jimmy," Kid said. "You have a life, you have Alice. I lost Lou and I've lost my way. Let me do this as my wedding gift to you and Alice."

"This will never work," Rosemary interrupted.

"Yes, it will," Kid said, "I'll grow my hair long and then maybe a mustache. All you have to do is call me by my name…Bill."

"Kid, I…" Jimmy began.

"No, Jimmy," Kid said facing Jimmy and putting a hand on his shoulder. "You have to stay here and live a good honest life with Alice. I'll make sure you're both safe. No one will ever come looking for you here."

Jimmy swallowed hard and tried to blink his anguish away. He looked back at Alice. She was pale and terrified. That wasn't a look he ever wanted to see again.

"Alright, you better ride safe, you hear?" Jimmy said his emotions starting to show.

"I will. Now go and finish getting married."

A peacemaker appeared with Katy saddled and ready. Kid tipped his new hat at the man and mounted up. He joined Rosemary and gave a quick look back to Jimmy and Alice. Alice was clinging to Jimmy's arm as Kid rode away. She smiled and nodded. Kid knew she would never forget what he had done for her and Jimmy. Seeing the two of them together made everything he did and was about to do worth it.


	27. Epilogue

1876

Kid woke up and looked in the mirror. Every day he looked and reminded himself that he was 'Wild Bill'. His hair was long now. It still kept its curl, and it tumbled down from the top of his head. It didn't seem to suit him until he added a mustache and a scowl. That made the picture complete and now nobody ever questioned whether or not he was 'Wild Bill'.

The first thing he changed was his horse and it nearly broke his heart. 'Wild Bill' rode a palomino and everyone knew it. When he left James Creek with Rosemary one of the first things he needed to do was get a new horse and he couldn't bear to sell Katy. Kid had rode into Rock Creek and asked Teaspoon to bring Katy to Omaha after he had found a sturdy palomino of his very own. He knew Buck and Lou would take care of the horse like she was family.

He had the hat and the guns. Kid was always a straight shooter. It took him a while to learn how to cross draw, but in the end he was pretty sure he was faster than even Jimmy once he mastered it.

He made a name of 'Wild Bill' more famous than Jimmy would ever be able to stomach. He left Rosemary's crusade early into the war. There was an ambush and she was killed. He figured Jimmy's debt was paid, but he was determined that no one would ever look anywhere else to find Bill. He joined the Union army for a bit and had worn a badge in places far and strange -all with the name 'Wild Bill Hickok'. It would be his everlasting gift to his friend.

Kid was tired now. He was tired of looking over his shoulder. He just wanted to settle down. He would be meeting his friends, Charlie and Jane, on the trail and then they would all go up to Deadwood camp in the Dakota Territories. Charlie had convinced him he needed to put together a stake. All Kid wanted to do was rest. Panning for gold didn't sound like something he wanted to do, but playing cards was appealing. He had gotten better over the years. He developed a taste for whiskey too. He knew in a mining camp there was always liquor and card games. He could be content to hide from the world there.

There were just a couple of places that Kid wanted to go before heading off to Deadwood.

* * *

><p>Kid made his first stop in James Creek to see how Jimmy and Alice were doing. He watched from a distance and didn't get close enough for them to know he was there. Alice looked beautiful and happy and was surrounded with blonde curly headed children. It looked like their oldest child was a son, but not the only boy. Kid remembered seeing Jimmy come home and watched as two small girls with curls that bounced as they ran, sprang into their father's arms. He swung them around and they all laughed.<p>

The Hickoks were happy. He was almost sure that he had made the right decision. He just needed to visit one more place to make sure.

Kid rode up to the top of the hill looking down on his friend's ranch. Everything seemed to be going fine. The ranch was bigger now than when he first saw it fourteen years ago. Buck looked to be working with a horse in the training ring. Kid thought his heart would stop when Lou walked out of the house. She had a toddler on her hip and she was smiling. She still looked the same. She still kept her hair about shoulder length like the last time he saw her. She still wore trousers. Kid let himself smile at that. Lou walked up to the training ring fence and sat the small child on the top rung. Buck stopped working with the horse and came immediately to Lou and the child. He picked the child up off the fence and cuddled it while he leaned in and shared a loving kiss with his wife.

Kid heard that they got married although it didn't happen right away. He never did find out why it took so long, but it was really none of his business. Not anymore.

"Can I help you?" a voice asked and Kid was suddenly startled.

Kid looked over and felt the breath inside him hitch. In front of him sat a beautiful young girl of about fourteen sitting atop Katy. It had been about fourteen years since he had seen his beloved painted mare.

"Katy," Kid whispered.

"How did you know my horse's name?" the voice asked.

Kid looked up from Katy's face and into a young lady's eyes. He knew those eyes. They were Lou's eyes, but it wasn't Lou. He long dark brown hair and coloring gave her away.

"You must be Rainie," Kid said. "I had a horse just like this when I was young."

"Katy's been mine ever since I can remember," Rainie said. "Pa says I could ride before I could walk. Wait, how did you know my name?"

Kid smiled.

"You're him aren't you?" Rainie asked. "You're my uncle Bill that Ma calls 'Kid' aren't you? Ma and Pa talk about you all the time. Katy was your horse."

Kid looked down and nodded. Buck and Lou told their daughter about him. He was speechless.

"You're coming down to the Ranch," she said decisively, "Ma and Pa will want to see you."

"I can't stay," Kid said quickly finding his voice. "I just wanted to know if they were happy and if everything was going alright."

Rainie looked confused. "Sure they are happy and Pa sells lots of horses, so I guess everything is ok."

"Do you have brothers and sisters?"

"Unfortunately," Rainie answered jokingly. "Three, two terrifying little brothers and a baby sister."

Kid tried not to laugh.

"You have to come down," Rainie insisted. "One of Katy's daughters just foaled last night."

"I really can't," Kid said. "I've got to get going.

"You loved my Ma, didn't you?" Rainie asked out of the blue.

"What makes you think that?"

"You keep looking down at her."

Kid sighed. He had given himself away. "Yes, I loved her very much," he admitted. He loved her still.

"She'd be mad that you were this close and didn't come down to see her."

"It wouldn't be the first time I'd made your mother angry, but I'm sorry I can't."

Rainie looked disappointedly down at her saddle horn.

"It was nice meeting you a second time, Rainie," Kid said and gave his horse a kick. He was content just to know his friends were all fine. He could move on now knowing everything he did was worth the sacrifice he made. His friends were happy and healthy. Buck and Lou had made a life and he being out of their lives had pushed them closer together. No matter how much it hurt him to know it, Buck and Lou belonged together and he being gone helped them.

Rainie looked up as Katy lurched forward slightly at Kid's exit. She gave Katy a few supportive pats on the neck. Katy still remembered him. She was sure of it. Rainie turned Katy toward home and set her off at a gallop. She couldn't wait to tell them who she met on her ride.

* * *

><p><strong>AN I know there was only one wedding and not two, but I have decided to do a spin off story following Buck and Lou and their journey to the altar and beyond. I don't have a title yet...but it will get written eventually. I have fallen in love with this alternate universe and I think there is much to explore. **

**Thank you all for reading and following this story from its beginnings to now. It breaks my heart to end this story. It has been such a journey for me to write it. Special thanks to all the ladies on the plus for the support. You all mean so much to me. I couldn't have done any of this without your encouragement. Thank you, Jenna, Kristina, Rosie, Vandy, Leah, Mercy, Marie, Wendy, Cindy, Lisa, Pilar, Fran, Brankel and Raye. You are all great readers and writers and I treasure you so much.**


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